Jack told me that Karen had been arrested and taken to a police station in the city where she was being held until the trial. Everyone said I shouldn't worry about it, that I should just concentrate on getting myself well again. But of course I did worry, I couldn't stop worrying. Even when I was finally allowed out of hospital, on crutches with aching ribs, and Mother and Father had thrown a "Welcome Home" party for me with everyone gathered except Jeff and Sasha, there were shadows at the windows. When I laughed at Charlie's face when Stu popped the balloons and tucked into the cake that Mother had lovingly baked for me, I kept telling myself not to smile too much, not to be too happy because it wasn't over. It might never be over and no amount of reassuring smiles could convince me otherwise.
"Everything is going to work out for you now, Mary my darling." Said Mum as the last of the party guests departed. She had been much more affectionate towards me since the real truth came out. I even managed to tell her about my depression and to my surprise she didn't start fussing or try to take Charlie away from me, she was very understanding. I'm not saying that we are becoming the best of friends, I don't think our personalities could ever blend together easily but we're starting to get to know each other again. "In a little while you'll be so happy and this mess will be part of the past. You have got a future to look forward to now. A bright future with Jack by your side."
I knotted my forehead at her and lifted my tired son from his high chair. I refused to be drawn into a conversation about my relationship with Jack. Everything was going well. We had met up a few times, we had shared dinners both at my parents' house and the farmhouse but we were taking things slowly. We needed to. He had promised to drive me to the trial and sit by my side whenever he could, holding my hand and he said he would sit in the gallery while I gave evidence.
"And if you get scared or something, you just look at me, okay?"
He was a true friend but he couldn't talk for me. He couldn't say the right words to convince the jury, he couldn't ensure that Karen wouldn't invent some easily believable story against me and it wouldn't be too hard considering the situation both she, Jack and I had been in at the time of the "accident". I spent long hours awake at night, just imagining the things that she could say, the twists that her mind could chisel into the truth. How could I compete with her? I, who shrunk at the thought of speaking one line in public and her, who knew exactly how to work people so that they were completely obeying her, completely dependent on her power.
Jack wasn't there when I ran into Sasha that day. It was the day before the trial and I was coming back from Mineral Farm where I had dropped off Charlie for the night and been persuaded to stay for a lovely dish Jack had made from a large fish he had caught in the lake. He had been doing his best to calm my nerves and as I walked I try to tell myself the optimistic things he had said over and over. That's when the door of the winery opened and Sasha came out.
Her small, birdlike head was stuck up defiantly and her lips were shining with spit. I could tell that she had just been talking with Manna about me and the court case and tried to bow my head so that our eyes wouldn't meet and she wouldn't begin to talk to me. I didn't feel guilty for sending Karen to prison but I felt bad for both Sasha and Jeff. It must be terrible to have to watch your daughter go through so much trouble. If anything like that ever happens to Charlie, I know that I would believe him if he said he was innocent and love him still even if he was not. There's no love that can compare to a true mother's love, it goes on flowing regardless of situation and it sees people through anything you can imagine. A mother's love is a bottomless pit of warmth and I knew that Sasha would defend Karen to the very last.
"Wait a minute." Her high heels tapped as she stepped in front of me, blocking my way. "I want a word with you, young lady."
"I'm s… sorry." I stammered, clenching my sweaty fists. "My Mother is expecting me."
"Oh… That's nice." A sickly sweet smile settled on her face and her green eyes gleamed with anger. I bit my lip, she was like a sharper version of Karen, with a jutting chin that spoke of pride and her caramel hair that was kept primly back in a bun, emphasising the pointed features of her face. "It's nice, Mary, that you can go home to your mother so easily. My daughter cannot do that and she may not be able to for a very long time and it's all down to you and your cruel lies!"
Blood soaked my tongue as I bit down into the skin of my lip. Please just let her finish speaking and move. Please, please, please. She showed no sign of moving aside, in fact she straightened her back and held on to the basket she was carrying even tighter.
"You always seemed like a nice girl, Mary, and I'm frankly very surprised that you could do something so terrible. I know that my Karen would never do such things that you have been spreading. I think, deep down you know that too." She leaned forward, her eyes having almost a hypnotising effect. "I can understand that you were upset about Jack and Karen's relationship, anyone would be. All my Karen has ever wanted you see, is to have a husband, to raise a family and she thought that she and your Jack would make the perfect match." She looked just behind me thoughtfully. "Obviously she was a little misguided but she has come to her senses now. She told me, in a letter, that she's willing to forget all about Jack if only you'll drop the charges against her. That's how desperate she is, you see."
I tried to imagine Karen being desperate but I could only see her triumphant smile.
