Chapter Five: Catapult

The sheer power of the Voice had thrown them all. In the case of Ponder, Ridcully, Carrot, Angua and Vimes, it threw them sprawling on their backsides six feet away. Even Vetinari had to grab the sideboard for support.

"What happened there, Stibbons?" asked Ridcully.
"It- it nearly broke through!"
"It felt like it could come right through," said Carrot with a frown, "like it could burst right through into this universe."
Ponder realised his mouth was open.
"Er, yes, in fact. Beings like that one usually thrive in multispeci-al societies. People tend to be more open-minded. Things can get in and out of dimensions through people's minds."
"So we're all a liability?" asked Carrot.
Ponder shut his mouth again. "Well, yes, in a manner of speaking."
"Multispeci-al?" repeated Angua. "Then why hasn't something like that got into Ankh-Morpork?"
"Oh, it has," Vimes moaned. "And half of it has to do with this lot." He waved a hand at the wizards.
"I've seen those mountains before," said Ponder quietly. "Believe me, there are some strange creatures in that world." Ponder shuddered. "It was an odd colour, and it kept talking nonsense..."
"Morning all."
And then the Bursar came in.

"So, how do I go about getting to this... place?" asked Vimes.
Ponder gave him a look of incredulity. "You can't-"
"I'm sure we could all think of a hundred ways to not go somewhere," he growled, "but you just might be able to give me one that'll get me to my son."
The young wizard gulped, but not audibly. "What do you say, Archchancellor?"
"I say tell him what he wants to know," said Ridcully, pretending to be dismissive, "if it'll get all these Watchmen out of my university."
"-" began Ponder, but Ridcully raised a finger.
"And if I hear the worlds 'quantum', 'rubber' or 'continuinuinuinuum' then you'll have me to reckon with."
"Rubber?" mouthed Angua, but Carrot shrugged and shook his head.
"Right," said Ponder, "But I just want to warn you: there's no telling where in that world you'll end up. I don't know where or when - or if - you'll be able to get back. The bridges between worlds are often one-way. It's like jumping across a stream, where one bank is three feet lower than the other. But you'll know when you've come to the right place, because part of you will always be trying to get home."
"Right," said Vimes. "And will Sam be able to make this... jump?"
"Quite frankly, sir," said Ponder, "I don't know if you will. But it should work if you're carrying him. You just have to ... set aside a space in your mind and if you keep it clear, it'll be open to otherworldly influences. Since the world shown in the Omniscopes seems to be pretty strong at the minute, that should be the one to- oh bugger..."

Vimes felt his feet hit the ground, which was odd because he hadn't realised they'd left it. He stumbled a little, then drew himself up properly. And suddenly his breastplate was gone. He was clad in- he was wearing a shirt of heavy mail covered by a light travelling cloak. And then the breeze blew across the plains, and he wondered how, being so light, it was keeping out the cold.
But most of all, he wondered why he was speaking, and why thousands of men on horseback were listening...

Carrot landed a short way behind Vimes, wearing his usual Watchman's uniform. He looked around for his superior officer, but saw only a tall man speaking to a crowd. Then he stopped looking at the man, and looked at his stance. The man stood like Vimes, who moved in a sort of permanent, often barely perceptible, slouch. And as Carrot stared, the man seemed to become a few inches shorter and get skinner, but his voice was still all wrong.

Vetinari felt the wooden floor under his feet change smoothly to marble, and he was moving across it with powerful strides. He glanced out of the tower window; he had a commanding view of the city. He stopped, and shook himself a little, throwing off the fragile force that had guided him across the room. His hands stopped moving towards a black crystal globe. He turned instead to the white city. And smiled.

The Bursar shrieked. He was on a balcony a thousand feet above a wind-blasted plain. And the worst part was, he couldn't even see it. He could feel the terrible tingly suckiness of the drop before him, but he seemed to be encased in black metal. He couldn't move! He lifted the terrible dark helm...et... from his head before it could crush his skull.
The Bursar shrieked again. There a volcano, and lots of mountains, and it was cloudy, and there was a THING four feet from his face, like a bird with no feathers, and it smelled bad, and there was something nasty on its back, something man-shaped and upright but definitely not alive or human. "What displeases you, lord?" it wheezed.
Bursar actually squeaked, out of sheer terror. Then the Pills dug in their heels again. "The colour scheme!" he said. "I've had enough of all this darkness."
"And what does your lordship desire?"
"Pink!" said the Bursar. "I want the whole place done up in pink! Is this the kind of image we want to project in the Century of the Anchovy? Pink!"

"Stibbons!" warned the Archchancellor. "What the hell happened? They're gone!"
"They're in there, sir," stammered Ponder. "I didn't actually expect that to work for them, it's simple for a wizard if the power's strong enough, but it must be... they're beyond our help, sir."
"How long will they be gone?" asked Angua. There was a bitterness in her voice.
"How long is a piece of string?" Ponder retorted. "It all depends on-"
And then one of the Omniscopes shattered into five pieces. But only one shard landed in the University.