Chapter 25: Ruins
-One Month Later-
Marco's POV"Ellie, calm down. You're going to do great." I tossed Ellie a hairbrush and she nervously yanked it through her long hair.
"No, Marco. I won't be great. I'm going to suck royally. Everyone will laugh at me."
"Actually, I think that's sort of the point. It's supposed to be a comedy."
She let out a groan and threw the brush at my head before sitting back down in front of the mirror and applying her makeup. "Look at me. My hair isn't even curled yet, my makeup's not on, I don't have my costume on, I'll probably forget all my lines. I'm going to ruin the entire play. You realize that my parents are out there? And Sean? This is big, Marco. Huge. Gigantic."
"Enormous. Monstrous. I get it Ellie. Take a deep breath and think happy thoughts. You're a natural. Believe me, I've been putting up with your drama long enough."
She tossed me a look and I stifled a laugh. I loved seeing her like this- all nervous and out of sorts and unorganized. I finished applying the rest of my stage makeup and proceeded to help Spinner with his. Ellie just needed to chill out right now. Actually, she needed to chill out all the time. Especially lately, she's been acting like a huge control freak.
An hour later, Ms. Kwan informed us that we had ten minutes until the play was to begin. I hurried over to Ellie and gave her a quick back rub as she went over her lines. She had them like the back of her hand. She turned around and gave me a nervous little smile. "Nervous?"
"Me? Nah. You?"
"Like hell. Good luck, Marco."
I grabbed her in a hug, "You too, Elle."
Three hours later, Ellie and I took a bow with the rest of the cast in front of a standing ovation. I spotted Ellie's mom and dad and Sean in the front row. Oh my god... Sean had actually dragged Jay along with him? That was strange. I saw Sean and Mr. Nash both get up with bouquets of flowers and they gave them to Ellie on stage. How sweet.
Ellie grabbed my hand and squeezed it excitedly. She had been beyond great tonight. I could barely believe that it was the same best friend who barely said a word in front of anyone. And here she was acting in front of a packed auditorium. I was so proud of her.
The whole cast had decided to go out to eat afterwards with our families to this little Italian place down the street. I told my parents to go on ahead without me while I changed clothes quickly. I'd probably just walk down with Ellie. There's nothing worse than trying to get stage makeup off after a play. It takes forever.
"Yo, Marco. You finished?" Ellie popped her head in and her curls bounced.
"Let me just get this eye makeup off."
"Here, I'll help. I go through it everyday. Ugh, I'm going to have hairspray in my hair permanently after tonight."
Ellie took a Q-tip and dipped it in makeup remover before rubbing it over my eyelids carefully. I opened one eye and look at her as she worked on me. She was really amazing. Sometimes I wish I could just be normal and I could be with her. Things would be so much simpler.
"Marco? You ready?"
I hadn't even noticed that she had finished removing my makeup and was waiting for me to stand up. "Oh, yeah, sorry."
"Sean's walking over with us. Is that okay?"
"Sure." Was Jay walking with us, too? I hope not.
We met Sean outside the auditorium and he nodded me a greeting. He was alone. No Jay. Whew. I could see my breath as we walked down the street. It was freezing outside and I couldn't help but smile when I noticed Sean help Ellie slip on her jacket. He really did take care of her.
So many times I had worried what would become of her. I mean, when I told Ellie I was gay, I didn't really notice at the time, but it killed her. I was so caught up in my own troubles that I didn't even realize how much I had hurt her. And I was scared for her. She started to become reclusive and she was moody all the time. Always being secretive. But then her and Sean started going out and she's gotten so much better. She's actually smiling again. I love seeing her smile.
I opened the door and held it open for both Ellie and Sean to walk through. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until the smells of the kitchen hit me. Wow... I could probably eat five pounds of spaghetti. Ellie touched my shoulder and I turned around.
"You guys go on ahead. I'll be right there."
Ellie's POVI closed the bathroom door behind me and made sure no one was already in there. I looked underneath all the stall doors but didn't see any feet. Good. I locked myself into the nearest stall and sat on the back of the toilet. I had been so nervous tonight I could barely stand it. But it was over with now. I didn't have to worry anymore. Except now I had to watch everyone shovel food into their fat faces. Disgusting.
Okay, I did awesome tonight. So that caused for a little celebration, right? I reached into my bag and pulled out a film container. But there wasn't film inside... Next I took out a tiny mirror and placed it on my lap. My knees were shaking so bad and I had to push on them to make them stop. I couldn't waste any of this.
I formed three skinny lines on the mirror. I wasn't happy until they were completely, perfectly straight. Then I took the tiny straw I had made and snorted the lines. The first line always burns a little. But by the second and third, you barely even notice. It just feels... good. Relaxing. Familiar. I clenched my fists together and breathed deeply, trying to clear my head.
I can't even remember when I first started to snort coke. I just started. All the rich kids did it back in Montreal. It was a way for me to be perfect, but still control the pain on the inside. I was able to be rebellious without anyone even knowing. I've tried plenty of other drugs before- speed, ecstasy, heroin...- but coke has always been my favorite. It's the one that really has an effect on me. The release I'm looking for.
