They talked nonstop all the way back to the Tower. Speedy was starting to get the hang of Robin: they both liked motorcycles and the color red. They both had a thing for cheeseburgers and the best video games in town. And they both enjoyed butt-kicking action anytime.
Not to mention a thing about overhanging mentors. Robin shrugged off when Speedy asked him again about Batman, but it looked like he was more interested in filling in the role as a team leader than dwelling on past sidekick stuff.
"Woah," was all Speedy could manage to say when the shining doors opened and he stepped inside Titans Tower. This place was the slickest hangout he could've ever imagined. A giant screen monitor was in front of the couch from where Beast Boy and Cyborg were fiddling away at their video controllers.
Sparkling blue waters and the dazzling scene of Jump City made for a great view when starring out at the main room window. It made you feel like every inch a Titan.
"You've got to meet the rest of the team," Robin offered. Speedy couldn't resist the inner delight of getting to know the ladies of the Titans. Each girl he met had a distinct attitude and kind of sweetness...almost like ice cream.
"That's Raven, but we shouldn't bother her now," Robin said, pointing to a figure in dark blue robes in the corner. The girl barely lifted her head from her book revealing two dark amethyst eyes that gleamed keenly from the shadows of her hood. Speedy nodded and decided to leave her at that.
So she's bittersweet chocolate. Lingering, mysterious, and dark. Well, I'm not going to push her buttons the wrong way.
"This is the newest member of the team, Terra," Robin introduced next. Speedy smiled at the unusually thin and gangly girl who was eating pizza in the kitchen. A pair of blue vision goggles sat atop of her blonde hair and she sported a black shirt bearing a yellow T inside of a circle.
"Terra, meet Speedy. He's a new honorary Titan."
The blonde girl wiped her mouth quickly, jumped off the counter, and shook his hand with one of her own brown gloved ones.
"Totally cool to meet you, Speedy!" she said cheerfully. "Pretty awesome arrows you've got there," Terra added, glancing behind him curiously.
"Where you from?" she asked, hooking her thumbs into her belt.
"Star City," he said proudly. "Ever been there?"
Blue eyes grew wide and the blonde hair waved as she nodded. "Yeah, I did a stop or two during my time on the road. It's a great place to chill out."
Vanilla. Squeaky clean, easily liked, white, bright, and pretty much gets along with everyone. Nice cute little blonde: been there, done that. I've seen 'em all before."
"ROBIN!"
Something, or rather someone, flew across the room like a purple and orange comet before colliding into Robin, giving him a giant bear hug. Speedy and Terra looked at each other and she got the giggles a moment before he started smirking to see Robin somewhat smothered in the affectionate embrace.
Robin accepted the hug and held the person back at arm's length. Speedy's mouth hung open and he resisted the urge to start drooling madly at the newcomer. "Robin likes Butter Pecan."
This girl was just out of this world! Her body had it all right with her long smooth legs in knee high purple boots and the matching mini-skirt certainly showed off her smooth curves in just the right way.
It was her colors that reeled Speedy in. Her skin had warm golden-orange tint that looked better than anyone who sat in a tanning bed. Her hair was a shimmering shade of bright red, her eyes a bright dazzling emerald green. Her friendly smiling mouth was warm and inviting. She was literally shining like a dazzling multicolored firework and glowing as brightly as a star.
The emerald green eyes that were gazing at Robin now flicked to Speedy, making his toes curl up inside of his boots.
"Starfire, I'd like you to meet Speedy. We've just become good friends at the tournament," he said to her.
The girl flew towards Speedy and seized his hand at once. "A friend of Robin is a friend of mine," she beamed at him. She was surprisingly strong and nearly shook his arm off with a zealous handshake. Yet having her warm hand touch his skin nearly sent an electric current shooting up his arm and into his brain.
Well, if these are the benefits of being a Titan, I'll be happily recruited anytime.
"Welcome to our wonderful home, new Titan," she announced as she spread out a hand. "Perhaps we may fix you something to eat? I have homemade Gorlnak Tarts for everyone."
Judging from the way everyone was wrinkling their noses, Speedy decided it would be best to decline.
"Ha! Score!" Beast Boy shouted from the sofa. He slammed down the controls and began to dance a victory jig. Musical tunes beeped from the screen as the changeling started to disco around the room.
"Go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy, I'm the master, I'm the winner," he sang over and over again.
"Yeah yeah, just wait until next time, BB," Cyborg called from over his shoulder. Terra had come over and linked her arm around Beast Boy's. "That's great, Beast Boy. I knew you'd kick butt," she said sweetly. He suddenly flushed and the strangest tint of red appeared in his green cheeks.
