Everything Wrong with It
By TypoNumber5
Chapter 4 – The Haircut… It's KAWAII!

I'm back with yet another chapter written at four in morning! Yay! So… I'm sorry I took so long to update. Yeah. I really don't have anything else to say, other than the fact that there's something about this chapter that just seems… un-mary sue-ish. What could that be? (ponders)

…

Ah, I know! The time of their math class remains constant between this chapter and the first. Oh well.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yuugiou, but Perikan Shinju is my original character. Yes, I am ashamed of myself.

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"Kawaii desu ne!" A random girl with pigtails squealed.

"Mwah?" her sleep deprived friend asked.

"Malik-kun has a new hair cut. Isn't it adorable?" Pigtails beamed in the direction of the Egyptian, who was currently kicking a nerdy looking boy curled up on the floor. Insomniac blinked groggily at the Grave Keeper.

"I think I liked it better long," she stated before grabbing her friend's protruding appendage of hair and stomping of to class.

"Malik, what are you doing?" Ryou yelled, running over to the blonde as he forcefully took the nerd's jacket.

"He was the first person I saw in my size," Malik replied bluntly, putting on the jacket and pulling the hood over his head.

Ryou stared. "Did you… get a hair cut?"

Malik glared at him. "Not a word to the Tomb Robber or the Pharaoh, you got it?"

"Um…"

"Personally," the jacketless boy on the floor piped up, clutching his side, "I don't think it's that bad."

Malik kicked him again.

---

Yami Malik was a very happy camper. He had been forced to break into the school, pitch a tent in the middle of his classroom, and sleep there over night due to his hikari's tendency to disembowel people who laughed to him too much, but this mattered naught. He had something he could use to make fun of his hikari until said hikari's hair grew out again, and that was going to be a long time. The yami saw himself spending quite a few more mirthful nights at the school.

Lighting a desk on fire, Yami Malik began to prepare his breakfast of bacon and eggs. Whistling to himself, he pulled a frying pan and various utensils and food items out of his backpack. He could have his meal done and scarfed down by the time the teacher arrived.

Suddenly, the door creaked open, startling the chef and causing him to jump in surprise. Bacon grease splashed onto his cargos.

"#©˙√˚≈&)œ®!!!! £∞§√#!!!!!!!" He screamed, franticly attempting to sop up the burning grease with his science homework.

"Are you all right?" came a concerned, bell like voice from the entryway. Yami Malik looked up, momentarily forgetting the intense pain in his thigh, and saw the ever-beautiful Perikan standing there, a microscope in her hand for no reason whatsoever.

And now we go into a random description of what she was wearing:

A midnight blue, off-the-shoulder blouse adorned her torso, coming neatly coming to a stop just above her sapphire-incrusted belt. Sleek and stylish black dress pants came to a slight flare around her platform black leather boots. Her hair was pulled back a perfect braid with a few purple wisps faming her face. A pair of crescent-moon glasses rested on her nose. Today she was going for the calm and sophisticated look.

Yami Malik ogled.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine," he stammered, dropping his breakfast. She smiled sweetly at him and pulled a pop-tart out of nowhere.

"Here, this is much more simple to prepare," she said, striding over to him. He took the pop-tart and took a timid bite. His eyes widened at the iced pastry hit his taste buds; this was GOOD! He made a mental note to threaten Isis to buy it. That stupid compass thingy he had to by for math would make a good intimidation device.

The first bell rang as he finished the frosted meal, and Bakura strode in with a smirk on his face.

"Yami Malik, where's your hikari?" he asked.

The other yami shrugged. "I haven't seen him since he chased me out of the house with an orange juicer last night."

"Excuse me," said Perikan, "but I believe he's currently on his way to class."

Bakura raised an eye brow. "And how do you know tha--"

Malik took this moment to burst through the door, closely followed by Ryou and a group of noisy girls.

"Oh, come on, let me brush it!" one cried.

"Why did you cut it???" another sobbed.

"It's so cute!"

"WHYYYYY????"

"You should have cut it a long time ago, Malik-kun."

"I hate you know, you know. HATE!"

"Will you just SHUT UP?!!" The Gave Keeper snapped. Grabbing a piece of chalk, he lunged at the nearest fangirl. She squeaked, barely managing to dodge, and bolted out of the classroom along with the rest, Malik on their heels. Ryou, who had scooted off to the side when he noticed Malik's eye twitching, breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ryou!" Bakura exclaimed, skipping over to him in a very OOC way. "I see you're looking lovely this morning."

Ryou giggled. "I look no different then I did five minutes ago, Yami."

Perikan smiled, and Yami Malik pretended to vomit into a trashcan. Bakura glared at him.

"So," the Tomb Robber said once Yami Malik had stopped making disturbing noises. "I see the rumors are true. Tell me, Yami Malik, why did your hikari decide to cut his hair?"

"Oh, he cut his hair?" Perikan interjected. "I couldn't tell under that hood."

