Off: wow, cool. Thanks for the awesome reviews. Just as a side note, I don't actually hate Sofia. I don't consider her that important. However, she is terribly easy to poke fun at. Therefore, this chapter is dedicated to my sister, who hates Sofia with a fiery passion, as I'm sure many of you do. Oh, and this one's a bit longer than the rest. Just to let you know.

"The Chick Fight"

The audience booed dramatically as the show began again with Catherine and Sara in the lab, finding out about the fingerprints that had been found in Ecklie's office. Grissom, Nick, and Ballistics Bobby were nowhere in sight and the audience was not happy about this total lack of resolve with the hidden identity of the killer's gun. They were all ready to start throwing lettuce and turnips and whatever other vegetables they could find when the director popped in quickly.

"We promise this will be good," he swore while dodging a mean looking carrot. "We're going to have a chick fight, people! Chick fight!"

The audience went 'ooooh' and calmed down. Meanwhile, Catherine was looking over Sara's shoulder as they searched the database for the fingerprint they had found. A match came up and they both looked at it in surprise.

The fingerprint matched to a one Sara Sidle.

"That can't be," Sara said. "I haven't been in Ecklie's office in weeks. I should know, because every time I get called in there, it's pretty memorable."

Catherine glared at Sara in the bitchiest way possible. "You must have left the print while collecting."

"The hell I did! You just want to pin this on me because I'm an easy scapegoat. You want me out of the way, just so you can be the only girl around again. Well, you know what? The HELL with you! I am not the one who blew up the lab! If anyone should go down for Ecklie's murder, it should be you!"

"Well, I'm not the one who was too incompetent to solve Eddie's murder," Catherine snapped back.

"Who really gives a shit about Eddie?" Sara said. "And, by the way, you were really bitchy that day and no one likes you! And YOU were the one who took Sam Braun's check and screwed up the case against him!"

"Well, YOU'RE the one who screws up cases when you lose perspective on EVERY battered woman case there is!"

Sara and Catherine were about a second away from attacking each other when Greg stepped in smoothly. "Hey, girls," he said. "What's the problem?"

"She was insubordinate to a supervisor!"

"Well, she started it!"

"Ladies, ladies," Greg said, his hands up in the air. "This is no way to solve your conflict. There is another way, a better way, to get past your issues and to move on."

"What?" Catherine and Sara asked together.

"MUD WRESTLING!" Greg yelled, and instantly the lab was magically transformed into a huge mud pit. Catherine and Sara crossed to opposite sides and flung off their work clothes, leaving Catherine in her sexy red bra and matching underwear, and Sara in similar black underclothes. Both women reluctantly let go of their guns and bared their teeth at each other.

"On your left!" Greg announced, now wearing a neat looking pinstriped suit and a black fedora. "Is the sexy, beautiful, best looking kitty Cat in red lingerie, ittttttttt's CATHERINE!" The Grissom/Catherine shippers in the audience roared and the Grissom/Sara shippers booed. "On you right is the deadly, beautiful, most sexy girl in black underwear that you don't want to get angry. . .ittttttt's SARA!" The audience booed and cheered again.

Greg looked at Sara and Catherine. "Rules are no killing. We've already got one dead body and we don't really need one more. Besides, you ladies are both way too beautiful to die, and it would totally ruin my fantasy in being in a Catherine-Sara sandwich! Whoa, hey, hey! Rule #2: Mud is only thrown at each other, not ME! Otherwise, have at it girls!"

Greg quickly got out of the way and Sara and Catherine leapt at each other immediately, knocking them both down into the mud. Warrick, Nick, Grissom, Brass and the Doc sat down in the audience, their eyes intent on the game.

"I got twenty on Catherine," Brass said, watching the fight. "Ric, you down?"

"I don't know," Warrick said. "That's a hard bet."

"Come on, Warrick," Nick said as the girls rolled around in the mud, pulling at each other's hair. "Never known you to not take a bet."

"Hey, you know the whole gambling thing? That was SEASONS ago! It's not my fault the writers' refuse to give me new angst. Besides, this IS a hard bet. Sara's tough, no doubt, but Catherine's also my possible, implied lovemuffin, and I don't think she'd like it too much if I betted against her."

"Yeah, whatever," Nick said. "I'LL take your bet, Brass. My money's on Sara. What about you, Doc?"

"I'm just here because the fanfiction writer feels bad that I get no play," the Doc said. "I don't actually have to bet my own money."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Grissom?"

"This is fascinating," Grissom said, ignoring them all. "Nicky, pass the popcorn."

Nick did and all of the men leaned back and went "ahhh" as Sara delivered a particularly nice punch, and then went "OOOH" as Catherine's top started to slide off as she dove at Sara.