"Terra, you wanna go um. . .around the bay?" he offered her shyly. She gave off a high laugh that reminded Speedy of bells ringing and nodded. Hand and hand, the two smaller Titans ran past Speedy and out the door.
He was still watching Starfire talking in her animated tone to Robin while tugging at his arm towards the kitchen with a plateful of some exotic glop. Speedy was still watching her legs until. .
"Hands off, Lover Boy," he heard a low gravel-like voice say. It was coming from Raven who had finally shut her book and was standing up. She pulled back her hood revealing a startlingly beautiful but pale face that reminded him of smooth cool gray marble.
"Robin and Starfire are best friends. If she's in trouble, you can count on Robin to whip the troublemaker's butt," she warned him in her somewhat melancholy tone.
"Yeah, and unless you want to doge her fire bolts, I'd recommend keeping your tongue in your mouth," Cyborg said with a more amused face.
"Sorry," Speedy said, shaking his hands in defense. "I was just, y'know."
"Hey, don't apologize. Star gets a lot of guys lookin' at her like that," he said cheerfully. Cyborg gestured to the empty seat on the couch.
"You wanna go a round of Starkiller Scream ?" he offered. Speedy willingly slid into the seat next to Cyborg and grabbed the controls. Within a few minutes, he was thrust into the game, his fingers madly pressing at the buttons and his eyes narrowed keenly at the flashing ships and dodging bullets of the video game.
"How come Star can fly anyway?" Speedy asked.
"Dunno. She crashed to earth a while ago," Cyborg shrugged. "Rob spends a lot of time breaking her into earth ways. The girl gets so lost, she even drinks mustard out of the bottle."
Speedy had a good laugh at that one. "An alien, huh? Little weird."
"Man, we got a witch, a green shape shifter, and me: the human can opener," Cyborg said as he blasted an enemy patrol ship into smithereens.
"Sometimes I think we'd tear each other apart if it wasn't for Rob," he added.
Speedy paused, a nagging feeling creeping in the back of his mind. "So he's good, huh?"
"He's the best we've got. I mean, look at him: he's a genius guy and all, but no superpowers. No atomic rays or magic wings at all. But that never gets Rob down. He never complains or thinks he's any less. Rob just pulls us all together and keeps the Titans together."
So Robin and I are alike. But here's the thing: he's got an entire team operating under his thumb. And I've got . . myself.
"Take Terra, for example," Cyborg went on.
"She blows into town with the butt kicking power to move mountains and shove earth around. And the girl was scared to death that we'd shove her away cuz she can't get control. Rob offers for her to stay but Rock Girl rolls off for a while.
She comes back and Rob never loses his cool. He keeps her in the ring and gives her another chance. Saves the Tower from sinking into the bay and voila! Titan number six is here to stay."
Speedy felt the excitement in his arms and head starting to die down. The game looked trivial and rather annoying right now. He dropped the controls suddenly and stood up. He didn't feel like playing anymore.
"Speed? You O.K, man?" Cyborg asked with concern.
"Yeah, sure," he said under his breath. "That's great, Cyborg. Just great."
A-A-A
Having met the Titans' friends, Speedy had yet to meet their enemies.
"This is Slade," Robin said, pointing to an image on the screen. "He's our most dangerous adversary yet. You don't want to mess with him on your own."
Speedy narrowed his eyes keenly at the image of the masked man. His entire head was covered in a helmet that was half black, half orange. He was missing his right eye but the left eye alone bore a sadistic commanding presence that said: "I am no one to be trifled with". Instead of a mouth, the helmet had metal slits on the bottom, assuming that this person actually needed to breathe air instead of venom.
"Hardware Head. Got it," Speedy said in a toying teasing tone. But Robin shook his head seriously.
"He's no one you should be bothering by yourself. Slade is a superb martial artist and has supernatural strength, more than anyone I've ever fought. He's got commanding droids, baiting traps, and probably an unlimited number of hideouts in the city."
The screen clicked off. Robin looked at Speedy and held up a circular compact inlaid with orange chrome and sporting a slick razor sharp S on the cover.
"So if you hear of anything that has to do with Slade, you let me know," Robin said.
"Right. Stand on the roof and holler 'til the cows come home."
"That's not funny, Speedy," Robin continued in his sergeant-like manner. He locked his hands behind his back and began to pace for a while. "Slade never strikes at once. He leaves clues. Bait. Riddles. Trouble. And we've got to put the pieces together before he makes another attack."
"Got it," Speedy said. "So, what's your next strategy?"
