A/N: Here it is, the great 'Shopping at Wal-Mart' chapter!! Ok, if you like Legolas (who would, eh?) then you are going to take offense (not too much, I hope) at the one part of this chapter, but I have Gondor on my side and we can smite all your little Elves any day!!! BOO-YAH!! Man, it really felt good to say that! And that part about me in my car driving where Faramir's playing 20 questions, that's me driving. I don't talk, except for one-word sentences. Yep, that's the happy life of Pi. I mean me. And PopcornLeader, your review confuzeled me. It's simply too early. Did it not show up or something? Oh, well, off to go check it our... Ok, carrying on, here it is...

Chapter Twenty-Two: Shopping at Wal-Mart

Before everyone's in Wal-Mart, in Aragorn's Honda...

"I've never been to Wal-Mart! I hear they have everything there! Like soundtracks from all the musicals ever made! They've got a restaurant, too! They've got everything! Even a whole wall of TVs! They have their own garden center, as well! Did I mention an optometric center? And a car service area? You really should get this car looked at, dear; it seems to have a cough. And we can get clothes that match! You can get those boxers with 'Hott' on them! This is so cool!!!!" Arwen says, very fastly and rapidly.

Aragorn is just staring at the road and gripping the wheel tightly so as not to strangle Arwen.

"I just can't wait! I hear I can get that fancy purple outfit from that one dream you had! You know, that nightgown or whatever it was? Ohmigod, that's perfect!! They've got everything!! Ohmigod, this is so cool! It's just like a mall, only better!!! Totally!!!!!!!!!!!" Arwen continues.

"Will someone please shut her up?" Aragorn asks the road, very quietly so Arwen won't hear.

"Like, isn't this great? They've got everything!! Just everything ever made by anyone who's anyone!!" Arwen says. She really likes to stress the point that 'they've got everything!'

"And thank Eru we're there!" Aragorn says, pulling into the lot.

Actually in Wal-Mart...

"Ok, let's get a basket and SHOP!!!" Denethor screams.

Everyone makes a mad dash to get a basket or shopping cart, resulting in the Men from LotR having one, the ladies having another, and Legolas having his own because (you pick) a) he doesn't fit in the above two groups or b) he would fill the cart with useless junk that men don't want.

"I'm hitting care and beauty, y'all!" Legolas says, heading off in that direction.

Mary runs for the CDs and instantly becomes lost in the sample headphones and listening to Nirvana. (Yep, more classic me!)

All the ladies go pick out whatever they want, and all the LotR people, minus Arwen, go on to shop for whatever.

Shopping with Legolas...

"OHMIGOD!! Sheer blonde conditioner! Neutral lipstick! Hair straightener!! Eyebrow tweezers! Mascara! Colored contacts! Nail topcoat!" Legolas screams, rapidly filling his cart.

"Is he, like, not straight?" Asks Random Blonde #1.

"I have, like, no idea." Answers RB #2. (RB, random blonde...)

"Like, he's got, like, such a, like, cool taste, like, in all, like, the newest, like, contemporary fashions, like!" Says RB #3.

"OHMIGOD, THERE HE IS!!!" Scream Leggy Fan girls 1-3.

"EEP!!!" Legolas screams, tearing out of the Beauty section as fast as his legs can carry him.

"Like, come on!!" says LF (Leggy fan) 1.

Soon, a horrified Legolas and his mob of fans are running down the aisles of Wal-Mart, knocking over tiny old ladies and scaring the children.

Shopping With the Guys...

"Dude, is this store not the best?" Sam asks.

This is what their cart looks like: clothes, jewelry, shoes, pet food, toys, electronics, sporting goods, blankets, and, of course, food and lots of it. Talk about your shopaholics!

"Remind me, Aragorn, why the hell did you buy a fancy purple nightgown?" Boromir asks.

"For Arwen...and remind me why you bought a leather 1 piece suit for ladies?" Aragorn asks pointedly. Ok, this isn't a bathing suit, it's like a cat suit or whatever those things are called, like overalls but they have sleeves...yeah...

"For my date! And perhaps we should ask Faramir why he bought a black satin sleeveless dress?" Boromir asks pointedly.

"For my date! And perhaps we should ask Frodo why he bought a pink silk dress?" Faramir asks.

"For my date! And maybe we should all ask Denethor why he got a wedding dress?" Frodo says. I didn't know you could get wedding dresses at Wal-Mart!

"For my fiancée!" Denethor replies.

"Ooh, fiancée!" everyone says.

"Right, you're getting married!" Aragorn says sarcastically.

"That's corking." Faramir says.

"Right, what new mom are we on?" Boromir asks.

"I think...19?"

"Yeah, that's about right."

"Yeah, as if, I was only married once! Your real mom, remember?" Denethor says.

"Right, all those other ladies were candidates in 'who can marry Denethor next? The Game show'." Boromir says.

"But he never married any of them. They were all too scared of fire or something." Faramir says.

"You were such a player, dad!" Boromir says.

"Oh, shut up! I loved your mom, ok! And I love my fiancée!" Denethor screams, walking off and looking upset and hiding in the sporting good aisle.

"Let's hope you love your fiancée!!" Boromir yells after his dad.

"That's sad...can't even face the truth, can he?" Pippin asks.

"Not entirely."

"Couldn't even believe you were dead, right, Boromir?"

"Correct."

"That's sad."

"I know."

And so ended shopping at Wal-Mart! Stay tuned for the next chapter, entitled... How You Don't Want Your Wedding To Turn Out: Explained in Dream Format!

A/N: There we have it...check back soon...as soon as Orliey reviews...review, Orliet!! Then the dream can happen...hahahahah!!!