A/N: Hello. I'm back and well alive. Yeah... Anyway, Gollum has found a Date!! Yay someone wants Gollum! You know who you are (Victoria). Oooooooooooooookkkkkk...

Anyway, enjoy te latest installment.

Chapter Thirty-Eight: "What do you mean, you..." (This statement can be applied in many ways throughout the chapter.)

In the Apartment Complex Lobby...

"YAY! Sssmeagol hasss lucksss with the ladiesss at lassst!" Gollum says, running through the lobby where Mary is sitting, trying to do her Algebra homework in peace.

"Pipe down!" She yells, tossing a giant book, The TI-84 Plus Edition User and Owner's Manual, which has about 300 pages of technological stuff in it, at Gollum, who goes flying out the door and into Frodo, Sam, and Pippin, who were just about to come in.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"

Gollum slinks away outside, as the 3 hobbits step inside smiling.

"Hey, Mary!"

"Hey." Mary says, looking confusedly at her Algebra textbook.

"Whatcha doin?"

"Algebra."

"Oh. I'm sure Pippin here can help you. I mean, he's got something to tell you, and us hobbits are good at Math." Frodo says.

"It's not Math. It's Algebra." Mary says.

"Same thing."

"No it's not, actually."

"Stop being technical, Sam! Who's side are you on?"

"The side of correctness."

"Is that a word?"

"Nevermind. Pippin, why don't you tell Mary the unfortunate situation at hand." Frodo says.

"OH my GOD! It's not Faramir, is it? He didn't die, did he??" Mary says, slamming her Algebra textbook closed.

"No, actually, it's about your car." Sam says quietly.

"OH MY GOD!! Pippin, you didn't blow up my car, did you??" Mary says.

"No! No, it's not that bad..."

"What do you mean, it's not that bad?" Mary says.

"See ya later, sucker!" Frodo and Sam say, as they run out at breakneck speed.

"Pippin?" Mary says.

"Well, er.... Hey, about those seats in your car..."

"What about them?"

"Well, I think they're pretty damn cool, so can you tell me about them?"

"Sure. They were custom made in Italy, and they cost 300,000 dollars."

"That's a lot!"

"Yeah, but it's all because I want the best car around."

"Yeah. Well, I was thinking of getting a car, and I wanted seats sort of like those, so I wanted to know the price."

"No problemo."

"Thanks!" Pippin says, scooting out of there.

A few minutes later...

"Hey, Faramir! Want to go for a ride?" Mary says.

"Oooh! Sure! We can get food or something!"

"But you just ate!"

"No I didn't! And besides, Boromir was baking cookies."

"Boromir cooks?"

"Well, kind of. I mean, he seems to think that it'll make him look better in the eyes of his love."

"Eew. Mush."

"Yeah."

"So, Boromir made cookies, huh?"

"Yeah, chocolate chip. Except they sort of turned out funny."

"Oh? How so?"

"Like green-ish chip instead of chocolate."

"Eew. And you ate one?"

"No!"

"Ok. Get in..."

"Uh, Mary? Maybe you should see this..." Faramir says, stepping away from the car.

"What?" Mary asks, walking over to Faramir's side of the car.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mary says, sinking to her knees as she sees the soda stain on the custom-made Italian leather seats.

"Calm down! Please, Mary! Now, who was the last one in this car? I know you'd never spill soda."

"PIPPIN!!!!!!!!!!!" Mary screams.

"Ok. You know what you do when Pippin ruins your car?" Faramir asks, giving Mary a consoling pat on the back.

"Er...severly hurt Pippin so he can never walk again?"

"No!"

"But the seats were custom-made Italian Leather!!!!" Mary whines.

"No! You forgive Pippin. Can you say Forgive?"

"No. That word's not in my vocabulary."

"What about 'Do unto others as you want them to do unto you'?"

"Nope, I go by 'Do unto others before they do unto you' or 'Do unto others as they do unto you'."

"You're hopeless."

"No I'm not!"

"Anyway, It's called FORGIVENESS. If I hurt you, what would you do?"

"You can't hurt me. I'd kick your sorry butt any day."

"No, I mean, like if I cheated on you, what would you do?"

"Er.... I'd cut off something and you'd never be able to have children. Ever."

"Ok, remind me never to cheat on you."

"That and I'd kick your sorry ass."

"You're loving."

"I love you..."

"Ok, yeah. So what are you going to do to Pippin?"

"Hurt him?"

"NO! Mary, what have we just discussed?"

"Making sure you'd never have children with the girl you were cheating on me with?"

"MARY!! FOR THE LOVE OF GONDOR, YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE PIPPIN!!!" Faramir screams.

"Man! I know! I was just messing with your head! It's sooooo funny when you're pissed off!" Mary laughs, running away.

"YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!" Faramir screams.

In the Hallway near Pippin's room...

"Pippin!! OPEN THE DOOR!! You're a dead hobbit!" Mary screams, pounding on Pippin's door.

"Yeeees?" Pippin says, opening the door.

"Pippin, you spilled SODA ON MY CUSTOM-MADE ITALIAN LEATHER SEATS!!! HOW COULD YOU???" Mary screams.

"Mary, don't get mad!!" Faramir says, running upon the scene. "Deep, relaxing breaths."