"I've already gotten that started," Robin said proudly as he clapped Speedy on the back. "I've realized that if he wants to break the Titans then we've got to stick together. The larger our team is, the sooner we wear Slade down."
"That's why you've been giving us communicators?" Speedy asked apprehensively.
"Of course!" Robin said with somewhat overly enthused delight. He slammed a fist into his open palm. "It's a brilliant plan! The more Titans, the better. People like you and Aqualad and Terra are just the beginning. Soon enough, we'll have enough power to bring Slade down once and for all!"
Robin finished his speech and turned back to Speedy, searching for his approval. But Speedy had a a sense of burning frustration and irritancy tugging to get out.
"I thought you were doing this for friends," he stated.
"It is! We need friends, we need trust to make ourselves stronger. Believe me, Speedy, I've learned the hard way about how important it is to trust people. But now, I know."
"And you trust us," he said slowly.
"Of course I do. And its really paying off as well, especially since Terra showed up. Ever since she's joined the team things have been better than ever."
"Beast Boy likes her," Speedy dared to say.
"Are you kidding? He's head over heels for her. Now that we've got Terra on the team Slade is going to regret he ever-"
CRASH!
"I'm sorry, Robin!" Terra squeaked. She bent down and began to gather up the pieces of broken pottery. "I'm so sorry, it was just too heavy to carry."
"Hey, its all right," he said, smiling and kneeling on the ground. Speedy watched Robin gather the shattered plates. Terra was still shaking and her slim hands trembling as she tried to clean up the mess. "I, I just lost control, that's all."
"No problem, Terra. Happens all the time," Robin said soothingly. He dumped the remains into the garbage and looked at Speedy. "Want to get pizza with us?"
"Thanks but no thanks, Speedy said, forcing down the growl in his throat. "I've got to get back to my place."
"Nice to meet all of you," he said, trying to sound as hopeful as he did before. Speedy gave a thumbs up to all of the Titans and they waved back.
"See ya later, Speed," Cyborg said.
"Dude, you'd better come back," Beast Boy added.
"Farewell, fellow Titan," Starfire chirped happily.
"If there's trouble, you know who to call," Robin concluded as he waved his communicator. "You can count on us, Speedy."
"Yeah. Thanks," he said, forcing one last grin on his face.
Speedy headed out the door, but not without glancing back one last time. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was off.
He couldn't tell what nagged at him more: the way Raven's dark eyes flashed or the way Terra had looked so anxious when she was looking at Speedy.
A-A-A
Idiot!
Speedy slammed the door of his apartment so hard that the windowpanes rattled.
You are such an idiot!
His entire lanky body was just shaking with this rage and utter disdain. He drove his fists against the walls again and again until his knuckles were getting raw and numb. Uncontrollable fire was burning inside of Speedy right now. Where the hell does Robin get the nerve to act like that?
He had to let off steam. Speedy tossed off his arrows and lay down on the training mat. He grabbed two dumbbells and began to raise them above his head, counting as he pumped the iron up and down.
One. .. two. . .three. . four
I thought he was different than Batman. I thought he didn't think life was all about missions and work, work, work. But its all the same to Robin: everyone has to be a Titan. Everyone has to be part of his goddam plan to save the world.
Seventeen. . .eighteen. . .nineteen. . .twenty., . .
HE'S the last person in the world I'd want to be. Stupid little spiky haired show off know it all . . .
Twenty seven. .. twenty eight. .. twenty nine.
"I am not jealous!" he yelled out. Salt water was running from his brow and began to sting his eyes. He kept lifting the weights as his muscles strained for relief.
Yes you are. The message was there, firm and clear. You are jealous because Robin has brains in his head and a great team. Not to mention a gorgeous girlfriend.
Thirty four. . . . thirty five. .. thirty six. .. thirty seven. . .
Robin takes care of five other people without any superpowers at all. But you're not like him. You're lucky to be standing on your own two feet because Robin would never succumb to what you did. How you trashed your mind and body-
"SHUT UP!" Speedy roared into the humid room. His lone voice echoed and bounced against the walls. But there was no one to calm him down. He was alone. He reached into his pocked and took out the communicator. The gleaming white T starred back at him, taunting him with its pure white perfect decor. He could hear it taunting him.
"Hello, Speedy! I'm Robin's pretty little toy and I'm here to remind you that he needs a lackey by his side-"
Speedy was prepared to throw the communicator against the wall. It would make a wonderful sickeningly sound as it smashed into thousands of little pieces. That would the sweetest revenge of all to break Robin's dreams into a mess of broken wires.
