Changes

Chapter 5


Spoilers: The Greater Good


As I was walked out of the surgery, after sewing up the patient, I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation I had with Elizabeth about this patient.

"I've been paging you" Elizabeth said, as she walked up to me. "I was with this patient," I said.

"So I hear. You convinced the family to donate his organs? "Elizabeth asked. I nodded.

"Spending this much time with a patient is a luxury you don't usually have." Elizabeth said.

But how do you know how much time to spend on one patient? Ten minutes, twenty minutes, each patient is different, so shouldn't you help them as much as you think they need it?


"Well I just felt like his wife needed me."

Sometimes a wife just needs a little help dealing with the loss of her husband.

Being a doctor isn't easy.


"You already do this well Abby. Sometimes being a doctor is about distancing yourself from your patient."


Confidence


When I return back to med school, I didn't realize how different it was going to be from the last time I was a med student. Being a nurse for so long, I guess I lost my confidence of being a doctor.

I second guess myself when I am doing my surgical consult, when Romano walks into the room, and rants on me about being a med student, I wonder if I really know what I am doing or I just think I do. When I was a nurse, I always knew what to do, and how to do it, but with being a med student, it is so different, I have to learn everything again.


But I guess it will take awhile before I get into the habit of being a med student instead of a nurse.


"You don't have to stay."

"I'd like to stick around if that's okay"


Suddenly I heard someone call my name, interrupting my thoughts, I turned around, and saw that it was the wife of the guy that died.

"I just want to thank you."

I went up to her. "But I didn't do anything,"

"Yes, you did. You helped me decide that giving his organs to other patients would be want he wanted. It was really hard for me to do; it was like he was really gone. But when you explained to me what each of his organs would do to help a patient, I knew that would be what he wanted. You are a great doctor."


"I'm a med student." I said.

"Well, you are going to make a great doctor then," she said, as she walked away.


Doctor

It is still hard to see myself as a doctor… or becoming one. I still see myself as a nurse. I turned around, and I saw Sam working with Pratt. It is still pretty weird that Sam is "the nurse" now in ER, not me.

When I come down for a surgical consult, I tend to forget that I'm there as a med student, not a nurse. What did I get myself into? Should I have gone back to med school, or did I make a big mistake?

Sam came up to me "Are you going home now? Because I have a patient that needs a surgical consult."

"Sure," I said. "I can check it out. I'll tell Corday I am doing that."

I went and checked out the patient when I heard Romano walking into the room. "Abby, the med student, still working. What are you doing today, are you fixing the monitor again?"

Romano ranting again. All day he has been going on about me being a med student.

What did I do to make him like that? But that is Romano for you, making everybody else's lives miserable.

But I am not going to let him upset me. I am going to do my job.

My job as a medical student, not as a nurse.

I spend more time with the patient then I should. Today I helped a spouse deal with the loss of her loved one, and realized that even though he is gone he can help other people with his organs. But I can't just explain that in two seconds, and then leave. I have to explain everything to her. I might be in there for half an hour, but isn't being a doctor about helping people?

It's not easy being a doctor, but it is all worth it in the end.