AN: Hello people. Another chapter up. Hope those of you who still care like this fic. -.-;; took me a while to write this, mom had a kid at some point during the past year so it was pretty hectic...
I did get a new laptop thats just so pretty and shinny that it makes me giggle.
Anyway, hope you like the chapter, and I hope you like the song I chose for it as well.
Toodles.
Disclaimer: I don't own HP, JKR does, and I dont own Come On Home, Franz Ferdinand does.
Although my lover lives
In a place that I can't live
I kind of find I like a life
This lonely
It rips and pierces me
In places I can't see
I love the rip of nerves
The rip that wakes me
So I'm dissatisfied
I love to satisfy
I love to feel as though there's more that I need
So come on home
So come on home
So come on - home home
He glared at her. "You're late."
She rolled her eyes and stood, stretching her arms above her head. "Good afternoon to you too, jerk. Julian wanted his bear and then he got a butterbeer from the Leaky Cauldron."
Severus sat up and looked at his armchair, a little ball of hair and clothes was there, fast asleep. He stood up and walked over to him, pushing his hair back and feeling his forehead. "He doesn't have a fever. But he looks a little pale. Maybe we should change the dosage. Just a little stronger to see if that would help him."
"If you think that's what is best then I'll trust your judgment."
Severus leaned down and gently picked Julian up, the toddler opened his eyes and gave Severus a sleepy smile. Severus smirked at him and Julian curled up in Severus arms. Ginny smiled at him. He glared at her.
"Why are you smiling?"
Ginny merely walked passed him, "No particular reason."
He followed her, glaring at the back of her head. "Virginia Weasley I don't like it when you play games with me."
She started walking up a spiral staircase made of a dark metal, completely ignoring his last comment. Her shoes clinked against the steps, he followed her up, and Julian stirred and muttered something about his bear that Severus couldn't decipher.
She made it to the second floor and jumped off the spiral staircase. He followed her down the hallway to a room that had belonged to him as a child. It was once a dark room painted in shades of gray and blues with black furniture and broken toys. But Ginny had fixed it up, much to Severus' dismay; bright and colorful quidditch mobiles now hung from the ceiling. Little figures on broom sticks circled around one another on his ceiling making him duck every once in a while. There were floor pillows and squishy things she called Beanbag Chairs everywhere in every color. Stuffed animals were placed on the window seat, little black eyes stared at Severus and he glared back. Julian smiled up at him and poked his chin to get his attention, Severus raised an eyebrow at him questioningly. Julian retaliated by raising Mr. Bear Bear up to Severus' face. Severus frowned and blinked down at the Bear.
"I hate stuffed animals."
Julian smile grew and he wiggled his way out of Severus' arms, walking over to the window seat where the army of fluff awaited his command.
"He likes them though." Ginny sat down on one of the large floor pillows and patted the spot next to her. He rolled his eyes but sat down next to her and laid down, staring at the quidditch field that was his ceiling. They lay there, saying nothing, listening to Julian muttering to the stuffed animals as he rearranged them.
"His birthday is coming up." Her voice was sleepy and tired.
He closed his eyes, wanting to sleep some more. "I know."
"My mother is throwing him a little party."
He frowned, "No."
"Why not?"
"Your family irritates me."
"But it's his birthday."
"And I'm getting him a bloody present, isn't that enough."
"You're getting him a present?" She asked with a smile playing on her lips.
"Well that's what one does, its customary to buy presents for peoples birthdays." He sounded slightly irritated.
"You've grown soft in your old age Severus."
"Fine then I won't get him a damn thing, satisfied?"
"What did you buy him?"
"I'm not telling you."
"But I want to know."
"It's not even for you."
"It doesn't matter. I still want to know. And you are going to the party, in regular clothes, and you have to talk to at least one of my brothers."
"I'm not going."
"But Julian would want you there."
"He wouldn't even notice if I were there."
"Yes he would, he would miss his 'unkey sewy.'"
"How many times must I ask..."?
"Please? I mean you are his Godfather, its only customary..." She trailed off as he glared at her for using his own words against him.
"If it will make you shut up then I'll go."
"Deal."
"I must be loosing my mind..."
"You still didn't tell me what you are getting him you know..."
She held her child on her lap, smoothing his hair down as he whimpered slightly. It was growing dark outside and she knew that he would soon be experiencing the change. But until that moment, she held him close.
She sometimes wonders what her life would be like if she had never seen Remus that day. But whenever she looked at her son she couldn't think of a life without him. Whenever she was on the verge of tears he would crawl on her lap and smile his innocent smile. His golden eyes would light up and he would ask if she would play with him.