But just couldn't do it. He could imagine it time and time again, but Speedy didn't have the nerve to destroy it. Robin gave him that communicator because he trusted the archer. And because he was trying to apologize for acting like a jerk.
Smash that thing and you prove that you're the jerk now.
Speedy's shoulders sagged. He didn't have the guts to break it. It just wouldn't be right. Do I really need Robin's approval? Or is he looking for my acceptance? Did Robin give it to me because he's testing me?
He didn't know what to think. He didn't want to think. He just wanted to forget about everything for now.
Speedy dropped the communicator in a drawer and slammed it shut.
A-A-A
One month later. . .
The sun was setting over Star City late in the afternoon. Speedy had pulled down the blinds to block out the crimson streaks of light. Draped across his bed, he was pulling in a late afternoon nap to prepare before going on night patrol.
Hazy thoughts drifted in and out of Speedy's head before he heard the strange noise. It sounded like a beeping tone. The dum-da-da-duuuuum had a whimsical and yet alert melody that was getting on his nerves.
His eyes drifted down to the drawer. Struggling sleepily, Speedy staggered out of bed and yanked it open. The Teen Titan communicator was beeping loudly with its red alert button flashing madly.
He hesitated at first. Maybe Robin just wanted to show off some more information. "Or he wanted a team workshop", Speedy thought to himself irritably.
Or maybe Robin just needs some help.
"Robin doesn't need my help," he thought to himself.
Nevertheless, he flipped the lid open and glanced at the tiny circular screen inside. His eyes grew even wider. Starfire's face was inside the communicator.
"Speedy? Is that you?" her voice said.
"Um yeah, Starfire. Its me," he said, sitting back down on the bed.
"Perhaps you can. . that is, maybe you can assist us." She sounded scared and uptight.
Speedy felt his heart rate going up. "Starfire, are you all right? What's wrong?"
Starfire pressed a hand to her mouth and Speedy realized she was trying not to cry.
"Is it possible for you to come to Titans Tower now?"
"Yeah, sure," he said. "What's wrong? Can Robin help you?'
She was very quiet for a moment. Finally, Starfire said softly,
"It is Robin that needs help."
A-A-A
The first thing Speedy noticed when he came to Titan's Tower was how the atmosphere had changed drastically. There was no blaring music and no video games going at top speed. Raven was hovering the middle of the air, deep in meditation.
Starfire had been sitting at the table with her hands supporting her head. She lifted her head up a bit at Speedy came in. He noticed at once the emerald flame of life in her eyes had been dimmed down. Cyborg's usual confident grin and Beast Boy's quirky smile had also vanished.
The entire place felt like a dark cloud was hanging over everyone's heads. It was devoid of life and laughter. Silence alone filled the room making it seem more empty then ever.
Speedy's eyes panned across the room.
"Um, where's Robin?" he asked.
"On the roof," Cyborg said in a depressed voice.
"And where's Terra?" he asked.
The silence was deathly as the Titans all looked at him. It looked like they all wanted to say something but were holding the bad news back from Speedy.
"Terra is gone," Raven said at last.
More bottomless silence.
"What do you mean, she's gone?" Speedy repeated. "She ran away?"
"She was working for Slade," Beast Boy added glumly. "She's not here anymore."
"What?"
"You heard the man. Rock 'n Roll girl was a spy for him."
"But she didn't mean to!" Beast Boy argued back. "Terra didn't know what she was getting into. She was lost and frightened about her powers."
"Yeah. She was so confused and scared and Slade made her think that we were the bad guys," Cyborg interrupted. "He trained her to get all those powers under her belt and sent her back to steal our secrets."
"And we had no idea that we couldn't trust her. She tried to kill us, so we fought back," Raven added. "But Slade tried to make her destroy us by taking control of her body and-"
"Time out! Time out!" Speedy yelled, making a gesture with his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair and breathed out.
"One thing at a time. Give me the rundown from the beginning."
After about ten minutes, the Titans were all sitting on the sofa and stringing the pieces together with Speedy. You could have hit him over the head with a ton of bricks. He couldn't believe that such a friendly looking girl had actually blasted the Titans apart, making everyone believe that the adolescent avengers were dead until they fought back with vengence. One day a living breathing human being, and the next thing, that little kid was gone off the map.
"So what happened in the end?"
"Terra stopped the volcano, and now she's become stone," Raven concluded. "Her statue is still there at the bay. And we're working on a way to find a cure."
"Ok, so you're all alive and safe," Speedy said at last. He folded his arms together. "So why'd you call me out here?"
"Robin is not well," she said unhappily. "He will not eat or sleep or even talk to us."
