Are you ready for the next chap?? Thanks for all your lovely reviews. Without them I wouldn't write, so thank you! I have a cold right now so this fic has been helping to take my mind off it! :o) Things are now going to get just that little bit more complicated for Mary! Hehehe.

Chapter Six

Lord, how my body ached. I had never felt so drained. I had never felt so utterly confused and alone. Even in the nightmare of my depression, things had come and gone out of my control. Now everything was in my control and I had no idea what on earth I was going to do. I had two conflicting voices in my head and all night they had argued, so it was impossible for me to sleep. Perhaps my dreams would provide me with some answers. All I could see was the image of Karen lying there soundly asleep in the bedroom oblivious to the words Jack had whispered to me in the room next door. "I still love you Mary..." and how I had longed to confess my own feelings but had held back. Held back for her, who had looked at me like dirt since the minute we had moved into mineral village. But I wasn't just holding back for her. I was holding back for the future Karen's who I could see popping up if I did have a future with Jack.

What if we had another bad patch and Jack once again felt weak and alone? What if some pretty girl came along to comfort him because I couldn't and I once again I would walk in and find him in her arms? What if he doesn't really love me? What if he is the sort of person who thinks they're in passionate love but really they're just insecure and need someone around them to make them feel loved? What if he just felt sorry for me because of the depression? Even when he had first started taking me on dates I had a sneaking suspicion he had felt sorry for me or something. But... But... What if it was true? What if he really did love me like he said he did? What if we had a chance to grab that happiness again? Perhaps it would be worth the pain I might suffer if he sought the arms of someone else, if I could just be with him for a little while. But then there was Karen. There was always the possibility that she really did feel for Jack what I did and I how could I inflict this war of pain on her? So many questions. So many possibilities. I had no answers. I think that's why I went to the church the next morning. Mum and Dad had assumed I was going to thank the goddess for bringing Charlie safely back to me. I let them believe that if it meant I didn't have to explain.

The church was cool and refreshing on Saturday morning. The stained windows threw beautiful coloured patterns on the cemented floor and there was a distinct smell of wax from the candles on the altar. I thought about clasping my hands or kneeling but I had always felt the Goddess didn't care for these formalities. She was supposed to be all-forgiving and all-loving so surely she would be happy to hear from you at all. I wondered what I should say or think. Maybe I should just describe the situation. But she saw everything, didn't she? Surely, she would already know what had happened and she would already know how I felt about it. It was much harder than I thought.

"Having trouble?" The parson came over smiling in a friendly manner. I was startled and in my usual clumsy way I knocked a holy book to the ground. I could feel myself blushing as I apoligised and reached to retrieve it. "What a beautiful little boy." He remarked, gazing into the pram at Charlie. "I see he has inherited his father's good looks." He chuckled.

"Yes..." I tried to think of something else to say... and failed.

"I heard there was trouble last night. It's good to know that he's safe." He looked at me with the corner of his eye. "You know, Mary, I've often wanted to tell you that if ever you need someone to talk to, I'm always available to listen. It's part of my job, after all." He smiled again and it was the sort of smile that would instantly put someone at ease.

"Thank you. I've tried to talk to talk to the goddess before and I've always felt a little uncomfortable." I paused, giving him another look over. His eyes were softly inviting me to speak, not rushing or forcing out my words. "She would find my problems trivial."

"No." He shook his head. "If something is troubling you, it could never be trivial."

"I know somebody..." I started, "He's been hurt in the past and I want to help him. I think he could help me too but it's so complicated. I'm not sure what he's thinking and somebody could get hurt. I don't know what to do. He wants us to... He wants us to be together but..."

"Are you in love with this person, may I ask?"

"Well..." A smile escaped without my will. "Yes, I have loved him for a long time."

"I see. Well, love is a very beautiful thing but it can easily cloud our judgement. Indeed, loving means accepting the good and the bad but sometimes the faults are more than we can handle. That's how people end up getting hurt." He sighed knowingly.

"Yes I can see that." I sighed. "It's so hard." I was crying again. I fried to flatten the tears and Carter tactfully pretended he hadn't noticed.

"Love is the goddess's greatest gift to us but we have to use our patience to judge whether it's leading us in the right direction or not. What I would suggest to you, although of course you certainly don't have to take my advice, is that you try and detach yourself from the situation for a while. As hard as it may be, you have to get to know the person in question and yourself, again. Then you will be able to see more clearly what is best for both of you."

"Get to know myself?"

"Yes." He laughed again. "I'm sure you'll find it's not that hard once you get started."

I knew what he was talking about. I needed to get to know the "real" me. The one I had hid so long and I needed to get to know Jack again because all that had passed between us stood in our way. I opened my mouth to thank Carter and tell him how right he was but he had already disappeared into the little confession box at the back. I kissed Charlie's forehead and made my way outside.

I almost bashed straight into Gray who was almost running along the path. When he saw me he blushed and pulled his cap down a little further. I smiled and said hello.

"I've been looking for you, Mary." He said, "I have something I want to give you."

"Really? What?"

He reached behind his back and pulled out a small wooden box. "It's a jewellery box." He told me, placing it into my waiting hands. "I've been working on it for a while..."

"Gray, it's beautiful, you really shouldn't have."

"You don't have to keep jewellery in it." He continued, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "You can put whatever you want in it. Anything..." He looked at his shoes.

"Thank you very much. Nobody's ever given me a jewellery box before."

"I'm glad you like it." He half-smiled then looked at me intently. "I want to take care of you and Charlie. I always will be there for you, you know."

"Gray, I..."

"I've got to go. Grandad's expecting me." He hurried off towards the town square. I watched him leaving, his head facing the floor and his shoulders hunched. Then I looked at the little box and saw that my name had been engraved into the wood with gold. I sighed and opened it up. There was a little mirror fixed into the lid and in the bottom he had carefully glued thick red cloth. But it wasn't this beautiful decoration that caught my eye. It was something else lying at the very bottom of the box. I gasped, feeling my heart flutter in my chest and cold sweat break out under my armpits. It was a blue feather. I reach inside and pull it out.

"Oh Gray..." I whisper as the symbol of so much feeling bends with the summer breeze