If I Smile And Don't Believe, Hoshiko

Summary: After a mental breakdown following Hao's untimely death, Anna seems to have lost all of her memories except of her beloved Hao…one night, when she attempts to escape from the En Inn where Manta has been watching over her, she is stopped by none other than Eliza, who stops her tears and begins to act as a mother for her. But as she grows more and more dependent on this new, "mother," Anna's mind drifts farther and farther away..and all Yoh can do is watch. Will Faust be able to help he and Eliza give Anna up as the daughter they never had, their "Hoshiko?" …or will they play onto the illusion and let Anna die?

Disclaimer: The tortured, vertically-challenged, exhausted authoress does not own Shaman King so please don't hurt her. That would be rude and insulting to Faust and Eliza and Frankensteiny. You don't want to upset the poor dears.

A/N: I love this plot! I wanted to have a main character, but it frequently switches between many characters like Anna, Yoh, Eliza, and Faust…Yay for Faust and Eliza on their way to stardom!

Faust+Eliza: Damn straight!

Neko-Neko Faust VIII: My god, Faust you are a sexy beast!

Eliza: Second to that!

Faust: I am what I is!

All: big cheesy smile Have fun with this story! 'Tis dramatic and angsty but the Author Notes shall brighten your gloomy day! And please convince Neko-Neko Faust VIII to cease doing her author notes in script! 

Chapter Eight: Paradise Lost- Faust POV

Damn myself to hell.

I knew this would happen eventually, and I knew Eliza…

I knew that Eliza would happen.

That Hoshiko would finally find out, and it would be my fault…but why in all the world was that picture of Hao sitting under the god-forsaken Christmas tree?

I didn't put it there….my beloved wouldn't have…it had to have been Hoshiko.

But why?

This is the end, isn't it?

I ran toward the door, shouting her name, while Eliza tried to pull me back, "She'll come back, Johann…please…stop…"

Those blue eyes made me shake. They never had before…Eliza, what's happened to you and why can't you hear me?

Damn Anna.

It's all her fault.

I should have known never to have let this happen….Eliza and I could have a child….we could.

Even adoption! God knows there are thousands of little children without loving homes! We could adopt as many as Eliza could want, she'd love them, and they'd all grow up to be happy! Like normal children! Why did this have to happen…!

Simply because of Anna! I can't take this, I can't let her ruin Eliza…

"Eliza, I'm going after her…you aren't going to make me stop." I said through clenched teeth.

She looked at me helpless but angered, "She's just a child my love! She doesn't know what she's doing."

I snapped.

"The hell she's just a child! She's fourteen!She had…better know what she is doing! You've taken her in far too long, she's going to be the end of you, Eliza…she's using you!"

I wanted to put a stop to that little witch. I am not a very controlled man…nowadays…I do what I do and I can't change it.

Eliza just looked at me as if I were insane, "Take a step…out of this door and I promise you…."

My gaze wandered to her once more. She was still crying… "Eliza…." I whispered.

Now I knew what I had done. Now I knew that nothing would be the same after this. My life, and her death, were changed forever…and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Take a step out this door, and I promise you won't see my face again. She needs someone to hold her and tell her everything is alright….don't you understand?" Eliza sighed deeply, her blonde hair fluttering in the wind. "I love you, Johann…but I…I can't stand to the side and let you hurt her."

Why is this happening…? I don't care. I have to find Anna…my little Hoshiko….and no matter how hard I try, she's already become my child as well…I love her…but….

"She needs a mother, not a shield." I said softly to her.

Eliza just looked at me, as I ran out the door after our child.

It's slightly funny now, as I'm running, that I remember the title of a book I read while I was young….

"Paradise Lost."

Maybe, maybe not.

A/N: To answer a comment from priestess-carly-chan, I know this story is confusing! It's kind of supposed to be, even I don't understand it sometimes. Also with my other fic, Aisubeki Dearest, that's confusing as well…progressively so. Insanity is kind of my mainstream right now, so I'm balancing it with a cute SilvaXLililala Fic, called Ohayo! Look for it, it's so cutieful! I only have one chapter for it as of late, but since I'm done with this, I'll work on that.

I don't know when my Outsiders fic will get updated.

Natch!

TTFN- Watching the 19 O Clock News, Neko-Neko Faust VIII