"He is the most unhappy of all of us. He truly believes that it is his fault for Terra's downfall."
"Yeah, and if Rob isn't O.K, then none of us are," Beast Boy said.
"Beast Boy, do you blame him?" Speedy asked him slowly.
"No! No way," Beast Boy shook his hands wildly. "I'll never forget Terra, I swear. But what happened.. . well, she chose to listen to Slade and took charge of her actions. Now its over."
"Its not over for Robin," Raven added. She looked right at Speedy.
"Robin has had issues with Slade for a very long time. He's always battling his own guilt and frustations. But he constantly blames himself whenever he can't stop bad things from happening."
"But he's human. We all make mistakes," Speedy insisted.
"YOU know that," Cyborg said, pointing a metallic finger at him. "And WE know that. But Rob doesn't know that."
"And I was thinking, since Robin speaks so highly of you," Starfire stammered. "That perhaps you could convince him, Speedy."
He was stunned beyond all shocks. "You guys want me to talk to him?" Unbelievable. There's a problem and when Wonder Boy can't do it, they call him. The Titans were all looking at Speedy with such pleading looks on their faces that he didn't dare refuse.
"Oh please, will you not at least try?" Starfire begged. She clasped her hands together tightly. "If Robin is to remain this melancholy, I do not think he will ever. . . "
Starfire hiccupped and her green eyes began to fill with salt water.
"You must, please, at least try to help him, Speedy. Please!"
A single tear oozed out of Starfire's eye and rolled down her rosy cheek.
If there was one thing he detested it was seeing a pretty girl looks this unhappy. If Robin was acting like a jerk then Speedy would give him a kick in the pants for making her cry. Gently, Speedy reached over and wiped the tear off her face.
"I'll do my best," he promised Starfire.
A-A-A
Robin was on the roof. He leaned forward on one knee with both hands resting on his leg. In fact, he almost looked like Batman but Speedy held his tongue.
"Robin? Its me," Speedy said from the doorway. He shut it behind him and stepped out onto the concrete of the play court.
"I'm glad you're here," Robin said in a surprisingly cool and controlled voice. But he didn't move at all. He kept his eyes still on the setting sun.
Speedy walked up from behind and came next to Robin. For a few moments Robin said nothing. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded old and tired, nothing like the vibrant young man that Speedy had fought at the tournament.
"You know, I thought being Titans thought we were unbeatable," Robin said.
"Aren't we still?" Speedy asked.
"No," Robin said coldly. "We're just some stupid kids running around in costumes."
"C'mon, you know that's not true. We've done some pretty good things together."
Robin gave a cold bitter laugh. "What have we ever done that was good? We've been magnets attracting bad things. I've been attracting Slade for far too long and he's taken a teenaged girl from this world. All because I wanted to make her into a Titan."
"Look, it's not your fault," Speedy began to say.
"I plan to fix this, Speedy," Robin interrupted him. He walked right up to the archer and held out an open palm. "I'm going to put everything back the way it was even before we met Terra."
Speedy raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "What are you talking about?"
"Give it back," Robin ordered him sharply, flicking his palm madly.
"What?" Speedy asked.
"Give me your communicator. You're going to be off being a Titan. Forget you ever met us and go on with your life. And while we're at it," he said. "Make sure you tell Aqualad to hand his over as well."
"What?" Speedy was horrified and furious as well. This depressed guy was not the same confident team leader that he once knew. He couldn't stand seeing Robin act like a total wimp right now.
"You heard me. Hand it over," Robin repeated in an angry tone. "I said you're no longer a Titan and that's final."
"The HELL I'm not!" Speedy shouted, taking a step forward. "Just because one kid screws up is that a good enough reason to shut everyone else down?"
"Yes," Robin said irritably.
"Come on, Rob. You know me! I'm not going to turn traitor on you."
"That doesn't matter. I can't afford to endanger any more lives," Robin said. "Give me that communicator."
"NO!"
The two boys collided against each other with clenched fists and righteous fury in their masked eyes. No weapons, no games, no points to score. Just a power struggle over who's right and who's wrong.
Speedy already knew that Robin could get the upper hand. But that was only if he was fighting with a cool head. Now, as he watched Robin flip his body over and try to trip Speedy with swift kicks, the Boy Wonder was getting sloppy. Speedy had to use it to his advantage.
A fist was aimed for Speedy's head but he turned just in time. The gloved hand collided with his jaw painfully and sent him sprawling across the concrete. Speedy shot up at once and wiped the blood off his lower lip. Speedy ran, skidded to surprise halt, and swept his left leg sharply around Robin's ankle. The spikey-haired boy was knocked to the ground.
