UptownChicke: thanks
I know I still have problems with it, sorry 'bout that :(
I'm glad if it's more understandable now
well, well, Steve... ;)
we'll see if he'll turn and where all this ends...
oh, no, of course Darry isn't a dog grin
well, actuallyit shouldn't mean anything, I just make him growl a lot ;)
I'll try to let them be multi-dimensional but it's really hard, I think...
yeah, thanks for your suggestions
that's what will help me to improve :)

animalsarelife: oh, I'm sorry, let's hope it will work now...
thanks, yeah, poor Pony ;)

Varinia: thanks, but I'll try :)

MyHubbyIsOB: I'm glad to hear that :)
yep, I have, thanks :)

7. Secrets

The next morning, Pony still wouldn't eat anything, but there he noticed the strict glances of Darry, he ate a bit and then set off to school.

On the way there, he thought about why he still went to school at all.
He probably could never finish it, because he certainly wouldn't be alive so long.
So he thought about, what he could do.
At first he simply would skip school or run away right now. But he didn't know where to go.
So he went to school, but he decided to receive no good grades any more.
What was he to do with that, when he couldn't do anything with that?

So Pony started to disturb the lessons so much that his teachers had to admonish him permanently.
He started to change himself alarming: he gave only quite cheeky or even no answers at all when he was asked something, became very malicious towards other pupils and handed over very bad tests, where he wrote either something completely wrong on purpose or even nothing at all.
Of course he didn't study any more for the tests.

He came too late for the lessons, left them simply as he liked or sometimes didn't appear at all and skipped school.
Instead he stayed at the lot, walked around in the town or drove with the bus into the neighbour towns.
But most of the time he only wandered just for fun through the neighbourhood, without any destination.
And he smoked now more than ever before.

He hardly talked with his brothers and his friends and still hid them the disease.

And so he turned away more and more from his brothers and friends and was mostly all alone.

His brothers and friends didn't know what they should think of the inexplicable change of their brother and friend. They often tried to talk to Ponyboy. But they didn't succeed, because every time, when they spoke to Ponyboy, this one avoided or gave cheeky replies.
So they slowly were tired of it.

And Pony avoided as far as possible to come near his brothers and Friends!

He always carried the finding of the diagnosis with himself.
He really didn't know why he took it with himself at all.
But he guessed that nobody should find it, if he would put it down somewhere and someone would search and find it.

And he had decided now: he would start a therapy on no account, he would die! And he didn't care if he died of this disease or just another way.
Meanwhile everything didn't matter any more to him!
Even if he hurted his brothers and friends!

"Does everything happen to me, 'cause it's my fault that my friends died?
Is this now the revenge for it that I let them die?
Is it justice, when I get punished for their death?
Will I be free then from my guilt, when I suffer and die?
Do I want the death? Do I accept it?" These and similar questions ran again and again through his head.
But he never received an answer of it.

But one day he put the finding into his locker.
A boy called David saw this.
And when Ponyboy was gone again, David went to the locker and would like to know, what Pony put into it, because David got that Pony always carried this note with him. So he took the finding out and had a look at it. There David could see that it was a medical finding and also how this one turned out.

There Ponyboy returned and would get a book, which he forgot before. And there he saw David, who read his finding.
Ponyboy couldn't believe it and shouted at David more than angry, "Tell me, are you crazy? What're you doing on my things? That's none of your business!"

David only sneered at Ponyboy, held the finding in front of his nose and meant derisive, "I suppose that's why you're probably in bad form recently. Do your brothers and friends know about it?"

"No and they never gonna know it!"

"Ah, that's why you're no longer with them, isn't it? I observed you, you skip school. And I guess that they also don't know that, do they?
So, you've stomach cancer? Poor Greaser, perish of such a disease. It serves you quite right! But it's true. That's really very hard to tell your brothers and friends that you've die soon for that reason!
Do you really think that you will help yourself with that? Do you wanna die as a martyr? That's impossible! A Greaser never can die as a martyr!
But listen, if you don't dare to inform them of it, I wanna take this for you! You've got a friend of yours here at school, haven't you? What was his name, Two-Bit, right? I'll go to him now and tell him! Then you can explain it better to him and then later to the others!"

David rose up and would walk out of the door, where Two-Bit stood in front of it.
Two-Bit actually would search for Pony and talk with him.
He listened to the conversation speechless.
He didn't know that and also didn't suspect at all and he knew that Darry and Soda didn't know it as well, let alone suspected!

This was too much for Ponyboy! He grabbed one of David's arms and held him tight.
He glared at David and shouted, "Leave it! That's my problem and none of yours! I warn you not to tell him or the others only one thing, otherwise..."

David didn't put up with that, stared at Ponyboy with cold eyes and tore himself away with a jerk.
Then he gave Pony a sounding slap in the face and meant furious, "Uh, there I probably caught a sore point of you, huh? You're completely crazy! Really! You really belong into a nuthouse... or better right under earth, like your dead Greaser-friend. But you gonna get there soon as well because of your disease!"

Pony kicked against David's shinbone in his rage.
David growled and rushed swearing to Ponyboy, "You damned Greaser! You wanna suffer for that!"
Pony wasn't prepared for this and was thrown to the ground by David. This one landed on him.

