A/N: Well, here's more of the story at the Retirement Facility!!

Chapter Nine: Eligible Women, Meet Eligible Men!

"Ok. Now that we've gotten through that, it's time to see the ladies we can date!" Merry says.

Name: PopcornLeader AKA Kay
Age: 14
Species: Human
Hobbies: Reading, writing, thinking about Pippin and Faramir
Interests: Pippin and Faramir. HELLO?!
Languages Spoken: English, French, German, Sindarin.
Likes: PIPPIN AND FARAMIR! HELLO?!
Dislikes: Denethor. Um... spiders. Gollum.
Screenname for Website: PopcornToastie

"Does she really lead the popcorn?" Pippin asks.

"No, you simple minded fool!" Gandalf screams.

"Hey, I think she likes me!" Faramir and Pippin yell at the same time. They turn and look daggers at each other.

"Moving on..."

Name: Tulip
Age: 30 or so
Species: Hobbit
Hobbies: Riding horses, climbing trees
Interests: Trees, the sea, hot Elvin men, Sam
Languages Spoken: Westron and a bit of Quenya
Likes: Hot Elvin Men, horses, cute human men, hobbits, Sam, Italian food, seafood, pie, cheese, chicken nuggets, shiny, shiny, shiny...
Dislikes: Arwen, unsweetened chocolate, rotisserie chicken, Arwen, Arwen, Arwen
Screenname: ShinyHobbit

"Hey, she must like me!" Sam says.

"I should hope!" Sauruman says.

Name: Valentina (Tina) Baker
Age: 26
Species: Human though my mother tells me otherwise
Hobbies: Screwing with people's heads, getting into trouble, whiskey, doing things that could get me killed Interests: Going on adventures or doing things that could get me killed
Languages Spoken: Westron, French, Quenya
Likes: Noble men, whiskey, metal and punk music
Dislikes: Pyros, evil twisted creatures, all seeing eyes
Screenname: Southerngirl4615

"Wow...sounds like dear ol' mom." Boromir says.

"You hardly even knew mom, you dolt!" Faramir says.

"That is irrelevant!"

"Just shut up, looser."

"Make me."

"My pleasure!"

"STOP IT!!" Denethor screams, hiding under the couch in the fetal position.

Name: Breck
Age: um... 17, but don't tell anybody
Species: Human-licious
Hobbies: see "interests"
Interests: see "hobbies" (Okay, fine... writing you know, reading you figured, plus hockey, soccer... Boromir... banana salad... Thursdays... Boro-ma...mi.../drool/ Damn, this is making me all hot and bothered.)
Languages Spoken: anglais, François, un peu d'allemangne, chicken (bawk bawk bawk)
Likes: Your face, precious.
Dislikes: Your ass, loser.
Screenname for Website: Breckster? (Sure, whatever, as long as I can figure out who's me.)

"Wow, Boromir, you got a girlfriend!" Faramir says.

"Which is more than I can say about you." Boromir retorts.

How little he knows...

Name: Sheildmaiden-of-Rohan-forever or SoRF
Age: Can't remember
Species: Elf
Hobbies: writing, drawing, acting
Interests: horses and thetere
Languages Spoken: Engish
Likes: Food, shiny things
Dislikes: bugs
Screenname for Website: thegurlwholoveslongnames

"I thought Eowyn was the shieldmaiden!" Denethor says.

"Dear Lord, please tell me she isn't in this!"

"Please no, please no, please no!" Boromir says.

"It's not, you idiot!" Sam yells.

Name: Annabel
Age: 12 & 1/2
Species: human but a hobbit at heart
Hobbies: reading, writing, Merry Brandybuck
Interests: Merry Brandybuck, movies, LotR
Languages Spoken: English, Japanese, Pig Latin
Likes: HOBBITS!, Merry Brandybuck, junk food, summer camp
Dislikes: know-it-all people, homework, gym class
Screenname for Website: the-hobbit-lass

"Wow...Merry's got a girlfriend! Merry's got a girlfriend!!" Pip says.

"Shut up."

"Merry and Annabel sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then come Merry with the baby carriage!" Pip sings, or rather screams, at the top of his lungs.

"Hey...at least I've got a girl!"

"So do I!"

"Well, Faramir was on her list, too!"

"Yeah, but Faramir is mine." The authoress mutters from above, and no one hears her because no one pays attention to her.

"WHATEVER!!" Denethor says.

Name: Mary
Age: 16
Species: Man (Dúnadan) ((Not really, more of human!))
Hobbies: Astrology, Tarot Cards, Writing, Reading, Faramir, Pippin, Being a Pirate
Interests: Faramir, Faramir, Faramir, Pippin
Languages Spoken: Westron, Quenya, Sindarin
Likes: Faramir, Pippin, Pirates, Pillaging, Plundering, Drinking Ale, Stealing Things
Dislikes: Denethor, Sauron, Know-it-alls, Insects, Arachnids, Freaky Eyebrows
Screenname for Website: BloodyMary

"She freaks me out." Boromir says.

"I like her!" Faramir says.

"Oh, look. Someone just like that Leader of Popcorn." Merry says.

"POPCORNLEADER!!!!!!!!" Pippin screams

"Now, look. We need to move on, please?" Frodo asks.

"Yesss, preciousss, we mussst!" Gollum hisses.

"HEY! I just got an email that said someone was willing to date Denethor if he wasn't so mean to Pippin and Faramir! (Orliey this means you!)" Merry screams.

"Wow...I knew I was hot! Mommy always told me that I was drop-dead gorgeous!" Denethor screams.

"Yeah, but grandma was carted away in to a mental asylum in a white jacket." Boromir says.

"STOP RUINING THE MOMENT!!" Denethor yells.

"This means you have to be nice to us!" Faramir and Pippin say, then chuckle nervously.

"Fine. I just want a date." Denethor says.

"Well, let's look at the interests of the people and then we'll tell you who you will date and when." Merry says.

"In the mean time, the forums are open if you'd like to chat." Pippin says.

Denethor walks off humming, "I'm too sexy for my shirt", Boromir walks off looking very pleased, Faramir and Pippin stare at each other, Frodo looks hurt that no one likes him, Sam is beaming with joy, Legolas is looking frightened, and everyone else just leaves.
A/N: Next chapter will be a chatroom chapter, showing what people say when they meet each other on line! Fun with a monkey and more! There is still time to submit your own résumé into the singles club, I will wait until chapter 13 and then that is it! So submit your review and entry now so you don't miss out on the fun!! The last entry was me.