Even on the day of the full moon he still managed to smile through the pain, through the sickening feeling that she knew he would go through. She wished she was the one going through the change instead of him.
He didn't deserve to be cursed because of her actions.
She sighed, glancing at Severus who was unrolling the sleeves of his shirt. He wore a black button down shirt with silver buttons. His robes were draped on the window seat, covering the stuffed animals that Julian had been playing with earlier. He sensed her staring at him, he stared back, his eyes showing no emotion.
She sometimes didn't know what to think of her former professor. He was still a rude, cynical, sarcastic bastard. But every once in a while he would do things that made her question him. Whenever he had been dragged to her parents house by her, he would always be vicious with her brother Ron and Harry if he was around. But they would always start it, he merely finished it. But he would always volunteer to help her mother in the kitchen, something that people rarely did. He was always polite to her and Molly Weasley absolutely adored him.
He was slightly disturbed when the Christmas after Julian was born he had received the traditional Weasley sweater. Her mother had picked a dark blue color that suited him nicely. What surprised Ginny was that Severus hadn't hesitated in slipping it on after he had unwrapped it, even though he still wasn't sure why it was sent to him.
Her father hadn't accepted her friendship with the Potions Master at first. She could understand since it looked rather strange to him that his only daughter was pregnant and now hanging around with a man who was older then her and her former professor. It didn't help that she refused to mention who the child's father was or why she had suddenly befriended the former Death Eater.
But Severus had won Arthur Weasley over by bringing him a small Television that had a built in VCR with a large manual as to how to take it apart and put it back together. Ginny had told him about her fathers fascination with anything that had to do with Muggles. He himself had started being interested in muggle things after the first fall of Voldemort. The Television was his and was once in the counter of his kitchen, he used it to watch Monty Python videos and the Discovery Channel while enjoying a cup of tea. Arthur had been delighted with the thing and had shown Severus the tool shed where he kept his battery collection.
Since then Arthur had excepted Severus, he had even told his daughter that he wouldn't mind having Severus for a Son in Law. This had made Ginny choke on her tea and cough violently for several moments. Thankfully no one had been around them when he stated that fact.
She looked away from Severus, shaking her head from her train of thought. She slowly stood, handing him Julian who was staring at him with wide eyes. The sun had set and the moon would be rising soon. There was an old crib that Ginny had once found in Severus' attic in one corner of the room. Ginny glared at it as Severus walked over and placed Julian in the middle of it. She wanted to look away from him but Julian needed her. She sat down in a chair next to the crib, staring at her sons bright eyes through the black wooden bars.
"It's alright baby, Mommy's here."
Severus took out his wand and pointed it at the crib, placing a cushioning charm on the bars so that Julian wouldn't hurt himself when he went through the change. He would only be in there until the change was over and only so that when he thrashed around he wouldn't bite anyone. Afterwards she would curl up with him on top of the many pillows and pet his furry head until he slept. Thanks to the potions that Severus brewed for Julian monthly he would still be the sweet little boy underneath all of that fur.
Julian knew what was going to happen, even though he didn't truly comprehend it. He mutely handed his mother his Mr. Bear Bear, smiling bemusedly at his stuffed companion as he removed his shoes with the help of his God Father. Severus tossed them aside, giving the child a rare smile, reserved only for him. His mother then undressed him, he shivered as his jumper flew over his head, causing his hair to stand in every direction.
Severus smiled down at the child and tried to smooth his hair down, in vain though. He then waited until his mother completely undressed him and he handed her a blanket that was folded at the foot of the crib. The child wrapped it around itself, cocooning himself from the inevitable. Ginny smiled as he poked his head through the folds.
Severus took out his pocket watch from the pocket of his slacks. "Two minutes"
"Julian, always know that mommy loves you." She looked like she was going to start crying, but bit her lip and kissed her child on his brow. She pulled the chair up closer to the crib and held out her hand through the bars that separated mother and child. He slowly grabbed her fingers, wrapping his small hand around her index and middle finger. Severus stood behind her, ready to pull her away incase something went wrong. It had never happened yet, but he was always cautious.
Only a whimper escaped Julian. The potion helped with the pain, but it didn't diminish it. Ginny knew it hurt, she could feel her heart ripping in two as his little hand squeezed her fingers, bruising them, she'd have marks on them in the morning. But she didn't care about that. She felt her tears streaming down quietly as she watched helplessly while her child writhed in pain. Finally his grip on her fingers and his arm went limp. She saw the baby soft fur growing on his arms as his fingers turned claw like.
