Sean's POV
"So things are still going okay between your mom and you, right?" I watched Ellie's face, looking for a clue to help me figure out if she was really fine or just pretending. She just looked at me with a content look and nodded. I figured I should believe her. She usually came to me if there was a problem. Why wouldn't she now?
She grabbed her backpack up off the floor near her locker and threw it over both shoulders. "Things are still awkward, but slowly improving. I'm almost certain my mom hasn't touched a drink. I still worry though. Anything could set her off again."
I knew exactly what she meant. Thank God I wasn't like that anymore. Now I knew I had to control myself, not let the alcohol control me. I still struggled now and then, but now I usually just drank if I was at a party. I didn't feel the constant need to have the alcohol in my body. I wasn't dependent. I thanked God that Ellie hadn't been with me back then when I had a problem.
"Does your dad know she's home from rehab?" I wondered if she had even told her dad the truth yet. Something told me she hadn't.
She shook her head, "No. I asked my mom to just pretend that she'd been away on business. I don't want my dad to know I lied to him, you know? That would really hurt him. Plus, it's like I just want to be normal for once. Not have to drag this whole thing out. My mom is fine now. My dad never even knew she had gone off the edge in the first place. It would kill him to know that."
I was surprised she was sharing this much information with me. Usually she hated talking about her mom's situation or anything like that. Ellie held one of her hands to her stomach and leaned against the wall. "What's wrong?" I put a hand on her shoulder.
Her eyes widened, "I'm going to be sick!" She pushed past me and ran towards the direction of the bathrooms. I stared after her. That was sudden. I hoped she wasn't coming down with anything. I began walking down the hall again and ran into Craig.
"Sean, hey. Have you seen Ellie?" I narrowed my eyes at him. Why did he want to know where Ellie was?
"She just got sick," I offered.
Craig frowned, "That sucks. I have the pictures from our shoot the other day back. They're incredible."
Shoot? Oh yeah... the whole catalogue thing. I vaguely remembered Ellie saying something about it. "Can I see?" I held a hand out towards the huge envelope he was holding underneath his arm.
Craig looked at the envelope and then handed it to me. "Of course. Don't smudge them, though. Hold them on the edges."
No shit. I took the pictures out and began flipping through them. Wow, these were really good. "She looks gorgeous."
"Isn't she? Oh, I really like that one. I got that when she was just sitting there waiting for me. She doesn't know I took it. But look at the expression on her face. You can tell she's really thinking about something deep."
I studied the picture. Ellie was sitting on a solitary stool, looking away from the camera. I noticed the tiny furrows in her forehead and I smiled. I knew she only got those when she was thinking hard about something. Craig was right. This was art.
"I can make you a copy or something if you like it that much," Craig teased.
I looked up, "Huh?"
"You had the biggest smile on your face when you were looking at that picture. Do you want a copy?"
Had I been smiling? I hadn't even realized. I looked down at the picture again. "Sure, I'll take a copy of it. These are really good, man. But, I gotta go. I'll tell Ellie you're looking for her."
I slapped Craig on the back and continued to my first class. As soon as I rounded the corner, I stopped. Did I really just slap Craig on the back like we were good friends? Sure, we used to be, but that was a while ago. Plus, he messed around with my girl. Why the hell did thinking about Ellie make me nicer? It's like I didn't want my life to be filled with drama anymore like before. I wanted everything to be smooth and fun and carefree. Judging from my recent actions, I figured my life was starting to look that way. I smiled to myself. That's something I didn't want to end.
Ellie's POV"God, Ellie. You look like shit."
I shot Ashley a look in the bathroom. "Thanks. A lot."
She leaned against the sink. "I'm not saying that to be mean or anything."
I sighed, "I know. Ashley, why are we getting all upset over this whole homecoming thing? It's not like it's anything important. It's so stupid. Everyone knows Paige is going to win anyway."
"Yeah, she is, isn't she?" Ashley asked. She laughed and dragged her hands down her cheeks. "This whole thing has turned me into a major bitch."
