If I Smile And Don't Believe, Hoshiko

Summary: After a mental breakdown following Hao's untimely death, Anna seems to have lost all of her memories except of her beloved Hao…one night, when she attempts to escape from the En Inn where Manta has been watching over her, she is stopped by none other than Eliza, who stops her tears and begins to act as a mother for her. But as she grows more and more dependent on this new, "mother," Anna's mind drifts farther and farther away..and all Yoh can do is watch. Will Faust be able to help he and Eliza give Anna up as the daughter they never had, their "Hoshiko?" …or will they play onto the illusion and let Anna die?

Disclaimer: The tortured, vertically-challenged, exhausted authoress does not own Shaman King so please don't hurt her. That would be rude and insulting to Faust and Eliza and Frankensteiny. You don't want to upset the poor dears.

A/N: I love this plot! I wanted to have a main character, but it frequently switches between many characters like Anna, Yoh, Eliza, and Faust…Yay for Faust and Eliza on their way to stardom!

FaustEliza: Damn straight!

Neko-Neko Faust VIII: My god, Faust you are a sexy beast!

Eliza: Second to that!

Faust: I am what I is!

All: big cheesy smile Have fun with this story! 'Tis dramatic and angsty but the Author Notes shall brighten your gloomy day! And please convince Neko-Neko Faust VIII to cease doing her author notes in script! 

Chapter Five: Lilies That Grow Gently

"This seems to help her, Johann…" murmured my Eliza, stroking Anna's hair as she looked out the window, staring fixedly at the white lilies growing outside.

I looked at her and tried to smile, "Eliza…" she smiled back.

It may be dishonest, we may be warping her, we probably are…and it almost kills me to know that I do not care as of yet…

That I don't care that Yoh is dead, Hao is dead, and that Anna is slipping away…

True, but…

She's slipping away into the daughter Eliza and I never had.

When she was alive…we had always wanted a child, and tried so hard…

But there was a miscarriage, and our hope was lost…and to think that only months after not only the baby would be gone but so would Eliza.

Eliza is the one who died, and yet she is stronger than I.

I who locked myself up in a cellar and turned my mind upon itself. I who went crazy. I who now, incidentally, was a kidnaper of sorts…but so was Eliza, nonetheless.

Well, now we have what we wanted, I thought…even though you're dead, and our "baby" is fourteen and insane with grief…now we have what we wanted, don't we?

And it's all poison.

Living in a façade, and I'm going along with it…Oh god Eliza, can't you see what you're doing?

But then again, aren't eyes of death clouded by earthly desires? I wish I could throw myself upon her grave and sink into the dirt, letting her live…

I love you Eliza, but there is nothing worse than a woman scorned…I will always go along with whatever you may do.

"Daddy," she tugged at my jacket as I slipped it on-for no apparent reason other than to occupy myself- "Daddy, when is dinner going to be ready?"

Eliza answered for me in her sweet voice, "After you take a bath, Hoshiko-chan…you're so dirty."

Anna put her hands on her hips in a childish manner, stomping a foot, "I don't wanna! I wanna watch the rain clouds, they're so mean-looking. What if lightning comes and gets me when I'm in the bath?"

Eliza looked at me pleadingly, "Johann dear…"

"I know," I answered half-heartedly, "I'll lie."

I put a hand on Anna's trembling shoulder and hushed her in a calm voice…though it is quite hard for me to sound calm these days, "No…because mommy will be with you, and she will protect you from the lightning, alright? Don't be afraid, Hoshiko…"

Reaching in my pocket, I pulled out a lacy handkerchief-why does it seem my pockets are bottomless, anyway? I wonder what else lies in their depths…hmm…anyway,-and wiped gently the tears from her cheeks. Anna was getting pale.

"O—okay daddy…." she said, holding my beloved's hand, and walking to the bathroom.

Much to my embarrassment, I felt a schoolboyish twinge of jealousy as I saw their hands touching…my god I'm an idiot, and I know it….

As they walked away, I saw lilies growing outside our livingroom window just as Anna had.

We're not that different, are we, Anna?

A/N: To answer a reviewer's question!: Anna is her normal age, maybe a year older or so, but Hao died and she went a trifle crazy…and now, with having no mother as a child, she's regressing to that point…it's sad, isn't it?

You know, it's really very depressing writing two uber-angsty stories at the same time, yes, I mean Aisubeki Dearest….

DAMN!!!! . Weh!

PS: I'm writing an Outsiders fic, and then I'm starting a LililalaXSilva fic, and a alt-universe Faustie fic…the Faust one ish angsty and dark and it will make you question a few things! It's called Rakki no Kizu, it means lucky scar, so ironic to the story! Look 4 it! OO (headlight eyes!)