Robin got up and Speedy saw him positively shaking with rage. Robin had lost control of himself. He threw his shoulders back sharply and lunged for Speedy. Quickly, Speedy blocked the upper cut. He missed the next attack and felt the wind almost knock out of his chest.
They traded jabs and punches for several minutes until Speedy decided to get down and dirty. He pretended to protect his head and take a step back. Then he waited for Robin to leave himself vulnerable.
NOW!
Speedy drove his elbow sharply into Robin's stomach, just where he knew to hit. Wonder Boy's mouth flew open and he fell to his knees, bending over in pain. Robin sputtered and grabbed his stomach, shaking violently. He looked up at Speedy with gritted teeth.
"What did you do t-"
Robin's words came to a grinding halt when Speedy' blow caught up with his digestive system. He coughed sank to his knees, retching all over on the concrete. Speedy had reduced the Titans' leader to a hot-headed vomiting teenager.
It was a dirty trick but helpful one. Green Arrow had taught Speedy that if you hit someone in the liver just right, they'd throw up. Not the most acceptable thing to do but it got the job done.
Robin stopped vomitting after only about five seconds, but that was more than enough time. Speedy had pinned him down from behind and forced Robin's wrists together. Robin struggled but couldn't shake the other Titan off.
"Get off of me, you son of a," he started to threaten.
"Shut up! Shut up and listen to me!" Speedy shouted, tugging at Robin's arms. Robin gritted his teeth as the pain in his shoulder sockets tightened.
"It wasn't your fault, Robin. The kid made a bad mistake. Not your fault," Speedy said sharply.
"Then who's fault is it?" Robin shouted at the top of his lungs. "Someone has to be brought to justice! I've got to punish someone!"
That was all Speedy needed to hear. Robin sounded so sick and so frustrated that he seemed to be willing enough to suffer anything as long as the bad guys got what they deserved. No wonder he was so messed up inside. And to think he was actually jealous of Robin at once time...
"You shouldn't be telling me what to do, Speedy," Robin ranted on. He wasn't screaming but he still sounded bitter "You don't know what its like to lose the people you care about. You don't know half the pain-"
"Of losing someone you care about?" the archer said, hitting the nail on the head.
Robin stopped thrashing long enough now.
"Yeah, Robin. I know. You and I know well enough what its like to lose like that."
He had also lost his parents. But it wasn't because of criminals or psycopaths. Just a forest fire, that's all. Dad runs towards the flames to save people and he doesn't come out. That's the end. Roy Harper couldn't ask for justice the way Dick Grayson could avenge the death of his circus parents. Sometimes you're a victim of crime...other times you're a victim of fate.
Fate plays a game and you've got to learn to master that game. Sometimes, you can even cheat Fate and come out ahead. Sometimes, you lose and fall back behind. But don't ever look back and regret the past, or the shadows will swallow you alive.
You've got to focus on a goal for the future.
Keep your eyes on the target.
Keep your eyes open and shoot forward.
Robin couldn't understand that and Speedy didn't blame him. He was too brooding, too obsessed with trying to take control of every situation. Inwardly, Speedy sighed. Robin was a lot like Batman.
"Robin, Star told me that Terra wasn't stable. Not everyone is as strong as you."
"I'm not strong at all. I'm an idiot," Robin said. Speedy realized that Robin's shoulders were shaking and his head was hanging loose, black hair falling into his face. Ever so slowly, he loosened his grip on Robin and allowed Boy Wonder's arms to fall to the ground with his head.
Robin came to his knees and pressed a hand to his forehead. He was still shaking uncontrollably and Speedy realized something astonishing: he had broken Robin.
"She's gone...Terra's gone," Robin chocked out. "Roy, help me."
That's us. Not Speedy and Robin but Roy and Richard. It's not about the masks and games. Underneath it all we're just two crazy kids in an unfair world.
"It's all right," he muttered. "We're still here, aren't we?" Speedy helped Robin to his feet. "Sorry I made you lose your lunch," he added.
"I deserved it. I'm sorry, Roy," Robin muttered. He rubbed the corners of his masked eyes to hold back the tears. "I just wanted to help Terra. I didn't want any other kids to be lonely like we were."
"I know. You wanted to do the right thing. "
Roy knew too well what it meant went life hit you hard and you were left on the rocks. You didn't know where to turn to. Depression was a small hole where people were sorely tempted to curl up inside and hide from the cold cruel world.
There were something much worse than that.
