AN: I just wanted to thank everyone for all the reviews I've been getting. Hopefully I'll get the rest of this posted before Friday's episode, but I'm having an especially hellish week at school (stupid midterms) so that's been slowing me down a little.
Also, I'm keeping this PG-13, so you can all use your imaginations to figure out what happened between the end of the last part and the beginning of this one. ;-)
When Kara woke up the next morning, it didn't take her long to figure out she wasn't in her rack. The bed was larger, more comfortable, and there wasn't a curtain in front of her face. It did, however, take a moment to remember that she was in Lee's bedroom, and why. She turned over, expecting to see him lying behind her, but she was alone in the room.
She got out of bed, pulling a blanket around her, and noticed that Lee had carefully laid out her uniform from the previous night on a chair. He is so anal, Kara thought to herself as she pulled on the tank tops and pants before stepping out into Lee's office to find that he was at his desk already.
"You know, you shouldn't let a girl wake up alone in your bed, especially when that's not how she went to sleep," she quipped. Lee smiled as he put his pen down and turned around.
"Sorry," he said. "I had some stuff to take care of, but I didn't want to wake you."
"What time is it?"
"Almost 1000 hours. I got your shift changed to mid for the day, so you've still got a bit of time."
Kara smiled. "The grapevine's going to be working overtime. First I didn't come back to the bunks last night, and now you're changing the schedule around."
"Let them say what they want. It's nothing new."
"Yeah…except that it's true this time." Silence. " Lee?"
"You were right…As much as I hate it, you were right. We can't do this." Kara slowly nodded.
"Yeah…I think this is the first time I've ever wished I wasn't an officer."
"I know what you mean. I never asked to be CAG."
"So now we've just got to forget…pretend that last night didn't happen."
"It happened," he disagreed, still wondering why she was letting him off the hook so easily. "It just can't happen again." Kara's eyes had lost focus as she stared at a place on the wall, and Lee wondered whether or not she really was trying to figure out how to blame it on the two sips of ambrosia she had. Maybe it really did mean nothing for her. Just scratching an itch.
"I'd better get back to the bunks," Kara finally said, grabbing her uniform jacket. She hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward and kissed him. It was criminal for something that felt that right to be so wrong. "Just wanted to do that one last time," she whispered as they broke apart. "See you on deck, Sir."
Out on a CAP without any sign of enemy contact, there wasn't a lot to do other than think. And, of course, Kara's mind wandered back to the conversation she'd had with Lee that morning, and then further back to what Leoben Conoy had told her, just over two weeks earlier.
"I know you, you're damaged…Life is a testament to pain, injuries, accidents…"
Kara had wished she was a boy when she was a young child; perhaps that way, she would have been able to take her father's place in her mother's mind. She'd taken scissors to her own hair one day at age six and hadn't let it grow past her ears since. She'd refused to wear dresses or play with dolls or have tea parties. She had a wicked good throwing arm and an even more wicked left hook; the latter got her sent home from school many-a-time. But despite it all, she was still a girl – a weak one, apparently – that needed her mother's schooling in how cruel of a place the world was to little girls. All the 'lessons' had been for her own good, of course, no matter how much they hurt. And Kara had convinced herself that she deserved whatever she got.
"You wanna believe it because it means that you're bad luck. Like a cancer that needs to be removed. Because you hear her voice every day and you want her to be right."
Wasn't that why she refused to allow herself to open up, to be loved? Because everyone who loved her ended up dead. Zak was the one that everyone knew about. There'd been a guy in secondary school that had quite literally broken his neck on a motorbike while trying to impress her. And then there was her father, dying in an accident while trying to get his darling child a birthday present. If her mother wasn't right – if the pain didn't make you stronger – then it was all for nothing, and Kara absolutely refused to believe that.
The strength she'd developed over the years had gotten her through the past few months, but she needed Lee too much to let anything happen to him. The realization that she actually loved him had terrified her. If given a choice, she'd definitely rather have him as a friend than a corpse, so as hard as it was, the previous night had to stay a one-time thing.
"So," Sharon's voice came over the wireless system once the communications loop had been closed to exclude the CIC staff, "Apparently there was an empty bed in our bunkroom last night."
"Really?" Phoenix asked from his spot in the second Viper on patrol.
"Mmm-hmm. Another night of playing cards, Starbuck?"
Kara rolled her eyes. "You know, there's nothing stopping me from kicking your ass once we land," she told her friend.
"Sure, there is," Sharon replied. "About fifty witnesses on deck."
"Well then, Crashdown, I suggest you find a way to disable your pilot's wireless set before you guys are involved in a friendly fire accident."
He laughed. "Yes, Sir!"
That night, Kara looked up from the game of solitary pyramid she was playing in her bunk when Sharon stopped beside her bed. "Hey," she quietly said, not wanting to disturb the pilots that were sleeping, "Can I borrow some shampoo?"
"Yeah, it's in my locker," Kara told her. However, instead of going to get the bottle, Sharon sat down on her friend's bed.
"I was giving you a hard time this afternoon on CAP, but seriously, where were you last night? You didn't wind up in the brig, did you?"
Kara shook her head. "I was definitely not in the brig."
"So…?"
"None of your business."
" Kara!"
"What?"
Sharon looked around to make sure no one was listening, and then dropped her voice to a whisper. "I was kidding before, but were you really with Lee all night?"
"If you want my shampoo, I suggest that you go and get it."
"Come on, yes or no, and then I'll leave you alone."
