Chapter III- All Hail the Slytherin Prince

"What were you off doing all day, I would like to know?" demands Lucius Malfoy in one of his loudest tones, Volume 897. (For the record, 1002 is the worst.)

Lucius Malfoy is a prime exaggerater. He's won at least fifteen awards, as he's gotten himself out of many things: Potions finals ("Owwwwiieeee... That just burned my haaaaaand!"), a project due in Care of Magical Creatures ("But I mistakenly drank my Sleeping Draught mix for potions instead of my pumpkin juice last week and I've been EVER SOOOO TIRED everiiiiiie niiiiiiight!"), and untimely death, to name a few.

Now the point of bringing up his history is quite simple- I'd only been out of class for the rest of broom flying, part of History of Magic (I believe I aced my test, by the way!) and lunch. But skipping lunch is not all that rebellious, you know. And he was acting as though I'd skipped out of school pretending to be dead.

All ready irritated, I sit across from him at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall for supper. "All day?" I repeat, staring at him, trying to refrain from insulting the poor, demented Malfoy.

"Well, I didn't see you in the hall before fourth!" he almost shouts out, voice now at Volume 909. "Where were you? Answer me now!" He stares out at me from behind narrow slits.

"If you must know, I-"

"Took a little tumble off your broom?" finishes Lucius. "Yes. That's what I heard. How perfectly sad," he sneers. "Were you very hurt?"

"NO," I say defiantly. "Not really at all, you know. They just kept me out of class because Runson might have gotten in trouble if many people thought I'd gotten real bloodied." Although I do not condone it, lying is quite helpful at times of great need.

Lucius looks highly pleased with this excuse. "Brilliant! You should write your parents. Did you know that last year, Hag got the school convinced they'd poisoned him? They attempted to send our father quite a large sum of money, except Hag gave them the wrong address, and somehow kept all of it!" He smiles brightly at me and stabs a bit of roundstreak with his fork.

Lucius is filled with stories like this one. I'd like to say it never gets tiring, but I'm not that great of a liar.

I pour gravy on my mashers and try not to look too disgusted. "Why would your brother try to get more money?"

"Our Father keeps a fairly close watch on how much we spend, and what we spend it for. Hagawthe most likely wanted something that he did not want to be caught having," hints Lucius, in an ironically happy tone.

Lucius' brother is a very odd person. He and Lucius are four years apart, and they have certain similarities in appearance, though Lucius takes after their father much more. Hagawthe has their mother's dark eyes and darker hair. They have the same conceited little smirks, though. Hagawthe is obsessed with Quidditch- at least he was the last time when I visited, which was three years ago when I did not make very good choices. Hagawthe chased us around with bludgers and tried to bend Lucius' limbs in ways ones' limbs should never bend. (Other than that, he was very nice and welcoming.) Of course, that was when Lucius' parents went out to a party, which, from what I've gathered, they do quite often. When they were around, Hagawthe was everyone's dream son, with a very creepy smile to boot. I'm not sure which I like best. Both have their downfalls, I suppose.

I'd gone over to Lucius' manor over summer holiday after third year, as I mentioned, because we actually used to be best friends. After meeting on the first train to Hogwarts, getting sorted into Slytherin, and then being assigned to the same dorm room, we became quite close. Then, something happened. Lucius seemed more distant each year- much more cold every time I saw him. He hardly smiled, unless it was the result of something bad happenign to another human (or James Potter's plant in Herbology. Poor thing took a lot of shit). I started to feel like he was no longer on my side, as though he'd somehow become much too mature or popular for me. He was discovered by girls, and I was (and am) too repulsive for someone of the female gender to pay any attention to. As I spent countless hours after class in the Potions room or studying, Lucius was off in Hogsmede or practicing Quidditch with cooler Slytherins. Of course, I changed as well. It wasn't all him. He made me uncomfortable sometimes. Some of the things he said were rather off-colour, would you say? He was too greedy and a bit too ready to laugh at other peoples' defeats.

"Say something!" commands Lucius. "Don't just sit there, staring!" He looks at me furiously, and then takes a bite of his roll daintily. I swear, sometimes he acts like he's a girl, and it's very befuddling. Once, he cornered me in the common room and came in on me like he was about to kiss me, but I shoved him aside, screaming something stupid about having to use the loo and ran to the toilet, locking the door and staying in there all night. We never spoke of it afterward. That was last year.

My life is full of very awkward moments such as this. (Especially last year.)

