Chapter 13: Together
Ellie's POV
I couldn't believe what an idiot I was. Here I had something so
perfect and I fucked it up. I slammed the door shut behind me and took a
look around. This is what my life had become: an empty house where my only
sense of control was alphabetizing DVDs, counting my calorie intake, and
tearing at my skin. My mouth felt dry and my throat was scratchy. I
silently walked past the bottles of vodka and tequila telling myself over
and over again that I wasn't going to cry. I put a teapot on the stove and
turned it on. After I had my tea, I'd do my schoolwork, my co-op work, and
everything was going to be fine. I realized as I listened for the whistling
of the kettle that Marco had told me to call him. How could I call him? He
had told me everything would be okay and it wasn't.
I hurried upstairs to change out of these stupid modeling clothes.
All they did was remind me of how stupid I had been, what a screw-up I was.
I grabbed an oversized t-shirt from my bed by instinct and threw it on. I
didn't realize till I was ready to walk out of my room that it was Sean's t-
shirt. I kept it on anyways. I'd hang onto false hope for a while longer
before returning to reality.
I scrambled down the stairs as soon as I heard the pot go off. I
couldn't stand that noise. I slid into the kitchen and immediately ran for
the stove. If I heard that whistle for one more second I was going to
scream. I reached for the potholder to quickly and clumsily causing my left
hand to bump up against the bottom of the teapot. I gasped as searing pain
spread up my hand to my arm. Christ, that hurt. My thoughts immediately
left my trouble with Sean and geared towards the nurturing of my throbbing
hand. After a few minutes of running my hand under water, I realized that I
hadn't thought of Sean for five minutes. Five whole minutes of not feeling
anything but my hand throbbing. I liked that.
I instantly reached the teapot again, this time grabbing its handle.
Instead of pouring it into a cup though, I pressed it against the inside of
my thigh. Damn... I bit my lip as I held it there for as long as I could
possibly take it. It left a huge red mark, but I didn't care. No one would
be looking there anyways. I threw the pot into the sink. Suddenly, I wasn't
thirsty anymore.
God, had I really just made that pot up just to burn myself? I
realized that from the beginning I had had no intention of making any tea.
We didn't even have any tea in the house. I didn't even know how to make
tea. I laughed lightly to myself and inspected the mark on my thigh. At
least I hadn't thought about Sean... Damnit. Well, I hadn't been thinking
about him until now.
My stomach growled. I jumped at the noise. I hadn't even realized I
was hungry until now. I opened the pantry door and looked inside. There was
barely anything. I didn't really have the time to go grocery shopping. What
the hell? I angrily snatched a box of Cranberry-Almond Crunch. They were
supposed to be between the Cheerios and the Frosted Mini-Wheats. I couldn't
believe I had let them get out of order. I stuffed the box back in its
rightful spot and decided to skip dinner. I had flaked out during lunch
today and had some of Marco's lasagna anyway.
I decided to do my homework at the kitchen table that night. I didn't
really want to look at the pictures I had of me and Sean or me and my dad
on my desk tonight. I blinked at the pages I was supposed to be reading in
1984. After forty pages (fifteen more than the assignment gave us), I
glanced up at the clock. Had it really taken me over two hours to read
that? I let out a sigh of frustration and put the book down. My problems
with Sean were not helping me out at all. Next I took out my chemistry book
and worked on a few problems.
The next time I looked at the clock it was 1:30 AM. I drug myself
away from my constant proofreading and put my books away. I was too tired
to even think anymore. Just as I was about to trudge upstairs to my bed, I
heard a knock on the door. I froze. I wanted desperately to turn around and
see Sean there, holding flowers, and telling me he was sorry he had said
those horrible things and that he forgave me. That would be perfect. But I
knew that was asking way too much.
I looked up through the window and blinked. He was really there. He wasn't
holding flowers, but he was there. I took a timid step towards the door. It
was like I was stuck to the spot where I was standing. Sean realized my
handicap and opened the door himself. He didn't say anything and neither
did I. Finally, after what seemed like eternity of just staring at each
other, Sean took my hand and started to lead me up the stairs. I followed
without making a sound. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't want
him to stop touching me- even if it was something as innocent as holding my
hand.
We ended up in my room. I expected Sean to drop my hand, turn around, and
say something to me, but he still didn't. He just sat me down with him on
my bed and reached his hand up to my hair. I took in a shallow breath and
just searched his eyes for some sort of explanation, but he was doing the
same to me, so I found none. Slowly, he brought his lips to mine.