A-A-A
Two years ago:
Speedy had been getting hit by Cupid's arrow by Donna Troia. The beautiful black haired heavenly lady known as Wonder Girl set sparks in his heart for a while. Then, it ended. Just like that. Not easy to get over once you've been sure she's the right one.
Breaking hearts means you need fixing, and when you're desperate, you'll do anything. Some boys get even. Some run away. Some commit suicide.
And Speedy?
Green Arrow had also been separating himself from the teen archer. Speedy was getting annoyed and feeling self-isolated. Video games and flirting with pretty girls weren't any solutions to his sadness. He tried roads that shouldn't have been traveled on.
Like Alice in Wonderland, he started using the wrong things to find a solution to his problems: The needles. The packets of funny powders.
For a while the problems just disappeared. The little white lies were hidden for a while. No one had to know that he was handling the dangerous items and smuggling them back into his apartment instead of turning them into the authorities. Did it matter? The needles stopped the pain inside of him and that was all he wanted.
But then a few weeks later, he found himself craving "the stuff" more and more. Speedy slept in late and didn't go out for butt kicking at night. He stayed in his room to use the pills and syringes. Some of his possessions he would sell in a frenzy just to get some cold hard cash before trading the money in for more of "the stuff".
He didn't travel or go out looking for fun and adventure. When he would try to shoot a bow, his vision would get blurry and his hands would start to shake. He would get up late in the day and upon facing the mirror, seeing cracked bleeding bloodshot eyes behind his mask, he'd shudder and turn away.
No phone calls, no letters, no nothing. He wanted to lie inside of himself for years and drown the sorrow in sweet illusions where you could have anything and everything you wanted.
That was how Green Arrow found him one day when Speedy was kneeling over the ceramic bowl of the toilet, clutching his stomach and moaning softly in pain.
"Roy?"
He heard the door slam and immediately rolled over on the ground, the cold tiles of the floor pressed against his skin. Speedy didn't want to talk to him now.
Green Arrow stepped into the bathroom and his eyes grew wide behind his mask. He pushed the brim of his jaunty pine green hat back and looked stunned. Speedy was slumped over near the toilet like a drunken sailor.
"Go away," Speedy said in a slurred voice.
"You've been doing more than playing hookey, haven't you," Green Arrow said with a frown on his face. "What's going on, Roy?"
"Go away!" he shouted again, waving a hand clumsily. "You've been runnin' away from me for a while. You don't want to hang around a piece of garbage like me."
"You're not garbage, Roy. But you're sick. You need a hospital right now."
"NO!" Speedy yelled, struggling to get onto his shaking feet. "You'll have to throw me into jail, not a hospital. I'm a bad boy, I am." He started cracking up, a sick hollow laugh shaking him all over.
Green Arrow was unfazed. "If you don't tell me what's going on then I'll find out myself," he warned.
Speedy stopped laughing. He dropped himself into a chair."Ok, look. Lets say there's a kid and he's got a friend who's been like a father and best friend to him," he said aloud.
"Roy, what are you trying to tell me? What have you done?" Green Arrow demanded.
Speedy just groaned and rubbed his eyes with his hands. He had a pounding headache and the entire room was spinning. He felt his body slipping off the chair before he rolled onto the ground. Well, he might as well get this over with. Green Arrow would never speak to him again.
"I-I-needed a substitute for a friend,' he said slowly. "Even if it was. . ."
He pointed to a cardboard box that lay on the floor. Green Arrow eyed it curiously. Then he tipped the contents onto the floor. "Drugs! he nearly exploded.
Speedy didn't have to say anything else. Because there was nothing to say.
"My god, Roy! You'd never even touch this kind of stuff!" He pointed to a needle on the floor. "How long have you been taking this stuff?"
"Over a year now."
"I'm sorry, Ollie. But after Donna broke up with me. . and you were ignoring me. . I thought. .. I just..." Speedy's babbling finally broke down in tears. His head dropped into his hands with shame. "I didn't know what to do. I wanted to stop the pain. I'm so sorry," he cried.
Speedy waited for Green Arrow to start berating him. To tell him what a pathetic wreck and loser he was.
But it never happened. His mentor knelt on the
He saw a shadow cloak his body as his mentor slowly knelt on the ground next to him. Why would Oliver stoop down to his level and even care about Speedy now?
Because that's what heroes do. They don't just fly in the air and shoot laser out of their eyes. They're not flaunting endlessly in parades or magazines. Heroes are there to help people. They try to change the bad into good and give hope when all seems lost. And a hero will always protect the people that he or she loves the most of all.
Green Arrow put a firm hand on the teens' shoulder.
