I know that it's quite possible that I'm Joanne's father, but it can't be true. Why didn't Abby tell me back then? I find myself running outside instead of going to Abby. I didn't mean to leave Susan that way, but right now I can't speak about the whole thing. I cannot handle it.
Abby was so different when we got back together. She was finally able to speak about the things that bothered her. She would have told me if I was Joanne's father.
Wouldn't she?
But maybe she was too scared to tell me about it after Kem and I lost the baby. Maybe she didn't tell me because she thought it would be to painful for me.
"Won't you say hello to Dr. Carter?" Suddenly I see Susan coming out of the building together with Joanne.
"Hello Dr. Carter," she says in a shy tone.
I shake myself out of my thoughts, trying to be as normal as I can, "Good morning Joanne. How are you today?"
"I'm fine. I'm going to visit my Mommy so she is not alone," Joanne smiles at me brave. I wonder how she takes it.
"That's very kind of you. I think she is very lucky to have a daughter like you!" I look at her. She has ecxactly Abby's eyes, but her mouth and the shape of her face are different.
"Dr. Carter!" She brings me back into reality, "Do you also visit her sometimes?"
"Yes Honey, I do. I actually planned to see her today too."
"Why don't you guys visit her together then?" Susan brings herself into the conversation.
Joanne nods happily, "Yeah, that would be really nice. Please Dr. Carter. Mommy would like that."
I have to agree, "Yes, why not."
"Great. I'll come and get Joanne in, let's say, two hours, okay?" Susan asks ready to leave.
"Okay, we'll see you then," I say and she leaves Joanne and me alone.
I don't know what to say. I really like kids and get along with them well, but this situation is different, it's more complicated. She smiles at me waiting for me to do something.
"Do you want to go and eat some ice cream before we visit your Mom?", I ask her since I don't know what to say.
She seems to like the idea, "Oh, I love ice cream!"
"I assume that's a yes," I smile back and give her my hand cautiously. She first looks at me, then takes it and we head for Doc Magoo's.
"So, did you have a good time at Susan's?" I take another bite from my brownie sundae and she looks up from her ice cream, which is almost as big as her face.
"Yeah, she is very nice and also has a nice daughter. Her name is Amy and we play together all the time. She's also going to that school with me..."
Her eyes glow while she's talking and I can't help but love her.
Seven Years Earlier
"I would do it! Definitely!" I say bending over the table reaching for the magazine.
"That's good to know, Carter!" Susan comments taking another bite from her doughnut, "I mean, many men are scared to do it, because it might change everything for them. From one minute to the other you have a child,", she starts. "Sounds scary to me. It means a lot of responsibility, support and most of all lost time, but also all the fun being a dad."
I nod, "Yeah, I think so too. And wow, it must be pretty strange to finally meet the child and tell him or her. You never know how they react."
"Imagine someone tells you that he is your father. A stranger might be suddenly your relative. I don't know how I would react." Susan answers getting herself a coffee, "Coffee anyone?"
"Yeah me," Abby looks up for a second but then goes back into starring to the floor. She just stayed quiet on the discussion.
"Here you go!" Susan hands Abby her mug and then continues talking, "What do you think about the whole thing Abby? You didn't say anything yet." Normally she's quite involved into our conversations holding passionate views.
"I just..." she starts pretty quiet and it looks like it isn't really her topic., "I just think that it must be hard for the mother afterwards. I mean she didn't tell him because of nothing." She strokes a few hairs out of her face with a certain sadness in her eyes. "And in the end she's the bad one, no matter how many good reasons she had. And even if other people don't blame her, she will certainly blame herself"
Did Abby ever plan to tell me if I was Joanne's father? Maybe she always wanted to, but was too terrified of my reaction to it. Everybody would be glad to have a daughter like Joanne. I've never met such a sweet and kind girl and I wonder how they lived the last seven years.
"Do we want to go and see you Mom now?", I ask her after we both finished our cups and she nods grabbing her jacket immediately.
"I can't wait to see her. I miss her when I'm not with her."
"I can imagine!" I say and give her my hand again, "I often miss her too."
As we reach her room I can't believe what I have to see. I knew that I would have to face this sooner or later, but I just don't want it to be true, especially because Joanne is with me.
I just stare through the window of her room shocked. It looks like something happened. Two nurses and a doctor are bending over her, machines are beeping.
Something must be wrong.
"What happened? What's wrong?"I say confused, entering the room, but I don't get an answer. They keep working on her without letting me know what is going on. "What happened? Is she alright?" I ask again louder being more than scared.
"Please wait outside!" the nurse just tells me pushing me out of the room.
"Dr. Carter!" Joanne grabs me arm worried, "What's wrong with my Mommy? Is something wrong with her?"
"I don't know Joanne, we just have to be brave for her and hope that everything is okay, alright honey?" I try to keep her calm trying to keep my tears back.
"She's dying, isn't she?" Joanne suddenly cries looking deep into my eyes and I don't know what to say.