"Now, Mary, you have what you wanted all along. So, please, you can drop this ridiculous act, you can put everything right again, if you just tell everyone what really happened." She tapped my shoulder briskly, as if she were tapping a dog but she didn't want to get hairs on her dress. "I'm sure that no-one will judge you. In fact, people will probably be sympathetic, the abandoned wife seeking the ultimate revenge and all that." She narrowed her eyes and her mouth crinkled bitterly before her face relaxed again and she tried to smile again. "Then we can all get on with our lives and forget that this awful thing ever happened."
She looked at me, waiting for my answer. I could tell that she was sure she had won me over and was aching to go back and tell Jeff of her victory. I wished that I could relieve her of the pain of having to sit through her daughter's trial. I wished that it wasn't true and I really had made the whole thing up to get Jack but I couldn't lie again. I just couldn't. I wasn't capable of doing it anymore.
"I'm sorry Mrs Miller." I pushed up my glasses. "I wish I could make this all go away so easily but I can't. You see, I've spent my whole life brushing things under the carpet. And all this, well, I suppose it's all too big to hide now." I saw her puzzled look. "I mean… I've always said… I've always said what I think I should say or what I think people should hear and it hasn't got me anywhere I really want to be. I've changed from what I was before and I want to start living now." She still looked confused. "I'm really sorry for the pain that this is going to cause you and Jeff, Sasha." My voice shook with fear.
"Sorry? YOU'RE SORRY?" Her face blazed. "Well, I'm shocked. I'm more than shocked. I expected better of you but you're just a malicious little liar, aren't you? And now you're going to take this all the way?" She paused, as if counting to ten to control her anger. "Well, don't expect to be treated as one of the community any longer, you and that good-for-nothing husband of yours. If everyone in that courtroom falls for your stories and you destroy my daughter's life, dash all of her potential…" Tears sparkled in the pits of her eyes. "I'll make it my mission to destroy yours."
Her long arm reached out and pushed me aggressively to the side so that one of my crutches clattered on the cobbles of the path. "Sasha…" I called after her, "Sasha, please, wait, listen to me! Just for a minute? Please?" But she didn't even flinch, she just carried on walking back towards the supermarket. The curtains of the winery twitched and I turned to see Manna's eyes glaring at me. They were hard, like chocolate and her lips curled into a frown. Would I behave the same way as Sasha, if it had been Charlie? Would my eyes be as cold as Manna's, if I had been watching from the outside? I don't know, I don't know but I did know what they meant when they said lying was a form of cowardice because the truth was so hard, so weighty on the faces of those it hurt.
"Ignore her." Jack said offhandedly, when I told him the story the next morning when he came to meet me and we walked down to the beach together. I had said a teary goodbye to Charlie and my parents, we were going to be staying in the city until the trial was over. "She's still under Karen's spell, you know that. And she always be, 'cos she gave birth to her. But she's not someone you need to worry about, trust me."
"I'm not so sure." I tucked my hand into his. "I feel for her but she looked so fierce, Jack. I really believed her when she said she would destroy my life."
"Pffftttt." He shook his head. "They'll probably move to the city to be near the gaol once their beloved Karen gets sent down and we'll never hear from them again."
"If." I corrected him. "If Karen goes to gaol."
He rolled his eyes. "Very well. If."
Elli was waiting on the pier and she waved her white handkerchief when she saw us. "I came to wish you good luck." She said, flinging her arms around me. "And to say goodbye. Promise me you'll look for bridesmaid dresses in those beautiful little shops in the city. Just think, Mary, the day after you get back, Malcolm and I will be married! Now, there's something to look forward to! Whenever you feel sad just think of what a great time we're going to have." Elli and the doctor had decided to put off the wedding until the trial was over. They had already held it off while I was in hospital.
"I can't get married without my very best friend, can I?" She had said when I had tried to insist that they go ahead anyway. "I know that you won't relax until this awful thing with Karen is over and done with and how can I relax, if you can't? Plus Malcolm promised that he'll be able to take your cast off on the thirtieth and the first of fall is a beautiful day to get married."
I knew that Elli had her heart set on the tenth of summer but there was no way I could argue with her after she said all that. I watched her as we stood on the pier. She was still bouncing around trying to be happy even though this was far from a happy day. Oh precious Elli, the world would be a much darker place without her. Yet she had led a far from happy and light life herself. To think I moaned constantly about my Mother's nagging but her own parents had been taken so tragically leaving her to take care of a needy younger brother and a crippled grandmother. It was nice to think that whatever happened at the trial, Elli would still be back here in Mineral Town waiting for me. I squeezed her little hands.