We kissed. That was all. Even when I thought we were going further, Sean
stopped me and stared at me, saying, "I just want to kiss. This is it. No
further." I couldn't believe he had said that. No guy, except for Breydon,
had ever said that to me. I had always been the girl they went to if they
wanted to go all the way, make it all the way home, not just to first base.
I opened my eyes in the middle of kissing Sean and saw that he too was
looking at me. I pulled away and smiled.
"I'm sorry, Sean."
Sean looked away for a second and then back, "No. I should say I'm sorry. I
blew it out of proportion."
"What I did was wrong, though. I never meant to. I don't even like Craig
like that."
"I know you don't. But I just want to forget about everything that
happened. It's in the past. We can't change it now, so why bother looking
back on it?"
"Is this the new sensitive Sean?" I teased him.
Sean cocked an eyebrow and immediately tried to look tough. I let out a
laugh and ran a hand through his almost-curly hair. I loved how he was this
huge bad-ass but I had the power to make him all mushy and romantic and a
gentleman. This was the side of Sean that he didn't let anyone ever see.
The side that opened doors for me or made sure we didn't get too much
cheese on our pizza even though he loved cheese or let me take his hat off
even though he liked it on.
We fooled around a bit more that night- but nothing ever went past kissing.
We cuddled for awhile and talked about our plans for that weekend and how
we needed more quality time together. That night I got the best sleep I had
ever gotten in my life. I didn't have to worry anymore about whether or not
he was mad at me or anything for that matter. I just slept in his arms and
relaxed. For once, my shoulders weren't hunched or my back covered with
knots. I had finally just relaxed.
The next day, I woke up to find Sean gone. For a second, I thought
maybe it was all a dream, but then I realized he had probably just gone
home to get ready for school. As if on cue, I saw the note he had put on my
night table telling me that was exactly what he had done. I faced the
ceiling and wrapped my arms around myself in a huge hug. Today, I wouldn't
worry about anything.
I walked to Marco's house and waited for him to come out. When he did
I jumped on him and gave him a huge hug. "So I guess everything went okay?"
I let go and grabbed onto his arm, "Not at first. At first, it was
brutal. Then it got better. And we made up."
Marco shook his head in amazement, "Do you realize how psycho you
were at my house last night? You wouldn't shut up!"
I socked him in the arm playfully (he still flinched and rubbed his
shoulder), "You're such a baby. Let's not talk about my psychotic behavior.
Let's talk about how me and you are going to the candy store after school
for a quick sugar high before I have to work."
"You mean, you're not going to spend that precious five minutes with
Sean?" Marco grabbed his chest and pretending to have a heart attack.
"Ha ha," I laughed sarcastically. "You're one to talk. I can't drag
you away from Dylan for more than 13 seconds."
We bantered playfully the whole way to school- like we used to- and
caught up with Jimmy and Hazel just as they were rounding the corner. "Hey
Jimmy, Haze," Marco called out with a wave. They met up with us and we
walked the rest of the way to school together.
Hazel grabbed my wrist, "I really like that bracelet, Ellie. Where'd
you get it?"
I glanced down at the vintage clasp I was wearing and then back up at
her, "At this little vintage store downtown."
"Well, it's tres chic. I might have to check it out."
Marco interrupted us, "All the stuff they have in that store costs
major bucks. I wouldn't even bother walking in there. It'll just make you
jealous."
Hazel frowned slightly, "Yeah, it probably would. Unless Jimmy wanted
to take me!" She smiled coyly up at him and he groaned. "Sure Hazel. I'll
buy you something from the store."
"Well, Ellie will have to show me where exactly it is."
I nodded. Since when did Hazel want to go shopping with me? I know we
had gotten to know each other during detention, but after that we would
only exchange hello's if Paige or one of her other friends wasn't around.
Now she wanted fashion advice?
I immediately went to my locker when I got to school. The bell was
going to ring any second. Marco kept chattering about some movie he and
Dylan had seen the other night that he knew I'd love. I glanced down at my
watch and quickly made a beeline for my first class right as the bell
sounded. I took my usual seat next to Ashley (and also near Paige, ugh!)
and organized my desk.
"Why were you almost late?" Ashley whispered to me as announcements
came on.
I shrugged, "Just was enjoying my bed a little too much this morning,
I guess. Why are you so concerned all of a sudden?"
Ashley shrugged back, "Just worried about you, Nash." She gave me a
look and turned her attention back to the television screen.
Why was she worried about me? "Well, don't be. I know how to take
care of myself."