"Me too!" I hopped up on the counter and kicked my feet back and forth. "But I've just been pissed off about everything lately. Psycho." I took a sip of my morning cappuccino to get rid of the taste of vomit in my mouth.
"So, do you think you're coming down with something?" Ashley asked me as she ran a comb through her hair.
I shrugged. "I have been feeling kind of crappy lately."
"Have you gotten your period yet this month?"
I set my mouth in a line. "Yes," I lied. I hadn't gotten my period in over four months. But the last time I admitted this, I was sent away to some therapeutic, high-security hospital.
Ashley smiled, "Well, that's a relief! I don't even want to think of you getting pregnant."
"Oh, totally not the case!" I jumped off of the counter. "Sean and I are always careful."
"That's good. You wouldn't want to live up to your 'biggest slut' title that you're so proud of."
I playfully smacked her on the arm and followed her to first period. We entered the room, giggling like idiots, causing stares from a lot of people. But I didn't care. Everyone always stared at me. Plus, I just wanted Ashley and I to get along like we normally did.
"You feeling better?"
"Pardon?" I looked up into Craig's eyes.
He gave me half-smile, "Sean said you weren't feeling well this morning. I came looking for you."
"Oh, that. Yeah, I'm definitely better. It must have just been morning sickness."
Craig gave me a weird look and I realized what I had just said. "No!" I almost shouted. "Not like that. I just, get sick in the morning sometimes. I have my entire life." I willed myself to stop blabbing.
Craig nodded and pulled out a stack of pictures from a huge envelope. "Here are the pictures. They're definitely perfect."
I thumbed through them and admired the work Craig had done. He was really becoming a great photographer. "Wow. I look really happy in this one." I wondered what I had been thinking about. I couldn't even remember. It was nice to see that a moment when I was truly happy was caught forever.
"So, I'm going to show them to Barry, my boss, today. Then he'll show them to the designer. But I'm thinking it's a definite go," Craig took back the pictures and admired his work one last time before putting them away.
I was happy for him. He must have felt like he had accomplished so much. "That's great. I hope everyone likes them."
"Well, you're in them. How could they not?"
I blushed and rolled my bottle of Coke around in my hand. What does someone say to something like that? I tried to think of something besides "thanks" or something equally as stupid, but I didn't have to. Craig caught sight of Ashley and quickly said goodbye.
"Hey," a pair of arms wrapped themselves around me, pinning my arms to my side. I tried to turn my head around but couldn't. "Guess who."
"Hmmmm... wow, really muscular arms and... well, yeah, that's all I can see. Could it be... Mr. Radditch?" I teased.
"Ellie!" Sean let go and sat next to me with a faux-wounded look on his face. "Is there something I should know about?"
I looked at him seriously, "Yeah. Mr. Radditch and I are having a threesome. Me, him, and the Swiss ball."
Sean shook his head and laughed before taking a huge bite out of his turkey sandwhich. He held it out for me, "Want some?" he mumbled with a full mouth.
"No, I don't 'want some'," I mimicked. I licked a little peach yogurt off of my spoon.
Sean wiped his hands off and grabbed mine, "So. I was thinking. A lot of people like go out to eat before dances. I mean, I heard Craig and Spinner and all them talking about it in the lunch line. Do you think we should? I mean, since you're forcing me to go..."
I squeezed his hands, "Aww. You want to go eat before the dinner? That's so cute."
"It's not like I really want to... but if that's what you're supposed to do then we should do it."
I released my hands from his grasp and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'd love to go out to eat before. You know, I think you're starting to like the idea of this dance. You're sure worrying enough about it."
Sean said something sarcastic, but I wasn't paying attention. It was so sweet how he was trying to make this the perfect evening for me. He had already asked me if I wanted a corsage, if he needed to find us a ride, and countless other things. I rested my hand and stared up at him as he continued to talk about our plans. This was too good to be true.
"So, I asked Jay if I could borrow his car since I practically do all the labor on it, but he said no. So we're going to have to find some other way to get there..."
I pursed my lips and thought for a second. "Oh, I can't believe I didn't think of this before. You can just borrow one of my dad's cars. He won't mind."
