AN: This incoherent RP-story is written by Kimmy and Penniewise during some mind-numbing lectures. It came to a point where we had to start writing or die from acute lack of brain stimulation. Since we took turns adding lines, Kimmy totally reject half of the content. Penniewise, on the other hand, wouldn't touch Kimmy's half with a ten-foot pole.

Penniewise says, "Especially the parts that hints at shounen-ai."

Kimmy says, "Hey, those are the funny parts!"

Penniewise says, "Hmph."

Disclaimer: OBS! Kimmy and Penniewise don't own DMC, Dante, Trish, or any of the other commercial-related creatures featured here within. They do however own their own selves. Hopefully...

Chapter one: Slightly mad

The teacher drones on in his coma-inducing voice. In the front row two girls are sitting, trying hard not to fall asleep.

"TIRED!" One of the girls whispers loudly. Her name is not really Penniewise, but what the heck.

The other girl – let's call her... The King! Ehe, no. Her name is something like Kimmy Jarl, so let's call her that. She takes off her glasses and polishes them with a tissue. "You getting anything of what the teacher is saying?" she whispers. "Because I'm not."

"...and those are called the Gray Print," the tall, skinny teacher says. "Let me draw your attention to the third level of decision monitoring bla bla bla lalalalal bzbzbz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." His voice slowly becomes more and more unintelligible, and fades away to a low buzzing sound. The coma is complete.

Penniewise suddenly gets to her feet and screams at the top of her lungs: "SQUIGGLY BOTTOM!"

Kimmy puts her glasses back on and blinks. No one else is moving.

A loud 'boing' is heard and Penniewise squeaks in surprise as a pair of clown pants replaces her skirt and on her nose a bright red ball appears. Her brown shoulder length hair twists itself into greenish purple spikes. She has become a demonic clown.

"BRAINMELT!" she hollers and takes gigantic leaps over the students still frozen in place. She starts singing a Christmas carol. "Ja se det snöar, ja se det snöar..."

"Madness!" Kimmy exclaims. "It's May! Don't sing about snow when the sun has finally come back." She starts singing a song of her own, very loudly. A traditional spring anthem. "VI GÅR ÖVER DAGGSTÄNKTA BERG, FALLERA!"

Madly bouncing around the room in her gigantic trousers, Penniewise switches song without missing a beat. "Cthulhu has a squiggly bottom, squiggly bottom, squiggly bottom. Cthulhu has a squiggly bottom, squiggly, squiggly, squiggly bottoooom!"

Cthulhu pops up from behind the teacher's desk. With a huffed expression he mutters, "Who said that?"

"Eep!" Some obscure instinct makes Penniewise and Kimmy rush back to their seats and freeze up, trying to look inconspicuous. They observe the unfolding drama in thorough silence.

A strange-looking yellow man walks into the classroom. He drools and smiles a beatific smile. "Mmmm...squiggly," he murmurs dreamily.

"NO!" Cthulhu screams, totally terrified. "Get away from me you creepy, yellow man. I'm NOT made of jello!"

Homer (because it is he, good folks) starts chewing on Cthulhu's tentacle covered behind.

"Somebody kill me!" Cthulhu howls. "The humiliation, the horror, the pain!"

Between bites, Homer starts to sing, "I'm gonna eat your ass and then I'm gonna eat your..."A brief bleeping noise drowns out the last of his words. Everybody looks around, trying to locate the source, but to no avail.

Dante enters, wearing a frilly pink skirt.

"Huh!" Homer looks up with blood around his mouth.

Dante walks up to him and smiles broadly. "Let's rock, Baby!" He takes Homer's hand and sends him twirling. Homer turns into a whirlwind of blue and yellow. (Go Sweden!)

"Woho!" Homer says as he finally starts to slow down. "I'm hungry."

Cthulhu clasps on to Dante's leg and falls on his knees, slobbering all over the white-haired warrior's skirt. "Thank you, thank you!"

"Nice tutu." Homer remarks. "Pink... like candy. Candy... mmm."

"Hey," Dante grumbles as he tries to free himself from Cthulhu's slimy embrace. "Lay off of my tutu!"

Homer falls to his knees by Dante's feet and begins to chew.

"Hey, get off me!" He kicks Homer in the stomach.

"Nice try," Homer purrs. "But you can't hurt me." He starts to lick.

