NOBODY'S HOME
I love Avril Lavenge, so if I get a flame for using her material, I will be pissed…and don't think I won't retaliate.
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way. She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her…
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
And again…
January 13.
…Great people say simple things that go down in history and are considered sacred today. They used the same words I use every day. This is the last page in my journal, so I wanna say something meaningful, too, with the last space I own. Megumi has saved my life countless times but I'm not sure how I could've saved hers even this once. I remember, I was hiding behind a sushi restraint…while in the alley across the street that bastard beat Megi-chan. She had already stopped screaming. I guess she went unconscious.
I want to be an actress…not sluts like Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan…but one of those ladies that had style and class. Someone looked up to…someone girls like me could admire. Someone like Megumi-chan…
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many,
too many problems.
As the dark shape exits the alley with murder burning on the back burner, the small girl gathers her extra shoes and the scattered pages filled with chicken scratch.
Don't know where she belongs,
Just as she was taught, Kaoru looks both ways before crossing the street. No cops. No strange shadows. Not a soul but hers in the perimeter. Megumi would need her now. Somebody had to get her home…again. Out of the frying pan…and into the fire.
where she belongs.
Home…again.
Home again…
She wants to go home…but nobody's home
Kaoru supposes the boxes and crates broken and scattered were once stacked against the back fence. Perhaps Megumi knocked them down when she tried to escape?
Megumi was brave at first. Kaoru watched her stand up to the man and tell him to leave her alone. The man then asked her where the little brat was. He was looking for me… Megumi looked confused, and so the man hit her and said he'd settle for her instead. What did the man mean? Realization had hit her a long time ago…but her little mind was still partially naïve then and had no comprehension of the degree of evils taking place…Kaoru couldn't see what happened next. The bad man had drug Megumi to the back of the alley.
"Megi-chan?"
No answer. Her voice echoes viciously in the cloud stricken moonlight. Kaoru clutches her high-heeled shoes closer to the dirty chest of the much-too-large shirt and takes a closer look around the darkest skirts of the lane. The pointed heels dug into her skin through the thin shirt. A wisp of a spider's web brushes her cheek. The girl squeals in terror, and then a hand plasters itself on her face. Kaoru tries to escape the grasp at first. The familiar smell of Megi-chan fills her child senses.
"Megi-chan!? Di Jobu Ka?"
the girl's question is hardly understandable through the fingers of a fallen hero. The older care taker moans…and her grip loosens on the face of Kaoru. Unable to feel her caregiver's touch is more horrifying than the presence of the spider. Invisible feet carry the girl deeper into the darkness.
"Megumi! Where are y-"
With a cry of surprise, the child hits the earth. Her small body is draped over a large, cold lump. The body on the ground moans again.
"Megi-chan! Oh, Megi-chan…I found you. Did I hurt you? Are you able to walk?"
Kaoru crawls off her comrade and brushes the filth from the woman's face with blind hands. She pats her cheek softly.
"Megumi-open your eyes…we have to go home. C'mon Megi-chan, we can't sleep here…
Please wake up!"
Megumi I'm scared.
Curling up tight and close to the chilled body of Megumi brings small comfort to an exhausted Kaoru. sleep refuses to come easy, but lying awake is too frightening. What if that mean man comes back?
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go
No place to go to Dry her eyes
Megumi…I'm so tired. Why can't we go home? Why can't you take me home…?..
Broken inside
Glazed over orbs stare tearful…exhaustion…a bone shattering wind is blowing up from the ocean…tattered rags stained cherry cannot stop the gale…scent of guilt, loss, and sabotage trail the child in tears of black. Can these heavy feet make it to the bridge? The wooden sidewalk beneath her bare feet screech, wet from the morning downpour. That same shower washed Megumi before the sun rose…washed all the blood down the drain…
Open your eyes and look outside,
find the reasons why.
Too much. That's too much blood. Megi-chan…
Instant maturity sucks the innocent shine from the girl's once happy eyes.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Stop shaking her…stop…Megi-chan is not going to wake up…Megumi is never going to get up and take you home…
Be strong, be strong now…
Too many problems
Doesn't know where she belongs
Where she belongs…
"Please! Just let me wash my hair!"
"Get out of here! This is a merchandise shop-"
"Those are PUBLIC restrooms!"
"-not a bathhouse. Get moving street trash or I'll call an officer."
