Everything Wrong with It
A Monstrosity by TypoNumber5A/N – Did you know I had to edit the song four times on four separate occasions before the rhyme scheme was consistent? DX
Chapter 3 - The New Item… It's SPIFFY!
Perikan closed the door behind her, gazing into Yami Yugi's eyes as she turned around. They were a deep red color (well, only in the first season where Kaiba has blindingly green hair, but words like "crimson" and "ruby" and "scarlet" sound better) and had an odd look of confusion in them. He was soooooo hot...
No! Peri, he's not yours, she mentally told herself. She had Kaiba. He was TALL, and that's all that really mattered.
Deciding now was as good as ever, Perikan gently opened her purse and began digging through it. Yami Yugi watched in silence. Finally, the girl pulled out a small gold ring with the Eye of Horus embedded on the top. Yami Yugi gasped.
"Another one...?"
Perikan nodded solemnly. "Yes. This is... the OTHER Sennen Ring!"
The former pharaoh's eyes widen. "I thought it was just a legend," he breathed. Fixing his oh-so-lovely eyes on it, he stared at the Supreme Shinyness. "What does it do?"
Perikan's lavender eyes brightened. "I'm glad you asked!" Whipping out a microphone from her purse, she pressed the 'play' button on a tape player conveniently placed in the middle of the sink. A happy tune erupted from the machine and Perikan burst into a perfectly on key song.
"OOOOOOOH!
My thousand-year item can do most anything,
It can read minds, levitate, and kill any fool,
It can translate things into French and German,
See the future and look all around cool.
It can do whatever I want it too plus more,
And it makes jewelry obsessed tomb robbers drool.
It can stop kids from vomiting on roller coaster rides,
Act as a flashlight and keep flies away from your mule.
OOOOOOOH!
My thousand-year item is the perfect weapon
It magically transforms into a dagger,
And can fly at enemies' eyes and poke them out!
My item fights on its own with the force of a Redwall badger,
And there's nothing you sissies can do about it.
It lightens the load of my shopping passion, and that of the stone block dragger.
(Because that's how the pyramids were built-- I'm so smart...)
And it will bring justice crashing down on the arrogant bragger!
OOOOOOOH!
You see, my thousand-year item makes me perfect.
With it I can cook, sing, write, act, dance, and draw with my toes,
(Here's proof that I'm smart-- I told ya I was!)
I always make A's and I know how to tie perfect bows.
With my superior sneaking, spying, magic, and karate I'll always beat my foes,
I'll just keep getting better as my goddesslike hair grows!
Because the OTHER Sennen Ring is merely the best.
By the way, did I mention it can talk to crows?
OOOOOOOH!"
Yami Yugi's mouth had hit the floor somewhere around the first O. How had she made such stupid lyrics sound so good?
The purple-haired one beamed at him. "I call it 'My Thousand-Year Item'!" He nodded dumbly. "Anyway, because I'm a friggin' cliché, my Sennen Item contains the spirit of an Ancient Egyptian woman. She was a healer, a soothsayer, a beauty queen-- yes, Yami Yugi, they had beauty pageants back then, you just didn't know about them-- a tomb robber for a brief amount of time, aaaaaaaaaaaaand" --she pressed the play button again; a bad recording of a drum roll played-- "your wife!"
"I KNEW IT!"
Perikan smiled at the Game King. "Would you like to see your wife, My Pharaoh?"
He nodded excitedly, somehow reminding her of Mokuba. "Yes!"
The OTHER Ring glowed brightly. A puff of pink clouds surrounded the girl, and a shadowy figure appeared beside her. All at once, the glow from the Supreme Shinyness died down, and the smoke faded away.
Yami Yugi gasped as, for the first time in either 3,000 or 5,000 years - no one seems to know which one, he found himself standing before his beloved wife. "Amentet..." he breathed.
She looked exactly like her reincarnation, except her hair was two inches shorter and deep blue with sea-green highlights. And her eyes were narrower and silver with green and blue flecks the color of her hair. And she was a bit shorter, making her Yami Yugi's height. And she was wearing an Egyptian looking white dress that floated about her in the nonexistent wind that seems to plague the male characters. Even though Egyptian queens generally wore near-transparent dresses, and even if she wasn't wearing one of those, the dress would most likely be very tight and unable to float. The former would be disturbing, and the latter would be Not Cool.
