Changes

Spoilers: Impulse Control


Author's Note: Sorry for such a long wait and hope people are still reading this, and please review, thanks.


Chapter 13



I was standing by the admitting desk, thinking about my day, well, to be exact, about my TB patient. I had tried to get him to take his pills, but I know from experience with my family that you can't make somebody doing something that they don't want to do. They have to want to do themselves.


"Excuse me, miss," said a voice, interrupting my thoughts. I looked up and saw a paramedic and a little girl standing in front of me.

"What seems to be the problem?" I asked, as I went up to them "She was in a car accident, and sent to Mercy, but her family was sent here." I realized who she was; she was the little girl that the mom was so worried about. I looked up at the paramedic. "Is she hurt?"

"No, she has a few bruises, but that is about it. She was really lucky."

I nodded. "I know. I can take her now." The paramedic walked away. "What's your name?" I asked as I knelt down.  She then told me her name.

"That is a very nice name," The little girl smiled slightly, but I knew that she was worried about her family.

"My name is Abby. Let's go find your mom," I said, taking a hold of her hand.

We started to walked down the corridors until I saw the exam room with the mom, I opened the door, and her mom and Sam both looked up. The girl took off running toward her mom.

I knew that the mom lost her husband and her son today, but she was going to be okay. She still has something…her daughter. I looked back at them one more time before I turned and walked out of the room.

**

Later,

I was standing at the check out counter at Jumbo Mart when I turned around, and saw Sam sitting down. She looked at me, and said. "Hamburgers and yogurt?"

"Susan can only eat two things I have bring them up." I paid the clerk, and walked up to Sam.

"Oh cool. Being pregnant sucks. You wanna sit?" Sam asked.

"Sure," I said, as I sat down.

"How are you handling, uh, nursing and student shifts? You ever get any sleep?" Sam asked.

"Uh, not that much, no." I said. I sometimes wonder how I do it. I don't think I've had much sleep since I start being a med student.

"That's what you get for switching careers."

"Well, medical school was actually the plan for awhile, I just sort of got sidetracked."

What with my family problems and my ex- husband, but now I am doing it. I'm not going to get sidetracked this time. I'm going to finish it.

Sam started to tell me about when she got pregnant at fifteen. I was surprised that she was that young. I knew that she was young when she had Alex, but I didn't think she was still a teenager.

Then suddenly she started to talk about when she went to an abortion clinic when she was pregnant with Alex. I looked up at her, and could tell she felt regret for even thinking about having an abortion. Then I did the hardest thing I have even done. I told her about my abortion.

"The place I went to had this calendar with a picture of, uh, Strawberry Shortcake. I just stared at it the whole time."

Even though it was many years ago, I can still remember a tiny detail like a calendar.

Sam looked up at me, like she didn't know what to say. I continued on, not really feeling anymore, just talking.

"It was with my ex- husband. He didn't want kids." I didn't tell her the real reason that I had an abortion was because I would never wanted my child to have the disease that my mom and my brother have.

"Well I should be getting back to the hospital, or Susan will wonder where her food is," I laughed.

Sam laughed too. "I remember when I was pregnant with Alex. I loved pickles."

"It's weird what pregnant women want."

We walked out of Jumbo Mart, and as we were walking back to the hospital she asked me, "You got a nursing shift?"

"Yeah. You're off right?"

"Yeah." Sam said, as she handed the bag of food to me. "See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow."

As I walked back into the ER, and entered the lounge, I couldn't believe that I told Sam about my abortion. It wasn't like it was something that I tell people. But I could see that she felt bad that she thought about having an abortion when she was pregnant with Alex, so I wanted to make her feel better by telling her that I had an abortion.

Suddenly someone said my voice interrupting my thoughts. I turned around and saw Susan standing in front of me. "Did you get my food?" she laughed.

I gave her the bag.

"Thanks," Susan said, as she looked into the bag, pulled out a yogurt, sat down, and started to eat it. "I've been dying for a yogurt and a hamburger all day," Susan laughed as she ate.

"It is so weird that this is the only thing that I can eat," Susan laughed. "So last week I told my dad about me having a baby."

"So how did that go?" I asked.

"It didn't go that bad. I can't believe that I am having a baby,"

"I can't believe it either," I said, looking at her stomach. "You are getting big."

Susan laughed. "I know, sometimes it doesn't even look like me anymore." Suddenly Susan stopped.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She looked at me. "I just felt the baby kick," she said. "Do you want to feel it?" Susan asked. "Sure," I said, as I put my hand on her stomach. "That's amazing, is that the first time it happened?"

"No, it happened a few times before. Chuck was so happy when he felt it."

Suddenly Susan's pager went off. "I should be going now, thanks for getting the food for me, you are the best," she said, as she walked out of the lounge.


**

Later that night,

I walked into the apartment, and I started to think about what I told Sam as I walked into the kitchen, and put the kettle on, to make tea. I went and sat on the couch. I never thought about that day for years, but now it is all come back to me.

Flashback…


I walked into the clinic, walked up to the receptionist, told her my name, and then I went and sat down waiting for my turn. As I was waiting, I started to think about all the reasons that I shouldn't do this, but then I remember the one reason that I had to do it. There is no way that I would want my child to ever have the disease that Maggie has.

The tea pot rang, interrupting my thoughts. I got up, and took my tea, and sat down.

The day some many years ago, was the hardest decision that I ever had to make, but I had my reason for doing it. But I am not going to think of it anymore.

My life is better now. I'm stronger. I know what I want and I'm doing okay. I'm back in med school and my life is stable. I haven't thought about that day in so long. I guess I don't want to think about that low point in my life when everything was going so terribly wrong. I'm better now. But tonight, sitting there with Sam, it all came rushing back. All those memories I've tried so long to push away flood into my mind like it was just yesterday I was sitting in that room, cold, nervous, just wanting to get it over with…

I sit on the couch and stare into the tea, hurting from the memory of that day. I get up and set my tea cup on the counter, moving toward the bedroom. Today was one long day.



Author's Note: There will be no post episode for Episode 15- Blood Relations, as there wasn't enough of Abby in there, but I will do a post episode for Episode 16- Forgive and Forget!!