Chapter 6- Having Quite Enough
My heart skips a beat. I consider running, but I don't. Yet. "Leave me alone, Black," I whisper again, keeping my wand in front of me.
"Leave you alone!? You didn't leave James alone! You don't deserve to be left alone. You deserve to be dead. I seriously don't know why he saved your life last year, but you should be fucking grateful., because I think you should have been killed."
What Black is referring to was an unmpleasant circumstance in fifth year. I'm not certain if I mentioned it yet, but perfect Remus Lupin has a downfall- he's a werewolf. I found this out because I was briefly obsessed with trying to suspend the Mafrauders, and happened to witness him being led to the Whomping Willow by Mistress Pomfrey. (I was spying, all right?) Black knew I had seen for some reason, and also knew that I was dying to see why Lupin had to go there. He told me that I could get down into a secret passage in the tree if I pressed the knot, and I could see what was down there. Little did I know, Lupin was a full grown werewolf, and was waiting for prey.
Stupid, stupid me. I was so focused on finding out what was wrong with Lupin so I could make everyone see that he wasn't as perfect as they thought. Really immature and kind of greedy, I suppose, but I've always been that way. It's not really something I can go about changing- it's just part of who I am, though I've gotten more of a hold on it now. So, I decided to sneak out to the Whomping Willow, and just as I was close to it, someone grabs me around the waist and yanks me backward. I topple onto this person, and, totally scared someone was going to jinx me, I tried to pull out my wand.
It was James Potter, which put me in a bit of a frenzy at first- screaming swearwords, threats, and trying to hex him. But, he'd saved me. I later found out the whole story. It was really quite hard to believe.
None of that matters now, of course, because afterward, he's been just as horrible as ever, almost like he thought he should be, after being so nice for once.
"I'm glad you care, but I really have to be going."
He stands up straight, taking a step forward.
If I run now, there's a chance I'll make it to the exit before he catches me. There's a chance.
I decide to take it.
I drop my robe and bolt. Black doesn't miss a beat, and sprints after me. I tear around the corner, and I'm so close to reaching the door when he catches me by the back of my robe. Potter springs up from behind the corner.
"I'll teach you to hex me, you vulgar grease-ball!" he yells, holding up his wand. Expecting him to curse me instantly, Black shifts out of the way. I barrel toward the door, and James isn't quick enough to grab me. I grasp the door handle and turn it.
Finally outside, I squint at the light sky and try to figure out which route to take. Black grabs me from behind, tripping me, and James places the Immobilious command on me so I cannot move. I close my eyes, and feel Black give another punch to my face.
"Oy, there's Remus," Potter puts in. "Let's go." He and Black head away, as though they've been doing nothing wrong. Lazily, Potter puts the reverse on me, and I stumble to the ground, grasping my cheek.
Honestly, I haven't a clue why they bolt when they see Lupin. Sure, he's Head Boy material, but he shares their opinion of me, no matter how good he tries to act. He just looks away and lets them bloody me. He and Lily Evans both, but at least she pretends she wants to help. Not like I care or anything. I don't need her help. And I don't need anyone's help.
I regain strength a moment later, and I stand, brushing grass off of my knees. My legs are shaking violently. I wish they'd just let me go about my life in peace. I hate them, I HATE THEM. They think they're ever so cool, and the worst part is, THEY ARE. They always look so perfect, and they're always having so much fun. I hate them. I don't want what they've got. I don't want to be them.
Yet I do.
"Severus! I've been looking all over for you! You're sure a good sprinter. I was calling your name this morning, but you've must've not heard me. Are you all right?" she asks, studying me.
My stomach ties into another knot. It's her. Why can't she stop it? Go away. Let me be alone. Stop making me think this is real when it isn't.
"What did I tell you last night?" I snarl, still trying to get dirt off my robes.
She stands only about a foot away from me. I draw back. "That's what I've been trying to find you for. You weren't at breakfast, then in class James introduced me to at least two hundred people, all of whose names I can't remember anymore. I'm so sorry," she says, shaking her head.
"For which part?" I bark, my two reasons being that one, she led me on or two, because she didn't speak to me in second.
"Well, for making you so uncomfortable, of course," she explains.. I stare at her, wondering what she's getting at now. "My stupid little question was really rude- I don't know you, and therefore I couldn't know if you were comfortable with.. that. If you're not, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you into anything, I- I guess I'm moving a bit too quickly. But I'd still like us to be friends, even if you don't.. You know. You're the only person here who seems to make sense," she finishes, shrugging, a very nice tinge appearing upon her cheeks.
I breathe in quickly. "You're a great actress," I snap.
"What?"
"Look: I told you last night. Stay out of my way. Just stay away," I growl, and hurry away before she can fool me anymore.
I don't need another person fucking with my head.
So of course, at this exact moment, I see Lucius Malfoy coming toward me.
"Hullo!" he calls out, holding onto his dragon- hide schoolbag with an uppity smirk.
"Er- 'lo," I put in, calculating his expression. He's looking very phoney, so I can tell quickly that he needs a favor.
"Come on, then. Hurry up!" barks Lucius bossily, hand on hip. Needless to say, I take my time, and reach him quite a few minutes later. "Finally! Spending time with the new girl again, I see."
