Okay this is a one shot- it begins a bit dark. Kel is thinking of suicide. It turns out pretty happy though. Just a quickie

Disclaimer: tp owns Kel and her ppls

This lie I live, I can live no more. I must leave our lonesome world. The time has come, the day is here, I must go on alone.

I cannot face the world today, I cannot live this life. Beyond the breaking point, I must escape from this strife.

Behind my mask I hide…I want to keep out the world. If they don't see who I truly am, they cannot judge who I truly am…I am protected by myself, for I know that I must not take their judgments to heart, because they are not judging the true me- but the me that I put out to the world.

I am me. But only I know myself. No one else can say who I am- they do not know.

No one has ever known the true me.

I am alone
Not in the way most are
But I am alone
Different from the rest

I can't help it
It's part of who I am
It just happens
Because that's who I am

I cannot deny my past
It is there and always will be
But I can face life with a smile
I can get over anything

But you cannot
You are stuck on something
You have no idea what life's really like
You have never known anything

You cannot even relate
There is no way you will ever know
Life for you has been a crystal stair
So don't laugh at me

You will never know all I've been through
You will never understand
And because of this, I am alone
For they are all like you

They pretend to be my friends
But cannot accept that I am different
You're just like the rest of them
So flee before I make you

So I sit here writing my farewell- I used to say I would not give up. I used to say I was strong- but who am I fooling now. I look inside and know, I cannot go on. I need to leave this world.

Sitting alone, I listen
Praying for the pain to cease
Facing the dark mark of sin
I do ask for hope and peace

Wounds that I once thought were healed
Now reopen every day
Power that I once did wield
Now keeps pushing me away

No longer do I know who I am. I have lost myself. I have nothing left to hold onto. I am scared by this- but I cannot admit that.

On a lonely hill I cry
Wanting something to see me through
I ask myself if I should die
For nothing here is true

I sit upon this hill and think
Its promise helps me see
Just where I'll find that missing link
How it will help me be

When I find it I shall know
But not till then will I
Yet I see that it will sow
A field where I shall die

I tried to bide my time- tried to wait for the outside blow, but it did not come. Nothing came to relieve me from this troubled world. How foolish I was to hope. I could not see my own folly.

Running, I can hear it
Hidden, still it will shout
Away in the dark pit
Waiting to be let out

The anger, unrestrained
The tears flow freely now
My lonesome heart is stained
For broken is the bow

So hard, each day, I try
I will suppress my fears
Until the day I die
Rivers from my tears

My faith is fading fast
My life, a complex lie
My dark, forbidden past
My incentive to cry

I cannot forget my past- I cannot deny the girl inside of me I've tried to hard to hide. But neither can I let that spirit out. I am caught- stuck in a world I've created myself- stuck in the pit between the truth and the lies. I cannot escape.

my pain, deeply rooted
my heart, a frozen land
my voice, ever muted
my eyes, dry grains of sand

pushed too far, I will break
screaming to be let out
tired of all things fake
when ignored, I will shout

-

Encaged within this world of death
I sit here waiting
Drawing my last breath
Until the final waking

Can I stay here any longer? Stay here among the lies? With the manipulation? I cannot stay here, filled with this unending pain.

So I have made the decision- the one last thing I can control.

So why do I feel wrong? Why can I not accept my own choice. Why must I question what I have decided? How can it feel so wrong.

It can only go up from here
Starting at this hate filled day

There's nothing else I fear,
Nothing more in life to pay

No more sorrow that I feel
No more pain within my heart.
Only now, what death can steal,
Is that with which I'll part.

I will turn to the gods and pray,
Stick out my chin and move on
In darkness I shall not stay
I'll pray till the dread is gone

Grace is what I'll ask for,
Precious hope from gods above
Every day I will want more
Rejoicing in my love

How is it that what seemed so clear is now frightening? How can I be scared of what I'd been so sure in? I don't want to die.

I hunt alone for my unknown destiny,
what fortune will it bring,
I hope not for the coming end,
yet wish for life to sing

o blissful end,
bleed me not,
I seek forever,
but find, I'll not

I've realized- it's not just me. It's all of us. We are all part of the same. We are together, united, even when we don't want to be. We are part of the same body- we are of the same mind- we are all just trying to get through- get through one more day, one more trial, one more heartbreak, one more hurt. I can't die- I have to much to live for. I cannot abandon my fellow humans.

There are those who don't want to see this; those who want to hold onto my past. Those who cannot accept that I am me. They are the other side in our silent war-

you spit in my face
you turn your back
you despise who I am

yet nothing can bring me down

I am part of a new race
on a different track
with the attitude "I can"

for nothing can bring me down

my past you do trace
you find in it no lack
of horrors of all I am

but nothing can bring me down

you have called me base
delivered the sharp whack
driven through my heart the ram

well, nothing can bring me down

I have newfound grace
my life is back
I can finally say, "I AM"

now Nothing can bring me down

So I do not complete my farewell- I do not write my goodbyes. For I am here to stay; I'll prevail through all the lies. I will end what's wrong, do my best- hope for assistance and progress until our final rest.

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