A/N: And welcome back! We won't be burning anything else for a while now, but maybe on New Years and/or Boxing Day.... Anyway, this episode will be general randomness and a little bit about Denethor getting married...
Chapter Fourty-Two: A Wedding Dress costs HOW MUCH???
With Mary, Orliey, Tina, and Kay...
"Well, I suppose we can all get nice dresses from House of Brides..." Kay says.
"What? I was gonna rent a tux! Come on!" Mary says.
"Oh, don't be a spoilsport. Besides, what'll Faramir say?"
"Er, nothing?"
"Whatever. We can all go out looking for dresses now!"
"Oh, dear..."
So they all pile out to Frodo's Van.
"Are you sure we can drive this thing?"
"Why not?"
"Because driving Denethor's SUV would be much more fun. And it would make him mad." Mary says.
"You have a point there." Kay says, catching on to Mary's Evil Signature Moment.
"Of course I do!"
So they all decide to take Denethor's SUV...muahahaha! Mary and Oriley go in the front and Tina and Kay hang out in the back, looking at lovely Hobbit pictures (Shirtless, none the less)
En route to House of Brides...
"Aww, man, didn't he refill the gas tank??" Mary says, staring at the gas gauge.
"Maybe not. But do we know that?"
"Look, a Shell. Let's just get gas and go!"
So Tina puts some gas in the tank as Mary loads up on sugary foods. Kay washes the windows as Orliey frets about over how much the dammned dress will cost her.
"Ok, I got Sno-Balls, Hohos, Twinkies, Zebra Cakes, Ding Dongs, more Hohos, iced tea, Coke, Pepsi, Squirt, Iced Tea, Sierra Mist, and Mountain Dew, none of which are diet or caffeine free, and lots of candy. I mean lots of candy." Mary says, smiling.
"Good job! Now lets go."
Meanwhile, back at the Apartment place...
"Hey, Boromir, you want to go rent a movie or something?" Denethor asks.
"Well, whatever."
"Good show! Let's go!"
The two run out to the garage, when...
"NOOOOOOOOO! My car!!!"
"How could it be gone?? Who else has the key??"
"Hmmm...FRODO! I haven't seen the hobbit in ages!"
"Well, let's take his car!"
"How do we have his key?"
"The same way he has our key."
"This is just insane."
The two hop into Frodo's Van and drive out to Rent-A-Video.
On the Road...
"Ok, everyone, I've got the Sex Pistols, Guns n Roses, the Offspring, Bon Jovi, Lacuna Coil, Evanescence, A Perfect Circle, Chevelle, and other CDs..." Mary says.
"Wow, aren't you just the avid CD collector." Tina says. "Put in...whatever."
"Here. It's a Mix." Mary says, putting in a CD.
"Er, isn't that Frodo's Van?" Kay asks.
"WHAT?"
Sure enough, Frodo's Van is close behind them.
"There's only one yellow van I know that has the lisence plate RNG BEAR." Tina says.
"But I thought Frodo was out with the other hobbits?" Kay asks.
"Hmm...HOLY CRIPES!!!" Mary says.
"What?" Kay screams, dropping the shirtless Pippin picture (You sicko).
"It's Denethor!"
"This'll be good..."
The ladies pull up to a red light. Denethor and Boromir pull up next to them.
"SO!" Denethor screams, looking at Mary, who is in the passenger seat and next to him.
"Hey, Denny!" Mary says, looking at Denethor.
"Well well well! Think it's fun to take my car??"
"Do you want a serious answer?" Mary says, smiling evilly.
"Mary, don't be stupid. GET OUT OF MY CAR!!"
"Man... Well, would you like to talk to your finacee?"
"What??"
"Sure, I mean it was her idea to take this----ow!" Mary says, but stops as she gets punched in the arm by Orliey.
"WHAT??" Denethor screams.
"Well, haha, I thought that I should learn how to drive this thing. Since we're getting married and all." Orliey says weakly.