"Not really," I snap. "Good Salazaar, Lucius. What's wrong with you? every time I see you you're accusing me of being infatuated with her. She just asked me- well, she asked me if we had homework in second period. Is that all right with you?"
Lucius' left eye twitches as he stares at me silently for a moment. I believe he knows I'm lying, but he questions me no further. "It's perfectly splendid. As is the weather," he adds, gesturing to the dark, cloudy sky.
"I'd have to agree. Though it looks like snow, which is too bad, because I think I've misplaced my long underwear," I say sarcastically.
He blinks. See what I mean? He always used to get my jokes! I suppose he's just too good for old Severus now.
"Severus?"
"What?"
He smiles. "Severus, winter break is next week."
"Yes? What do you want?"
His expression subsides in seconds. "Why, whatever do you mean? I was only going to invite you over to the manor for holiday!" he pouts, pausing.
"Oh." This is certainly not what I expected. I bite my lip. Maybe he's being nice, says a little voice inside my mind. Maybe he feels sorry for treating you like shit and he wants to repay you. Nonsense! He doesn't care! He has no sense of emotions, no way of knowing how cruel it was to drop you from his circle just as fast as he'd taken you. But, maybe, just maybe, he's realised he needs you as his friend. Or perhaps, he's realised he needs your help on the start-of-quarter Potions exam.
Whatever his reasons, I give him a stupid look. "You what?"
"I know. A bit casual, aren't I? Well, I simply figured you weren't going anywhere anyway, and I decided it would be nice of me to take you in."
I ball my fists up so hard I feel like my placid knuckles will explode. I know what he's saying is true, but he really doesn't, seeing as I've told him nothing at all about my home life besides the fact that I loathe everything about it. How could he be so certain I wasn't occupied? But the truth is, I'm not. I figured I'd do as I always do. Just stay at Hogwarts castle and get work done. And Lucius knows that this is all I do, so I suppose it's not an entirely awful thing to say, but after the happneings of today, I'm ready to make anything sound bad.
"I've all ready asked my parents. They're thrilled- it was they who suggested I gather my lot together for Christmas."
"Eh- excuse me, but your "lot"?"
"Why, yes, you know. All of we involved Slytherins. Bella, Narcissa, Rudolphus, Knott... You know. Also, a few who graduated last year. Remember Mason Goyle and Rosetta Rosier?"
"How could I ever forget Rosetta?" I question, laughing darkly at the memory of another beatufiul yet very godly girl. "But, why so many people? And, excuse me but, involved?"
Lucius looks side to side and edges very close to me so that we are almost mouth-to-mouth. Fearing I am about to be snogged (again), I hop out of his way.
He snorts angriliy. "Get back here." He trudges toward me and whispers in my ear," It's secret. But what I can reveal is that one of my father's good friends, and a really, really brilliant man, is going to speak to all of us about how we can help."
"Help what?" I yell into his ear, making him frown, as I can tell he was having a bit of fun being mysterious.
"The Pureblood issues!" he says quietly, but still has the effect of screaming. "We must help our future generations stay clean, pure, Muggle-free! And we need all of the help we can get. We also want to start exterminating those who think muggles and Mudbloods make good families, like that failure, James Potter. The way he lusts over that Mudblood bitch is pathetic. He's as bad as her! Maybe worse."
I should add something here. Lucius' family is obsessed with purity. Hagwathe made countless mudblood jokes the last time I was over, and from Lucius has told me, his parents are constantly having socials with other purists like themselves, arranging marriages, and such things. My parents are pro-Pure, but at least they don't care about me enough to try and get me a "good" wife. (That, and the fact that they are so bloody poor that no one would want anything to do with them.)
"So," Lucius snaps, looking aggitated, as though the very subject puts him on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "Are you in, or not?"
In or not? What is this, a bleeding cult?
I was all ready for this to be a fairly harmless little week stay at the Malfoy home. But with the Black Sisters and Lestrange, and Rosetta, well- it was beginning to sound like a loud, obnoxious nightmare. These 'Pureblood issues', though, as Lucius put it, sounded relatively interesting.It would be nice to know what is going on in the world.
And to be completely honest, the thought of exterminating James Potter sounded very fun and joyful.
This could be information I needed. I want to hear about how to rid the world of people who made me feel like i didn't matter. I also need desperately to get my mind off of Moragona Connely. It's becoming quite embarrassing, the way I care so much that she is playing tricks on me.
"What are the benefits? What do I have to do? Is it simply a lecture, or will we have to take some sort of course? And what's this friend of Mr. Malfoy's like?"
Lucius smiled. "You'll have to find out next week, won't you? Here, let me write your name down," he told me, opening his bag and removing what appeared to be a very fancy guest list. "The train leaves this Sunday morning. It'll be ever so much fun. And in answer to your last question-" a strange sort of look filled Lucius' cold gray eyes- "he's a charming person. You'll adore him. I do..." He trails off, biting his lip, as though harbouring a secret. A flake of crystal white snow drifts down and lands upon his equally pale nose. He grins. "Uh oh- come along, Severus. I ought to help you look for your long johns." He grins and throws back a blond bang. And for a moment, it feels just like it used to, when we were best friends.
Maybe this trip will bring us close again.
Maybe not.
WHY DO I CARE???
Ah, well, happy Christmas.
A little socializing never hurt anyone, right?