A/N – Okay, it's official - there has been a screw-up. I'm actually surprised that it took this long to have one of these rear its ugly head. At the end of Chapter 12 – Princes and Princesses, there was a portion that was cut off. I'll try to fix it, but in the meantime, this is what happened. Chapman jokingly challenges Jake to a duel, which Amni'bel forces him to go through with. Jake gets to choose the weapon, and thanks to some foresight on Ax's part, he chooses hand-to-hand, or no weapons. Technically, Jake can morph and easily kick Chapman's ass. He was starting his tiger morph when the chapter ended, and that's where Chapter 13 – Hello, Chapman picks up. Sorry for the confusion, and I'll try my best to fix it soon.

Chapter 14

Jake

I tossed and turned in my bed aboard the Messenger, not able to comply with my own suggestion that everyone get some sleep. The princess had offered everyone staterooms in the palace, but I thought it would be better if we were all ready for trouble. Marco slept in the cockpit of his fighter, a hundred yards to the west of where the rest of us were. Ax and Rachel camped out on the bridge with all systems in standby mode, ready to deal with unforseen situations. Toby, after being diagnosed by the ship's computer with dangerously high levels of methane in her blood, was sleeping in the aft hold. I'd ordered the aft sealed after she'd gotten back so she could breathe recycled air for a few hours to bring her blood chemistry back into acceptable Hork-bajir norms. Tobias and Cassie, with Marco and Rachel elsewhere, had their rooms to themselves for the night.

I had decent-sized living quarters. Solo living quarters. Sometimes I wished I could trade with Tobias so I could be in the same room with Marco. Mostly I wanted to trade Rachel so I could be in the same room with Cassie. Sleeping alone was something I'd always had to do, and I still hadn't gotten the hang of it.

Cassie. As beautiful as ever, she'd come back into my life by some odd twist of fate. I'd let her get away from me before. I was young, I'd tell myself. I didn't know any better. It wasn't the right time. All of which were pretty much excuses so I wouldn't have to face my failure to keep my promise to her. The one I made before the Yeerks turned my town into a charcoal briquette. The same promise I made before I sent Rachel, my cousin, to kill Tom, my brother. Sometimes I was proud of myself for living through it and staying sane. Most of the time I kicked myself for being stupid.

You might as well just give up, a voice in my head told me. The voice, which was quickly becoming a permanent resident in my brain, was called doubt. You got lucky with Rachel. Tom's never coming back. Chapman is never coming back. Even if you succeed here, how are you going to explain to his wife and daughter how you murdered him just to gain a little clout with some barbaric aliens?

"Shut up," I said aloud. "Nobody asked you." I felt foolish, talking to a voice in my head, but it usually worked. Not this time.

Cassie can see it, even if nobody else does yet, the treacherous voice continued. You notice how she keeps her distance from you? Like you've got some kind of disease. Cassie's not ever going to forgive your sins. Your parents aren't going to forgive you for killing Tom. You'll never know peace. Why are you fighting and suffering for people who don't give a damn about you?

"Get lost!" I snarled, lashing out and punching the steel bulkhead next to my bed and instantly regretting it as pain shot through my arm. I latched on to the pain and used it as a ground wire to bring me into the present. I couldn't live in my regrets. I couldn't let my emotions do this to me, not if I were going to have a chance. I sat up and opened my eyes. Cassie, dressing in loose-fitting pants and a sleep shirt, stood in the doorway. I opened my mouth to say something, then closed it. I didn't know what to say, anyway.

She walking in and sat on the bed beside me. I wiped away tears I didn't remember crying. I couldn't act like this. Not in front of Cassie, of all people. She was the last person I could allow to see my weaknesses.

She gently put an arm around me. "Jake, what's wrong?" she asked kindly.

I wanted to say I was fine. I wanted to tell her I'd had a nightmare. I wanted to tell her that it was nothing, I was fine.

"I hate myself," I whispered instead. "I'm some jerk who thinks he's important. I take credit for evil actions. I'm…I don't know what I am, Cassie."

She seemed to think it over. "The Ellimist picked you for a reason, Jake. I think it's because you can do what needs to be done. I think -"

"Of course I can do what needs to be done!" I snapped. "Anybody can! Why me? Everybody thinks I'm special, when I'm no better than anyone else." I sighed and calmed myself. "I never got to go to parties. I never got to have normal friends, ones that I could call just to hang out or something. I didn't get to graduate high school. I never got to have a girlfriend. I couldn't even make things work with you. I can't help thinking that the only reason you ever felt anything for me was because we had a bond. You know, by being animorphs."

"Jake, when did we stop being friends?" she asked. Her tone was still tender, but there was an undertone of steely strength.

I almost said 'we didn't' automatically, but actually stopped to consider the question. "I guess when you let Tom take the morphing cube."

She nodded. "That's what I thought. I can't blame you – it was a stupid, emotional thing for me to do. Have you forgiven me for it?"

"Of course," I said. "I never totally blamed you for it. You did what you thought was right at the time. How can someone hold that against you?"

"Exactly," she said, her face just inches from mine. "Jake, you have always done what you thought was right. No one can hold that against you. You can't even hold it against yourself. It was never what you did that made me want to stay away. It was the guilt and self-recrimination that you wore on your sleeve. You were obviously suffering, and I didn't think you'd listen to me then. It killed me to see you like that. You need to listen to me now. I understand that you are put into situations you don't want to be in. I understand that there isn't an instruction manual that says, 'How to Win the War Against the Trunsk and Crayak.' You're making it up as you go along. We all are. But as long as you listen to your heart and do what you think is best, we're all going to come out okay."

I considered her words. More than that, I actually listened. I took them to heart. What she was saying had already been said to me several times by different people, but it was always hollow. 'Follow your heart,' stuck in my head and started to echo, and I decided to implement it immediately.

I kissed her. It didn't take much – her face was already a couple of inches away from mine. I saw her eyes go wide and she started to resist a little, but I didn't let her go. I wasn't scared. I'd already lost her once – if it happened again, at least I would be able to say I tried. I felt her relax into the kiss, and I could have danced. Maybe she really did like me. Maybe it wasn't as bad as all that.

I disengaged my lips from hers and breathed, "Okay?" She nodded. We resumed for a few minutes, and they were easily the happiest minutes I'd had in years. I'd just laid back with Cassie in my arms, thinking I'd finally be able to get the sleep I needed. Cassie must have felt the same way, because within moments she was lightly snoring. It wasn't obnoxious in the least – as a matter of fact, it was pretty cute. I studied her face and the smooth skin of her neck and smiled. I kissed her cheek softly, so as not to wake her, and rested my head on the pillow. I was drifting off into the pure sleep that only happiness can bring when the shreik filled my head, jerking Cassie awake.

(Prince Jake! We have a big problem!) Ax yelled in thought speak.

A/N – I hope that was okay. For me, it's hard writing Jake like that. That should quiet down the J/C! J/C! reviewers for a while ;) . Within the next few chapters, I'll try to have something to indulge the R/T! R/T! people. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it. Bye for now.