Thanks for all your reviews - they are much apreciated! Hehe, there's yet more complications for Mary in this next chapter!

Chapter Eight

He quickly turned his head from me and started to back up towards the steps that led to the town square. I could see his fists desperately shoving away the tears and I felt a surge of hot, intense feeling flood my body. Oh, if only it were the old days and I could talk to him the way we used to talk, kiss him the way we used to kiss. Somehow I would be able to pry out of him what had caused the hurt in his face. But the situation we were in forced a wall between us and any temptation I had must be controlled for as much as I cared for Jack, I couldn't allow myself to comfort him, when those words of comfort should be coming from her mouth but I couldn't just stand there and let him be so upset when it wasn't so long ago that I had promised in the place of the goddess, that I would do everything in my power to make him happy and never desert him in times of trouble.

"Jack!" I called, running after him. "Jack, please wait!"

He turned back to me and although the tears were gone the evidence was still there, he was blotchy around the eyes and some pain was written beneath his crumpled face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, Mary, I know you need your space. I just... I just didn't know you were here."

"I know. I was..." I paused, wondering how he would react if I told him about Gray's gift. "I was just waiting for someone."

"Gray." He said slowly, his lips flickering with anger. "I know. I know all about you and him."

"What? What do you know?"

"I was at the blacksmiths picking something up that Saibara promised to make for me and I heard them arguing. They didn't know I was there so they were really lettin' go. I heard your name and all about how he's given you a blue feather and booking the church and everything." He wiped the sweat that glistened on his forehead. "I figured you would be asking me for a divorce soon enough so I came down here to... Well, I don't really know why I came down here."

"I see." A nervous butterfly fluttered in my stomach. He was booking the church and arguing with his Grandfather? It was worse than I thought. When I gave him the feather back... I couldn't think about that just then. I had to push it away and deal with it later. Now all that mattered was this moment and sorting out the mess that all this had caused. I gazed at Jack, his eyes were upon the approaching ocean, the tide was coming in. He reached for my hand and after a few seconds of electrical excitement, let it go regretfully.

"Lets go into the town square. We can't stay here."

"Okay."

We sat down on the bench by the notice board. Jack put his head in his hands. "Why didn't you tell me you had a thing with him that night at the farm? Why did you get my hopes up like this? I thought there might be a chance..." He sniffed up hard.

"I didn't tell you about Gray because there was nothing to tell and there still isn't. I don't want to hurt him further by telling you everything about it but yes, he did give me a blue feather but that doesn't mean we are getting married."

"So... You're... You don't want a divorce?"

"No. Well, I don't know. I don't know what I want. I just need to think. But I think you need to know..." I raised my head and straightened my back. "There will be now way that I'll be able to give you any kind of chance while you are still with Karen. I can't think about this without thinking about hurting her and I can't do that. "

"You don't need to think about that." He said, lowering his head. "I spoke to Karen this morning before work. It's over. She's packed her bags and gone back to her parents." He watched my face with an expression that was a mixture of hope and shame. "And you needn't feel bad about that either. What we had together wasn't anything close to what me and you had. She was there and that's all there is to it. I don't love her. I haven't ever and I won't ever. Had things been different I never would have gone anywhere near her."

"You mean if I hadn't had the depression? But Jack what if it happens again? What if I can't be there for you for some reason and you go off with somebody else? I can't handle that. I can't go through it all again. Sometimes I think that you're so desperate for someone to love you, you'll take the first person that comes along."

He looked amused for a second then serious again. "That isn't true. I had been waiting my whole life for someone like you. Someone who I could trust, have a laugh with and... well... love, I suppose but that doesn't mean I was just clinging on to you. You weren't just my wife, you were my best friend. You know that as well as I do." His eyes were so intense, pulling me in closer, making me want more. "I know I shouldn't have run to Karen. You were saying that you hated me, wished you had never married me and had Charlie and... well... Karen was full of compliments. She seemed like she wanted listen when you were in a world of your own, one that you wouldn't let me get anywhere near. I know it wasn't your fault but I didn't know that then. I thought you meant everything you said. You never open up, Mary. Sometimes you're so cold. You keep things back. I've spent weeks trying to work out what's going on in that head of yours."

"I've told you more than I've ever told anybody." I whispered, stung at these personal comments. It was the truth in them that hurt so much.

"And that's what's so scary. That there's all there's stuff in you no-one knows about, probably you don't even know about. Yeah, you could say things to me but it was always the basic details. It's like you don't trust me enough to tell the full story. Like if you tell me everything, I'll run or something. Sometimes I'd see this look on your face like you were really feeling something and were so close to letting it come out but then you'd slip away again, smile and act like everything's okay. You think it makes me happy to see you like that Mary? You think that a smile solves everything? It doesn't."

The priest's words were echoing in my head "...Get to know yourself..." and then Jack's "...There's stuff in there ni-one knows about, you don't even know about." Was it true? Did I keep things back? I thought back to those nights when Jack and I had talked. I remembered telling him about things that had happened, my parents and the bullying. I told him the story but I can't ever remember going any further than that. I never mentioned names or the feeling her actions provoked. I said that sometimes when I was with Jack, the real me would slip in unnoticed and slip away quietly. She never let herself be known. I felt so angry with myself. Why did I never say anything? My toes curled up inside my shoes and every breath that came out got gradually louder. Jack watched my face.

"I'm not saying it was your fault. I was weak and should have stood by you."

"How could you have? Even when I caught you with her I never gave you any response. I never told you how hurt I was. How once all the madness had gone I just kept thinking about how when we were first married everything was so great. I wanted that back so much and I didn't know how it had slipped away in the first place but now I know. It was me, it was always me."

"No it wasn't. It was both of us." Jack pulled my shaking body into a hug. "It was both of us."

"Oh Jack. Everything is such a mess and Gray and Karen are tangled up in it. What are we going to do?"

"I don't know. Start telling the truth, I guess."

"Yes." I giggled. "That would be a very good start."

He softly kissed the top of my head and I held on to him tightly. Suddenly he was looking down at me and I knew he wanted to kiss me but something was holding him back. I felt something break inside me and I was sick of all the lies, sick of all the polite smiles and pretending it didn't hurt, pretending I could move on to the whole world except Elli so I leaned forward and my lips were on his. His arms found their way around my back and pulled me in, the kisses getting harder and more passionate. I couldn't hold back anymore, I just couldn't. I didn't have it in me. Just as my hands were caressing the back of his neck footsteps came from behind us. Slow heavy footsteps. I pulled away quickly but it was too late. Gray was already standing there gazing at me. His lips fought to find words and failed. Instead his eyes flashed with raw anger as he hunched up his shoulders and clenched his fists. What had I done? One moment of no holding back had caused so much pain.