And then it stopped.
Ginny wiped her tears with the back of her hand as she felt Severus place a hand on her shoulder. His hand there gave her some comfort, some semblance of reassurance that she wasn't witnessing this alone.
This always made her feel better, but not by much. IT was moments like these that she felt that she could do this without her child's father. She had everyone's support on raising her child alone and she had Severus who always sat with her through the full moon. She smiled at Julian, who was now trying to wiggle his way through the blanket. She stood, helping the young cub to get free from the blankets. She picked him up carefully, cradling his small furry body close to her, gently hugging him close to her as she slowly sat down on one of the large cushions.
Severus at this point would quietly leave her alone with her child and her thoughts. He knew she needed to spend that time with Julian and he respected that they needed to be alone. He would usually go to his study and grade papers throughout the night and would join the exhausted mother and child for breakfast the next morning.
This time though, as Ginny curled up with Julian on the cushioned floor, she watched him as he picked up his robes, folding them neatly over his arm. His hair needed trimming bad, she had told him so the week before when she had visited him at Hogwarts. It was too long for him, it hid his face and was always getting in his way. His skin was incredibly pale, but then again she really shouldn't think that since her own skin was almost as white. His shoulders were broad but due to his narrow waist and looming height people couldn't see that he held incredible strength.
She always thought he was a handsome man whenever she caught a glimpse of a smile. Because he had the kind of smile that you knew was real and not plastered on his face to hide what he felt. But he hardly smiled. He usually wore no expression at all, making him incredibly hard to read. During the few years of their strange friendship Ginny had heard him complain about his nose. She really didn't see why though since she knew that no ones nose was perfect and Severus Snape was no exception. She knew that her own nose was a bit pointed and slightly to small for her face. She also remembered a story Sirius Black had once told Harry about when Remus was a small child when he saw his reflection in a trashcan or a dumpster and had realized how large his nose was...
And due to contrary belief, Severus was a kind man, once you managed to crawl around his sarcasm, his cynicism, his rudeness, and his utter hatred to those he deemed completely stupid. If you could look past that he was actually worse. But even deeper there was also a man who would carefully clean out Julian's scrapes on his arms and feet after the full moon. The man who would give Ginny a bite of his food just because she asked, ignoring the fact that she had her own food. The man who had given her a book instead of flowers like the rest of her family did on Mothers Day. And the man who would portkey in a moments notice to her flat in the middle of the night when Julian would get sick.
Over the last few months she had started missing Severus' company, although she wasn't sure if it was because she liked being around him or because she had romantic interests with the man. But she sometimes found herself wondering if there could be more between them.
So now as she watched him make his way across the room as quietly as she felt something inside of her break the routine that they had mastered over the last few years.
"Severus..."
He turned around surprised, raising an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to continue to speak.
Her voice was soft, slightly afraid of that he would refuse her, but she felt it was time to continue with her life.
"Will you stay?"
You're where you want to be
I'm where I want to be
Come on we're chasing
Everything we've ever wanted
I Replace you easily
Replace pathetically
I flirt with every flighty thing
That falls my way
But how I needed you
When I needed you
Let's not forget
We are so strong
So bloody strong
Come on home
So come on home
So come on - home, home
Remus stretched before he unbuttoned his shirt. He was tired, his neck felt stiff and his back was aching. He walked over to his closet and took a plain black robe made of soft cotton. He slipped into it and stretched his arms over his head. He felt tired and sore but he knew that it could only get worse. Slipping into a pair of plain black slip in shoes he ran out of his room and made his way through the castle.
In the entrance corridor he saw students in similar attire as himself walking through the big door. The sun would be setting soon and everyone was making their way out of town and deep into the woods. Remus saw Vincent up ahead of the crowd and he jogged up to him. Vincent smiled at him, pearly white teeth flashing in the evening light.
"Ready for the wolf?"
Remus closed his eyes and smiled, "I don't think I'll ever be ready."
Vincent looked up at the sky, the sky was red and pink and it was slowly getting darker as they walked into the woods. "I think that it's a different experience for everyone. I myself, sometimes look forward for it. Running through the woods with my kin, the soft earth beneath my paws, the smell of a scared rabbit as you chase him down... There's something freeing about it. I don't even mind the pain anymore."
Remus just stared at him, letting his words absorb as they made it into a large clearing. The rest of the pack was spread out as they spoke to one another. Vincent walked to the middle of the clearing and everyone turned to look at him.