Kara heaved a sigh. "Spending the night with my CO would go against the fraternization regs."
"Like you haven't broken every other reg in the code," Sharon said. Kara raised an eyebrow. "Okay, okay, that was a no. Thanks for the shampoo."
Kara had early shift the next morning, so she definitely didn't get the amount of sleep she'd had the day before. She was going through her morning routine on autopilot – her usual run around Galactica's decks, a 5 minute ration of cold water in the shower, then getting on her flight suit before grabbing a quick breakfast. There was a note for her on her bed when she finished getting dressed: YOU'VE GOT THIS MORNING'S BRIEFING; I'M UP IN CIC. NOTES ARE IN THE READY ROOM. – LEE. She caught Jammer's arm as the other pilot walked by her.
"You see the CAG drop this off?" she asked him, holding up the note.
"Um, yeah, he was in here a while ago looking for you. I told him you were probably out running."
Kara nodded. "Thanks." So that meant they were avoiding each other now. Lee knew what route she used for her run; if he'd truly wanted to find her, it wouldn't have been difficult. But he hadn't.
"Are you going to get breakfast?" Jammer asked her.
"No, I don't have much of an appetite."
He shrugged. "All right. See you on deck."
The days were getting longer. Lee knew that wasn't physically possible, but it still felt like extra hours were snuck in somewhere. He worked or flew, possibly remembered to eat, worked more, slept, and then it started all over again. He hadn't realized how isolated he was from his pilots until his link to them was gone – Kara.
They saw each other on deck sometimes. Exchanged a "Good hunting," and "Yes, Sir," if they actually got within earshot of each other. He could be CAG and she could be Lieutenant, and they were getting quite good at putting on a show for the rest of the officers. But they hadn't been alone in a room together, on-duty or off, since the morning after the Chloia celebration. They didn't have dinner, she didn't kick his ass at cards, and he didn't occasionally fall in step with her for a morning run around the ship. He couldn't. And it was driving him nuts.
Lee looked up from the paperwork he was working on when he heard a knock on his door. "Yeah?" Adama came in the door. Lee was so preoccupied it took him a minute to realize.
"As you were," Adama told his son before he could stand up. "I hear two of your pilots got in a fistfight? How long were you planning on leaving them in the brig?"
"Full sentence. The squadrons have forgotten that they're expendable. They all assume they can get away with anything since I've still got to fill the schedule."
"And can you fill it?"
Lee nodded. "We just got two new pilots from Kara."
"And what if this was Kara?" Adama asked.
"What?"
"What if Kara was the one who'd landed herself in the brig? Would you still be leaving her there?" Lee didn't answer. "What's going on, son?"
"Nothing."
"I know what's happening on my ship. And it worries me when I start to hear that the CAG has become more difficult to deal with than Starbuck."
"I'm fine."
"How many double shifts have you been pulling?"
"You mean there's such a thing as a single shift?" Apollo dryly asked.
"You're not going to be any good to anyone if you burn yourself out."
"I'm all right, Dad, really. I just…there's a lot going on."
Adama nodded. "All right. I'll let you make an example out of your pilots, just…sort things out. I want those pilots coming to you when they can't handle their squadron leader, not the other way around."
"Yes, Sir."
The addition of a few more pilots to the roster – both from Kara's training and a few coming back from injuries – was letting everyone breathe a little easier. They could have eight people on each shift and have a couple people enjoying previously-unheard-of days off. Everyone's moods were improving. Or at least almost everyone.
Kara was doing the post-flight after coming in from early shift when she noticed two pilots approaching her, one Alpha Squadron, one Bravo. Their call signs were Track and Torch, but everyone usually called them Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum; they were always found together.
"What's up?" she asked them.
"We, had a request, Sir," Track said. "I've been assigned to mids this week."
"And I've got lates," Torch added. "And we were wondering if we could get switched." He handed her a clipboard with a couple forms.
"I've always been a night owl," Track told her with a shrug. "And he sure isn't, so…"
"Guys, you know the CAG makes the schedules."
"Yeah, we know, we just thought…since all we want to do is switch with each other, we could run it by you and Bravo leader."
Kara shook her head. "CAG makes them, XO approves them, so talk to one of them." Their looks of hesitancy didn't escape her. "Something else going on that I should know about?"
"Well…Sir," Torch nervously began. "We haven't seen you with the CAG much lately, but…he's not exactly been the easiest person to deal with lately."
"It's not his job to be your friend, Lieutenant."
"Yeah," Track agreed, "But he hasn't been himself, either."
Kara rolled her eyes. "Fine, I will run this by the big bad CAG for you, but next time, either take care of it yourselves, or get over it, understood?" They both nodded.
"Yes, Sir."
Under most circumstances, Kara wouldn't have even considered running errands for her pilots, but in all honesty, she hadn't seen Lee much lately and now especially wanted to know what was going on with him.
Keeping their distance from each other had been pretty close to torture. The irony was, it looked like staying away was affecting their jobs more than just giving in to their feelings would. The pilots were definitely aware of the tension between them, and Kara was aware that she probably hadn't been the easiest person to deal with lately (the broken punching bag in the training room was evidence of that) but she'd done her best to keep her temper in check until she was off-duty and alone. Lee would have been proud of her – if he was talking to her.
Yeah, this definitely isn't working, she thought to herself as she headed off the deck and towards Lee's office. We've gotta find some middle ground or something…anything's got to be better than this.
TBC...