Title: A New Order

Author: Jedikma

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews. Not to worry, everything will get resolved eventually. ;)

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Chapter 12

Obi-Wan marveled as Siri ate her dinner. She attacked her food as if she hadn't eaten in a week, shoving forkfuls into her mouth at a time and talking around her food as she ate.

"You sure you don't want something to eat, Obi-Wan? Help yourself," she said, though the words were barely recognizable.

"I'm fine, thank you. Besides I'm afraid if I put my hand any where near your plate, you'd take a bite out of it." Obi-Wan grinned. "I'm always surprised at how much you can eat after giving birth."

Siri made a funny face at him. "I can't help it, I'm starving! On top of that, they made me wait until now to bring me some food. I gave birth more than two hours ago!"

It had been a busy day, indeed, but as the evening hours approached, much was settling down. Their new infant was fine and healthy, Reeft was full of energy and Dru had regained consciousness and was talking. Siri was recovering well from giving birth and had managed to get freshened up. Obi-Wan, too, had been back to his quarters, showered, changed and put on clean clothes. His composed look gave no hint that most of the afternoon was spent in chaos.

Soon all their children would be in to visit them.

As Siri made small talk, Obi-Wan remained quiet. He moved about the room, not staying in one place for any length of time. His restlessness didn't go unnoticed by Siri and as she neared the end of her meal she, too, became more quiet.

There was a silent pause as Siri laid down her fork and pushed away her tray table. She watched him closely; he was standing with his arms folded over his chest, looking out a window. She began her next sentence carefully. "Obi-Wan, I've been thinking and maybe you were right. Maybe it's time we make this union official. I suppose we could have Master Yoda say a few words over us and it would all be finalized."

He turned to look at her, puzzled. "Someone told you about the Council ultimatum. Have you talked to Adi?"

"No, have you talked to Adi? About me?" Siri asked defensively. The look on Obi-Wan's face betrayed the answer. "And you've talked to Anakin, too?" Her eyebrows shot up in defiance. "Who else have you talked to? And why haven't you talked to me? Contrary to what most beings believe, Force sensitives cannot read minds!"

"Siri, I tried to talk to you, but you wouldn't let me get to what I needed to tell you! You went on and on about how it was no one else's business how we chose to live our lives. Honestly, I couldn't come up with a good counter argument to that."

"You didn't tell me the Council has demand that you step down if we don't marry. That makes all the difference. You absolutely can't step down from the Council, I won't allow it!"

"And I won't force you into a marriage just because it has been demanded!"

Siri let out a huff in frustration. "I'm not being forced! We are essentially married already! We share our living quarters and our lives. We have children together. We just skipped a stage that most beings don't, that is all! If we have to go through a formal union to keep you on the Council, then so be it!"

Obi-Wan shook his head as he paced to the other end of the room. "You made it clear the other night you don't want to go through with that stage. That it is not the Jedi custom you have been taught. I don't think you're ready for it, Siri."

"I see. You seem to have all the answers. If I'm so stuck in the past, then why am I having all these babies?"

Obi-Wan turned to look at her and his words issued forth softly. "Maybe because, like me, you're tired of life being about so much death and you want life to be about life for once."

A fleeting look of pain flashed across her eyes. Obi-Wan moved over to the bed and sat down next to her. He reached over and took her hand in his. "Siri, we don't have to name our daughter, 'Bant'."

"You don't want to name her, 'Bant'?" she asked, trying to hold back a deeper sadness that was bubbling inside.

Trying to keep his own composure, Obi-Wan replied, "It isn't that I don't want to name her 'Bant'. We have named all our children after our friends, but it won't bring them back. I miss them all so much and I know you miss them, too. We have never really talked about how much of a void they have left in our hearts. We have been good Jedi, accepted their deaths and moved on. Or have we?"

A tear cut a path down Siri's cheek. "We aren't trying to bring them back, Obi-Wan. We honor them by naming the children after them."

Obi-Wan nodded affirmatively in response. "Yes, we do. But I know I've felt guilty about being the one that survived, when they didn't and I wonder what any one of them would be doing if they were here instead of me. Would they welcome the changes that have taken place or would they be trying to walk with one foot in the old and one foot in the new and trying desperately to make it all balance?"