Ashley sent me a chilling glare, "Tell that to the school
nutritionist."
She her face away from me and I gaped at her. What did she mean by
that? I couldn't believe she even said that. I mean, what was it supposed
to mean? Was she telling me that I needed to see a nutritionist because I
was overweight? On instinct, I reached my hands down to my waist and
pinched. Okay, so I had gotten crazy yesterday and ate that lasagna, but
that was all. I pinched her arm and she looked back at me, "Are you saying
I'm fat or something?"
"Get over yourself, Ellie."
I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms over my waist. Why was
Ashley all of a sudden being so damn mean to me? I didn't do anything to
her. Unless... unless Craig had told her what had happened. Shit... But she
didn't seem angry with that. Plus, Ashley would have told me straight out
if that was the case. So what was with her?
The rest of the class, Ashley acted like nothing had happened. She
talked about everything as if she had never called me fat or anything. I
tried to get over it, but I just kept hearing her say all that stuff in my
head.
I felt bad. I really did. But sometimes the truth hurts and Ellie
needed to hear the truth. I can't believe she even dared to ask me if I
meant she was fat. I mean, can't she see herself in the mirror? She's like
a rail. I've been kind of thinking about this for a while now, and I didn't
really know how to say it to her. Today though, when I saw her, and how her
skirt was practically falling off of her, I knew I had to say something.
Didn't anyone else see it? Was I the only who even cared about her?
I'm not going to say anything to anyone else yet, but I will if I
don't start seeing her eating or gaining some weight. I used to think Ellie
was this totally cool, perfect person. Now I know she's just a control-
freak who is just totally lost. I used to want to be like her, but not
anymore. I knew she would probably be mad at me now, but I didn't really
care. All I know is that I'm going to be watching her like a hawk. She
better believe it.
Sean's POV
I was on a mission. I had to find Craig before lunch and talk to him.
Usually I saw this kid everywhere, but now it seemed like he was avoiding
me. I didn't blame him. He probably thought I was going to beat the shit
out of him. I had half a mind to do that, but I also knew Ellie wouldn't
want it blown out of proportion like this. Plus, me beating up Craig would
surely get around and Ashley would know for sure what happened.
Finally, I found him. I caught him on his way out of the bathroom. He
saw me and immediately stopped in his tracks. I sauntered towards of him,
unsure of exactly what I was going to say to him.
"Listen, Sean. What happened was wrong. It was an accident."
I looked at him dead on in the eye, "Craig, don't. I don't want to
hear any excuses; I don't want to know why it happened, or how. Just don't
let it happen again. I mean it."
Craig nodded in agreement, "Of course. It won't ever happen again.
I'm over it."
"Good. I like you, Craig. I really do. I think we have a lot in
common. Just don't ruin that."
I felt good after the conversation. I knew Craig understood where I
was coming from and I knew he'd never lay a hand on Ellie again. I heard
the bell ring for fourth period. Of course, I was late. I booked the rest
of the way to biology. Emma shot me a glance as I walked in. I wondered if
she still thought I was this huge loser since I started getting my homework
in on time.
Miss Hatzalakos shot me a warning glance before going back to
whatever she was doing. "Okay, class. I graded the papers you wrote. They
were great, but there was one I was very impressed with. Congratulations,
Sean."
I almost didn't believe her. I had to look around the room to even
see if I heard my name right. Sure enough, everyone was looking at me. No,
actually gaping at me. No one could believe that my paper was actually
being recognized by the teacher for excellent work. I quickly shot out of
my seat and walked up to Miss Hatzalakos and grabbed my work. My paper on
oncology had received an A. I spent the rest of that class staring at that
grade. Wait until I told Ellie. She hadn't even helped me with this paper.
Sure, she had helped me with others and given me a lot of pointers on how
to write a solid essay, but this I had done all on my own without her
editing it.
While the class was supposed to be working on reading a section in
the book, Miss Hatzalakos pulled me aside into her office. The only other
times I'd ever been invited into a teacher's office was for them to show me
how many assignments I hadn't turned in or how my GPA was borderline 2.4.
This time, however, Miss Hatzalakos was smiling.
"Sean, your paper was wonderful. It looked like you spent a lot of
time on it."
I blushed a bit. I'm not used to such praise. "Well, you know, I
researched a lot and Ellie's helped me get the hang of writing a decent
paper."
"So I've heard. Your other teachers are quite impressed with how your
work is turning out recently also. This paper seemed to interest you a lot.
In fact, the whole last chapter you were turning in extraordinary work.
Does medicine interest you?"