Sean arched an eyebrow, "One of your dad's cars? There's no way. I can't do that."
"What? He wouldn't even care. He probably wouldn't even notice. We can take the Corvette. You know you want to drive that thing."
"The Corvette? Well... maybe..."
"That's what I thought. So are we going to do something tonight?"
Sean looked down at the table, "Sure. But I won't be home until like 7:00."
"Where are you going to be?"
"Nowhere, okay?"
"Fine."
Sean ate the rest of his sandwich and then left to go work on something for shop class. How weird. I wondered where he was going to be. No doubt probably doing something illegal with Jay and the crew.
The entire time in speech and drama, all anyone could talk about was the homecoming dance. After a while, it started to get a little old. I was beginning to dread even going to it. "Is it me, or is homecoming the only topic of conversation these days?" I whispered to Ashley at our table, which consisted of Ashley, Paige, Hazel, Terri, and me.
Ashley gave me a small smile and moved her hands in a so-so way. Paige rolled her eyes and leaned forward, "Says the girl who is going to have like the most amazing time ever. All thanks to her boyfriend. Who knew Sean could be so sweet?"
I leaned forward and furrowed my eyebrows, "Eh?"
"You mean, you didn't know?" Hazel piped in. She shared a look with Paige and they giggled a little.
"What's so funny?" I asked. Okay, now I was uber curious.
"Nothing, except your so dimwitted," Paige explained. I glared at her and laughed sarcastically. What a witch.
Hazel clasped her hands and leaned even closer. "Okay, Jimmy told me that Spinner told him that Craig mentioned that Marco said that Sean has this incredible night planned out for you. I'm talking, five-star restaurant, roses delivered to your house the day of, maybe even some jewelry..."
The way she said jewelry made me reel back. "Jewelry? As in a..." I whispered the last part. "...ring?"
Everyone cackled at the table while I sat there confused. Paige touched my hand in an annoying you-poor-thing way. "Hon, he's not proposing. Maybe a bracelet. Anyway, Spinner told me that Sean got a job just to help pay for tomorrow night. It must be nice to have a boyfriend who will give up his social life for you. Spinner may be dish pig at the Dot, but that doesn't mean he gives me anything."
I remembered the conversation I had with Spinner the other day. Paige was in for a huge surprise. But, Sean and a job? When did he work, we were usually together all evening. "What do you mean job?"
"Oh, he's working at some mechanic garage. Doing oil changes and little things like that. Jimmy said he's also been doing odd-jobs for teachers. Anything to make some money to spend on your greedy little self." Hazel didn't sound like she meant that last part to be mean.
I was so confused. On second thought, I did go to my co-op after school until 6:00. Did he go to work then? He'd been pretty secretive about where he was all day when I'd ask him lately. Like just before in the cafeteria. I felt so bad. I couldn't believe Sean had gotten a job just to buy me stuff. Did I give off that impression that I needed things from him to keep me happy?
"But I wouldn't mention anything about it. He doesn't want anyone to know," Hazel told me matter-of-factly. It kind of irked me that other girls were telling me things I should know about my own boyfriend.
But I didn't really have time to mull over it because Marco slid his chair over and sat in it backwards by me. "Gossiping, ladies?" Everyone laughed and went on to talk about what an amazing night homecoming was going to be. Marco gave me a look when he thought I wasn't paying attention. Everyone at the table, minus me of course, gave each other a meaningful look and I felt left out. But I guess I shouldn't tell Marco that I knew either.
"I am going to be the best dressed girl there. I know it," Paige boasted. She flipped her blonde hair over a shoulder. "I can't wait to win Sophomore court."
Marco hooked his arm around my neck and drew me close, almost strangling me in the process, I might add. "Oh no. Ellie's going to look the best that night and she will win. Believe me. She'll be the most gorgeous thing you'll ever see in your life."
I noticed that Ashley flinched when Marco said I was going to win. Was she still fretting over the whole court thing? If I could, I'd drop out, but my pride wouldn't let me do that. Even though I was starting to wonder if it was even worth it anymore, part of me still wanted to know exactly who would get the most votes between her and me. Did that make me a bad person?
