If I Thought It Through… by Fade131

Disclaimer: Don't own the people or the song or anything…

Author's Notes: Okay, here is chapter 2…stupid people making me write more…I kind of figured out how I'm going to do this, so there will be more chapters after this one. I hope you like it.

O.o Chapter 2: Goodbye Love / Love Song o.O

Julia had come to a realization. She was walking down the road to the Blue Crow, just one step behind Gren, wearing a proper coat for the cold weather of Callisto. Her mind had been relatively blank as they walked, for which she was more than thankful, considering her train of thought since she had returned a month ago. They were almost to the bar, where she would sing yet another song to the slow background of the saxophone. But this song would be different.

It had to do with her sudden insight. Call it an epiphany, if you will…Julia had spent a whole month trying to figure out a way for her to get what she wanted and be happy, but…it wasn't going to happen. All she had left to do was to let go. That was what she had discovered; if she let him go, let it all go…then she would be all right.

Julia was thinking that if she kept wondering if he was okay, if he missed her, if he loved her, if he was looking for her…she would never get anywhere. She had to move on, just like he would and had in the past. If their paths crossed again…no, she wasn't going to get her hopes up. That wasn't what today was for. Today…she would let go.

"Julia…are you all right?"

"Hm? Oh…yes, I'm fine, Gren…just a little lost in thought, that's all."

"Are you going to take requests today?"

Julia almost laughed. She had started taking one or two requests for songs from the regular bar patrons – and the ever-growing crowd that came to see her sing – and had met more than one obstacle. The incidents would have all been rather funny, if they hadn't all ended with someone getting a black eye. "I might take one…if someone can come up with a proper song."

"I wouldn't count on it."

Julia smiled and followed him into the bar, quickly observing her surroundings, even though she knew the place by heart. There were the regulars, at the bar and the table in the corner; then the new-comers, informed of her presence by various channels because, of course, having a woman on Callisto was a very novel idea. There was one figure, in the very back corner, which she had not seen before in the Blue Crow, but somehow seemed familiar…but he exuded the air of one who is completely and utterly unimportant, and she soon forgot his presence entirely.

She would have to go through with it, letting go, she thought unsteadily. She had informed Gren already of the song she wanted to sing, so there was no backing out now, no matter how much she wished she could. She had to let it all go and be free of it – of him. That was all there was left to do. So, only trembling on the inside, she walked to her spot in front of the microphone, closing her eyes as he began the familiar melody.

In the back of her mind, she was remembering him. Remembering his quirks…the way he tied his tie…the way his lips felt against her neck…his arms around her waist, on her shoulders, pulling her closer…and then the song started up for real, her eyes opened, and the memories slipped away.

Goodbye love...
The shadows climb the wall
The door is closing, now on to
Something more

So what if she couldn't be happy without him? So what if everything seemed duller, like washed-out water colours? So what if she would cry herself to sleep – when she did sleep – because he wasn't there?

And goodbye love
A whisper down the hall
The wind that's all
You still don't call

She would move on, she would grow out of it, she would make a new life – here or elsewhere – if she had to. But she had to let him go, first. She had to forget his voice, his scent, his smile, his touch, his lips, his eyes, his love…everything.

Maybe I'll drink too much
Try not to think too much
And lie awake each night until
The dawn

It wasn't as if she was alone. She had Gren; he would take care of her whether she wanted him to or not anyway, so what did it matter? Of course – it wouldn't be Spike.

Goodbye love
We hardly ever flew
But I'll remember
At least forever
The time of love and you

There were tears slipping softly down her cheeks as the last echoes of the saxophone died. She heard Gren set it in its case before his arms wrapped around her and he tried to lead her off the stage, but she shook her head and pulled out of his embrace.

"I'm okay, really…"

"You're crying, Julia," he whispered, brushing a tear from her cheek. She leaned into his touch for a moment, and then pulled away again, wiping her eyes before addressing her audience.

"Does anyone have a request?" The question was met with considerable muttering amongst the listeners. Knowing it would take them a few minutes – and at least one fight – to decide, she got a drink from the bar and sat down in her stool – the only empty seat in the entire place.

Suddenly, the talking all around her stopped. The 'unimportant' man in the back had stood up, rearranging his hood so the shadow still fell across his face. Julia frowned – everything about him was familiar: his stance, his walk, the movement of his hands…but she couldn't place him, and she couldn't see his face. He went over to Gren – her eyes kept slipping off him, it was so easy to forget he was there; but that had to be what he wanted – and whispered something to him. He received a nod in response and returned to his seat. The muttering returned as everyone forgot his existence, and Gren went to Julia's side.

"What was that about?"

"Oh…he has a request. You know 'Love Song,' don't you?"

She frowned again for a moment before answering. "Yeah…I think I remember it. I don't think anyone will object."

"I don't think anyone can object."

She laughed in response and resumed her position on the stage. Her eyes were drawn to the man in the cloak now, even though he still seemed to wish no one would concentrate on him for too long. He seemed so familiar…she would figure it out before he left, she decided. She definitely knew him…but who could he be?

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

The way he sat, staring at her as she sang, was only slightly annoying. It didn't compare to the annoyance of being unable to recall his name, or where she had seen him before, or even why he was so familiar.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

And then there was the song he had chosen. She liked this song; she used to sing it to herself before…before she left…before things changed. Was it pure coincidence that he had picked this particular song? Or had he done it on purpose?

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

Maybe he wanted her to remember him, wanted her to know who he was. It was a possibility…she had managed to focus on him this long, he had to know who she was…but who was he?

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

Had there been someone else who would have heard her sing this song? No, there hadn't been. Unless it was…but no, he wouldn't have been able to find her this quickly…would he?

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

She bowed slightly to her audience, her mind already focused on other, more important things than the cloaked man hiding in the back of the room. Gren packed up his saxophone and caught her hand, leading her outside, where her thoughts came back to her. She had let go, she only had to forget. But she didn't think she could ever forget Spike, not really…she loved him far too much for that to ever happen.

Julia was jolted out of her thoughts when Gren's arm stopped her in her path. Looking up, she saw the man in the cloak standing in front of them, barring their way. The wind ruffled his hood just enough to show the malicious smile on his lips. Gren's eyes narrowed and she covertly reached into her coat where she kept her gun – but it wasn't there, because she didn't wear it anymore.

The man seemed to find this funny, chuckling as her eyes widened in shock. It wasn't that she didn't trust Gren, but if they got in a fight no one would help them, and Callisto was definitely not a place where you wanted to get hurt. The wind raged down the road again, harder this time, sending a shiver up her spine and blowing the man's hood off. Fear replaced any other emotion in her eyes as she looked at the dark, joyless smile on the man's face.

"Vicious…"

O.o o.O

Fade: There you have it, folks. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review (or comment, whichever). Until next chapter, farewell!