Sorry about the delay! My computer was being an absolute BUTT. However, it is working (for the moment) and so, here is your post. I tried to make it longer, I hope it's good. One note real quick. There are several things here I am not sure about, so I guessed. If you notice something that is out of synch with Tolkien, please tell me and I will do my best to fix it. I hope its ok! Oh. and BTW, I tried to replace the chapter, but for some reason it refused to work, and I wanted to get this post up. Sorry.
*****
Elrond sighed as he finished a bout of paperwork, finally able to leave his council room. It had been hours, and chances were that Arwen and her brother had quit riding long ago. Arwen would be disappointed, but that could not be helped. He would have to make it up somehow.
Elrond walked down the halls, which were strangely empty. He decided to go to the small garden he maintained outside his rooms, which he used when he needed privacy. His head was starting to ache from the long meeting, and he needed some quiet before he found Arwen.
Elrond breathed in the air gratefully as he stepped outside. Already, nature seemed to wrap itself around him and soothe him. He walked to the large tree in the center of the grass, gently parting the leaves the curved down and fell to the ground, hiding his area from view.
Once opened, he had to smile, as the beauty of this place always made him do. Sunlight filtered through spaces in the tree bed above. Small flowers of many colors bloomed wherever they chose to without any real order. Elrond's attention was drawn away from the natural beauty when he noticed he was not alone.
A blond haired elf sat silently cross-legged against the tree trunk, his face turned upwards to the light filtering through. His eyes were closed, a look of deep thought covering his features.
Elrond's smile widened. "Legolas!" He called, happy to see the elf had not left Rivendell.
Legolas looked up and focused on Elrond. "Lord Elrond." He said, unable to hide his surprise. "What are you doing here?" He asked, then winced at the sound of his own words.
Elrond couldn't help chuckling softly. "This is where I come to think. I am surprised you found this place. I try to keep it a secret so messengers and such cannot find me." He said teasingly, trying to make Legolas laugh.
Legolas did not. "I am sorry!! I did not know. I will go right now…" He stood and nervously started away.
Elrond's smile faded. "Why should you?" He asked. "I never said I came here to escape my friends."
Legolas froze and turned back to look at him, his eyes showing disbelief. "Your friends?"
Elrond nodded. "Of course. You have always been welcome here, and though I understood that at your age you preferred to spend time with Elrohir and Elladan, I enjoyed what time I did spend with you and my sons. I have always considered you my friend, and I hope to always be able to."
Legolas' vibrant blue eyes were rapidly filling with tears. "Why am I your friend? Why do you show me such kindness? What have I done to deserve it?!" He demanded, not meaning to be harsh, but not understanding.
Elrond closed the space between them, placing his hands on Legolas' shoulders. "Think you that friendship is something you must slave for? You, Legolas; your personality, your laughter, your ready smile, your mischievous nature, has kindled this friendship in me. I miss all of these things, and so I worry for you."
Legolas could not stop the tears from flowing. "How can I be happy when I hate myself so?" He whispered.
Elrond felt his heart clench in sympathy. "For what reason do you hate yourself?" He asked softly.
Legolas looked away. "I cannot tell you." He admitted.
Elrond sighed. "Do you not trust me?" He asked.
Legolas looked at him, his expression shocked. "No! That is not it, of course I do…It's just…I cannot tell anyone…"
Elrond thought a moment. "Whatever happened, Legolas…" He paused and waited for Legolas to calm a bit. "It cannot be as bad as you seem to think it is."
Legolas played with a leaf for a moment before speaking. "Have you ever done something you felt was unforgivable?" He asked hesitantly.
Elrond nodded. "Of course. There are things I have done that I was been forgiven by others for but I still haven't forgiven myself."
Legolas seemed to be thinking. "Like what?" He finally asked.
Elrond sighed and glanced away for a moment, his expression taking on a far-away look. "You would not remember this, but I am sure you have been told of it. When Isulder took the ring from Sauron, I tried to get him to destroy it, but when he refused, I did not make him. Later on, he was killed because of his attachment to it. That is something that I fear the blame for rests upon me, and I have yet to forgive myself."