"My family, tonight we will be joined by a new member to our pack. I hope that everyone will except her and treat her with kindness." He nodded ahead of him and that's when Remus noticed the woman at the edge of the clearing. She wore the same robes as the rest of the pack but they were baggy and covered up the swell of her pregnancy. She looked scared, her green eyes were scanning the crowd. When they landed on him he smiled at her to show her it was O.K. She looked away, her head down, staring at the ground.
A few of the women went to her, she smiled shyly at them but she visibly relaxed. Vincent walked back to Remus and beamed.
"Fantastic, they like her."
"How can you be so sure? They just met her."
"I know my pack; they wouldn't have gone up to her if they didn't like her. Look, they're introducing her to everyone."
Remus nodded, watching as slowly everyone made their way up to her. The children were fascinated with her; they rarely saw anyone new.
"Come on, let's go say hi."
Remus followed Vincent as he went up to the woman. She seemed relieved when she saw Vincent and smiled at him openly.
"Lydia Monroe, this is my very good friend Remus Lupin, the Brit I told you about."
She shook Lupin's hand and smiled slightly, "Hello Mr. Lupin, very nice to meet you."
Remus smiled at her, "Nice to meet you as well Ms. Monroe."
She looked at Vincent then and started talking to him; Remus walked away glancing back at Vincent with a smile as he observed the way he looked at Lydia. He walked to the edge of the clearing, sitting on a boulder with his kneed propped up as he observed the people around him.
The smaller children were curled up on blankets together, cuddling up to one another like pups tend to do. They whimpered if they were away from one another and would eventually crawl over to the dog pile in the middle. The older children, mainly those that he thought were in similar states in small clusters of three or four against tree trunks and on top of one another. The older students were getting a fire going with their wands to light up the clearing, as the sky grew darker.
The adults were chattering away with one another, checking on the small children every once in a while, scolding the other children when they misbehaved. But he could see the love in their parent's eyes as the children apologized. He noticed one of his students hugging his mom before running off with his friends.
He sighed, it was so peaceful here, yet so hectic. He never grew bored with the packs little squabbles and petty arguments that ended by the time the next full moon was out.
Remus glanced at his friend and almost laughed as he saw the pompous look on Vincent's face. Lydia was laughing at him shyly, hiding her face with her hair.
"Why so alone Lupin?"
Startled, Remus flinched but looked up to see a young woman with midnight black hair and gray eyes. He smiled at her and slid off the boulder. He stretched and came up to her.
"I'm always alone Annette."
She rolled her eyes and looked up, "How can you be alone with a pack this large?"
Remus shrugged, "I still don't feel comfortable being here, although I love every one here, I still don't think I'm part of the family."
She shook her head but smiled at him, "But you are part of the family. If we didn't think so do you think my brother would have let you stay? Besides, you'll feel more at home once you settle down with a nice girl and have a few little cubs of your own, and then you'll grow old and be wrinkly with your mate. "
She looked on to where her parents were, arguing with one another, but both had smirks on their wrinkled faces. They seamed to enjoy getting the other mad. Remus smiled bemusedly. He had always wished he had gotten married and settled down like Annette described, but the only moments he had shared intimately lasted only the night. Maybe that's all he was good for...
"I guess you are right."
"Of course I am silly. I'm always right."
"No one can always be right."
"Well, I guess I am the exception."
"You are as annoying as your brother."
"I'm not annoying, and don't compare me to Vincent. I'm too normal to be compared to my brother."
Remus laughed and they started walking to where Vincent stood, amidst the males of the pack. They were laughing at something when they noticed Remus, they drew him in and he looked to Annette for help. She smiled and walked away, he followed her with the corner of his eyes until she was out of sight.
He turned his attention back to Vincent and the other males of their strange town. He felt a bit uncomfortable talking to them but soon he was drawn into the discussion on the American team making the world cup.
Eventually the conversation died down as they sensed the moon rising, they all looked up, watching, waiting for the first rays of the moon.
Remus felt like something was crawling up his spine as the first rays became visible. The men wondered over to one side as the women went to another. Remus could feel his face elongating as his bones stretched out. Remus looked down at his hands, his skin stretched out as his hands turned claw like. The pain of his bones twisting and stretching was blinding, he could feel his eyes watering and he fought back a sob as he fell to his knees. The robe slipped off of his shoulders and he fell forward onto his claws. He fought back the urge to claw at his own face as his spine stretched out completely. He looked through his deformed fingers and watched as those around him stretched out their limbs and howled at the moon.
