Please read the following before proceeding:
I do not own any of the characters in Beyblade. This long diary entry by Kai is no doubt shocking to many Kai fans/ haters as it doesn't portray him anywhere close to the person you see in the anime, with all the slow, sentimental descriptions in this piece. But to me everyone, even a fictitious character, has emotions that other people cannot perceive, and this is my attempt to showcase and present those of him.
As I write for pleasure and writers rediscover themselves in their writing, this also represents a little part of me. Flames will not be regretted, but after reading this I would really hope that readers question themselves and what they really are.
qwaeey
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Dear diary,
I often ask myself what I want in life. Life exists within such complexity that "understanding" itself is a word beyond my comprehension.
People knew me as an expert, a wonder in the world of revolutions and crazy-spinning vortexes of agility, skill and fame. Beneath my indifferent complexion I do savour the sweet praises my friends give me and the envy that defeated opponents showcase. Winning is beautiful, beyond description, and often, I will it to continue, and with shattering confidence I proceed forward with the heart of a mighty warrior to carry on with the things that I was born to be.
But the endless hounding of the world licks my inner soul with endlessly, and I'm running from the wolves, the devils of the media and the people who stalk me day and night. I am consumed by the blindness of this world, and with sheer triumph the world opens up its mouth and I can feel foul breath, of evil and competition, and also of jealously and angst, that slowly swallows me up in a muted gulp.
Love makes things better. I have never opened up my inner preferences to love, because I'm an introverted creature and I do not speak of my habits and otherwise. Love dances upon my heart like slow-dancing pink and blue fairies that bless dead wood into shining marble. Yet everything gets confusing and I can view my past victories and my swarm of supporters as history. I remember how much encouragement those who loved me showered and I never returned gratitude. Kai is not a cold, heartless swine, regardless of what all of you say. I know myself, even if you do not annotate me and lay out the mazes of my personality out. I can cry out, but no one in the sea of faces will hear, for these people are insincere, untrue ones who wish nothing but to fawn on me and see me return their fraud affections with cold yet enthusiastic feeling.
Listening to my heartbeat and the gentle, imaginary music that floats around bleeding wounds has a therapeutic effect like how smooth, sweet lullabies move babies to quiet, soothing sleep. I want to cry, to actually feel hot tears trickle down my cheeks and let my tongue taste such saltiness which nobody would ever know. I need to touch my own inner emotions, to know who I am, to define Kai myself, and not be placed down by other people's judgments and expectations.
No doubt I am a strong person, I am a champion, but at the very least of a person, I am enabled to have weaknesses and to feel them and confess them in the cold cellars of my own private world.
Love,
Kai