Legolas could not hide his shock. "But that was not your fault!" He exclaimed. "Isulder made a decision, and it ended up being a bad one. How can you blame yourself for that?"
Elrond thought for a minute on how to answer. "Perhaps because I feel if I had done something differently, just one thing, Isulder would be alive. Now, however, I have come to terms with what happened, even if I have not forgiven myself. This was because I learned something very important." He looked to Legolas, who was listening intently. "Nothing that happens depends solely on one person. There will always be a decision that could have been made differently, but this is true of everyone that is involved in the outcome of all these choices made. The blame cannot be given to only one person." He said softly.
Legolas considered that thought, and seemed about to speak, but suddenly, he swayed slightly. Elrond gave him a worried glance and started forwards, but Legolas caught himself, leaning down with his hands on his knees. "Are you all right?" Elrond asked.
Legolas nodded without straightening, his breath a bit heavy. "I am fine, just a little tired. I fear I have not found much sleep of late."
Elrond frowned and gently pulled Legolas up to look at him. It was then that he noticed that Legolas' eyes were dull, and his skin had lost the usual glow it carried to it. Legolas had also lost weight just from when Elrond had found him, more so than his not eating should have caused. Elrond could not help his worry. "Legolas, it is not a lack of sleep that is causing your problem." He said gravely.
Legolas looked up at him, his expression one of confusion. "What do you mean?" He asked.
Elrond eyed the other elf again, but found the same thing he had before. He was not imagining things. "Legolas, you know that an elf can die of a broken heart. I had not realized before that your grief was this bad before, but you are fading away. You MUST deal with whatever it is that troubles you before it destroys you, and you cannot deal with it alone." He paused, but Legolas said nothing, not able to look at him. "If you will not let me send for your father, will you at least tell me what happened? I cannot help you until I know, and I promise I will not tell anyone else what you tell me in confidence as long as I don't have your permission to do so."
For a long time, Legolas said nothing. Finally, though, he nodded almost imperceptibly. He sighed and walked over to the tree, sliding down to sit, and Elrond quickly joined him. Legolas was trembling as he started to speak. "It all started a little over four months ago, when I was out riding with my father…"
*****
Flashback
*****
Legolas shook his head in irritation from atop his horse as he listened to his father talk. "But father, how can you force Kadorin to marry?" He demanded.
Thranduil sighed. How many times would he have to tell Legolas this? "Legolas, h many times do I have to tell you, I am not forcing your brother to marry!! He agreed to this marriage, and you know that as well as I do."
Legolas turned to look at his father. "He agreed to it because you told him he must! Kadorin does not wish to marry, and you know it!!"
Thranduil did not answer for a minute, turning to smile as his daughter, who rode behind them looking worried. "Kadorin is the oldest, and so carries many responsibilities you do not yet understand Legolas. He knows what good this marriage will do for Mirkwood, and he cares for this forest and those in it as much as I do. Perhaps you should learn a lesson from him, Legolas, rather than argue about something that he has already agreed to!" He told his son sternly.
Legolas blue eyes were dark with anger. "Kadorin is afraid of disappointing you, and so will do anything you tell him. How can you not see this? Agreeing to this marriage is making him unhappy, and yet you will not listen…"
"Enough!!" Thranduil ordered. "You are not the one getting married. If your brother does not wish for this, then he shall have to come to me himself. You are not to speak of this anymore, do you understand? I don't want to hear of it."
Legolas stared hard into his father's eyes, so much like his own, before angrily turning his horse and kicking its sides, enticing it to run into the forest.
"Legolas!" His younger sister called from where she rode behind their father, and looked as though she would follow him.
Thranduil put out a hand. "Let him go. He needs time to cool off." He told his daughter. "Come, we will ride back home." The young female elf looked one last time at where Legolas had disappeared, and to where her father was rapidly disappearing in the opposite direction. She bit her lip, and after a moment, turned and rode after Legolas.
*****
Now, I heard mentioned that Legolas had an older brother, but nothing else. For my story, I have given him a younger sister as well. I hope this does not kill anything, and if he did not have one and I cannot be forgiven for giving him one, let me know, and I'll try to fix it.
YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL REVIEWS AND BEING SO PATIENT!! Party on Dudes!! *Sorry, just watched Bill and Ted's excellent adventure…*
*****
Elrond sighed as he finished a bout of paperwork, finally able to leave his council room. It had been hours, and chances were that Arwen and her brother had quit riding long ago. Arwen would be disappointed, but that could not be helped. He would have to make it up somehow.
Elrond walked down the halls, which were strangely empty. He decided to go to the small garden he maintained outside his rooms, which he used when he needed privacy. His head was starting to ache from the long meeting, and he needed some quiet before he found Arwen.
Elrond breathed in the air gratefully as he stepped outside. Already, nature seemed to wrap itself around him and soothe him. He walked to the large tree in the center of the grass, gently parting the leaves the curved down and fell to the ground, hiding his area from view.
Once opened, he had to smile, as the beauty of this place always made him do. Sunlight filtered through spaces in the tree bed above. Small flowers of many colors bloomed wherever they chose to without any real order. Elrond's attention was drawn away from the natural beauty when he noticed he was not alone.
A blond haired elf sat silently cross-legged against the tree trunk, his face turned upwards to the light filtering through. His eyes were closed, a look of deep thought covering his features.
Elrond's smile widened. "Legolas!" He called, happy to see the elf had not left Rivendell.
Legolas looked up and focused on Elrond. "Lord Elrond." He said, unable to hide his surprise. "What are you doing here?" He asked, then winced at the sound of his own words.
Elrond couldn't help chuckling softly. "This is where I come to think. I am surprised you found this place. I try to keep it a secret so messengers and such cannot find me." He said teasingly, trying to make Legolas laugh.
Legolas did not. "I am sorry!! I did not know. I will go right now…" He stood and nervously started away.
Elrond's smile faded. "Why should you?" He asked. "I never said I came here to escape my friends."
Legolas froze and turned back to look at him, his eyes showing disbelief. "Your friends?"
Elrond nodded. "Of course. You have always been welcome here, and though I understood that at your age you preferred to spend time with Elrohir and Elladan, I enjoyed what time I did spend with you and my sons. I have always considered you my friend, and I hope to always be able to."
Legolas' vibrant blue eyes were rapidly filling with tears. "Why am I your friend? Why do you show me such kindness? What have I done to deserve it?!" He demanded, not meaning to be harsh, but not understanding.
Elrond closed the space between them, placing his hands on Legolas' shoulders. "Think you that friendship is something you must slave for? You, Legolas; your personality, your laughter, your ready smile, your mischievous nature, has kindled this friendship in me. I miss all of these things, and so I worry for you."
Legolas could not stop the tears from flowing. "How can I be happy when I hate myself so?" He whispered.
Elrond felt his heart clench in sympathy. "For what reason do you hate yourself?" He asked softly.
Legolas looked away. "I cannot tell you." He admitted.
Elrond sighed. "Do you not trust me?" He asked.
Legolas looked at him, his expression shocked. "No! That is not it, of course I do…It's just…I cannot tell anyone…"
Elrond thought a moment. "Whatever happened, Legolas…" He paused and waited for Legolas to calm a bit. "It cannot be as bad as you seem to think it is."
Legolas played with a leaf for a moment before speaking. "Have you ever done something you felt was unforgivable?" He asked hesitantly.
Elrond nodded. "Of course. There are things I have done that I was been forgiven by others for but I still haven't forgiven myself."
Legolas seemed to be thinking. "Like what?" He finally asked.
Elrond sighed and glanced away for a moment, his expression taking on a far-away look. "You would not remember this, but I am sure you have been told of it. When Isulder took the ring from Sauron, I tried to get him to destroy it, but when he refused, I did not make him. Later on, he was killed because of his attachment to it. That is something that I fear the blame for rests upon me, and I have yet to forgive myself."
Legolas could not hide his shock. "But that was not your fault!" He exclaimed. "Isulder made a decision, and it ended up being a bad one. How can you blame yourself for that?"
