Jin Lu Zi Lao Ch 1
A Ranma ½ Fanfic by PansutoTaro5925
DISCLAIMER: Ranma ½ is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Video. I make no claim to these properties. This fic not to be distributed for commercial gain.
Kasumi Tendo was walking home in the rain with a problem. Namely, that Ranma had recently defended Akane once again, and she felt this merited a special meal. However, as Ranma seemed to consider all her meals equally special, she couldn't think of anything new and interesting to treat him with after that skating match. She was so lost in thought, in fact, that she bumped into someone else who wasn't paying attention.
"Ow! Shampoo sorry!" said the purple-haired Chinese girl as she brushed herself off. "Shampoo looking for cousin, she get lost in rain, Shampoo not see you-" Shampoo babbled, preoccupied, as Kasumi tuned her out.
"That's all right," Kasumi said gently, "no harm was done." Kasumi bowed slightly. "I hope you find your cousin."
That being said, they parted. Kasumi watched where she was going now, not wanting to get bumped again. That's how she saw the turtle, and an idea formed in her head.
Kasumi had prepared the stock and caught the escaping turtle for about the tenth time. She had put it in a cardboard box after the first few times it scooted away from the pot, but it had displayed a remarkable ability to escape from the box. Right now it was climbing the side. She thumped the box, knocking it on its back.
"We're back!" Ranma announced loudly as she stepped soggily into the house. The rain, which had been merely bad before, had turned into a downpour. She wrung out her shirt, which earned a slap from Akane, and put it back on before entering the kitchen. "Hey!" Ranma asked, sniffing the air. "What are you cooking?"
"Oh, I decided to cook you something new for a change," Kasumi said merrily. "Turtle soup! The broth is ready now, so I'm going to put it in." She reached in and grabbed the turtle, which had flipped itself over and was scuttling in fear away from her hand. She grabbed it and picked it up. "In you go, Mr. Turtle!"
Neither of them was expecting a naked green Chinese girl to jump out of the pot. "Ahh!" she yelped, knocking over the pot, and then sitting down accidentally on the burner. "AIYAH! Hurt!" she screamed, jumping around.
"What the heck!" Ranma yelled, backpedalling. Then she recognized the girl. "Ahh! It's the crazy Amazon chick!" Ranma turned and slipped on the broth, falling down and knocking the green-haired girl on top of him.
"I give wrong kiss in China. You boy," Mifa said, hugging Ranma. "Woda Airen," she said, and kissed Ranma-chan passionately on the lips.
Akane, for her part, felt her eyes slowly widening and her temper building fast. What the hell was going on? Why was Ranma kissing this tramp in her kitchen? Her brain was overloaded; unable to form a coherent thought, she emitted a growl like an out of tune motorcycle in the corner as a battle aura popped into existence.
Mifa let the kiss go after a minute, giggling as Ranma had passed out in shock. Shampoo caved in the wall almost immediately after. "Mifa! Are you hurt?" she asked worriedly in Chinese, and pulled out her cousin's clothes and handed them to her.
The now fully dressed Mifa was sitting next to the still female and barely conscious Ranma in the Tendo's living room. Across was a very angry Akane and very confused Kasumi.
"Who are you? And why did you kiss my fiancee like that?" Akane asked angrily. Her glare shifted from Ranma to Mifa to Shampoo, cycling faster and faster until she gave up and settled on Ranma.
"Fiancee?" Shampoo echoed curiously.
"Is OK, he not married to her," Mifa said. Mifa turned her attention to Akane. "I know Ranma from China. He fight in tournament in village, beat me. He girl at time. Law of Amazon say, outsider girl beat Amazon, Amazon need kill! Not know Ranma he. Chase Ranma, fight lots. Find out girl really boy. If outsider boy beat Amazon, must marry. Then I follow Ranma."
The Tendo sisters blinked. "I don't understand you," Akane said.
"Is clear to Shampoo," Shampoo said, blinking.
"Gah..." Ranma said, regaining her senses. "GAH!" She jumped away from the table, noting the presence of the Amazon.
"What's going on?" Soun Tendo asked as he walked in, mildly curious as to who the two girls were. Challengers? They seemed to be decently skilled martial artists, the green-haired one moreso than the purple-haired one.