"Hopw about NO? Pippin RUINED my CORVETTE! Insurance ISN'T CHEAP!! THAT CAR, THE SEATS, AND THE INSURANCE WERE MORE MONEY THAN...THAN..." Mary yells, tears coming to her eyes at the thought of high insurance rates, even though insurance has nothing to do with the soda incident.

"I'm sorry, Mary! It was an accident! Sorry! Please don't kill me!!!" Pippin says, quivering in fear.

"It's ok. I forgive you!" Mary says. "But you're helping me par for the cleaners! Cleaning leather ain't cheap!"

"Good job, Mary! Forgiveness feels good!" Faramir says.

"Actually, I'd much rather give him a good punch, but it feels wrong. I mean, he's 2 feet shorter than me."

"Oh, ha ha! Everyone picks on the little guy!"

"I'm not picking on you!"

"Ok, sure..."

"Hey! Just the peoples I wanted to see!" Denethor says, strolling up the hallway with Orliey holding his hand.

"Er, ha ha, hi, Denethor!" Mary says nervously.

"Hey, kid!" Denethor says, a bit too cheerfully.

"Kid? What??"

"Nevermind. You are the 3 people I just wanted to see! And Boromir. Where is he? Oh, there he is!!" Denethor says, as Boromir comes jogging up the hallway.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Oh, there you are!"

"Why is your dad being so cheerful?" Mary whispers to Faramir.

"Anyway, kids and other peoples, Orliey and I have some rather good news!"

"You finally got rid of that goat that's been eating my homework???"

"No, that's not it."

"Then what?"

"Orliey and I are going to get married in a month in Las Vegas!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN VEGAS???" everyone except the fiancees scream.

"Well, we've decided we're ready for this large step."

"What...but...huh?"

"That's....huh?"

"I don't get it."

"I'ms confused."

"Well, you're always confused, Pip, so that's normal. Anyway, I was wondering...Boromir, would you like to be the best man?"

"I'd be honored, I suppose."

"And Faramir, well, you can just be one of the groom's men people. You know, that really don't do anything." Denethor says.

"Oh, thanks." Faramir says sarcastically.

"And Mary can be a bridesmaid. Is that ok?"

"Er, sure."

"And we were thinking that Frodo can be the ringbearer. And Eowyn agreed to be the flower girl."

"WHAT? Eowyn is a flower girl?"

"Er, yeah."

"That's weird."

"And Pippin and any other men can be the groom's men people."

"And any other girls can be bridesmaids."

"Wow. Good luck getting married or whatever. I mean, you know?"

"No, Mary, I don't know."

"We better tell the others, Denny-poo."

"Eew. That's mushy." Mary gags.

"Whatever, Mary." Denethor says, walking away, too obviously in love to care.

"You know, I have a strange feeling this wedding's not going to be your average cake-and-flowers affair." Mary says.

"Yeah, I bet someone's going to totally screw it up. Probably Elrond. He does stuff like that." Boromir says.

"He flushed my teddy-bear down the toilet when we were in Rivendell." Pippin says.

"What?" Everyone says, staring at Pippin, who suddenly feels very, very small.

"I mean, it was Sam's teddy-bear, but I was borrowing it. Legolas stole mine."

"Wow. Did you ever notice how messed up we all are? I mean, Legolas stealing Pippin's teddy-bear and Elrond flushing Sam's? That's just weird."

"I always knew that Elves were missing a few things in the brain department." Mary says.

"Yeah...I mean, when I was in Rivendell, Elrond tried to burn my leather jacket thing. Said it was cruelty to animals."

"His face is cruelty to animals." Pippin says.

"Hey, let's say we burn your dad's robe and then burn Elrond's crazy get-ups. I mean, he looks like he's in a dress!" Mary says.

"Good idea. Man, you've got some good pranks up in there." Boromir says.

"No. Actually, me and Tina are going to burn it. I suppose you can help, if you want or something." Mary shrugs.

"Guess so. So, what Elrond outfit are we gonna burn?"

Suddenly, Tina runs up.

"Hey, people!"

"Hi, Tina! Guess what? In a few day's the five of us are gonna burn Denethor's robe!!!"

"SCORE! Wait...the 5 of us?"

"Yeah. Boromir's gonna cause a distraction, Pippin's gonna steal the robe, Faramir's gonna prepare the pyre, and you and I are gonna burn it!" Mary says happily.

"That rocks! Hobbits are worth something if you want something stolen." Tina muses.

"Got that right!" Pippin beams.

"Can Frodo help out?" Tina asks.

"Fine, but that's it. I mean, six people is a lot to just burn a robe." Boromir muses.

"I guess. It'll be fun! Burning a robe!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Mary says maniacly.

"What are you, a pyro or something?" Boromir asks Mary.

"No, but burning things is fun! Like burning ants with a microscope!!!" Mary says evily.

"Man, Faramir, your girlfriend is a bit crazy."

"I'm not crazy!!! I'M INSANE!!!!" Mary yells, running down the hallway, laughing like a maniac.

"O...k..."

And so the 6 started to plan the great even of the year: burning the robe of Denethor.

A/N: Ok, that chapter just got weirder and weirder as time progressed. Yiesh. Anyway, I hope you liked it, no matter how crazy it is. And Tina, now we get to burn the robe!!! Muahahaha!!