Journal of a Lost Soul

1-31-05

13 Law Rd.

Dear Journal, Diary, Whatever.

I honestly have absolutely no idea what the hell to call you. Diary sounds like something a teenage girl would confess her love life in. (Mine which is absolutely nonexistant).A journal reminds me all too much about science class. Keeping a journal of our experiments results. It woud be sooo much easier to write in you if you actually had a name of somesort.

I think I'll call you Eos, goddess of the dawn. Seems kinda fitting seeing as I am writing in you before school, before I've even gotten in the goddam bus to ride to school. The sun's just rising...

Anyway the real reason reason I wanted to write in u, other than the whole name symantics, is the fact that only ur the only thing that would, could or can possibly understand what I'm going through. I've tried to tell the psychologists. But, they all think I'm just faking and being overly melodramatic. "They" implying that yes I have had more than one.Once I tried to tell my friends. Sure they're good friends and all but, they don't seem to be able to understand exactly what does go on in my house. They seem to think that just because I attend Master's I'm actually really rich and happy.

People always seem to think that money and happiness go hand in hand. But, in reality it doesn't always work out that way. Back when I was little, my family was pretty much poor. Mom still had her residency. Father working in an office that was about 5 min. away from home so that he could take care of us too. The 2 bedroom apartment was actually quite a nice place to grow up. I mean outside our apartment complex had this really big courtyard that could be used for soccer games. It was nice. During the summer my parents would go to work and we'd get to play all day long outside.

Ooops. I forgot to Intoduce myself and my family. My name's Kaoru. I'm a 16 year old Japanese teenager attending The Master's School. I have blue eyes,black hair and am about 5'3". I'm not fat in any way, shape or form so you won't be hearing about any self esteem issues. Well maybe you will. But, what I mean to say is that in no way am I under confident in my abilities as a caring,loving human being.

Then there's my brother Yahiko. He's a 13 year old brat from hell. He goes to The Master's School also. The damn eighth grade idiot believes himself to be God's gift to Earth. He's always wayyyyy too far away and aloof when it comes to what really happens in our family. HE can't seem to understand when my parents fight that they are actually trying to hurt each other. The idiot always goes and locks himself in his room. Only to have me, when it's all over, call him out. HE just takes out his NintendoDS and starts playing Mario64. Which I bought by the way. Even though he's annoying, I do care for him. The reason I can admit this to you and no one else is because ur a book. I've learned that books and paper can't lie about what they do or contain. It's always pretty much straight forward. As long as I hide u well. My secrets will be urs to keep.

Now to tell about my bitchy mother. Her name's Sakura, cherry blossom. Do u believe that! I mean there is no way a name like that should have been wasted on "her". In truth some kids actually respect their mom for all that they have done for them. MY mom and I are a rare exception though. My mother wasn't willing to go into labor when we were both being born. She scheduled a goddam c section for both of us. Just because she said and I quote "It gets in the way of my career..." She even at one time hired a nanny. That was one of the most horrible experinces of my life. Damn professional couldn't cook to save her own life. (Hell, I can't cook and she cooked worse then me!) As of now my mom is in even worse shape. Currently she's been diagonosed as bi-polar. My house just went from bad to worse. She has mood swings worse than when she's PMSing. Which, by the way, she can't anymore. She had a Hystewhateveryouwannacallit. So now all her "hopes and dreams" are wrapped up in the two of us. I mean sure u gotta pity the women, but after you've lived with her your entire life, it just kinda gets a bit out of hand.

Ah we have finally arrived at father Koshijirou. "Kind" to a fault when in front of others. At home it's another story all together. He's a lawyer and my mom's a doc. Together they can be fiends from hell. If I get anything lower than a fucking A- then the devils are released. It really doesn't help that my mom forces me to take piano and dance. My dad since he was the one around when we were little, forced me to play tennis. So now I've got school plus all that. Last report card I got a B+ in History. So my mom and dad took away my only escape:The internet. It was awful. At least on the net u have another escape. You can get lost in the fantasy world of ur favorite anime, chat with friends, or pretend to be someone else entirely. It's kinda like starting out a new. In a way writing u is like that too. In u I can admit to things. Like the death wish I actually have for my parents. I want them dead. My father is the lawyer for the Takanaka Yakuza. They're basically the Japanese Mob. The funny thing is that my mum works for them too as a surgeon. It's actually kinda funny that the Yakuza need a doctor. They're always getting people killed. Kinda Ironic that they need a doc. Maybe it's time for a little taste of their own medicine.