"Thank you, Elli." I said, "You know what I feel about you…"
Just at that moment I heard footsteps crunching through the sand. I looked up to see Jeff and Sasha. Sasha walked rigidly with her head high. Jeff was hunched up and his face was wrinkled, as if in pain. I hadn't thought I would have to face Sasha again so soon, forgetting that she would want to be there for her daughter's trial so of course we had to catch the same boat into the city. I blinked and swallowed so hard that it felt like the inside of my throat was turning over. Jack rubbed my shoulder.
"It'll be alright." He said reassuringly as they passed by us on the pier, Sasha throwing all three of us acid glares, and climbed on to the little boat.
I didn't believe him but it turned out that it was alright. Well, the boat journey was anyway. They stayed on one end and us on the other so she didn't really get much chance to say anything more to me and I didn't get to say anything to her. I could tell that Jack was doing it on purpose, insisting that we walk over to the side of the boat and lean over the rail to look at the ocean, to keep me out of her way. I enjoyed breathing in the deep, salty smell and watching the carpet of sea as we sped along, making me feel dizzy. Jack said it was on days like this when you couldn't tell where the ocean stopped and the sky began.
"I wonder if the sea reflects the sky, or the other way around?" I said thoughtfully. "It must be one or the other. You can always see your reflection in water, like a mirror, so it's probably the sky that makes the water so blue. How strange, it's like when a pretty girl looks in the mirror, so there's two of her."
"You can't see real beauty in a mirror though. Only an illusion." Jack said, staring out into the distance with a tired look in his eyes.
It didn't take too long for us to reach the city and when we got there I started to try and make myself believe that we were just there for a nice little holiday and there wasn't anything to worry about. Everyone hurried around in the midday sun doing their shopping. Their plastic bags brushed against our legs and we caught snippets of conversations as we passed couples, families and groups of friends. Everyone looked at my simple country dress as though I was wearing garments from the Victorian times. I was reminded of my childhood and living in this place where there was always someone awake, always something happening yet in Mineral Town you could sleep for five weeks and when you woke up everything would be the same, except perhaps for the weather, which was our daily reminder that time was moving along. Here in the city fashions and ideas were born, played with and thrown away within the space of a week. Shops opened and closed, people came and went and life would go on as if they had never been there to begin with. Despite the buzz of the place, I longed the simple prettiness of my home. When I closed my eyes I could see Mother's Hill in the spring time, the air crisp and raw. I looked at Jack and saw that he had a dazed expression on his face, as if he were thinking the exact same thing.
We found our way to our hotel where we carefully unpacked our belongings and nibbled our way through a light lunch. Before the taste of ham sandwiches and salad had left my mouth we were heading towards the court house. My stomach lurched and I thought I might be sick. I didn't want to go in there. I didn't want to face Karen again, I certainly didn't want to try and convince a group of strangers that I was telling the truth. Yet still my feet kept walking, up the steps, through the double doors and down the corridor. Somehow I found my way to the leather seat where I was to wait until my name was called.
So this was it. In less than an hour's time I would be standing up there and Karen would be in the dock. She might look at me and freeze my tongue so that I couldn't say all that I had planned. She might let out a little cough which was really a laugh for only me to hear. I could take anything but not her laugh. If she laughed at me I would just curl up in a little ball and die. I could even hear her voice, in my head, loud and clear.
Beside me I felt Jack stiffen and as I followed his eyes down the corridor I saw why. It hadn't been in my head at all. Karen was there. She wore no make up and she looked tired and worn. Big black rings circled those eyes which had once been the haven of all the males in Mineral town. Her hair, that beautiful hair that all the girls longed to touch and play with, was tied back in a straggly pony tail with clots of tiny little knots that she had failed to brush out. She wore only a blue top and trouser uniform that hid all her curves and bumps. She looked like a ghost of her former self as she sat with her stuffy looking lawyer and her parents. They were all talking in mumbles and Karen kept on shaking her head. She folded her arms, turned and looked away from the little group. That's when our eyes met. For a moment, colour lit up her paper white face. Then it all drained away and was replaced by a steely, determined look. She reached up to flatten down the mess of her hair and then rose up from her chair. She started walking towards us, her stride wasn't as confident as when I had seen her last. She seemed to float weakly along the lino floor as if the energy she had once been brimming with had all been sucked away by the darkness.
I felt myself shrinking into my chair. She was coming over to us. What did she want? What was she going to do? What was I going to do? Jack glanced at me, his eyes wide in surprise. Neither her lawyer nor her parents made no move to stop her, they were all too busy arguing about some aspect of the case. Closer and closer she came and further and further I felt myself backing away without realising I hadn't moved a muscle.