Eternity of Evangelion

He stood before the bloodied ocean, gazing at its constant depth. The colour red was disgusting and sickening, it made him want to die. The waves constantly over-lapped one another, almost in perfect synch, never mistaking the patterns of its rhythm. He was enticed into it.

Shinji glanced over the dead body of his fellow friend Asuka, not being able to feel the sorrow he had felt earlier. It was as though so much time had passed since the Third Impact had struck Earth, since it was Rei's face that dissolved every living being into nothingness. How much time had passed, he would never know.

His knees gently gave away as Shinji collapsed to the ground, unable to grasp the events that constantly flashed before his eyes. Everything seemed to have gone by so fast, and even as he sat there, alone, holding the hand of his beloved friend, he felt as if he had dreamt everything.

Though dreams are but a part of our reality, and reality only exist in a place that no one knows. Reality exists at the end of our dreams, and this was the end of his dream. The real world was by far cruel and tainted, he never wanted to be here in the first place. This was hell!

Shinji grazed his fingers through the sand beneath him, creating undescribable patterns in the soft and milky rocks. He felt so lost now that he didn't know what to do. He didn't even think about what he would do, but the sand seemed to be calling out to him, begging for him to touch it and cease thinking.

"Can't we just be friends?" the voices of so many girls rang through his head.

Normally, Shinji would have snapped his head and searched everywhere for the source of those voices, but everyone had left him, abandoned him the way they always did.

Now, he was truly alone.

"I don't want you to be here."

"Why can't you just leave me alone? If you want to help me stay away."

"Let's break up."

"This isn't going to work."

He tightened his grip a little more around Asuka's immobile hand, feeling the heat of her body slip away with every second. "Why couldn't you help me... Asuka?" He whimpered into his free hand. "Why?"

An electrical chord snapped from one the of the broken posts and whipped into the ocean, ricocheting a noise so loud in the silence of water that it was deafening. No sparks emitted from the contact, for electricity didn't exist anymore and the blood was so thick, it over-powered the water by far. The ripples began to grow bigger and bigger, until they gently faded away.

Was that how he would live the rest of his life? By fading away?

If that was the case, he couldn't wait for time to be on his side, to bring a close to the unwanted loneliness. Hopefully, soon, time would stop stabbing him in the back and let it all be done. After all, how long can one boy live alone in a world of ruins?

Apparently, forever, and that just shattered all of Shinji's hopes. The Evangelion would live on forever, even 5 billion years into the future. After the Moon, the Sun, and the Earth would cease to exist, the Evangelion would still remain, but in complete loneliness. Shinji was a part of the Evangelion, he was the one that gave it life, that made it whole. He couldn't help but wonder if he was destined to live the same fate, locked away in a place of complete and utter loneliness.

Whoever knew that living in nothingness would be the scariest thing in the world?

Shinji gently stroked Asuka's hair, feeling her soft red strands glide against his fingers. He never noticed how soft her hair was. It hadn't been long and already Shinji couldn't take the solitude anymore. "Asuka, please wake up! Open your eyes. Tell me that I'm the biggest idiot that ever walked the face of the earth like you used to. Asuka... Asuka..."

"She can't hear you anymore," a gentle monotone voice called out.

This time, he knew that it wasn't in his head, he knew that it wasn't just his imagination that was keeping him company. This voice was real and it was near. Shinji snapped his head around, looking for somebody, anybody that expressed those sad words.

But there was no one in sight!

His isolation must have already started going to his head.

"I don't want to be alone anymore," he almost sobbed to himself.

"Is that really what you want?" came another voice.

Shinji sprang to his feet in a moment's notice, this time believing in absolution that it was real. "Who's there? Show yourself."

"I don't think I should. Maybe it's not the face you want to see at the moment."

"Right now... I just want to see anybody's face," he whispered, his head bowing down.

His eyes travelled back up to the red water, peering over the waving surface. He may as well get use to this sight, for it would be all that he would ever see. Large ripples began to form a few feet away, a little too far away for him to tell. Still, his eyebrows slightly frowned and he stepped a little closer towards the water's edge, trying to make out whatever was out there.

A lock of hair popped out, followed by the very face that destroyed his world. It was the face of a quiet, reserved, and mysterious girl: Ayanami Rei. Second by second, more and more of herself emerged out of the water as she seemed to be walking forwards, not really caring at all where she was.

Shinji could only gasp in horror and happiness at the sight of her. Her frail little body slowly came out of the water, dressed in the school's uniform without a single trace of liquid. She was as dry as he was. He didn't know if he should throw himself onto her in a tight hug, or scream at her with everything he had. Everything that he had felt since he had killed Kaworu was flooding back to him, plaguing his soul.

"I thought that you wanted to be alone, that you didn't want anyone to be near you," she voiced, slightly tilting her head as if to see his twisted features in a different angle.

"No, I want to have others around me, but they don't seem to want me."

"Why is that?"

"How should I know? I barely know anything."

Rei stepped towards him, only three feet away. "Do you hate me?"

Shinji stood up, the sand swirling and fluttering as dust around him with each step. He glanced at Asuka hearing her yell at him for being an idiot inside of his head. "No, I hate what I'm about to do."