Sean's POV"See you Sunday, Mr. Detch."
I wiped my oily hands off on an old rag and grabbed my backpack. Now all I had to do was get home and shower before Ellie came over.
"Bye, Sean," Mr. Detch called from underneath a car.
I walked out of the auto shop and started my way home. It should take me ten minutes tops if I walked fast. I checked my watch and realized I'd actually finished a little early. I wouldn't have to rush too much.
As I walked home, I went over a mental checklist. Okay... tomorrow morning I had to call the florist and confirm the delivery. I had decided on getting her a bouquet of tulips. Marco had told me that she really likes tulips, so I figured that would be a safe choice. Then I had to go pick up the ring I had bought for her. I know this may sound so tacky and 90's, but I got her a promise ring. Kind of like a going steady type of thing. I hadn't really talked it over with anyone but Marco and he seemed really into the idea. Of course, he is gay...
I'm sure Ellie was going to be way proud of me and how I've been getting along with Marco lately. Okay, I was definitely weirded out by his total flamboyancy, but if he's Ellie's best friend, then there has to be something good about him. Otherwise, she wouldn't be friends with him. I trusted Ellie's judge in character more than I trusted mine.
I only hoped she was into the whole ring thing. Ellie seemed like the kind of girl who pretends she can't stand that stuff but deep down she wants it more than anything. I can tell by the way she looks at couples when we're walking down the street or how she smiles when she sees an old man and woman holding hands. She loves talking about how her parents were high school sweethearts and when I told her my parents actually got married right after they graduated high school she thought it was so romantic. Who cares that they're both drunks now who can barely support themselves. Ellie says at least they've made a mess of their life together. I guess I can see where she's coming from. At least I would if I hadn't had to live with it for most of my life.
I felt so weird when I went ring shopping. The people at the store kept staring at me, as if I was going to steal something. I guess I did look sort of shady- a teenager buying a ring from some ritzy jeweler whose name I can't even pronounce. I had gone to this little village that Marco had told me Ellie loves walking around in. He offered to come with me and help me pick one out, but I had opted to do it alone. It felt more special and personal that way. But after looking at all the cases of the rings, I finally spotted one. The moment I saw it I thought of Ellie in my head. That's how I knew it was "the one". It's a white gold band with a garnet stone and a couple of tiny diamonds. Okay, I don't really know how to describe the ring except that I think it's pretty. I really hope she does, too. It's not the most expensive ring out there, but I think it would look perfect on her finger.
Finally, all I have to do is pick up her corsage and I'll be finished. I made sure to make reservations for the best restaurant in town during the end of lunch today. I can't wait until she sees where we're eating. I'm sure she's eaten there before with her dad and all, but I can't wait to take her with me. All I know is, tomorrow better go perfect with all the money I'm spending on it. I'll be paying for that ring for years.
I thought even more about homecoming while I was in the shower. As I was just starting to wash my hair, I heard my front door open and Ellie call out. Great, she was already here. I had wanted to clean up around the place a little bit. I let my head fall back against the side of the shower with a hard bang. I really needed to get a hold of myself. First I'm buying her all this stuff for some stupid dance and now I actually want to voluntarily clean up for her. What had I gotten myself into?
"I'm in the shower!" I called out. I heard her say "okay" and the television turn on. I was kind of hoping that she would sneak in and join me, but I guess that was the last thing on her mind tonight. It's all I ever think about.
I stepped out and wrapped a ratty towel around my waist. I dabbed a little cologne on my neck and brushed my teeth just to be safe. When I stepped out of the bathroom, Ellie wasn't on my couch so I walked into my bedroom. There she was lying on my bed flipping through a car magazine I had been reading the other night. She looked up and wagged her fingers at me in a little wave. God, that wave was sexy.
I jumped onto the bed and lay next to her on my stomach. She showed me a picture of a Lamborghini in the magazine. "Now that's hot," she said and then tossed the magazine to the side. "What's wrong?"