It was really a wonder that the pharaoh had been able to make a connection between the two.
"Oh, Atemu!" the woman cried as she threw herself into his arms. "I missed you so!"
"Amentet..."
"Atemu?" her silver eyes met his. "Our names sound so good together."
A small tear ran down Yami Yugi's cheek. "I know."
----------
Meanwhile, back at the Kaiba Mansion, Seto was planning his revenge.
"How DARE that spikey-haired midget of a duelist steal my Perikan," he muttered as he shuffled through blue prints of Emergency Plots of Vengeance. "'Valiant King of Egypt' my ass..." He held up a particularly azure blue print. "Ah ha!"
"'Nii-sama?" Mokuba strolled into the room with a piece of paper in his hand. "I made a 147 on my math test!"
"Not now," Seto replied, not bothering to face him. "I must laugh evilly for the next ten minutes or so."
"Huh?"
Seto threw back his head and balled his hands into fists. Bending his elbows and spreading his arms, he achieved the perfect Maniacal Laughter Pose. A not-quite-sane smirk drew itself upon his face.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "
This continued for some time.
----------
Isis sighed. Her brother's ramblings were really getting annoying.
"...and then she smiled at me! At me!" He beamed at Rishid, the cauliflower nestled between his chopsticks momentarily forgotten.
The tattooed man remained impassive as always, slowly eating his dinner and nodding in agreement. Yami Malik snorted as he stabbed his meat with a fork.
"That's not as great as the time when she laughed at my joke," he proclaimed. Malik glared at him.
"She was laughing because you sounded like an idiot, you imbecile."
Yami Malik opened his mouth to reply (probably with something fowl enough to force me to raise the rating of this fic), but Isis, sensing danger, cut him off.
"It's so nice for you to know a girl you can actually get along with!" she flashed a pained smile at them. "You were so hostile towards Anzu, what with constantly possessing her and attempting to murder her crush, and don't get me started on Mai..." she trailed off, hoping this would switch the subject to Battle City; preferably leading to an argument between the Maliks about certain actions toward Rishid. Anything was better than this. Of course, what she WASN'T expecting was...
"Ah yes, she reminds me of that girl you two were always sneaking off to play with," said Rishid.
"What?" Isis dropped her eating utensils. "What girl?" The Maliks were oddly quiet.
"There was a girl," Rishid leaned back in his seat contemplatively, "and I forget her name, so don't ask. Malik-sama snuck outside one day when he was seven. He ran into her at the village... she was visiting from Japan; her father was a renowned archeologist. She somehow found out about Yami Malik, and used a magic ring her father had given her to create a body for him temporarily. Malik-sama kept sneaking out to see her, and he Yami Malik made good friends with her. Then one day she had to leave; they sat together at their favorite play spot and wept for hours. And Yami Malik went insane from grief, and--"
"That's enough, Rishid," Malik managed to pipe up, but it was too late. Isis was towering over them, eyes gleaming red; her wrath on full force.
"YOU--SNUCK--OUT--MALIK?" Her hand fitted itself around Yami Malik's stake knife. "YOU--RISKED--FATHER'S--PUNISHMENT--FOR--SOME--STUPID--GIRL--AND--THEN--TOLD--ME--YOU--HAD--NEVER--BEEN--OUT? YOU--MADE--ME--TRICK--FATHER--AND--ULTIMATELY--CAUSED--HIS--DEATH--FOR--SOMETHING--YOU--HAD--ALREADY--SEEN?? YOU--LIED--TO--ME--MALIK???"
The boy in question shrunk in the light of the flames shooting from her eyes. Cowering in his chair, he squeaked out what can only be assumed was a "sorry." Yami Malik sat back, amused. Isis never blamed the psychopath. Rishid watched silently from the sidelines.
"I'm sorry, 'Nee-san, I really am!" Malik yelped his sister grabbed him by the hair and forcefully dragged him from the table. "I don't even remember her name or what she looks like!"
"I think that makes it worse," Yami Malik answered with false innocence, always ready to pour gasoline over the fire.
"He's right, it does." The knife was replaced by a pair of scissors in the hand that wasn't buried in her sibling's golden locks. "You didn't even CARE about what you did enough to remember any of it!" The scissors drew closer...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! "