"Come on Link; hurry your Hylian ass up here!" Navi shouted from the top of the
hill. Link mumbled a curse or two under his breath. It was really hard to carry
38 rupees, 4 bombs, the Master Sword and shield, the map, Cane of Bryna,
ocarina, boomerang, bow plus 21 arrows, and the red and blue tunics all by
hand. Some people thought all the items magically appeared when you press
Start. What a bunch of dumb-asses.

"Link, why don't you just shove them in that magic pocket that Zelda stitched up for you?" Navi remarked.

"Oh… didn't think of that." Link responded, shoving all of his items into a small pocket.

"Isn't it amazing what those folks at Nintendo come up with?" Navi said. If he had a face, he'd be grinning.

"What's a Nimtongo?" Link asked, perplexed. Who would name something that stupid?

"It's Nintendo, you idiot." Navi replied. "Ness mentioned it when we were in that Smash Bros. Tournament or something."

"His head is the size of a friggin' watermelon!" Link shouted. "He probably just lied." Navi just floated on. "So…what's our first task?"
Navi replied, "The Gauntlets of Time. But in order to get that we need to help out the old man by the river by getting him a McBurger. He'll then give us the Orange Frog. Then, we need to travel across the world map to the Deku Kingdom. The Deku King collects colored frogs, and an orange one will complete his collection. He'll give us the guitar tabs to "Enter Sandman" by Metallica. Once we get that, we have to go the Zora people and give the guitarist of the Indigo-gos the tabs. They'll waste our time by playing it for us, and then give us the Golden Jellybean. We then go to Clock Town and give it to the Bomberkids. They will give us the Deep Fried Key. We then use the key to open the McDonalds in the Goron Mountains. We travel through the dungeon and find the weapon that the boss left around for us to kill him with. We defeat the Ronald McDemon and obtain the McBurger. We give the McBurger to the old man by the riv…"

"Wait, that makes no sense!" Link interrupted. "The cycle of items goes in a complete circle. I can't win."

"Yep…that's how it's ment to be…" Navi replied, slurping a strawberry McShake.

"So…umm…whatcha want to do?" Link said, carving his name into the dirt with the Master Sword.

"We could…umm…no, did that last week. How about…oh wait…the thong won't fit anymore. Oh! I got it! Ok…we need to go Clock Town. Meet me in front of the clock with a candle, dental floss, and a bucket of fish heads. We need to pay a visit to the Happy Mask Salesman. This is going to be a great prank!" Navi said, slightly shaking in midair.

"Wait…we could get in big trouble for that. I could even loose my Use-of-Really-Rare-Weapons License. Whatever, lets do it!" Link replied.

"Oh… and on the way, can we pick up some LonLon milk? I'm parched." Navi whined.

"We don't have time, you radioactive firefly!" Link shouted.

"Oh, poo. Fine." Navi replied, slowly hovering downward before collapsing on the ground. Link ran over to the dimming ball of light.

"Navi! Are you allright?" Link cried.

"Link…I'm dying…glow cancer…but…"

"But what! What it is!"

"As a dying wish…I need…I need…"

"WHAT! WHAT IT IS!" Link shouted.

"I need…LonLon Milk…" Navi replied before breaking out in hysterical laughter. Link kicked the floaty fly hard. As Navi went hurtling into a tree, Link stated, "One of these days…one of these days…"