"Everything does seem to be tilting, doesn't it, Obi-Wan?" Siri admitted quietly, her eyes cast away from him. "I've been trying not to think about it too much."

Obi-Wan rubbed the top of her hand with his free one. "Siri, I know you love me. I don't doubt the way you feel because there are certain things that can't be faked when you're intimate with a Force sensitive and your shields are completely down. But I have questioned your feelings for the children and why you are able to keep a friendly emotional distance from other people."

"You must think I have no feelings at all, don't you Obi-Wan?" The pain was very evident in her voice. "I love the children, but it is better not to get too close to them."

"And what would you have done if Reeft hadn't survived his accident?"

Another tear escaped Siri's eye. "It is not the Jedi way to dwell on 'what ifs'."

"We were taught that it is not the Jedi way to form attachments, too. It also is not the Jedi way to be resentful of others."

Taken by surprise, Siri gave him a puzzled look. "I don't understand what you're getting at."

"Padme Skywalker has bent over backwards to be friendly with you, Siri, but you keep a distance. I've wondered why you resent her involvement in the Order. I didn't think it was her personally, but that you resent any outsiders. Now I'm wondering, why Padme?"

Siri cleared her throat. "We just don't have much in common, Obi-Wan. And she is a really good mother and she always looks so regal, even when she is pregnant."

"Ummm, jealousy isn't the Jedi way, either, Siri." Obi-Wan paused, momentarily. "Padme is a good mother because she grew up with one and has an example to follow. You may not be the conventional mother, but I know you love the children and they love you. As for looking regal, I've never really noticed. Yes, she has a fancy wardrobe and the money to afford one, but every woman looks funny and beautiful when they are great with child. It is one of those very odd phenomena." Obi-Wan gave her a little smile. "And you two have plenty in common, including being involved with a stubborn Jedi male."

Siri remained silent as Obi-Wan paused. "I think the reason you aren't friendly with Padme is the same reason you have the children call you, 'Master'. You are trying to keep your distance. Perhaps you don't want to get hurt by losing anymore friends or people you love."

"Then why don't I keep my distance from you, Obi-Wan?" Siri retorted.

"Maybe because, your feelings for me started a very long time ago and you allowed yourself to act on them. As long as we produced children, it was acceptable. We are doing something for the Jedi, for the way of life we were brought up in and for what we believe in. But it seems that now you are going to have to come up with another excuse for your relationship with me."

"I suppose that I love you is not acceptable?"

"Not from someone who has grown up with the idea that love is a weak sentiment. I guess I'm looking for something more. Something that gives our relationship purpose."

"You seem to have easily accepted all the changes over the past few years. Would you marry for just love?"

"I have accepted the changes because I have been among those making them. The changes have been needed. Had I not already loved you and had you in my life for all these years, I don't think I would find someone to love now. I'm still skeptical about the emotion of love and certainly don't believe that 'falling in love' and 'being in love' is the same thing as 'loving' someone else. The former two are weak sentiments that don't endure, the latter takes a lifetime to work on and nurture.

"Since I have been on the front lines of the changes I've found myself simply going along with them. I've come to realize, though, that I love my children and I want what is best for them. I realize, too, that Anakin is a good friend. He has long since grown up from the Padawan I was responsible for and he has become more like a brother to me. And I love you more than I ever thought was possible to love anyone. All this has transpired right before me. For a man whose life revolves around philosophy and meditation, this is something of a failure, to not be paying attention to these changes."

Siri wiped a tear form her cheek. "Well, we're at a hell of an impasse, Kenobi. You won't marry me until we come up with something that adds more meaning to our relationship and I won't let you step down from the Council. What do you propose we do?"

Obi-Wan smiled at her. "Now, more than ever it's time we listen to the Force. I think it has been trying to get our attention in this matter for years, but we have both been too stubborn to listen. The answer will come."

A knock at the door interrupted their conversation. Obi-Wan and Siri both sensed the presence of their children on the other side.