Thanks to kafeithekeaton of the Tales of Mana forums for writing this opening. Modified it slightly so it makes sense, fixed some of the grammar, and changed a few characters around. Let's get started, shall we?
Once upon a time...
A man named Ricardo lived peacefully at the Aztecian Castle, a castle that took up 2 quarters of Aselia. Every once in a while, he would PWN Woodrow Kelvin in Melee and then sit down and wait for the king to give him gald for his preformance in the arena.
He was a poor guy, who depended on the arena. He always won.
One time a red haired girl with a hat burst in. He PWN'D her and then kicked her brother in the groin for good measure.
Then he was looked down upon, and thrown with the half elves and forced to fight more... DUN DUN DUN!
So he fought more. Once he ran into a dude named Marcus. Marcus tried to steal his experience, but Ricardo PWN'D him before he could.
Then two knights named Cuan of Lenster and Trabant of Thracia ganged up on him. He PWN'D them, but then they blamed their defeat on each other. So they whipped out their holy weapons, Gayborg and Gungnir, and proceeded to PWN each other. After a cliched battle, Trabant killed Cuan. He was Arrested and given the electric chair. He died and his corpse was fed to the Blue Jays. (Yes, the baseball team.)
Another time Ricardo fought a rabbit named Bigwig. THe bunny almost pwn'd him when Zarrof came in and shot him and said hunting was getting boring and he needed to hunt people.
So Ricardo Went. He beat Zarrof, stole his ticker, and left the Island. He then went back home and got back in the arena where he fought against Fayt Liengod. That was his easiest fight ever.
Then, once he fought Duffman. He had Duff Luck, but Ricardo still pulled through.
Years later, he met his match... He had been married to Sheena Fujibayasho, who was then sued for her name being too similar to Sheena Fujibayashi's. Really ticked at this, they decided to settle the battle in the arena...
The fight was hard. It was Ricardo vs. Goku, Stahn, Lloyd, A flying Gayborg, the Pope, Stalin, Mr. Peanut, Culex, Wowser, Bowser, Hurricane, Murasaki, First Mate Bob, 1st Mate Bob, Kit the Mage, The MMMMM CHIGGY CHIGGY Club, Yggdrasill, Yuan, Kratos, Lyndis, Eliwood, Lord Uther, Sonic, Kai, Strong Bad, Tom, Jerry, Bill Gates, and Abyssion.
It was a hard fight, and ended in a spar between him and Hurricane. As Ricardo rushed over to PWN Hurricane, the aforementioned wind storm changed his name to Colonal Sanders, and PWN'ED Ricardo with a 6-piece bucket Hi-Ougi named '6-PIECE BUCKET IN YO' FACE YO'. Ricardo was instantly defeated, and was forced to give up his wife.
He fought miserably for his country until one fateful day...
Ricardo, the Evil Monkey God, PWN'D TEH KING AND TEH P0P1N470rs!111!1 in a duel.
He seized control and saw Ricardo as a threat. Ricardo knew this, and, knowing that his army had Goku, Stahn, Lloyd, A flying Gayborg, the Pope, Stalin, Mr. Peanut, Culex, Wowser, Bowser, Hurricane, Murasaki, First Mate Bob, 1st Mate Bob, Kit the Mage, The MMMMM CHIGGY CHIGGY Club, Yggdrasill, Yuan, Kratos, Lyndis, Eliwood, Lord Uther, Sonic, Kai, Strong Bad, Tom, Jerry, Bill Gates, and Abyssion all in it at one point, (They later deserted him because they didn't get free dental insurance) he ran. And thus his story beigns.
This is just the prologue! It gets better!