It was at this moment, when the pain was almost unbearable and the moon looked hauntingly beautiful, that he always felt the same. Like an outsider, taking part of something that doesn't belong to him, but he desperately wished it was otherwise. Their forms weren't awkward as his was, they were graceful creatures that emanated raw power. His form was nothing compared to theirs; his fur was a dark gray color, like dust and ash, while theirs was the color of the moon itself, silver white, gleaming a pale blue color. He was envious at times of their white fur and gleaming gray eyes, but he never voiced his feelings because he knew they were pointless and petty. So for that brief moment, right before conscience thought leaves him and the wolf takes control of his weary mind, his loneliness grows and he feels like he's going to scream.
The scream comes in a form of a howl, the harsh brutal sound comes from somewhere inside of him. He is the first to cry out into the night, soon they all join in. He howls for his loneliness and for the ache inside of him that doesn't seam to leave him. But in his wolf form, he doesn't understand these strange feelings. He whimpers, wishing to know how to make the hollow feeling go away.
He feels a nudge on his side, soft and prodding. He stares at a snow white female wolf, her eyes are gray and they shine like the moon itself. She moves away from him, staring at him as she does so, and then she runs. He chases after her, feeling the soft earth beneath his paws, the smell of a running water through the trees, and the smell of fresh pine needles scattered around the ground. He forgets about the ache inside of him as he chases after the female. He could easily move ahead of her, but that wouldn't be as fun as chasing her through the twists and turns of the forest.
He felt like he could chase her forever.
Blue light falls
Upon your perfect skin
Falls and you draw back again
Falls and this is how I fell
And I cannot forget
I cannot forget
Come on home
So come on home
But don't forget to leave
His eyes open slowly, cautiously, he could feel the beginning of a migraine at his temples. He could feel the morning dew from the grass around him clinging to his bare skin. His eyes focused and noticed how blue everything looked, it was right before sunrise and an effervescent glow emanated from the branches above him. He groaned, feeling tired and sore all over. He never wanted to move from his little patch of earth. He was still shaking from the aftereffects of the change. His nerves were screaming in pain but he ignored it as best as he could. He stretched his toes first, he could feel the dirt that clung to his feet as he did so. His hands were also caked in dried mud, he must have passed by the river. He scratched his head, feeling the dried leaves clinging to his hair.
He took a deep breath and almost choked, he had forgotten how sensitive his nose was and he could smell the dew, the leaves that clung to his body, the rabbit about 20 feet from him, and sex. He closed his eyes, praying to Merlin and even Morgan Lefay herself that it wasn't coming from him and that his nose was lying and that this was all just a strange dream. But as he felt someone stir next to him he knew that he had probably done something he shouldn't have. He twisted his head and opened his eyes slowly.
She smiled slowly at him, still half asleep and sore. "Good morning Remus."
Remus swallowed hard, feeling like he was going to be sick. 'Why her?' He thought, 'Why not someone else in the pack?'
He felt horrible now as he stared at the face of Annette Farin, her blond hair flared around her, creating a pale halo. Her tanned skin glowed in the morning light. She looked beautiful. And as she turned on her side, her body flushed against his, he felt like he could cry.
And he couldn't comprehend why.
She was a goddess, pressed against him, in all her glory. And all he could think is how wrong it felt.
"Morning'" He said in a hoarse voice, feeling dizzy, feeling sick, feeling like he wanted to scream.
Her smile grew, he watched as she licked her lips. "Come on, honey, lets go try to find our robes before everyone else wakes up."
He couldn't help but stare as she rose gracefully from the ground. He shoved himself up a little too quickly, blood rushed into his head to quickly and he stumbled. He flinched as she grabbed hold of his waist and held him up as the dizziness left him but the nausea remained. He could smell her scent, his scent, their scent all over her body and he fought the urge to shove her away.
Keeping an arm around his middle, she started leading him away from the clearing. He draped an arm around her shoulders. She snuggled in closer and he sighed.
'What did I get myself into...'
AN: Now to answer a few questions:
No Severus and Ginny are not together...coughyetcough as you can tell by this chapter I am trying to establish that so far they are friends. I know a few of you shuddered at the thought but I'm personally a fan of the impossible pairings. I happen to like them as a couple but then again, this is a Remus/Ginny fic so...yeah...
Severus is the only one who knows the truth behind Julians father. Even if she hadn't told him I'm pretty sure he would have figured it out. He is a very intelligent man.