"I don't know for sure, Daddy-" Kasumi ventured, still trying to make sense of Mifa's little speech.
"Hi! I is Mifa," Mifa said, introducing herself.
"Hello," Soun answered, bowing.
"And I Shampoo," Shampoo said, bowing as well, as Soun bowed again.
"-I think that one is Ranma's girlfriend from China," Kasumi finished uncertainly.
Soun froze mid-bow, then grabbed Ranma. "His WHAT?"
"That's not it at ALL!" Ranma protested angrily. She was, of course, completely ignored by everyone, and so took the opportunity to go grab a kettle from the kitchen.
"Nihao Ranma!" Mifa greeted Ranma as he returned to the room. She scooted over nearer Shampoo a bit.
"Son, you'd better have a good explanation for this," Soun said, inhaling sharply on his cigarette.
Ranma snorted. "I don't know nothin'."
"I don't believe that for a minute," Soun said, hooding his eyes at Ranma.
"She was trying to kill me back in China!" Ranma yelled.
Soun pointed at him accusingly. "So you do know something, liar!"
Mifa patted Ranma's arm. "I sorry, was big mistake!"
"Uh, yes,"Ranma stuttered, caught by surprise by someone actually apologizing to him before returning to his verbal duel with Soun. "I know she tried to kill me! I didn't know nothing about this stuff!"
"Another admission!" Soun yelled, going into full fledge Demon Head Mode. "That double negative is a confession! What are you hiding, Ranma?"
"I'm not hiding anything!" Ranma yelled back in exasperation.
"Ranma..." Akane growled, getting up from the table and looking darkly at the floor. "Our engagement is over!" With that she stomped out of the room.
"She seem very angry," Mifa noted.
"What are you doing here anyways?" Ranma asked the two Amazons. "I thought you gave up chasing me."
"You admit she was chasing you!" Soun yelled, his head looming up over everyone and his forked tongue hissing angrily. Mifa reached out with a single finger and, with a popping noise, the Demon Head technique vanished.
"You quiet! I is trying to talk to Airen!" Mifa said, and turned back to Ranma. "Sorry, you outsider boy who beat me. Outsider boy beat Amazon, Amazon must marry outsider boy. See? Very simple."
"That's... completely stone age. Why do you gotta marry me just 'cause I beat you?" Ranma grumbled.
"Is Amazon way," Shampoo answered. "For many century."
"Beside," Mifa said, "you good fighter."
"Heh," Ranma said, smiling. "I beat you, didn't I?"
"I throw fight that time," Mifa said, smiling.
"What!" Ranma screeched.
"Is true! She do it on purpose!" Shampoo giggled.
"But- no!" Ranma jumped up. "I can beat you!"
Mifa smiled. "You want fight again? I like that. Where fight?"
Ranma's eyes lit up with a competitive fire. "To the dojo!"
Watching from her window Akane had a single tear roll down her cheek. After a month of trying she couldn't get Ranma to fight her for real, and this Chinese hussy does it in one day.
"You going to use that flail of yours?" Ranma asked Mifa. She didn't have the weapon she had used to whack Genma and himself all over China. That had Ranma relax a bit. Her speed with that thing was pretty terrifying - not that he couldn't beat her if she used it, of course.
"No have," Mifa said. She took a cat stance opposite Ranma, lime green hair a sharp contrast to the crimson silk pantsuit she was wearing. "You ready?" Ranma just smiled and relaxed into his informal stance.
Shampoo sat down by the wall and looked at the two of them. "Go!" she said in Chinese.
Neither fighter moved.
For about, oh, half a second.
Mifa immediately attacked after the initial pause, swinging into a very fast low kick aimed at Ranma's thighs. "You is good, know to wait," she said, as Ranma pushed off the kick into a more defensive stance.
"Why didn't you wait me out?" Ranma asked, as he parried her next few attacks. She didn't seem to be attacking too seriously yet, but she wasn't leaving any real holes for a counterattack, either.
"Boring to wait, is not big fight," Mifa said. "I fight real now, is OK?" she asked, smiling.
"Sure," Ranma thought, remembering Akane's promises to 'fight him for real now.' He saw an opportunity to punch Mifa - only she whipped out of its path and counterpunched him in the ribs.
"Too slow!" she said, and then her hands blurred. Ranma flew back against the far wall of the dojo.