The clerk returns to his post stocking shelves and what-not. A fourteen year old Kaoru glances around, and then dashes back inside. She isn't caught before reaching the bathroom door on this second effort. She strips down to graying underclothing, before sticking her head under the tap of heated luxury. The water filled her eyes, ears, and mouth, but Kaoru lets it saturate her senses. Grainy soap is forced through age-old grease in her hair; too bad the soap was notliquid...or sented…this stuff will not foam up or get rid of most of the grit. The grainy soap did feel good on the itch, though. Was it lice or just dandruff? The girl smirks and hot water drenches her teeth. Did it really matter?
'Stupid long hair. As soon as I find a pair of scissors, this mess is gone.'
Air blown hand driers prove very useful for dehydrating the traces of the cleaning, but climbing back into those dirty "clothes" is much more difficult than Kaoru anticipated. Disregarding inbred instinct, the girl checks the insufficient results in the mirror. The mirror. How she would kill for some mascara…or blush…or a cover-up stick to hide the hunger circles under her dim eyes.
Her feelings she hides
Kaoru smirks sardonically at her plain features. Megumi showed her how to get cleaned up this way without having to pay for bathhouses, yet Megumi's ending result was so much prettier than Kaoru's. Megumi had looked like a Goddess…not a drowned rat.
Her Dreams she can't find
She's falling behind
The itch was back again. Kaoru ran blunt nails dig through the rodent's nest covering her head. What would happen if Kaoru had a bad itch while acting a part on stage? Are actresses allowed to scratch?
The sardonic smirk was back.
An actress
Did she really still believe Megumi's crap? Megumi once wanted to be an actress. Her desire fired Kaoru…but Megumi is dead…and that's what must happen to Kaoru's silly ideas…
She clouts at the defiant face in the glass.
"You're an idiot. They're all right…street trash…"
She's losing her mind
That damn clerk caught her sneaking toward to door. She escapes with a bruise from the broom, but his shouts follow her all the way down the street. It's raining outside, and Kaoru doesn't see the car. The Mercedes shoves her back against toward the curb, spinning the girl haphazardly into a trash bin. Honking and screaming obscenities, the Mercedes speeds on through the red light. Kaoru catches her breath with the fetid air floating among refuse of the spilled tin. Her leg hurts. Bad. The cut is still fresh and bleeding freely, but a scratch like this will hurt a lot worse later.
Another door is locked. Kaoru screams in frustration and punches the hood in passing. Her cry is drowned out by the clouds' onslaught. A mixture of tears and rain is blinding enough without having to deal with the throbbing in her leg. The thigh's gash had broken open again and is leaving a scarlet film down her calf, staining her sock. To add to the evening, Kaoru's hand now aches. Using the other appendage, she tries the door to another vehicle in the hotel's parking lot. Her bridge was only another mile, but with her leg the way it is, Kaoru doubted she wanted to attempt that distance.
She can't find her place
The door will not budge. An old Nissan looks promising, but after trial and error, any dry automobile would suffice.
She's losing her faith
A low sports car catches her attention when the locking knob stands more erect than most. The door opens neatly. Clambering inside involves no hesitation or invite. Kaoru huddles in the passenger seat shuttering, sobbing, waiting off the chill. Her flushed face hides behind a curtain of impossibly saturated strands of raven portions. Megumi taught her to live. Most of the time, the companion's memory was the only motivation to keep going.
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place
She wants to go home…but nobody's home.
It's where she lies,
broken inside
broken inside
Megi-chan, why did you leave? I needed you to still take care of me…
I'm broken…Megi-chan, I'm broken inside…
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY CAR!?!?"
Sleeping, moron, what does it look like…
"Get out of here, slut, you're drenching the seat!
"Hey!"
"My seat! You little ---- ruined my leather! Get outa here!"
Still disoriented, Kaoru dumbly tumbles out. The sun wasn't even up yet. Curse stupid early risers...Before she can slam the door shut, the owner of the red Mercedes whips out his cell phone. Kaoru realizes it is time to run.
Megumi would not have gotten caught…
Megumi would not have overslept…
With no place to go. No place to go
Sore, stiff, and bleeding again, Kaoru runs from the car that hit her last night…
To dry her eyes
Broken inside.
She wants to go home…she wants to go home…
Would the police find her at her bridge? Probably. They'd already chased her there once on a previous entanglement. Kaoru needs to find someplace crowded to hide since it is easier to blend in and disappear completely in a group setting. The shopping court was just up the street. Considering that today was Monday, that place would definitely be packed to overflowing. Thinking about jostling her leg in that crowd made her queasy, but it was too perfect a hiding place to pass up.
But nobody's home
This is where she lies
She lies
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