But I don't have to say anything, because Narcissa appears and gets cozy next to Lucius. The two begin snogging. It's not something you want as you're trying to down your peas and gravy, so I pretend to be rather interested in the book Andromeda is reading over her cold carrot soup.

At that very moment, I see a strange shape gliding through the air and realise that it is a piece of cauliflower. I try to warn Lucius, honestly, but seeing as he's a bit tied up at the moment, the IFV (Identitfied Flying Veggie) whacks him up the back of the head.

I shut my eyes and wait for Volume 1002. It comes.

"WHAT IN THE-" screams Lucius, looking from side to side like a maniac. A frightened little firstie holds up the IFV and shrugs helplessly. Lucius, eyes filling with malice, grabs the vegetable and turns around. Narcissa squeals for effect.

He stands up, the Slytherin Prince that he always is, regal and pretty with his short icy hair and his fists balled up like an insolent four- year- old. Brace yourselves.... The room seems to darken.

"WHO IN THE HELL TOSSED THIS- THIS- GARBAGE AT THE BACK OF MY HEAD!!?" Lucius shouts murderously. Now, the "MY" in this sentence is very important, because the intonation he speaks with it proves that if it were anyone else's head, he'd be laughing his bloody knickers off.

He's facing the Gryffindor table, and although I cannot see his face at the moment, I can just imagine the venom he's spewing over the on-lookers in the front row.

I focus on the Marauders: Sirius -another black shirt that looks like it's been bought from a designer store with man-made tears in the sleeves- , is studying his fork, James cannot be see because he's suddenly "dropped" something under the table, Remus is focusing very intently upon a granual of dirt on his finger, and Peter is giggling. I told you he was a twisted little person.

Lucius stalks his prey. He sends a glance over to the teachers' table, but no one's looking yet. They're used to his unneccesary noises. His dark grey velvet cloak flies out behind him as he slithers around to the other side of the table, nearing the Marauders, which would bring him behind them.

"Which one of you did this to me?" he says dramatically, as though someone's just killed his grandma. "WHICH ONE?" he hisses.

"'S'not garbage," James states quietly, appearing suddenly from below the table. His voice is steady as he sits back in his seat, but he's looking straight ahead.

"What was that, Potter?" Lucius sneers widely.

James turns around slowly, Sirius' hand on his shoulder. "'S'not garbage I said!" James says louder, his confidence pumping up. "It was a bloody head of cauliflower!" Almost the entire Gryffindor table breaks into hysteria. If people thought I was that funny for saying something as stupid as "It was a bloody head of cauliflower", I think that I might be just as arrogant as James Potter.

He doesn't stop there. "Some people don't want to see you shoving your tongue down Narcissa Black's throat. Save it for the dorm, Malfoy. That is, if it isn't just for show!"

I shake my head. The man's got a point. It seems as though Narcissa and Lucius never engage in physical activity unless there is an audience.

"It was you, then?" spits out Lucius. "It was you, you worthless measle?" he spits out coldly. He places a long- fingered hand on Potter's neck.

James reacts as though he's been given a sudden chill, but from the look in his eyes, he won't be played with the way Lucius is doing any longer.

"Get your hand off me," he says sternly. When Lucius chuckles and doesn't move, James whips around and stands up, trying his best to stare Lucius in the eye, even though he's about two inches shorter. It's a very funny sight indeed. "I said I 'GET OFF OF ME', MALFOY! KEEP YOUR POUFTER HANDS OFF OF ME, YOU PANSY WANKER!"

Lucius gives James a very nice smile, and turns toward the teachers' table again. Myself and many of the students around me plug our ears.

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY! I TOLD YOU TO STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! IF MY FATHER EVER FOUND OUT..."

That is all the Professors need to spring to action. Mademoiselle Zabini, the head of Slytherin gets up quickly and heads over to Malfoy and Potter. After a shouting match from the two of them, James recieves detention. Lucius looks satisfied with this, and gives Zabini a simpering look that reminds me of Hagawthe a bit too much. When she leaves, he takes the large spoon out of the potato bowl and, in plain sight of everyone, he lets a huge blob of mashers drop on Remus Lupin's neck. Remus opens his mouth in shock.

"Ah, ah, ah," smiles Lucius, waggling his finger. He tosses the cauliflower at James' face and ambles back to our table.

Narcissa kisses him lightly on the cheek and he shrugs. "I am just too brilliant."

If this weren't enough, my fellow Slytherins break into applause. I think I just might vomit, so I excuse myself before I humiliate myself in front of the Lord Prince.