"Shit!" Ranma gasped. How fast was she? She tagged him faster than he could even see. "Haveta get serious!" Ranma's guard closed up as best he could, and he put the pain in his ribs aside, moving forward confidently into a leap. Best to get this fight off the ground and give himself an advantage.
Mifa rolled backwards nimbly, away from his attack, and bounced lightly to her feet. She came flying back with a roundhouse kick to the head. Ranma easily caught the ambitious kick and easily sent her spinning away.
She's dangerous at range, I think, Ranma thought, so I'll crowd her. Moving right in as she got up, Ranma opened up his hands and readied himself for another barrage of punches. He planned to take the shots he couldn't block and wrestle her to the ground; her speed would be nullified in grappling.Her leg lanced out, blazingly fast, but Ranma took the shot, grunted in pain, and quickly locked her up and slammed her to the ground.
Mifa yelped slightly as her shoulder was rammed into the floor and analyzed her situation. One leg and both arms immobilized, not good. She couldn't reach him with a headbutt...
Mifa spit in Ranma's ear. "Gah!" he said, flinching involuntarily. In that moment of distraction her hand shot loose and smashed into his jaw, dislodging him, but not before he twisted her arm in the process. She leapt to her feet; her arm hung painfully at her side where it had been twisted. Probably a sprain. Ranma was a bit woozy from what she had done to his jaw.
"Ow," Ranma said, closing one eye and shaking his head. "That was gross, you know."
"No fight to lose, Airen!"
"Heh, my thoughts exactly," Ranma said, as he closed in. Leaping, his hand extended towards her. "The final blow!" Mifa flipped back, her foot blurring. Ranma coughed up weakly. "How ironic... irony sucks."
"Your husband lost," Shampoo said dumbly in Chinese.
"He did, didn't he?" Mifa said, smiling. She started laughing happily, took a horse stance, and punched at the air. "Ha! I win again! Invincible!"
"You went easy on him," Shampoo said.
"He hasn't learned the chestnut fist yet," Mifa said, still smiling. She picked up a bucket and walked out, Shampoo following.
"You're going to teach him our techniques?" Shampoo asked in bewilderment.
"Sure," Mifa said, filling the bucket - carefully - from the koi pond. "He is my husband, after all."
Shampoo looked at Mifa dubiously. "This isn't like you. You wouldn't be too happy about..." Her eyes went to the bucket. "I see."
"Why do you think great-grandmother gave us enough treasure to buy the restaurant? I won't go back to China. You know that." Mifa said. "Great-grandmother thinks I am an embarrasment to the tribe."
"He may not want to be married to you. He has that Akane girl. You know what they say about obstacles."
Mifa smiled as she threw the bucket of water on Ranma to wake him up. "I know Cologne sent you to spy on me, cousin. But you are not Cologne, and I have my own way of dealing with obstacles." Shampoo sniffed and turned away as Mifa crouched down next to the cursed girl.
"Nihao, Airen. You lose!" Mifa said playfully, and kissed her on the nose.
"Gack! Stop that!" Ranma cried out, wiping her nose. She stopped and smiled back at the Chinese girl. "You're fast. Too fast. How'd you get that fast?"
"Is secret Amazon technique. I show it to you if you want, husband," Mifa said, still smiling.
"I'm not your husband." Ranma snapped.
"I think you husband, Ranma." She giggled a bit, then lost some of her playfulness. "Maybe someday you think me wife. I wait. Very patient."
"About that technique..." Ranma started, scratching her head.
"Yes?" Mifa said, inching closer to the redhead.
"Don't tell me it right now," Ranma said, shaking her head. "I'm going to try to get that fast on my own."
Mifa smiled at that. "Good! Want spar tomorrow?"
Ranma didn't even pause. "You're on:
Mifa got up and ran off. "Bye bye, Ranma!"
"Boy!" Genma said, having been listening in on the last bit of that exchange. "How dare you go meeting some other girl behind your fiancee's back!"
"Eh, pop?" Ranma asked, surprised. "She's no girl," Ranma said, steeling his eyes. "She's a challenge!"
FFnet has been behaving badly, eliminating horizontal rules in my stories. It's driving me nuts, anybody figured out a way to get FFnet to recognize them?