So they fought at the ground. Two-Bit noticed at once what was going on and rushed to them to separate the both. But he didn't succeed.
The both fought uninterrupted.
Until suddenly a deep piercing voice made them start up, "What's going on here? Go apart! Immediately!"
The strictly teacher Ms. Hewitt stood with crossed arms in the door and stared at both with her piercing eyes.
Both froze and looked at the teacher. Ponyboy on the ground, David over him and lifted already his fist to hit Pony.
Then David slowly rose up, drew his hand back and then got up completely.
Ponyboy got up, too.
Now they faced each other.
Both sized each other up with their glances, while the teacher kept on at them and scolded.
In the meantime some pupils gathered on the corridor and wanted to see what's up. They didn't watch a fight any more already for a long time, above all one between a Greaser and a Soc!

Suddenly David growled, turned around and hissed at Ponyboy, before he passed him, Two-Bit, the teacher and finally the pupils on the corridor by, "You gonna regret this, Greaser! You wanna regret to pick a quarrel with me! It ain't nearly over now..."

Ponyboy threw his head back, snorted and replied provoking, "Take my word for it!"

The teacher heard this and looked at Ponyboy punished and stunned.
Ponyboy asked angry, "What?"
But he didn't wait at all for the answer of the teacher, but followed David outside.

There the teacher screamed, "Stay here! Ponyboy! Will you stay here? I haven't finished. I still have to talk to you! Ponyboy!"
But Ponyboy didn't listen but passed her by.

When he passed the pupils by, they made way for him.
With that he could go through.
They had respect for him, so they kept their distance, which should mean admiration and respect. Because they got that he picked a quarrel with David, who was well-known for fights, and wasn't bad there.
Most of them, which picked a quarrel with David, didn't have any chance, he defeated them. Either they were beaten up so much, that they gave David a wide berth now and avoided any argument or they were intimidated by him so much, that they better have him rather as friend, than as enemy.
It cost very much courage for that to pick a quarrel with David, above all also in public, because David got friends nearly everywhere.
It was a custom with Socs.

The teacher continued scolding all the time.
Two-Bit shortly looked around and ran behind Ponyboy. He called him but Pony didn't stop. Then he caught up with Pony and held him tight at one of his arms. After that Ponyboy whirled around angry and glared dangerously at his friend.

Two-Bit asked careful, "Hey Pony! Is it true, what I heard from David? Please answer me!"

Ponyboy bit his lip and nodded with to ground lowered eyes, where unintentional tears were formed. Then he sobbed heart-rending and told him the whole thing.
When he finished, he tore himself away with a jerk from Two-Bit's grasp, who still held him tight to his arm till then, and ran away sobbing.

And left a completely puzzled Two-Bit behind.
This one wondered what he should do now.
Should he search for Pony at first or tell the whole thing to the others.
He decided to go to the Curtis' and so he set off there.

When Ponyboy came home that day late in the evening, everybody gathered in the house, as usual. But this time the others looked at him strangely.
Pony suspected that Two-Bit told them and that was why they looked at him this way.

So he avoided their glances and would go to his room, when Darry held him tight.

"What are you doing? Let me go, Darry!" Ponyboy hissed.

But Darry didn't react. He only looked at Pony and didn't say anything.
Tears accumulated in his eyes.
And this frightened Pony, because Darry cried hardly ever.

"Is it true?" he finally whispered.

Pony turned his head away sulky, so that he didn't have to look into the eyes of his brother.

"Is it true, damned?" Darry shouted and shook Pony.

"Yeah, damn it! It's true! I've got this shit cancer and gonna perish of it!" Pony yelled back and glared at his brother.

Soda made a sound and covered his mouth with his hand.
Steve put a hand on Soda's shoulder and stared at Pony.
Two-Bit turned away and walked outside.

Darry stared at Pony with tears in the eyes and asked, "Why... why haven't you tell us even sooner? How long do you know it?"

"Why? Why should I tell you? What should that be in aid of?" Pony meant derogatorily.

"Damn it, Pony! We're your brothers, your family! That's why you should have told us! Do you really trust us such a little?"

"Trust ain't the point!" Pony replied.

"And what is it then instead?" Steve asked now. "You're such a fool! Don't you really notice how you made suffer your brothers? Instead of beein' courageous to tell them, they had to know it from Two-Bit! Do you actually know how they feel now?
You're such a coward!"

"Aw, you call this cowardly, don't you? Great! You have no idea at all! Does anyone even wonder how I'm with that? How I feel? I've got the disease and not one of you after all!"

"Gosh, Pony, you're really so selfish. It ain't just everything about you, got it?"

"Steve, please..." Soda begged trembling.

"No! Anybody must tell him! And you don't dare in any case!"

"Do you really think I wanna listen to you? To you of all people? Never ever! Forget it!" Pony replied sulky.

"Is there any hope?" Soda suddenly asked quietly.

"No! There's no hope, no hope at all! And I don't wanna undergo medical treatment as well! I've got this disease and gonna die of it, that's just the way it is!" With these words Pony turned around and ran into his room.
The others were left behind in a shock.