I shook my head and tiny droplets of water went everywhere. Ellie laughed and flopped onto her back. "I'm just a little tired," I replied.
"Oh really? Well, maybe you need a massage." I raised my eyebrows. That sounded good.
Ellie pushed me so I was laying flat on the bed and straddled my back. I about screamed when she started to massage my back. Who knew she could be so rough? I told her to chill a little and she eased up. "Sorry," she said. "I like it rough."
I couldn't tell if that was a sexual innuendo or if I was just too horny for my own good. I decided to let it go and just enjoy the moment. "So, my dad will be home to see us off tomorrow. Did I tell you that?"
I nodded sleepily, "You mentioned it. That's good, I guess."
"I know you guys didn't get off to a good start. He was a little sidetracked, I'll admit. But you weren't helping either. Seriously Sean, my dad's a good man. You'll love him, I promise. Just give it time."
I really did want to impress him. I cared what he thought about me. I can't believe I'm actually starting to care what grown-ups think about me. I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. "So, you're not giving me any hints on what you're wearing?" I asked. I wondered if she could even make out what I was saying since I was talking into the covers of the bed.
"Nope!" Ellie chirped. Then she leaned down so her lips were right next to me ear. "I'll tell you this: it's short."
My eyes opened wide and I smiled. Short was good. "How short are we talking?"
"Insanely short. To the point where it's almost dangerous. Maybe even illegal."
I rolled over so she was straddling the front of me now. "I'm starting to like the idea of going to the homecoming dance." I put my hands on her hips and squeezed.
Ellie shrieked and then covered her mouth with her hands. "I'm ticklish, you oaf!" She poked me hard in the stomach.
I pulled her down so she was lying on top of me. She resisted a little bit- saying her clothes were going to get wet- but, in the end, I won. She ran her hands through my wet hair and kissed the corner of my mouth. "Sean?"
"Hmm?" I opened an eye.
"What was your life like before you came to Degrassi?"
Where was this coming from? Did it even really matter anymore? "It sucked. That's basically it."
"Oh."
I held her tighter against me. "Why? What about you? Were you voted most popular and did you date the captain of the football team?" I joked. Seriously, did I know anything about her life before Degrassi? I couldn't even remember if she had told me anything.
She ran her fingers up and down my left arm. "Eh, you know... it was okay. There are just some things that are better left... unsaid. Unrevealed? You know?"
I yawned, "I guess." She seemed to have grown uneasy after I asked her that. Well, she was the one who started it. I took my fingers out of her ponytail and trailed it down her spine and then up the back of her leg. When I reached mid-thigh, I stopped and asked, "Is this okay?"
She lifted her head from its position on my chest and smiled at me. "Yeah, this is okay." So I continued. "Let me help you." She sat up and pulled her tank top off, then her shirt, and then her long-sleeved shirt. Which revealed yet another tank top.
"This is like torture. The never ending strip tease," I joked quietly. I realized I had grown a little more soft-spoken with Ellie. It was in her nature to be gentler and softer than the rest of us, so I had started to try and be that way too.
She stopped, "Well, this is it," she said referring to the last tank top. I searched the back of her skirt for a zipper or buttons or something but found none. "Here," she led my hands to the little buttons on both sides of it. It took me forever to unbutton them. My hands were shaking. She's the only girl who makes my hands shake like this. Who makes me nervous before we have sex. I felt like a nine-year-old.
I got under the covers and pulled Ellie under with me. Leaving her skirt and all her tops behind. She wiggled under and pulled on my towel, throwing it across the room once she untangled it from me. We fooled around a bit before actually doing anything. I almost forgot to use a condom and at the last minute told her to wait. What an idiot. I would have killed myself if I had forgotten and hurt her. I thought she might freak out knowing that we had gotten so close and almost forgot protection but she was understanding and didn't even mention it later.
Afterwards, she was staring at the ceiling and I at her. She turned her head to look at me, "Just so you know, I'm not on like birth control or anything, okay?"
I intertwined my fingers with hers, "Okay."
"So we have to be careful, okay?"