"So you aren't mad at the world anymore?" came another voice right behind him.

Shinji twisted around and gazed at the person who suddenly appeared. It was Kaworu!

"Kaworu, I didn't know that you were here," he replied.

The ghostly shaped figure shook his head slightly, "Of course I am. Where else would I be? After all, this is suppose to be my world now."

"But... I killed you," Shinji whispered with guilt and remorse. He stared back down to his hands, taken back by the sight of blood on his palms, then disappearing. His subconscious had finally woken up.

"Don't jump to conclusions to fast," laughed Kaworu under his breath. "Death isn't exactly what you think it is. Ours is not just the loss of the shell you humans call a body. If it were, I would be dead as well as Rei and the angels that crushed your friend Asuka."

A thought had suddenly crossed Shinji's mind; if death wasn't the same for the angels as it was for humans, then all that NERV had worked for, all the sacrifices and things he had done were for nothing. "The angels that I disposed of, where are they?"

"They live," answered Kaworu, "not here though. You petty humans destroyed the world we were suppose to occupy. Now, our kind has gone to another period, dimension if you wish to call it. It's all rather complicated for a child like you to understand."

Kaworu and Rei didn't seem to be too captivated with what was left of the planet. Perhaps it was that they weren't here either. Maybe Shinji's mind was playing a trick on him. Or maybe the real Kaworu and Rei were in this other dimension as they called it. This was all just too confusing. Looks like Shinji really was stupid, he couldn't even understand the last words he might hear for the rest of his life.

Shinji stretched out a hand to touch Kaworu's face, his fingers sliding across his cheek. The body, no the shell, was present and unmistakably real. It was at that moment, when confusion couldn't get any worst that he finally found some clarity in the chaos.

"This is the price."

Kaworu and Rei gently smiled as they listened to him speak.

"Humans have been playing the role of God for so long, and this is the price for all that we've done. But still, why can't I disappear with them? Why do I have to be left behind? You've punished us all, I understand how stupid and pathetic humans are. Don't leave me to carry their sins for the rest of eternity. I'm not strong enough to do that. I never asked to be born."

Shinji's hand left Kaworu's cheek and trembled at his side.

"You are the Evangelion," replied Kaworu."You were meant to live through this all."

Shinji's head fell to the side, tired of holding on.

"Besides," continued Rei, "humanity shouldn't disappear so suddenly. You may all have been irrational, instinctual driven, and savage creatures, but you never gave up. You have fought us 'til your last breath, wanted to survive, and watch the sun rise every morning... you wanted to know what it was like to live."

Shinji's eyes closed and felt for the first time in the last long days of Earth tears at the back of his eyes.

"Humans were survivors, but your time was up. Another evolution has begun and the world will start all over again. Your death will bring forth a new world, even if it is no longer meant for the angels."

Shinji fell down to the ground, feeling the small beads of sand sink through the fabric of his pants. The world felt so heavy all of a sudden. Life had been expired, as uncounted bodies of humans lay as the ruins of their civilization. He couldn't stay in this place, even if it was meant to be. But could he accept the next life?... if there really was one. Would all of the people he knew accept him into paradise?

It didn't seem to matter anymore. If a child did not belong on Earth during a time of life, nor belonged in heaven or hell, than what was left for him? Purgatory? It couldn't be so. He was in purgatory at this very moment and already felt suffocated by its atmosphere. He had to move on. He had to reach the next plain of humanity's final resting place even if no one wanted him there. They would learn to want him there.

Rei knelt down to look at Shinji in the eyes. "Do you still think that the world has rejected you? Do you want to stay here?"

"... no..." he whimpered, a hand reaching out to Rei's arm. She took him in and cradled him as his mother. Still, she was not warm and soft, but Shinji still rested and confided himself in her, wishing to sink deeper into any type of company.

"Very well," replied Rei. "I will let you leave the human shell. Until the day the Evangelion must awaken once more, you will know the world after death as every single other soul on earth has. I grant you this wish as the last one of humanity." Rei laid Shinji down on the sand, placing his head in her lap as she played with his hair. "Go to sleep."

He closed his eyes and tried to relax in the arms of a mother and a killer.

"Go to sleep."

His mind began to slide and the world faded away from all knowledge. He was asleep.

It's so warm here. I can feel the warmth tickling against my skin pleasantly, as if it was caressing every inch of my skin. I don't want to leave. Please, may I never wake up. I think I'm in heaven. This is the place that I have been waiting for all of my life. This is the place that will never reject me. I now know where I belong. There is no space, no time, no judgement to be found. Simply endless warmth and comfort. Let my soft tears of joy and spread across my face. They are my gift to you, Rei and Kaworu. They are your gift for letting me leave that world of purgatory. If I wake up, once I return to the shell, I can only hope that I will know this again.

"... Shinji..."

I finally belong somewhere.

"... Shinji..."

Everything here is as it should be.

"... Shinji... open your eyes..."

Is it time already?

"Open your eyes. The Evangelion is here."

Shinji opened his eyes and breathed in.