Chapter two: More madness

Kimmy Jarl and Penniewise stand glassy eyed in the empty class room. After a solid four hour lesson in Endnote, their brains have cracked and decided to go on a short vacation. The now familiar sound of buzzing fills the room. They look around expectantly and see that the computer screens have frozen in mid flicker. Apparently, they had fallen into a loop-hole in time. Again.

"Can you believe it!" Penniewise gushes. "Another round of random madness and silliness." She jumps up and down.

"Joy," Kimmy mutters. "Just for the record, I'm totally OOC over here."

"You! This story is supposed to be about Dante and Cthulhu. We are not doing any of that self insertion crap." Penniewise exchanges a sideways glance with Kimmy and then throws her hands up in the air. "Bah."

Kimmy nods. "It's madness, I tell you. Madness!"

Penniewise starts singing "I'm going slightly mad..."

Kimmy hums under her breath, "Komm in mein Bot..."

Dante waltzes in, wearing a pair of tight red leather pants and twirling the pink tutu over his head, "Deeply dippy, I'm your Super Man..."

Kimmy blinks slowly. "I have no comment to that. Sorry."

"That's okay." Dante pats Kimmy on the head. "Endnote sucks out your brain. It's not your fault."

"You're so nice." Kimmy muses. "Understanding... and pretty."

"Why, thank you. Even though I think of myself as handsome rather then pretty." Dante grins and kicks the tutu into a corner.

Cthulhu makes his slimy appearance. "You're cuuuuute!"

"Oh, no! Not you again!" Dante gasps. He looks around, frantically trying to find Lenore.

"Looking for the pale girl?" Kimmy says dryly. "I think she went home."

Penniewise shudders and pulls icicles from her hair. "I'm freezing!"

"So am I," Kimmy says with some amount of surprise. She steps closer to Dante. "You look warm, though." 'Hint, hint,' her eyes says.

Penniewise catches the look in Kimmy's eyes and slaps her on the side of the head. "Hey! No 'hint, hint, nudge, nudge' here!"

"Oh, come ooooon," Kimmy whines. "Our fics so need more of that stuff."

Penniewise crosses her arms and shrugs dismissively, "When you get lemons, make lemonade."

"Bah! Lemonade this!" Kimmy gives Dante a big, sloppy, open-mouthed kiss.

"Woho!" Dante does a 'Gone with the Wind style' sweep-her-of-her-feet and Kimmy gasps.

Trish pops out of thin air, staring threateningly at the pair. "What's going on here?"

Kimmy gives her a cheesy smile. "I was just making a point. Lemons, lemonade... see?"

"What are you talking about?" Trish starts fiddling with one of her guns.

"Yeah," Dante says petulantly. "I don't taste like lemonade!"

Cthulhu sniffs at Dante and licks his chops. "Mmm."

"No, not you, Dante!" Kimmy sighs impatiently and flicks Cthulhu on the side of his deformed head. "I meant this bloody fic!"

"Now, now, children. Don't fight," Penniewise scolds absentmindedly as she pulls some lemons from her pockets and starts juggling.

"Who's fighting?" Kimmy snuggles tightly in Dante's warm, muscular embrace. "Purr, purr."

Cthulhu stares at them enviously. "Don't anyone want to cuddle with meeeee!" He snuffles and goes all puppy eyed.

"I WANNA!" Leonore's joyful voice rings out from a distance.

"NOOO!" Cthulhu runs away, flapping his wiggly, squiggly tentacles.

"Good riddance." Kimmy puts her arms around Dante's waist and purrs loudly.

Penniewise scowls. "Stop purring, Kimmy Jarl. You're not a cat, are you?"

Kimmy purrs enormously loud. "PURR!"

"Okay, you're a cat!" Penniewise sighs with a defeated look on her face.

"Nope." Kimmy licks Dante on his chin. "I'm just a Saiyan yaoi fan."

"HA!" Cthulhu huffs mockingly from the doorway. "Saiyans, I ate them for breakfast." His tentacles start to wave around in a pompous manner.

"Mrrrrrrr." Kimmy says and moves her head on Dante's chest. "Vegeta could squash you under his golden-tipped boot. He has a dislike for slimy, wormy things, you know."

Cthulhu puffs up. "I am not a worm. I am the great High Priest of...of...what's-their-name..." He trails off, blushing.

Kimmy shudders. "Tentacles...ew." Dante holds her close.

"Would you stop hogging the cutie!" Trish erupts angrily.

"Me?" Kimmy looks up, eyes wide. "A cutie? Awww..."

"I think she meant me, babe." Dante blows his platinum bangs out of his eyes with a grin.

"Figures." Kimmy mutters. "To good to be true."

"You should not be so conceited, my son." Sparda's deep voice resounds around the room. "I think this Saiyan fan is kinda pretty." His noncorporeal presence winks at Kimmy.