I shrugged, "It might..." Who was I kidding? "Well, yeah, it does."
Miss Hatzalakos smiled like I had made her day or something. "That's
awesome, Sean. Particularly oncology or what?"
I rubbed the back of my head and quickly glanced towards the door to
the classroom, "Well... maybe not oncology exactly. I'm more into just
regular family practice. Or maybe even surgery. You know, fix people."
"Wow. That's very ambitious of you. That'd be very exciting for you."
I let out a laugh, "Come on, Miss Hatzalakos. You and I both know
that's not going to happen. I have to get student welfare to even afford
high school. No way some medical school is going to want a loser like me.
Especially a poor one."
She gave me a sad look and shook her head, "That's not true, Sean.
There are many things you can do to get help. You can—"
"Listen, Miss H. I really appreciate it, but I'll just stick to the
one thing I know I can afford to fix: Cars."
The bell rang just then and I quickly got the hell out of her office.
I didn't want to hear about any of my options... I knew that no matter what I
did I'd always be that kid whose parents are drunks and who's always
getting in trouble. You can't change who you are or where you came from.
Not even by being some prestigious doctor.
I caught up with Ellie during the middle of lunch. I saw her walk in
with Miss Hatzalakos, smiling and chattering like they were old friends. My
stomach dropped. What were they talking about? Ellie saw me from the corner
of her eye and waved as she jogged over. "Hey!" She wrapped her arms around
me as I sat down in my seat with her in my lap.
"Hey, yourself. What's going on?"
She gave me a sly smile, "Well, I heard someone is doing extremely
well in biology. Like stellar! And I also heard you got an A on your
latest paper. Did I help you with it?"
"No, actually I didn't tell you about it. I wanted to know how I
could do by myself."
"Well, it looks like you don't need me anymore!" She pouted but I was
silently cheering. Did this mean that we'd no longer waste every day by
studying constantly and making ridiculous vocabulary flashcards? "But... we
better not get too cocky. I'll help you with your homework tonight."
God... Would she ever stop trying to make me into some honor roll
student? "That sounds great. But you're probably going to be exhausted by
the time you're finished with your co-op so we can always skip it for
tonight."
"Bullshit. I'm always happy to help you. But anyway, I didn't know
you were interested in being a doctor."
"Jesus, is anything private between two people anymore? Miss H had no
right to tell you that."
"Sean, she was excited! She thought I already knew. Why's it some big
secret anyway? Ohmigod, we can look up scholarships for you tonight. I'm
serious, Sean! I mean, it's never too early to get started. Maybe you can
get an internship somewhere or volunteer at the hospital. I'm sure a doctor
would let you shadow him for a day also. Actually, my dad has some friends
who are doctors. My doctor's a great guy. I could talk to him for you also.
Did you know that my grandpa is a doctor and so are two of my uncles. You
have to start thinking about your next step, though..."
My blood pressure was slowly rising just listening to her. Did she
have to be so serious all the time? I'm a freshman. I'm not supposed to
have my whole life planned out just yet. Who knows what I'd end up wanting
to do later on. I tried to block out her chatter, but I couldn't. I just
kept hearing doctor and future and scholarships and volunteer and I wanted
to scream.
"And if you wanted to think about maybe pediatrics, the orphanage is
a great place to volunteer and to see how well you work with kids. I work
with a couple of toy drives for the orphanage so maybe you could help me
deliver some day and we-"
"Ellie? Can we just not talk about this right now?"
"Sean, you can't wait forever. You have to take advantage of
opportunities."
"Yeah, I know, but... Okay, listen. Don't get angry, but it's my life.
I have to live it. How about you try to live your own life for once."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Great, she was giving me THE look.
"It means your always trying to boss people around and tell them what
to do and... I don't know. Stop making decisions for me."
I could tell I hurt her, but she lifted her chin anyway and got a
real snotty tone with me. "Fine. You can make your own vocabulary
flashcards."
"Good. Because I don't need vocabulary flashcards anyway."
Her mouth dropped open a little. "Fine. We'll see how you do on your
vocab quiz tomorrow. Then we'll see who's right."
I fought hard not to roll my eyes, but I didn't succeed. She was
always so damn self-righteous. I kissed her forehead. "Let's just enjoy our
lunch together."
She made a big deal of trying not to smile and finally did. "Fine.
But I'm coming over tonight. And we will be making flashcards."
Oh great...