Yami Malik, ignoring the girl's momentary lapse of stupidity, nodded. "Isis chopped it off in a rage." Bakura burst into a fit of laughter just as Yami Yugi, Yugi, and Jounouchi entered the room.

"What the hell?" Yami Yugi asked, pointing behind the assembled group.

It was at this point they realized the fire from Yami Malik's cooking had spread to the surrounding desks.

"Well, damn," Yami Malik muttered. They quickly evacuated the classroom.

They stood outside the burning room awkwardly until Malik, Anzu, and Honda joined them. After explaining the situation, Malik began to snicker violently, Honda ran away screaming again, and Anzu rolled her eyes. The nine of them then set off to the principal's office to inform the staff of the horrible kaleidoscope accident that had occurred.

The authoress has pointedly ignored the fact that there are other people in Yugi-tachi's class.

----

Seto smirked as he issued the final instructions of his Vengeful Plot. His faithful bodyguard nodded and marched away to lay the trap for his employer's greatest rival.

"'Nii-sama," Mokuba said, pulling on his brother's trench coat, "we really have to get to school now. And you need to change into your uniform."

"Bah, humbug," Seto spat. "Get the maid to take you to school today, Mokuba. I have plans to set into action." Mokuba rolled his eyes.

"'Nii-sama, last time you had plans to set into action you snuck out of a business meeting with Bill Gates to get ice cream."

"…That is not the point…"

----

"And so, you see Mr. Principal, after the koala threatened us with a syringe, we had no choice but to light that desk on fire," Jounouchi concluded. The principal sighed and straighten some papers on his desk.

"I'm sorry, Jounouchi," he said, "but an evil pen with socks and smoldering marshmallows just aren't an excuse for arson."

"It was a USED syringe!" Perikan cried. The man's eyes widened.

"Well, that changes EVERYTHING." He stood and walked to the door. "Follow me; we can have class in the cafeteria. I will inform your teachers." The students nodded in unison and headed for the place where they ate lunch five days a week while the principal went to find various teachers.

"Good thinking," Anzu whispered to Perikan, "but I thought we were going to use a radio-active kaleidoscope with scissors as an excuse."

Perikan smiled benignantly and chuckled softly. "Oh, Anzu, she chided, "It was your idea. And you're stupid."

And before Anzu could reply, Perikan turned to Yugi and began whining about not having seen Seto in fourteen hours, 12 minutes, and twenty-six seconds.

Class in the cafeteria was an interesting experience, to say the least. The science teacher kept writing things out in ketchup due to lack of a board, and their social studies teacher used bananas with sharpie faces to represent historical figures. The English teacher translated "Eat Healthy!" posters and lunch menus. Then math rolled around, and the teacher arrived with a mission of revenge upon Malik.

"Mr. Ishtar!" he snapped as soon as he saw him. "Take that atrocious hood of your head this instant."

Malik scowled. "No." The teacher loomed over him.

"Or would you like me to call your sister?"

Malik's scowl intensified, but he complied and slowly lifted the hood. It dramatically fell away to reveal his now shorter tresses.

Yami Malik snickered. Bakura laughed hysterically. Ryou sweat dropped. Yami Yugi stared. Yugi blinked. Jounouchi gawked. Anzu gasped. Perikan leaped to her feet.

"MALI-CHAN??" She screeched. Yami Malik stopped laughing abruptly and Malik's mouth feel open.

"Pe-chan?" the Ishtars chorused.

"Miss Shinju, please sit down," their educator said in a monotone.

"Please, Mr. Watanabe," Perikan said hastily, "could you please disappear down a plot hole for just a moment?"

Mr. Watanabe opened his mouth to answer, but Jounouchi, desperate to escape algebra, forcefully shoved him down a conveniently placed plot hole.

"Thank you," Perikan mouthed at him as she turned to face the Egyptians.

"Mali-chan… Yami Mali-chan…" She whispered. "It's been so long…" The two nodded solemnly. "I-I only recognized you, Mali-chan, because of your hair cut." Malik smiled sheepishly and ran a tanned hand through his golden locks.

"Your hair was shorter too, Pe-chan," Yami Malik observed. "You look so different with it long."

As the final bell rang, they fell into each other's arms, tears of joy streaming down their faces. Bakura huffed.

"C'mon, Ryou," he said, picking up his books. "Let's go; I hate this sentimental stuff." The both left the cafeteria, soon followed by the rest of the male characters not crying their eyes out. Anzu remained seated, watching the sobbing trio with a puzzled expression on her face.

"I don't get it," she said to TypoNumber5, who had mysteriously reappeared due to lack of characters for Anzu to randomly point things out to. "Didn't Malik always have his hair to his shoulders? And isn't the fact that their hair is different lengths a stupid reason not to recognize each other? She has purple hair for cryin' out loud! And wasn't Yami Malik's hair the same? And what's with the cheesy nicknames? And WHY did that class last less than three minutes?"

The authoress slowly turned her head to face Anzu, blinked, and said, "Can I have seventy five cents for a soda?"