Kimmy smiles and claps her hands. "Oh, honeybuns! Er...I mean thanks, my lord."

Lenore sneaks up on Cthulhu from behind and hugs him fiercely. "Gotcha!"

"Aw." Kimmy awes. "Hugs all around. How sweet." She starts purring again. "Purr, purr."

Cthulhu struggles desperately to escape Lenore's grip. With a squishy sound his eyeballs pop out and dangle. "No, my eyes!"

Kimmy stops purring. "Oh, gross!"

"My eyes," Cthulhu moans. "My ey-HARK!" An eyeball gets caught in the tentacles and he chokes.

"Ugh." Kimmy looks away. "Let's go somewhere else."

"Yes!" Penniewise woops. "We can go to Dante's place and play some pool. And RAMMSTEIN!"

"Yay! Or spin the bottle! Please?"

Penniewise frowns. "Get you mind out of the gutter, Kimmy. There will be no lemons here. Not even a lime."

"But why not!"

Penniewise blushes. "I get so embarrassed."

"Oh," Kimmy raises an eyebrow. "So I have embarrassed you, have I?"

"Well, not really. But you know how I feel when you start talking about ... yaoi."

Kimmy starts drooling, just to tick Penniewise off.

"Cut that out!" Penniewise runs to get a bucket and a mop.

Kimmy shouts at her retreating back, "Pretty boys! On top of each other!"

"No," Dante adamantly shakes his head. "I won't pile with anyone!"

"Not even with me?" Kimmy pouts invitingly.

Dante gives her a leering look. "Well, you're a girl, so that would be okay."

"Well..." Kimmy bites her lip and frown at him in reprimand. "You shouldn't knock it... and so on."

"Knock who?" Trish asks, slightly distracted by Cthulhu's attempts to untangle his eye.

"Knock, knock," Kimmy says.

Trish looks up. "Who's there?"

"A boy!"

"What boy?"

"Boys 'R' Us." Kimmy giggles.

Penniejarl runs in with a mop and starts singing. "Schoop-schoopi-oop..."

"Hey," Kimmy Wise says, hurt. "I didn't drool THAT much. Just down the front of my shirt..."

"Okay!" Penniejarl comes at her and sticks the mop in her face. "Take this, Kimmy- öh... We seem to have mixed up our pen names. Hm, Kimmy Wise and Penniejarl. Nice."

"I'm so confused." Kimmy Wise scratches her head.

"Let's sort this out." Dante starts putting the right pieces together. "Hm, this is A. it should go into slot B."

Kimmy pouts. "This isn't even remotely sexy."

"It's not supposed to be," Penniewise grumbles. "It's IKEA."

"What's this? Could we please stop with the advertising? I'm trying to be a socialist today, you know."

"Oh, sorry." Penniewise frowns in confusion and scratches her nose. "Hey! This isn't my face!"

"But..." Kimmy pats her own cheeks. "It isn't mine, either. Feels the same as always."

Penniewise looks at Dante. "Whose is it then?"

"Whaaaaa!" Kimmy screams. "Look at Cthulhu!"

Cthulhu blinks in confusion. "What?"

"That isn't your head...It's..." She glances at Penniewise. "Waaaah! That's so gross!"

Cthulhu looks in a mirror. "Whaaah! Get it off! Get it off!"

"I won't touch it!" Kimmy glances at Penniewise again. "No offence."

"Get over here, you big blob!" Penniewise grumbles at Cthulhu as she grabs Alastor from Dante.

Kimmy cheers her on. "Alright! Chop off the head! Chop it off, I say!"

Penniewise looks inquisitively at Kimmy. "Have you been reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland lately?"

"Well," Kimmy says. "I'll be happy to have an in-depth discussion about the symbolism of that story. But first, could you...please...GET YOUR OWN FRIGGIN' HEAD BACK!"

Penniewise raises the sword and advances on Cthulhu, singing. "Just gimme a minute and everything will turn out LOVEL-YYYYY...um, I mean, okay."

"How!" Kimmy asks, sounding a bit freaked out.

Penniewise points at Cthulhu. "I'll just chop off his head, I mean, my head. Like this!" Chop. "And then I'll chop off this head that is currently occupying my neck, and then...TA-DA!" Both heads roll on the floor.

Kimmy sweatdrops. "Just get it over with."

"Okay." Penniewise picks up her head and puts it on. "Ah, much better! I've missed you." She pats it lovingly.

"Ah," Kimmy smiles. "Happy ending!"

"No!" Penniewise screams. "Don't end here!"

Cartman from South Park randomly walks by. "Screw you guys! I'm goin' home."

Penniewise looks around franticly. "But...but we haven't killed Cthulhu yet!" A sneaky look crosses her face, "I could of course hide his head..."

She runs off with the tentacled head under her arm, cackling madly.