"Actually, it was Mary's idea." Tina and Kay say from the back.
"WHAT??" Denethor screams.
"Well, uh, yeah." Mary says.
"YOU!! You're a royal pain in my ass, did you know that?" Denethor screams.
"Go. It's a green light." Mary whispers to Orliey. The Girls drive off, nearly breaking the speed limit trying to avoid the Yellow Frodo Van and Sheer Doom (Aka Denethor).
"Look! House of Brides! Pull in pull in!!" Mary screams.
The girls get in the lot and run inside.
"Safe!" Kay says.
"Do you think he'll follow us in here?" Tina asks.
"He better not, or I'll kick his-----" Mary starts.
"Hello, ladies, can I help you?" Asks Friendly Sales Person (We'll call her Jody)
"Er, well, we're looking for a wedding dress..." Tina says.
"And we're on the run from a raving lunatic!" Mary adds.
"Forgive her, she sometimes spazes out." Orliey says.
"I DO NOT SPAZ!" Mary yells.
"MARY!" Tina, Kay, and Orliey yell.
"Sorry."
"Anyway, we're looking for a dress."
"And who is getting married?" Jody asks.
"I am." Orliey says.
"Oh! Well, these are the dresses we have in..." Jody says, leading the girls into a room.
"Wow...how come none are in black?" Mary whispers to Tina.
"Shut it, Mary." Tina says.
"Wow..."
"Now, do you have a price range?" Jody asks.
"Well, we'll just give the bill to Denethor, won't we?" Mary asks.
"Yeah!" Tina says.
"Well, can I just look?" Orliey asks, looking around.
Tina, Kay, and Mary huddle around looking at Middle Earth Men Swimsuit Edition, giggling like freaks.
"I've found it!"
They all look at the beautiful dress Orliey has selected.
"Try it on!"
So Orliey goes to put it on.
"Perfect fit!" Mary says, after Orliey comes out looking all lovely and beautiful and all that wedding-y stuff.
"So, how much?"
"Well, about...2,000.00 without tax. To rent bridesmaid's dresses, you'll need another 2,000.00." Jody says.
"Good. Denethor will be covering for this, so I don't have to feel guilty or anything!!"
"Good point. Can the bridesmaids wear black?" Mary asks.
"Well, you can, but everyone else can wear whatever they choose." Orliey says.
"ALL RIGHT!" Mary screams, dancing about.
"Can we just order the dress and leave?" Kay asks.
"Sure."
So they get the dress reserved or whatever and they head outside and into the SUV.
"My friend's got a boyfriend man she hates that----" Mary says, singing quietly.
"MARY!" Kay screams.
"What?"
"Come on, I'm tired. And those accursed dresses aren't going to make Denethor happy..."
"Speak of the devil!" Mary says, looking as the Frodo Mobile (aka the Yellow Van) appears.
"Here we go again. Mary, keep your mouth shut this time." Tina says.
"I guess..."
"Hello, ladies." Denethor says, smiling evilly.
"What is it this time, freako?" Mary asks.
"MARY!"
"Sorry."
"We challenge you...to a race. Loser pays for the wedding stuff, like catering, bands, rentals, etc." Denethor says.
"Move over, I'm gonna smoke his-----" Mary starts.
"Wait, Mary. Where exactly do you want to race?"
"On the highway. At Midnight. The Frodo Van versus the SUV." Denethor says.
"Who gets what?"
"You get the Van, of course."
"Nuh-uh! We only race if I get my Vette!" Mary says.
All the ladies nod, seeing as Mary's Vette is about the fastest thing legal (Or illegal?) in the US.
"Fine, fine." Denethor says. "You and one other person should meet us at the entrance to the expressway at quarter to 12. Be there." Denethor says.
"All right, who's gonna go with Mary?" Tina asks.
"Faramir is." Mary says.
"Mary..."
"WHAT? None of you could take my driving. I mean, please. I'm a driver who thinks the world is one big bumper car ring." Mary says.
