Author's Note: I realized that I'm writing a lot more than I planned to. I intended to make this story quick and short but it didn't turn out that way. It sort of flowed into another direction, a longer and more eventful one. I hope you don't mind. Well, here is today's chapter.

It has been two weeks since school had commenced. Lily was feeling rather regretful about her kiss with James for so many reasons. During that one week, James acted so strangely, so differently. He never came to eat at the Great Hall anymore, he rarely spoke, and he stopped hanging out with his gang and decided to remain alone. Lily was so worried about him. She was wondering whether his change in behaviour had something to do with their kiss, whether it had something to do with her hurtful words, "We both know that it meant absolutely nothing."
She was so convinced it was all her fault that she, herself, had started to act a bit strange. There was so much pain inside her that she hardly ate and instead played with her food, that she did little homework, and that her mind was so occupied with these troublesome issues. She so badly wanted to talk to James, to apologize, to explode, and to burst out all her feelings in front of him, all her regrets and thoughts, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. Tom grew to be aware of the difference in her and obviously became concerned. So one night, a week since school had begun, he sat her down on his bed and asked her what was wrong.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"I know there is something, Lily. Just tell me. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

"Don't lie to me."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"And why not?"

"I don't feel very comfortable talking about it."

"But you can tell me, can't you? I am your boyfriend, aren't I? You do love me, don't you?" Tom asked. His words slightly stung her.

"Of course I love you but that won't change anything. I'd still feel uncomfortable. I just don't want to, alright Tom? You would respect my wishes, wouldn't you?"

He sighed. "Yes, I would. I'm just greatly concerned, that's all."

"I'm sorry, Tom."

"Lily, it's not just that. You've been acting sort of strange ever since I met you for the first time after summer."

"How?"

"Our relationship isn't as passionate as it used to be, you look more tense than usual, and these past few days seemed to have really gotten the best of you. Tell me, did something happen during the summer that I don't know about? Something so great that it would affect you in such ways?"

His look was serious and darkly fervent. His eyes were boring into hers. She couldn't look away. She'd look too guilty, too much of a culprit, too much of someone who had done something horribly wrong.

"Good night, Tom," was all she said as she stood up to leave.

It pained him to see her so closed. It hurt him to see her so secretive and so uncomfortable. Was he not able to help her? Could she not tell him what was wrong? What was there to be afraid of? They both loved each other, so what would the harm of telling do? Instead of forcing her to stay and give an answer, he stayed put, hurt. He gave her no response and allowed her to leave his room.

On her walk to the Gryffindor common room, she decided to have a discussion with James. Once she entered, she saw no sign of James. She asked his friend Sirius where he had gone.

"James? Oh, he's in his bedroom. I know it's early, but he decided to go to bed anyway," Sirius answered.

"Thank you, Sirius."

She apparated in James' room. She seemed to have appeared out of nowhere and frightened him. He was lying down on his bed when she had appeared, but then he was sitting straight up, shocked and afraid.

"Lily? How'd you do that?"

"I apparated here."

"But...but we didn't learn any of that yet!" he cried out.

"Oh I know, but I have. I taught it myself."

"Wow," he breathed, incredulous. Then, he remembered he was still angry at her, and decided to act that way. "What are you doing here?"

"I want to speak to you, James."

"What would you do be doing here speaking to me? Whatever I say will mean nothing."

"That's not true!" she yelled in protest. "Whatever you say is important, but it is that kiss that means nothing."

"Well, I thought it meant something."

"How?" She felt like crumbling. She bent down in front of him beside his bed. "How can you say such a thing? I don't fancy you in any way, James. I love Tom, and he is the only one I'll ever love."

James looked down, able to keep his gaze on Lily. He was hurt. He knew she HAD to feel something. ANYTHING.

"Not one thing? Nothing?"

"How many times do I have to say this, James?"

"Do you want to know what I felt?"

"No."

He continued, ignoring her negative response. "It was the first time that I've ever felt this way. I mean, I've kissed girls before, but that time...there was something special about it. I felt the summer sensation growing around me, Lily. It was like...flowers and bees and the sun all at the same time. It felt satisfying, no, in fact, more than satisfying. I can't explain it."

She looked away, in shame and in guilt. "I felt nothing of the kind. It felt forced and rushed. Plain and bland."

'She must be lying,' James thought as he finally concentrated his gaze on her. 'She must be.'

"Is this what this whole thing is about?" Lily questioned.

"What whole thing?"

"You acting strange and all. You stopped eating in the Great Hall, you stopped hanging out with your friends. You look tired, worn out, sad."

"I have many reasons for all those things."

"Like what?"

"Well, I stopped hanging out with my friends because I realize they're a terribly bad influence on me. I'm still close with them but...I just can't do those things anymore."

"Those things?"

"Bullying, harrassing, teasing..."

"You're ashamed of yourself, aren't you?"

"Yes. You don't have to rub it in, do you? I mean, I'm already aware of how I silly and mean I used to be. I don't think I can be any more ashamed."

"There's always room for shame."

James uttered a small, mocking laugh. "Who taught you that? Your so-called lover?"

She was about to insult him, wring his neck, anything, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She decided to be mature about the whole situation.

"He taught me a great deal of things, as did I to him."

"I bet he taught you a lot of wrong, mistaken things too."

"What would you know, James Potter?! Ugh! You never grow up, do you? I thought you have finally come to your senses and have decided to be mature about everything, but no. You haven't changed. You haven't changed one bit, Potter!"

"Hey!" he shouted defensively, sitting straight up as to let her hear what he wanted to shout at her. "I HAVE changed! I already told you, at the park and everything. I wasn't being immature about anything, I'm just convinced that he really did teach you the wrong things. And so that makes me immature? That I have voiced out my negative opinions about your boyfriend?!"

She stepped back, dumbfounded, offended, insulted. Whatever it was, it had come as a complete shock. She had definitely not expected that to come from him.

"I feel guilty and regretful, ok?! The way you've changed, your behaviour and attitude, it scared me! It frightened me so much that I, too, have changed myself. I couldn't bring myself to eat, to work, to think about school things! I was so worried and upset! That's why I've come here, James. I want to tell you everything, and I want to know everything from you."

"So...you care?"

"As a friend. Nothing more. That kiss was wrong, completely, on so many levels. It was wrong because I don't fancy you. It was wrong because I was leading you the wrong way. I was fooling you even though I had no intention to. It was wrong because I love Tom and I have convinced myself that I would not do anything to hurt him, that I would never do anything that could harm him."

James looked down. His face seemed to be drowning in sorrow and disappointment, in shame and in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he choked up. "I don't think I can ever bother you again. I will NEVER bother you again."

She looked at him despairingly, then quickly left the room without saying a word.

Author's Note: This is going to go a long way. Things aren't just going to end here. I think there's going to be lots more to come. I intend to write when they are in the middle of their seventh year. Hope noone minds that!