"Don't wake up. Don't wake up. Don't wake-"

"What are you doing?"

Ian jerked his head around from where he'd been watching Jacob sleeping in the basinet and saw Fraiser had come up to his bedside without him noticing. Of course, since his entire attention had been on the baby, that wasn't such a surprise.

"Shhh…" he whispered with a scowl. "You'll wake him up."

She smiled, truly amused.

"You been telling him to stay asleep for the last hour?"

"It's been working…" he said, defensively.

Janet shook her head, wondering how someone so intelligent could be so naive.

"Or… it could be that he's just… sleepy…?"

He scowled again.

"Whatever works. I just want him to stay asleep."

"Don't worry, Ian. Preemies sleep a lot. Chances are he'll sleep right through until Sam-"

And then it happened. One of the orderlies who had been given the responsibility of clearing out and inventorying one of the cupboards close by Ian's bed accidentally dropped the clipboard he'd been using. Had it landed on a bed, it would have been fine. Had it landed on its side, it probably still would have been okay. Instead, it landed flat n the concrete floor of the infirmary, and with so much surface hitting all at once, it slapped down with a noise that sounded as loud as a gunshot in the quite infirmary, surprising everyone.

And waking one sleeping baby in an instant.

Startled from whatever peaceful dream he'd been having by the loudest noise he'd ever heard in his young life, Jacob George O'Neill woke with a gasp, eyes opening. Even as Ian and Janet turned toward the noise of the clipboard falling, Jake was already reacting to being woken so abruptly, and his wail of surprise and discomfort echoed through the infirmary.

"Shit."

Ian threw a dirty look at the orderly, and then looked over at Jacob, who was already in a full-fledged fit. He didn't like loud noises! And he was wet – which was uncomfortable. He screamed again, and Janet reached down and picked him up, cuddling him close.

"Easy, baby…"

Jake howled again, and Janet smiled as she looked between Ian and Jacob. The baby was crying, but Ian looked almost as scared. Well, not scared. Nervous would be a better word, she decided.

"Relax, Ian," she said, her hand rubbing Jacob's tiny body gently, trying to soothe him. "Babies cry, you know…"

How the hell would he know? He'd only been around one.

"Sure."

He didn't lose the wild look, though, and Janet couldn't help herself.

"Want to hold him?"

"No."

Jacob screamed again, and Janet smiled down at him.

"Poor baby… such a lousy way to wake up… and now mean old Ian doesn't want anything to do with you…"

The words weren't what mattered, though, it was the tone she used, which was soothing and calm in the light of the tantrum the infant was throwing. Of course, he was only a few days old, so it was hardly malicious, but Janet wondered idly if it was an example of Jake inheriting his father's quick temper and showing it off so soon.

"Hey, I didn't say I didn't want anything to do with him…" Ian said, defensively. "I just don't want to hold him."

She tucked Jake's head under her chin.

"Do you want to change him?"

"No."

"That's pretty much all there is to do with him, right now, you know?"

Ian scowled.

"Fine. Give him here."

She smiled and shook her head.

"Hold on a second, and we'll change him, too."

Without losing her grip on him – showing far more competence with infants than Ian would have given her credit for, considering she'd never had one of her own – Janet managed to strip Jake's wet diaper off and set it on the table next to the other bed. Then she handed him to Ian, who, startled, took him, holding him as far away as he could and wishing his arms were even longer.

"Cuddle him, Ian."

"He's naked. What if-" A stream of urine splattered the front of Ian's t-shirt as Jacob peed on him. "He pees on me…" Ian finished, looking down at his stomach – which had taken the majority of the wetness.

Jake hiccupped, literally stopping in mid-scream when he felt Ian take hold of him and looking at him in wide-eyed innocence as he finished wizzing on his godfather, and Ian sighed, ignoring Janet's amused laughter.

"Be grateful it's just urine," she told him. "Now, cuddle him. You can hurt him holding him like that."

Ian pulled Jake close, cuddling the tiny naked body close to his chest – which was dryer than his belly – and the infant grabbed a handful of skin on his neck, holding him tight.

"I'll get him a diaper, and you a clean shirt," Janet said, hesitating only long enough to make sure Ian wasn't going to accidentally drop the baby or something, and then heading for the other side of the room.

Ian sighed, ignoring the fact that Jake was actually grabbing a lot of skin, and ran his hand soothingly along the tiny back – leaning backwards against his pillows so he wouldn't have to put a hand under the little butt to support him. He hadn't missed the only urine thing, and definitely didn't ant to catch whatever other present Jake might want to be presenting him.

"You and I are going to have to have a talk about this whole crying shit," Ian told his godson, his voice gentle, and the vibrations in his throat rumbling against Jake's cheek and hand. "You keep that up and everyone's going to think you're the grumpiest baby in the world, and we both know that you're not… right?"

Jake started gnawing on Ian's neck.

One of the nurses – the one that Ian had asked to help him hit River over the head – came up to the two of them, smiling to see naked baby chewing on Ian's neck and the resigned look in Ian's dark eyes. River would have instantly taken advantage of the situation, more than willing to use Jacob as a babe magnet. Ian, on the other hand, was more concerned with keeping the suddenly wriggly baby in one spot.

"Makes you want to have one of your own, doesn't it?" she asked with a tender smile.

He scowled, and shook his head.

"It makes me think I should get fixed."