Mine

A Saiyuki fan fiction by Iapetus

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki and I never will.

Please take note that this story is one-sided Sanzo+Goku and Homura/Goku (even though Homura's name is never actually mentioned). If either of those pairings disturb you, I suggest that you hit the back button right now.

He was supposed to be mine.

Mine – no one else's.

How long ago was it that I found him? Hakkai had said before that time seemed to take so much longer than it needed to. It took too much time to pass this moment we had on earth.

But the whole time I knew him, I felt as if he were my own. I said he was not a servant, and that was true. He was no disciple. No surrogate son. Not a brother.

I don't really know what he is to me.

But I look into those eyes, and I can't turn away. I could never abandon him after looking into that gaze. Was he aware of the spell he cast on me?

I pretended not to care about what he did or who he associated with, but I ended up marching over to where he'd be in trouble. Irate. I'd hit him over the head with my fan and call him an idiot. I'd scold him, and then he'd look back at me – sometimes angry himself, sometimes meek like a little puppy.

Now he sulks when I hit him, and when I turn away I catch his expression from the corner of my eye. He's looking at me critically, almost as if he's expecting me to say something. Almost as if he's waiting for something. Sometimes, that expression even had a glimmer of hope, especially if I turned back to face him.

That expression is gone now.

I hadn't noticed it until a few days ago. You came back with your shirt collar pushed up a bit higher than you normally would have it. When you walked, you walked slightly slower than I was used to you seeing. Maybe your pace would have fooled a common person, but none of us could be fooled.

I had remembered glancing at Gojyo, and then to Hakkai. They had noticed it too.

And then as I thought on it that day as we drove, more events started to click into my memory. How before I had realized it you had slipped away from my grasp. I wondered who had stolen you away from me when I was still blind in my pride – who was that smart to see the weakness – who was that smart to argue back that I didn't take him when I had the chance?

Last night we roomed together, and you dared not venture out. You are becoming smarter than I have given you credit. But you were not wise enough to silence your mouth as you spoke.

I heard you speak your lover's name. I tensed and gripped my gun.

I should have seen it, I should have trusted the bile rising in my throat as the two of you would talk. I should have sensed how you regarded our adversary almost fondly when we talked about him at dinner. He was not just an opponent to you or a rival anymore. He was something that I could not be to you.

I doubt I could ever be that for you.

But still, why him? Why him of all people? I know not who else you would turn to for affection if not me, but he is the last person I wanted you to touch. And for so long, you COULDN'T touch him. When you two fought, he always had the upper hand.

I never knew that you were the kind to willingly submit yourself. Aren't you a fighter? Haven't you been one since the day I've found you? You fought for my attention and won it. You fought my gaze that day and broke my will as I brought you down to live with me.

And now I have to let you go to a foe who I cannot win against. How I wish I could kill him and take you back. You were not to be anyone else's.

You were mine, and now I've lost you.

This was written for a 15-minute ficclet challenge on LiveJournal. And like the challenge suggests - the whole thing was written in fifteen minutes and not a second more.

Comments and criticisms appreciated.

Iapetus