8. All I want...
In the following time Ponyboy hardly did shown at his family and friends and shut himself off from them more and more.
Bet he was respected now by the other pupils, nearly admired.
Every time when he passed a group of pupils by, they made way for him at once. When he passed them by, they whispered together excited and with admiration.
But Ponyboy completely ignored this attention!
When Ponyboy returned home from school one day, he found a letter.
It was from David.
Pony took it in his hand and viewed it for a long time before he opened.
The others, which came home again in this moment, saw Ponyboy with the letter in the hand and came to him.
"Hey Pony! What you've got there?" Two-Bit asked, acting cheerful.
After this bad news they hardly talked to each other. It was very hard for them to understand and accept.
But Pony became so absorbed in the letter that he said it completely lost in thought: David would have revenge for his messed up victory against Ponyboy, which was prevented by the teacher.
If Pony wouldn't admit defeat, he should come in 2 hours to the old abandoned warehouse at the limit of the West-Side to go on fighting with David, but without any devices!
David would wait for him there.
If Pony didn't come, he would regret refusing David's 'invitation'.
His brothers and friends were frightened when they heard it and tried to advise Ponyboy against it.
"You don't wanna go to this fight, get it?" said Darry.
"Why not? Finally it ain't the first fight I took part in!" Pony replied.
"'cause I forbid you!"
"You can't forbid me anything!"
"Oh you bet! Of course I can and I will!"
"All right! But I don't wanna let forbid me anything any more by ya, by none of ya!"
"Do ya actually know the guy ya picked a quarrel with?" Steve asked.
"Of course I know that!" Ponyboy replied condescendingly.
"You can't go to this fight! That's too dangerous for ya..." Soda tried now.
"What could even happen to me? A real fight is exactly that, what I need now."
"When ya need something to work off, then start to jog again or do something for school." said Darry.
Pony rolled his eyes and said, "Nope! I need a fight! By the way, we only wanna fight with our fists, no weapons! I joined in that even more than once. Do you remember one of these fights? Only fists, no weapons!"
"You're the only one who believes that..." Steve murmured.
"David's fights ain't fair by any means.
He always carries a knife with himself!
He hurts his enemies so bad with it, that they must go to hospital.
A bad example was a boy.
David absolutely couldn't stand him. They started arguin' and then it came to a fight. That ended in a knife fight: David pulled his knife and hit it into the chest of the boy. The boy collapsed and came into a hospital.
One of his lungs was removed. David pierced one of them!
After that the boy was connected on an artificial respiration instrument. His survive depended on it, but he died 3 months later.
Do you understand what I wanna tell ya with that?
This boy died! David stabbed him, he killed him!
And what are you gonna do when David doesn't come alone and bring his friends with him? And you're all alone..."Two-Bit said.
"Yeah. I already know what ya wanna tell me with that!
But I don't care!
I'll go to this fight! And ya couldn't keep me from doin' that!
And if David ain't alone, so much the better!
I like to oppose myself these damned Socs." Pony replied.
Then he turned around and walked to the direction of the front door.
Soda ran after Ponyboy.
When he caught up with Ponyboy, he seized his arm, turned Pony around to himself and asked, "Why do ya wanna expose yourself to danger unnecessary? David ain't worth it at all..."
"How do ya wanna know exactly, that it means this to me, too?" Ponyboy asked sharply.
He turned around again to going.
But Soda still held him tight and asked for the last time desperately, "Why, Pony?"
Ponyboy turned around again and said, "You really wanna know it, huh?
All right, then ya should know it.
I wanna expose myself to danger, 'cause it doesn't matter what I do!
I probably gonna die of my disease soon. It doesn't matter, what I do!
I gonna die anyway, if now 'cause of my disease or even David!
If I should have been killed at this fight, my sufferin' came to a quickly end at least.
I would die a heroic death. But probably nobody gonna honour it any more, but I know that I wanna die it!
A heroic death like Johnny! ...like Johnny... Damned, for Johnny!
When I die, it wanna be a fair punishment at least for that, what I've done!
Yeah, damned, I feel guilty!
It was my fault that Johnny and Dally had to die!
I'm to blame for it, did you get it?
I put up with it, I put up with it to let go my life at this fight, which really maybe gonna be unfair!
I ain't got nothin' more to lose after all..."
"Oh yeah, Ponyboy Michael Curtis, you have to lose somethin'!
Even very much, damn it!
At first us, your brothers, your family and your friends and then also even your own goddamned pride and your honour!
But here you are!
If ya wanna be killed by all means...
I definitely don't wanna hold ya up any longer!
I don't care as well, what wanna become of ya..
But I tell ya only one thing: when ya gonna die at the fight, it ain't a heroic death, but the death of an ordinary hood! The death of a coward!
Yeah that's it! Steve's right, you're a coward!
And don't believe I would mourn then for you!
There you're wrong!" Soda said with a shaking voice.
Then he turned around and ran into his room. They shouldn't see his tears of despair.
Darry, Steve and Two-Bit looked behind him.
Then Ponyboy ran off as well.
He would go now to this fight by all means.
Even if Soda didn't love him any more and didn't care as well, if he was alive or died, he would go into the fight undaunted by death!