"Fine. But we'll be there in the Van to make sure you don't kill Denethor or whomever's in his car."
"And please, please, please don't tell Pippin! He might try to sneak in the trunk. Or something else weird."
Later, at the Expressway...
"All right, Mary. win this for Orliey and we'll never have to think of money again!" Tina says.
About half the Apartment Complex has turned out. hotdogfish and Celeborn are sitting on lawn chairs, Breck is in tears because Boromir's in the car with Denethor, and the Hobbits are passing out ale to the viewers. The Ladies (Tina, Orliey, and Kay) are at the Finish line to photograph the winner, and Faramir is preparing for the worst driving ever experianced. Mary is preparing her car, which now looks liks something out of "2 Fast 2 Furious" and Denethor and Boromir are checking over the car.
"All rgith, are you ready to go?" Frodo asks.
"Hold on." Denethor says.
"All right, in the cars.." Frodo says.
Mary gets in and puts on A Perfect Circle, Faramir looks about to barf, Denethor smiles evilly and Boromir sets the radio.
"On your mark...get set...go!"
Denethor starts down the empty (thank Eru) freeway and Mary revs the engine and zooms off.
In Denethor's SUV...
"Speed?" Boromir asks.
"45."
"Can you speed it up?"
"No. Not yet."
In Mary's Car..
"SLOW DOWN!!! SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN!!!" Faramir screams, as Mar takes out a few Orange Cones (the ones for the Construction work, you know), and nearly hits a sign.
"I CAN'T! DO YOU WANT ME TO LOSE?" Mary screams.
"No." Faramir says, closing his eyes and muttering a prayer to Eru to save him.
"All right, I can see Denethor. We're close now." Mary says.
"What does that mean?"
"We're not holding back any more." Mary says, slamming down the gas pedal and going along at a very safe 70 MPH (Thank God for Seat Belts).
"Why did I agree to this?" Faramir mutters.
"Stop whining! I'm trying to (insert some swear words) beat your freakin' dad so I don't have to pay anything! I'm broke! I spent all my money on this car, my guitar, and all my stuff." Mary says.
"Oh. Can we kick my dad's ass?"
"HELL YEAH!"
A bit later...
"Er, Dad, Mary's catching up." Boromir says worridly.
"Well, we'll just cut her off." Denethor says, swerving into Mary's path.
"AHHHH! (Insert about 20 swear words)" Mary screams, blasting the horn and really getting mad now.
"Mary, can you calm down?" Faramir asks.
"You need to get OUT OF TOUCH with your FEMININE SIDE and start acting LIKE A MAN!!!!" Mary screams, flooring the gas and zooming along at 100.
"What?"
"I got that out of a Book. Now DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT CRYING or I'll LEAVE YOU ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!" Mary yells, trying to pass Denethor, which she does. (hooray!)
"Where's the damn finish line?"
"Er..."
"Damn it, Dad, Mary passed us."
"So? She can't go 100 forever."
"Can you go 100 forever, Mary?"
"I dunno...let's set this baby to accel at 120 and then we'll be golden." Mary says.
Finally, the Finish Line is is sight.
"Hey, Mary's winning!"
"Phew! I thought I was gonna have to pay for the stuff."
"Well, she's going along at 120, I don't think we have a care in the world."
"She's either a really good fast driver or she's just crazy."
"I think she's just crazy."
"And that explains a lot."
Finally, Mary beats Denethor by a very small margin and Orliey goes to laugh in is face.
"Well, well, Denethor, seems you have to pay. Now, just hand over a mere 2,000,000,000 dollars and we'll be fine." Orliey says.
"WHAT?"
A/N: Well, this chapter was a bit weird. Maybe we can have car races on the interstate when we get to the beach. I guess we'll go back to Florida. No Evil Disney World this time, but maybe some other weird stuff. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. It was originally suposed to come somewhere else. So next time we'll go to Florida and the beach. And Faramirfinally got told what his problem was: he's to feminine. Actually, I did read thatin a book. So, well....Happy New Year!