Elrond thought for a minute on how to answer. "Perhaps because I feel if I had done something differently, just one thing, Isulder would be alive. Now, however, I have come to terms with what happened, even if I have not forgiven myself. This was because I learned something very important." He looked to Legolas, who was listening intently. "Nothing that happens depends solely on one person. There will always be a decision that could have been made differently, but this is true of everyone that is involved in the outcome of all these choices made. The blame cannot be given to only one person." He said softly.
Legolas considered that thought, and seemed about to speak, but suddenly, he swayed slightly. Elrond gave him a worried glance and started forwards, but Legolas caught himself, leaning down with his hands on his knees. "Are you all right?" Elrond asked.
Legolas nodded without straightening, his breath a bit heavy. "I am fine, just a little tired. I fear I have not found much sleep of late."
Elrond frowned and gently pulled Legolas up to look at him. It was then that he noticed that Legolas' eyes were dull, and his skin had lost the usual glow it carried to it. Legolas had also lost weight just from when Elrond had found him, more so than his not eating should have caused. Elrond could not help his worry. "Legolas, it is not a lack of sleep that is causing your problem." He said gravely.
Legolas looked up at him, his expression one of confusion. "What do you mean?" He asked.
Elrond eyed the other elf again, but found the same thing he had before. He was not imagining things. "Legolas, you know that an elf can die of a broken heart. I had not realized before that your grief was this bad before, but you are fading away. You MUST deal with whatever it is that troubles you before it destroys you, and you cannot deal with it alone." He paused, but Legolas said nothing, not able to look at him. "If you will not let me send for your father, will you at least tell me what happened? I cannot help you until I know, and I promise I will not tell anyone else what you tell me in confidence as long as I don't have your permission to do so."
For a long time, Legolas said nothing. Finally, though, he nodded almost imperceptibly. He sighed and walked over to the tree, sliding down to sit, and Elrond quickly joined him. Legolas was trembling as he started to speak. "It all started a little over four months ago, when I was out riding with my father…"
*****
Flashback
*****
Legolas shook his head in irritation from atop his horse as he listened to his father talk. "But father, how can you force Kadorin to marry?" He demanded.
Thranduil sighed. How many times would he have to tell Legolas this? "Legolas, h many times do I have to tell you, I am not forcing your brother to marry!! He agreed to this marriage, and you know that as well as I do."
Legolas turned to look at his father. "He agreed to it because you told him he must! Kadorin does not wish to marry, and you know it!!"
Thranduil did not answer for a minute, turning to smile as his daughter, who rode behind them looking worried. "Kadorin is the oldest, and so carries many responsibilities you do not yet understand Legolas. He knows what good this marriage will do for Mirkwood, and he cares for this forest and those in it as much as I do. Perhaps you should learn a lesson from him, Legolas, rather than argue about something that he has already agreed to!" He told his son sternly.
Legolas blue eyes were dark with anger. "Kadorin is afraid of disappointing you, and so will do anything you tell him. How can you not see this? Agreeing to this marriage is making him unhappy, and yet you will not listen…"
"Enough!!" Thranduil ordered. "You are not the one getting married. If your brother does not wish for this, then he shall have to come to me himself. You are not to speak of this anymore, do you understand? I don't want to hear of it."
Legolas stared hard into his father's eyes, so much like his own, before angrily turning his horse and kicking its sides, enticing it to run into the forest.
"Legolas!" His younger sister called from where she rode behind their father, and looked as though she would follow him.
Thranduil put out a hand. "Let him go. He needs time to cool off." He told his daughter. "Come, we will ride back home." The young female elf looked one last time at where Legolas had disappeared, and to where her father was rapidly disappearing in the opposite direction. She bit her lip, and after a moment, turned and rode after Legolas.
*****
Now, I heard mentioned that Legolas had an older brother, but nothing else. For my story, I have given him a younger sister as well. I hope this does not kill anything, and if he did not have one and I cannot be forgiven for giving him one, let me know, and I'll try to fix it.
YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL REVIEWS AND BEING SO PATIENT!! Party on Dudes!! *Sorry, just watched Bill and Ted's excellent adventure…*