Ellie's POV
"Bye Caitlin!" I called out as I pulled my coat on. It was starting
to get cold outside and I wanted to make it to Sean's before it started to
storm. I ran the whole way to his house, or as much running as my boots
would allow me. All I wanted was to make-out with him. Okay, I'm just going
to come right out and say it. I was super horny. Why was I sounding like
Spinner all of a sudden?
As soon as Sean opened his door I was covering his face with kisses
and desperately trying to unbutton my coat. Sean stopped my hands and
pulled away laughing, "Woah. I have work to do. You'll just have to wait."
My mouth fell open... a lot. "Are you freaking kidding me? You're the
one who's always saying-"
"Yeah. And now you're going to get a taste of your own medicine."
"That's ridiculous."
"Oh, you can sure dish it but you can't take it, huh, El?"
I tossed my coat onto the couch and folded my arms. "Fine. Whatever.
Let's get started."
Sean was already over his book, though. I was shocked. Usually I had
to twist his arm to get him to crack open a book. What was with this sudden
change in character? I looked at the papers on the table next to him and
realized he had already finished his other homework. Was the whole universe
like going out of whack or something? Since when did Sean Cameron finish
his homework before dinner? I narrowed my eyes at the work and grudgingly
realized that it was all correct. He didn't even need me to proofread his
homework for him anymore.
I stood there waiting for him to give me something to do. He didn't
even look up. "Okay, well I'm just going to go freshen up."
I walked into his bathroom and looked at the mirror incredulously.
Was this a new Sean? I scrutinized my appearance in the glass. God, no
wonder he didn't want to look at me. I was a fright. I rubbed some eyeliner-
gone-awry off from underneath my eye and blew a few stray pieces of hair
away from my face. Was it me or were my cheeks looking chubbier than usual?
I drug myself away from the mirror and peeped a head back into the
living room. He was still working. "Well, I guess I'll organize your CDs...
Again..."
I pulled his CD case out from underneath his stereo and flipped
through it. Didn't I just do this last weekend? It was already a complete
mess. That really pissed me off. I kicked off my boots and knee-highs and
got ready for an hour of categorizing.
I had already finished organizing his CDs, his comic book collection
I found in boxes stuffed away into a hall closet, and arranging his clothes
by color and season by the time Sean told me he was finished. I watched as
he looked in horror at what I had done with his closet. I was quite proud
of my work though. "Sean, you need more green clothes. And brown. Maybe we
can go shopping and pick you out a few things this weekend."
"That's okay, Ellie. I think I can buy clothes for myself."
"Well, do you like it? It goes from one end of the color spectrum to
the other. And in each color, the warmer season clothes are first and then
the colder season clothes. Also, for your comic books, I organized them by
their copyright date and issue number. The oldest comics are at the bottom
of the box. The newer ones are, naturally, on top. And I'd appreciate it
if, this time, when you get a CD out, put it back in it's designated spot.
Okay?"
Sean just looked at me before turning off his closet light and
shutting the door. Why did he look so annoyed all of a sudden? I could tell
he was fighting to stay cool. "Thanks, Elle. Let's just relax now, though.
Okay?"
I followed him to his bed and began kissing him. Okay, this was what
I had been waiting all night for. But as soon as I started to get really
into it, I remembered that he had his vocabulary quiz the next day. I tried
to push the vocab words from my head, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't
believe it, but as he was kissing my neck, I actually asked him what
superciliousness meant. He stopped sucking on my neck and gave me an are-
you-serious look. When he saw that I was he closed his eyes.
"Um... I don't know? Being silly?" Then he was back to kissing my
collarbone and running his hands up my leg.
"Sean! It's like... well... mmm. That's good. Um, it's like disdain. Like
being overly proud."
"That's great, Ellie. Now can we just-"
"Ambivalent."
"Hmmm... what?"
"What does ambivalent mean, Sean!"
He fingered my bra straps as he started to lower his lips to my
stomach. Where I'm extremely ticklish. "Sean! Stop it!" I giggled. I kicked
at his legs and arched my back. "Stop it!"
He rested his chin on my abdomen and smiled at me, "I'm not stopping
until you stop quizzing me."
"Tough. Tell me what ambivalent means."
"Ambivalent means that I'm getting lucky tonight. And so are you.
You're getting screwed."
I rolled over so I was on top of him this time. "Oh really?" I asked
with an arched eyebrow. Sean nodded his head yes with this stupid little
grin on his face. I gave in. "Yeah, you're right. You're going to ace that
quiz tomorrow." Okay, so maybe Sean hadn't wanted me that night to help him
with his homework. At least there was one department where I was sure Sean
would always need me.