"I know. I'm sorry."
She pulled the covers up around me more after she saw me shiver. "Warmer? But maybe I should be on birth control, you know? Just to be safe."
"Whatever you want, Ellie."
She sucked on the inside of her cheek, deep in thought. "I was going to go on it before, but I didn't and..."
I stopped rubbing her hand when I heard her tone. "And?" I prompted.
Her eyes fluttered and she looked back up at me. "And I got in trouble."
I just stared at her. What did she mean she had gotten in trouble? "You mean, it wasn't your first time with me? You weren't a virgin?" I figured she had been a virgin. It's not like her and Marco did anything.
She blinked, "No."
"Oh," I sort of felt disappointed. I had kind of felt special when we had first had sex because I thought it was her first time.
"There are things you don't know, Sean. Believe me."
What did she mean by things? "So you got in trouble? What's that mean?"
"I got pregnant."
Did she have to put it so bluntly? I let out the breath I hadn't noticed I'd been holding. Wow. "So what happened?"
"I had an abortion."
My eyes shot back up at hers. Really? "Are you serious?" I whispered.
"Why would I make it up?" Her body tensed up.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so... Wow. This is just..."
"Hard?" She offered. I nodded. "Yeah, I know. But I'm glad you know now."
"Me too." I tried to think of something more real to say to her than "me too".
"Ellie, I don't care what happened before, okay? I mean, I do care, but I'm not going to get angry or jealous or hate you for anything you did before. I'm not like that. I have no right to be like that. But I'm glad you told me."
"I knew you'd be able to handle it. You're the first person I've ever told. I haven't even told Marco."
"It's our secret," I told her. I pulled her closer to me and gave her a long hug before letting her go. She gave me a sort of sad smile and pulled the sheet around her closer. I could see she was getting tired. "Why don't you get some sleep?"
She nodded and shut her eyes. "Sean?" she opened them back up. "Thanks for not... judging me. I mean, at my old school, not everyone was so accepting. I mean, I've had some really bad things said to me. It's good to know there are people out there like you who will listen to the whole story, you know? Who won't jump to conclusions."
"Your welcome," I watched as she fell asleep. As soon as her breathing became regular and had it's own rhythm, I thought back to what she just told me. I guess there are a lot of things I don't know about her. And now that I knew this, I didn't look at her any different. Well, maybe I did actually. I saw her as someone who went through some pretty rough shit and came out fine. It amazed me how she kept it all together so easily. I knew now she wasn't perfect, though. She made mistakes also, but she forged right through them and got on with her life.
I think that's when you know you've really found someone special. When you realize they're not perfect and that's why you want them so much. Because you see both their good and bad qualities, and the way you feel about them stays the same.
I slid my fingers into her curled fingers resting against the pillow. I whispered the words to her so quietly I could barely hear the words myself. I watched her face, looking for a movement of her eyelids or mouth or anything to give away that she had heard me. But there was nothing.
I had never said those words to a girl before. I had never even wanted to say them. I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to say them to her face when she was awake, though. I didn't quite know if she'd return the same sentiments. But it felt good to say it. I turned my attention to the little hand I was holding in mine. I kissed her fingers and rested my cheek against them. My face was now just a few centimeters away from hers. I leaned my face forward so that my lips brushed her ear and whispered the words again.
"I love you."
Eeps! So Sean finally said the words! Okay, not finally since Ellie still hasn't, but... Who knew he'd say it first. So I hope you guys enjoy that little treat. Also, Ellie revealed a big secret to him. I know that it wasn't really discussed a lot but they'll talk more about it later. Sean just seems like the kind of guy who really doesn't want to get into stuff like that. Okay, your input- am I making Sean too... nice and like perfect boyfriend? I try to even it up a bit, but I don't want to make him a total jackass or like mr.robot boyfriend, so your opinions would be nice? And when I read over my story again, Sean seems so much more into the relationship then Ellie, which isn't totally true so I hope you guys haven't been wondering why that is or anything. I had a grea time writing this chapter! Enjoy! Look forward to the dance tomorrow! woot woot