Dante stares horrified at the tattered remains of his pink skirt. "For this you shall pay!" He devil triggers and shoots huge lightning bolts at Homer. "DIIEEE!"

"Ouch!" Homer says, and dies.

"I came, I saw, I fried!" Dante proclaims with a victorious gesture. "Haha!"

"Haha!" Cthulhu laughes. "You forget your most fearsome enemy. Me!"

"You big traitorous blob!"

"You half naked, skinny little girl!"

"I'm not a girl! Look! I have this really big sword!" Dante whirls Sparda over his head.

"Oh, I'm so scaaaared." Cthulhu pretends to shiver.

"I will annihilate you!" Dante pulls out his big guns from underneath his skirt.

"Aw," Cthulhu croons. "Are you gonna shot me now, little girl?" He bends down and pats Dante on top of his shiny platinum locks.

Dante turns bright red and starts to stutter. "You...you..."

"You're so cuuuute," Cthulhu gushes.

Dante raises his large guns and starts shooting wildly at Cthulhu, but the tentacled creature isn't harmed by the bullets. He just keeps gushing. "So cuuute!"

"DIIEEE!" Dante picks up Homer's corpse and starts to pound Cthulhu violently over the head.

Cthulhu claps his hands together. "A present? For me? You're so cuuute!"

"What does it takes to kill you, you big lump of goo!"

"Aw, you don't mean that." Cthulhu smiles sweetly and takes a big bite out of Homer. "Mmm...human."

Dante puts on the Ifrit gloves and turns into a fiery demon.

"WOW!" Cthulhu starts clapping again. "That's so cuuute!"

Dante throws his head back and laughs triumphantly. "You're toast now, demon!" He jumps up in the air and his flaming feet collide with Cthulhu's face.

"Silly girl, you can't hurt me," Cthulhu laughs. "I love fire."

Trish suddenly appears, leaning against the wall. "Do you need any help, pretty boy?" she asks, coolly polishing her nails.

Cthulhu looks up, "No, I'm alright, but thanks for asking."

"Not you!" Trish flips him the bird. It's a fried chicken with mashed potatoes on the side.

Dante blushes, trying unsuccessfully to cover his pink skirt. "Trish! What are you doing here?"

"I came to save your frilly ass!

"I'm fine. This skirt? Oh...it's a prank, see? A frat party kind of thing. Yeah... Right. Eh, hahahahaa..."

"I see..." Trish slowly replies. "And I'm the great and mighty blueberry pie. Come on, I always knew you were a bit of a fairy," she sniggers.

Cthulhu sniggers.

The remains of Homer sniggers.

The bully from Simpsons points at Dante and laughs. "HAA HAA!"

Dante calmly slices him in two.

"Aow!" the Bully says, and dies.

"Wow," Cthulhu murmurs. "That was really mean... I LIKE it!"

Trish straightens up from the wall and joins Dante. "Let's make shish kebab of this prehistoric monster!" She pulls out a razor sharp katana from behind a bench and starts performing a complicated kata.

"Great idea!" Cthulhu starts wiggling his tentacles wildly. "That fat bully looks tasty!"

"Not him! You!" Trish runs at Cthulhu, her katana held high.

"Moi? Aw, are you trying to hurt me, little girl? You're so cuuute!"

"You want cute? Take this!" She pulls out Lenore (a cute little dead girl) from behind her back.

"Gaaah! I'm so scared. NOT."

Lenore looks up at the bulking form of the ancient creature. "Bunny?"

Cthulhu's fearsome maw drops wide open. "Who? Me?"

"Bunny!" Lenore skips up to Cthulhu and glomps him.

"Awww!" Cthulhu staggers back and flaps his arms, trying to free himself. "Mwaaa! Aargh! Rguhl! Fuhg! What's happening to me!"

Lenore laughs. "Make more funny noise!" With her little arms she squeezes Cthulhu around his waist.

"Blöööh!" His eyes pop out.

Penniewise and Kimmy can't take it anymore. They burst into uncontrolled laughter, "HAHA HAHAHAHA! Snort."

At that exact moment the figures starts to fade. The teacher's voice drones into existence once more. "...theories utilized in the study of information, for example..."

Kimmy Jarl coughs to hide her sniggering and giggling while Penniewise becomes red as a beet. She is nearly choking on pent up laughter. The entire class is giving them strange looks.

The two girls burst into hysterical giggles every two minutes. Needless to say, that was a lecture that went straight over their heads.