Suddenly, and for no apparent reason whatsoever, a red light began flashing and an alarm started to shriek. The girls stopped fighting and Greg quickly got back into the center of things. "Ladies and gentlemen, it seems we have a new challenger! It's the one, the only, the girl everyone loves to hate (except Grissom, of course), it's the evil, dread SOFIA!"

Sofia walked out in a tight, blue bikini to a chorus of boos by everyone but Grissom.

"This is like your idea of Heaven, isn't it?" Warrick asked Grissom as Sofia stepped into the ring. "All three of your girls, in their underwear, covered in mud, fighting over you?"

"Don't be bitter because nobody's given you a girlfriend in five seasons," Grissom said, eyes still riveted on the girls.

Catherine took one look at Sophia and said, "Yeaaaah. You know, this isn't my fight. You girls have fun." She quickly retreated to where everyone else was sitting.

"I was voting for you the whole time," Nick told her.

"Shut up, Nicky," Catherine said. "I've got fifty on Sara."

Grissom finally took his eyes off the ring for about half a second. "I thought you'd be rooting for Sofia."

"I may not like Sara but I'm not stupid," Catherine said. "Sofia isn't even a main cast member yet. And everyone knows you and Sara are meant to be . . .eventually, in a decade, when the show ends and you FINALLY pull your head out of your ass."

Everybody cheered at this but were quickly quieted as Greg signaled the beginning of the fight. "I'm taking over this show," Sofia said to Sara. "Grissom's going to be my little sex toy and there's nothing you can do about it."

Grissom raised an eyebrow in interest.

"Grissom's mine, bitch," Sara replied. "I've had to work for five long years to get where I am in this relationships, which isn't very far but it's somewhere. And you are not going to come in here and just steal him away from me. Your ass is going down!"

Sofia charged and Sara and her rolled in the mud. Sara punched twice and kicked Sophia in the stomach. Sofia fell on her back and quickly rolled away to avoid Sara's body slam. Sofia stood up and grabbed Sara by the hair.

"This doesn't look good," Greg announced from the side. "This is the Evil Hair Move of Death!"

Sofia grinned evilly and suddenly flung Sara across the ring by her hair.

"Is that even physically possible?" Nick asked.

"In my experience, Nicky," Brass said, "when you have two women fueled by passion in a mud pit with only their underwear on. . .anything is possible, Nick. Anything is possible."

"This doesn't look good for Sara," Greg said, as Sara lied still, unmoving by one of the posts. "Sofia may be the one to steal Grissom's heart after all."

The audience groaned at this as Sofia walked slowly over to where Sara was laying. "I told you that you were old news," she said. "Grissom's already mine. He already asked me to dinner!"

Everybody gasped and then went silent. Slowly, Sara stood up and looked at where Grissom was sitting, his eyes frantically trying to avoid Sara's without a lot of luck.

"Hey, anyone actually interested in solving Ecklie's murder?" Grissom asked desperately.

"You asked her to DINNER?"

"Well. . ."

"GRISSOM!"

"Yes," Grissom admitted meekly. "But just because she was thinking of leaving and I was trying to comfort her."

"She was going to leave and you made her stay?" Nick asked, aghast. "Oh, man. I don't know if I can look up to you anymore."

"Hey!" Grissom said. "That's cold."

Sara turned her glare from Grissom to Sofia. The glare intensified.

"Uh-oh!" Greg announced gleefully. "I think we all know the famous Sidle Glare of Death!"

Sofia backed up from Sara but no quickly enough. Sara yelled in a true, pure Amazon queen like fury and jumped in the air, suddenly doing a Liu Kang bicycle kick in the air where she defied gravity for several minutes as she repeatedly kicked Sofia in the chest. Sara landed on her feed. Sofia went down.

"KNOCK OUT!" Greg screamed. "Sara Sidle, WINNER!"

Everybody started to cheer and rushed the mud ring, trampling over Sofia's unconscious body. "Congratulations, Sara Sidle!" Greg announced in a proper game show host fashion. "For winning the Best Imaginary Mud Bitch Fight of the Year, you win a sexy, new, red convertible, a lifetime supply of boring DNA textbooks, and the best prize of all, the passionate heart of Gil Grissom!"

Grissom walked up to Sara. "Sara," he began but she cut him off.

"We can't yet," Sara said. "We haven't finished the parody."

"What do you mean?" Grissom asked. "You won. Now we kiss. I've seen hundreds of these movies."

"Yeah, but we still have to solve Ecklie's murder," Sara said. "Other wise, the story is unfinished."

"Fuck the story," Grissom said. "I just want to kiss you."

"Not yet," Sara said, sort of enjoying this opportunity to be the dumper for once. "Murder comes first."

Everybody booed.