2-13-05

13 Law Rd.

Dear Eos,

I had to get my damn midterm report card today. Parents saw the grades and the world has officially ended. First, they took away my computer for the next quarter. Then, they took away my cell. And last but, not least, the T.V. is gone.
Not that I really watched any… I wanted to tell you about the one thing my parents absolutely cannot take away: My cat. I named her Brownie. Kinda because she's really fat and also because she's brown tipped. I swear someday she's just gonna get Diabetes and die.

It's kinda scary how much I talk about death in you. But, the truth is ur pretty much a last resort. Normally I would talk to someone but, the truth is I can't. Seeing as my parents have taken everything away and pretty much left me isolated on a stupid island, the only things I'm left with are school, music, dance, and tennis. Kinda sad really. My already non-existant social life has been turned into nothing. Like my mom's childhood. I bet u they want me to grow up to be this perfect angel doctor. A Doctor because my parents are sexist. Kinda funny seeing what my mom is. They believe that work like that is meant for women. Going into legal business was once my goal. But, now I see. I'm supposed to take my mother's place once she's gone and quits the organazation. My brother I think is being taught by dad when I'm not watching. Kinda funny how all this works. Just so that u kno I'll probably be writing more and more in you. Seeing as now there's nothing better to do. (I also need to apologize for the chat tongue... It's faster...)

2-14-05

The Master's School

Dear Eos,

Kinda funny idea I had taking u to school and all. It'sValentines Day. I hate Valentines Day. It is just about the antithesis of any relationship so why do they even bother!

Dear Eos,

I can't believe I'm writting in you for a second time. But, it's kinda justified seeing as my parents did just die. I was called by the hospital a good few minutes ago. (Yes I do have my cell) They told me that my parents died in an accident on the way to my brother's parent teacher conference. Although I kno better. It's soooo cliched that they had to kill my parents in a car accident. It's like every really bad mob movie. I have to get my brother and we have to get out of here. I have enough cash to get us to London. See I'm pretty sure that if I kno that my parents are dead, they're gonna come after us. A couple of days ago mum got a call from the police. She was all pale after the call and I was curious. So I checked a thing called Caller ID. Unless I'm very much mistaken, they're trying to "tie up" loose ends. Which means that if we don't get the hell out of here, we're dead. If there's one thing I'm truly grateful for my parents teaching me, it would have to be how to be emotionless. After awhile u get used to all the people's constant teasing and mockery. You get used to it by simply ignoring it.

Anyway back to my simply brilliant escape plan. Get my brother and run. Well it's not really that simple but, u get the idea. The back of this school is connected to a series of private estates. Basically I plan to run into one of those. Call a taxi. And get the hell out of here. I have enough cash for us to get to Heathrow Airport and hotel stay for 1 month. From there I haven't really thought about it.

How I got all that cash. I rather not let u kno.

2-15-05

British Airways Flight 1405

Dear Eos,

I've made a reservation at the Westin for 2 nights. After that we need to leave. I solved the whole visa problem rather easily. One word: Cash. That's the only way to pay when ur a teenager in a foriegn country. The one thing I really regret leaving was Brownie. I mean, I actually liked the furry little thing. I feel like I've left something of mine behind. Not really sure what though.

Kinda funny how life can change. A couple of days ago I was complaining about how I got a B+ on my history midterm... Now I'm on the run. I'm actually really happy that they're dead. But, I kinda wish that it wasn't as painful. By what the hospital lady told me, they were pretty beat up. I'm pretty sure that their death wasn't painless. When it comes to parents, my parents weren't the absolute worse. I wish them peace now that that's all over.

Maybe I'll become I writer. My parents didn't know but, I have had this escape planned for the last 2 years. I was actually planning on running away a bit later... but, that's the way the cookie crumbles. All the stories that I've ever written have been actually backed up into my hotmail account. So I plan on downloading them and sending them away. I guess everyone gets to that point in their lives where they finally get to choose. One thing I've decided though: The future is not the future. It's actually right now.

Kaoru

Author's Note: This is the short story I wrote for english class with a few modifications. It's a One-Shot that I have no plans of continuing. Unless people tell me otherwise! Enjoy!

Review!