"Now you stop crying," he said firmly, shaking a finger in Speedy's face. "You stop that and listen to me. I'm the one who should be sorry. If I hadn't ignored you for so long...I should've been more aware of what you were going through. But we're going to fix it," Green Arrow insisted. "I'm going to help you get all that terrible stuff out of your body and get back the Speedy I'm still proud of."
Speedy blinked through his bloodshot eyes. "You mean it? I thought you were going to walk out on me."
"What? Never. You're like a son to me, Roy. And nothing you do could make me turn my back on you. So don't you ever call yourself garbage again."
Speedy released a deep sigh of grattitude. His head still reeled from the aftermath of his last dose but he felt himself slowly emering from the darkness. A muffled sob escaped his throat.
"Thank you."
The months that followed were strenous ones. He was suffering from the lack of chemicals once Speedy started the rehab. He was sorely tempted to run out at night and start again. But he didn't give up. If Green Arrow believed in him then Speedy would do everything he could to kick the bad habit.
Slowly but surely, Speedy started to get his strength back. He swore off those nasty fixes and got himself back into training. He tugged harder and harder at the bow strings until he was strong enough to go flying forward, freed of the shackled past.
A-A-A
Now Speedy knew he'd have to help Robin pick up the broken pieces and move on. Learning to save yourself was one of the toughests lessons he had learned in his life.
"I'm such an asshole," Robin said.
"No you're not. You've got to stop hating yourself, Robin. Nobody else does. Heck, everyone thinks you're a great leader. But you can't carry on like this or you'll drag the team down with you."
Robin looked at Speedy, slowly digesting the words of the archer.
Speedy reached into his pocket and took out something small and shiny. "After I lost my dad, a Navajo Indian took care of me before I met Green Arrow. He's the one who taught me archery. And he gave me this."
He showed Robin a tiny eagle carved out of blue turquoise. "It's for good luck. And I want you to have it."
Robin started to protest but Speedy took his hand and dropped it into his palm. "You can give it back to me later. Just hold onto it for now. I think you need it."
Robin looked down at the eagle and fondled it carefully, feeling the smooth calmness of the blue-green stone to his skin even through his gloved fingers. "I guess a little luck never hurts".
"Neither do friends," Speedy added. Robin managed, just barely, to give back a weak smile and a nod. He did not set the small bird aside. Instead, he carefully placed it in a compartment of his utility belt.
"Thanks."
A-A-A
"Might be good to keep things cool for a while," Speedy advised the other Titans. He slung his quiver back over his shoulder and snapped on his utility belt. "Don't even mention Slade's name. Try to make Robin forget about him."
"Easier said than done," Beast Boy said in a glum voice. Speedy furrowed his eyebrows for a moment.
"You know, once Rob's got his brains gearing into something, he wont stop. Maybe you guys can keep him preoccupied with some other cases. Any other bad guys in the market?"
"Yeah, we've been working on the HIVE lately," Cyborg said on a lighter note. "Rob's been talking about an infiltration plan that could really let us into their secrets."
Speedy fiddled with his gloves for a moment and chewed on the idea. "It sounds like a good plan."
"Wait! Is there nothing more that we can do for Robin?" Starfire asked him. He looked into her green eyes, startled by the supernatural glow of tenderness and concern that she had for Robin. Speedy walked up to Starfire and put his hands on her shoulders firmly, making sure he could look her squarely in the eye.
"Just keep reassuring Robin that you'll be there for him. He's gotta come out of that black hole of his sooner or later. I know he'll listen to you, Starfire."
Her mouth turned up into a small smile and she nodded her head. "Thank you, Speedy. I will do that."
Cyborg bopped his fist against Speedy's own. "Thanks again, man."
"We'll see you around, Speedster," Beast Boy added.
Walking on his way out, Speedy noticed Raven standing in the doorway. An odd shiver ran down his back as he noticed her keep amethyst eyes peeping out from the shadows of her cloak. She pulled back her hood revealing a face as smooth as pale gray marble and imperial as a queen. He nodded her and she returned the nod calmly.
"We're glad you came, Speedy."
"I'm glad I did."
He waved goodbye and was given a shocking but delightful unexpected surprise. Starfire suddenly flew across the room, threw her arms around Speedy's neck, and planted a warm gentle kiss on his cheek.
"Robin is lucky to have a friend like you," she whispered softly into his ear. The archer flushed red and gawked, putting a gloved hand to his face to actually make sure that such a wonderful gift hadtruly been bestowed upon him.
Speedy wouldn't have ever traded that kiss in for the brightest star in the universe.
Author's note: The issue of liver attack was in "Identity Crisis" part 3, as narrated by Green Arrow.