Chapter 10 - Blurry, Everything Just Seems So Blurry.
"Joanne, please stop it!" I turn to Joanne, who cannot keep still.
"But Mom, I'm hungry!" She grumbles, "I don't want to drive around anymore," and starts to throw some stuff
out of her bag.
"Stop it!" I'm now yelling at her. "I don't want to drive around anymore either, okay! But we have to, so just shut up!"
Without looking, I can tell that she's crying. I start to say her name, but I stop. I cannot do this now. I don't want to discuss it with a seven year old, even though she's my own daughter. Not here. It's strange to drive through the city. The city I spend so many time in. Where I had my best, but also my worst time of life. All those streets. Those streets I walked down not knowing what to do.
I had no choice. I had no choice but to leave him. At least that's what I thought. That's why I did it, and that's what I regret. Now, seven years later. Joanne sits beside me. I know that I have to tell him, I always knew. And I also knew that I have to come back. I had a good time in Boston, but it wasn't home.
"Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom!" Joanne whines and I turn to her again.
"Okay, I'll look for a place to stop, alright honey?" I touch her cheek, trying to comfort her when suddenly her eyes grow wide.
"Mom!" As she screams and I get a glimpse of a car on collision course.
I instinctively try to get out of its way, but it's too late. Joanne's scream is interrupted by a loud crash. Our car overturns as everything fade to black.
Seven Years Earlier
I look into the mirror. For the last time. It feels so wrong, but it's the only solution. I take a deep breath and then continue dressing myself.
"I love you!", he says and each word stings.
"I love you too."
I don't know what I do as I walk down the stairs and leave. Leave forever. This is only for our best, I keep saying to myself. It's better for both of us. I look at my watch, it's time to get to the airport. Boston is waiting for me. A new life, for me and for the child. My child.
Nobody knows. I'm all alone and wonder. What will happen with John? Will he ever find out? I shake my
head. It's better for us. The street in front of me disappears as I hear a whining. Reality comes back to me. Joanne, the car, our car.
"Honey?" I whisper and suddenly everything just hurts. It hurts so much.
I try to see what's outside, but everything is so blurry. Horns beep, chaos, lights, blood. My blood.
"M'am, can you hear me?" Someone asks, standing next to the broken window.
I want to answer, want to scream, but all I can get out is a cough. The taste of blood fills my mouth.
What's happening? Where's Joanne? So many questions and so much pain.
"M'am, you're trapped. We're going to get you out as soon as we can, alright? Just stay with me," The stranger continues while I hear other voices coming near.
"My daughter." I mumble and have to cough again.
"Don't worry, we have her almost out. She looks ok so far. Just concentrate on yourself. Can you tell me
where you're hurt?"
I try to answer him, but I can't. There's so much pain, I want to make it go away.
My head hurts so much, I can't take it.
Blurry,
everything just seems so blurry.
I have no idea where I am. It's just so blurry, I want it to stop.
And then there is this pain, everything hurts.
What happened?
Suddenly I hear somebody saying my name.
The voice sounds so familiar to me.
But I can't exactly place it, too much pain.
I try to open my eyes,
Blurry faces
Then they begin to sharpen and I recognize them immediately
"Susan," I whisper and cannot believe what I see,
"John"
It hurts as the words leave my mouth, it burns like hell, "What...?"
"Abby, try not to talk, okay?" Susan carefully strokes over my arm, "You need to take it easy, okay? You were in an accident and got in a coma."
Accident? Coma? The words keep echoing in my head and I suddenly see it right in front of me, the car coming
faster and faster. I can hear Joanne screaming.
Joanne! Where's Joanne? Is she dead? I can feel panic rushing through my body.
"Joanne?" I cry, "Where's my daughter?"
"Relax honey, deep breaths okay?" I nod as best as I can and try to breathe. "Joanne was lucky. She's in the waiting area at the moment." Susan smiles, "We took good care of her, she was staying at John's. It's so good to have you back..."
John! I look at him, he hasn't said anything yet, he just stands there starring at me.
Does he know? What if he knows?
I have so many questions, but I feel like my body will shut down every second, it feels so heavy and sleepy.
I try to fight against it, but my eyes start to flutter and all I can see is John starring at me till it's getting dark again.
Author's Note: Thanks again for the nice reviews ). FinallyI was able to update a little faster ;)
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