I did one more line for good measure before stepping out of the stall. I smiled at my reflection in the mirror above the sink and wiped at my nose, getting rid of any white powder that was on it. There. I looked great. I looked normal and perfect. No one would be able to tell that I was breaking inside. Not like anyone even cared to notice anyway. Nobody ever paid attention to me. Until tonight...
I had been beyond great. Even I have to admit this. It's been a long time since I've been up on stage, but I haven't lost my touch. That's what my mom said- I haven't lost my touch. And then she said she was proud of me. I can't remember the last time my mom said she was proud of me. Or anyone, for that matter.
"Ellie, are you okay?"
I smiled. Sean was worried about me. Things between us have been so great lately. No arguments. Just smooth sailing. I helped him out- he helped me out. I think people are surprised we've lasted this long. No one saw it coming, not even us. We still get weird stares in the hallways sometimes, but nothing like before. I think people are intrigued by us. I'm pretty intrigued by us.
I put my hands on the door and leaned against it a bit. "I'm okay, Sean."
Sean's POVShe stumbled a bit coming out of the bathroom. I grabbed a hold of her arm. "Watch out."
"Whoops," she giggled. "I'm a little dizzy, I guess."
"Yeah, I guess."
I led Ellie to the huge table the cast had reserved in the back of the restaurant and we took a seat next to Marco and across from Ashley. I drummed my fingers against the table anxiously. Forget food, I just wanted to get Ellie back to my place. God, how horny can I get? But I am a teenager. And I do have an extremely incredible girlfriend. Can anyone blame me?
"What are you getting, Sean?" Ellie tugged on the wrist of my sweatshirt.
I quickly picked up the menu and scanned through my choices. "Um... probably just spaghetti."
She wrinkled her nose slightly. God, I love that. "That's so boring!"
"Okay, then what are you getting?"
She picked at the edge of her menu. "I'm still nervous from before. If I eat anything now I'll lose it all over this table."
"That's an attractive image."
"Isn't it?"
We joked around a bit more until the waitress came to get our orders. I ordered my spaghetti with a coke.
"I'll just take a Sprite with no ice, please."
The waitress wrote down Ellie's drink order and walked away with a short nod. Ashley placed her elbows on the table and leaned towards Ellie. "You're not hungry? But you didn't even eat lunch!"
Ellie shrugged indifferently, "I was nervous. I still feel nervous." She went back to talking with Marco about some movie they had seen over the weekend.
I watched as Ashley gave Ellie a weird look. What was going on between those two? Ashley acted like Ellie was always hiding something, almost as if she were accusing her of something. I tried to think of any reason Ashley would feel that way towards Ellie, but I couldn't think of anything. Unless... Maybe Ellie was cutting again. But I would have noticed, right? Maybe I wasn't paying enough attention to her. I should know these things. I looked at Ashley again. Maybe I would just have to ask Ashley herself what was going on.
Ashley's POVIt's not that I'm trying to find reasons to get mad at Ellie. That's not it at all. I'm just looking out for her. And what I think she's doing... that makes me really pissed off. I mean, why is she always hurting herself? Doesn't she realize how good she has it? She has everything she could ever want and she acts like she's so miserable.
Okay, so lately she's been getting better- attitude wise, that is. I mean, she's smiling more, being a tiny bit more carefree- all because of Sean. How cute. But I still notice things about her that others don't. Like the fact that she's always too "nervous" to eat or just too busy or whatever excuse she has for that day. I've warned her once. I told her I'd be watching her and I am. I don't make blind threats. And what I've been seeing is totally not good.
And I know it's just not my mind playing tricks on me or something. Just looking at her, you know there's something wrong. Okay, so maybe not just looking at her. She's been wearing pretty baggy clothes lately. But, today when she was changing for the play, I snuck a look. Not in a perverted, peeping-Tom sort of way, but in a concerned, friendly way. She's my best friend, I have to look out for her. And what I saw is forever etched into my memory.
It was scary. That's the only word I can use to describe it. She didn't think anybody was looking at her- she thought the room was empty. I was peeking through the tiny crack in the door, though, and I saw her. And how skinny she was. I could see almost all of her ribs. They were just jutting out. All of her bones are. This sounds completely lame, but tears sprung to my eyes when I saw her.
It's one thing to suspect someone of hurting themself, but it's another to actually know that they are. And now I know Ellie is. Or, at least, I'm pretty sure... Okay, I don't sound too confident. But I'm going to do something about it.
Tomorrow I'm going to go see Ms. Suave. I know she tried to help Ellie before with her cutting problem. I'm pretty sure she succeeded. I don't think Ellie is cutting anymore. So, I figure since she helped her then, she can help her now. She doesn't have to come right out and say it, but she can just hint around until Ellie just breaks down and tells her everything.
Why would someone starve themself anyway? I can practically go two hours without eating something. How can she go a whole day? Watching her walk through the hallways is like torture for me. It's like she's slowly crawling her way down the hall to her next classroom. She just seems so lethargic and tired and worn out all the time. Exhausted. That's the word I'm looking for. She looks exhausted. But why is she doing this? Seriously, that's all I want to know.
She has everything. She's got the most perfect life ever and she's trying to ruin it.
Sorry it was so short. I've been uber busy lately. This chapter totally sucked and I'm sorry you have to read it. Hopefully the next one will be much better. Thanks for the great reviews though.