WHAT TO DO AFTER YOU'VE BEEN BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE SPONGE
By Joanna
It was 4:15 PM on a bright and cheery Tuesday. Usually at this time all of the Skool children would have gone home, or at least just gotten out of detention and were on their way to the door. But one little boy remained, hidden under a pile of failing papers. The pile shook and the child lifted his head to check his surroundings.
Something was very strange about this boy, for he had green skin and was missing his ears and nose. The little boy's name was Zim and in reality he was not a little boy at all. He was an alien from a faraway planet called Irk; it was his 'duty' to find the weaknesses of Planet Earth in order to prepare it for the coming invasion. Unfortunately, Zim was an inept fool and the only reason he had been given this mission was to keep him from screwing up the real Irken Invaders. Zim chuckled to himself and left the pile of paper.
He ran out the door and into the hall, checking the doors of the other classrooms. He stopped when he came to a door marked with the number 117. The alien opened the door and snuck inside.
The room was filled with all sorts of sciency things, from plastic skeletons to posters with the digestive system printed on them. But Zim wasn't looking for any of that. He tiptoed around, peeking in every jar and opening every closed cabinet. Left and right he dodged, looking for something he couldn't find. His eyes darted around the room, and finally rested on a glass case filled with water. Zim crept up to the box and peeked inside. About three or four sponges lay within. Zim pulled out a small vial from his pocket, and poured the contents over the aquatic creatures. Zim pulled one out and laughed; his plan to infect the children with radioactivity seemed perfect. Upon closer inspection of the animal, Zim came across a disappointing discovery. The sponges had no mouths. Zim angrily threw the sponge back into the box. He stormed out of the room and made his way home. The radioactive sponge idea he had been working on for MONTHS had been nothing but failure.
Upon his arrival home, Zim was greeted by his Robotic parent droids, also known as the Roboparents. After saying hello, Robomom's head exploded and Robodad started flailing his arms around and screaming for toothpaste. The robots were not built very well, and all of the flailing Robodad was doing dislocated both his arms. Zim looked on in horror to see Robomom start doing some sort of a jig. Robodad joined the dance as did GIR, Zim's little robot helper. Soon the three robots had gotten the attention of everyone on the cul-de-sac, and after a few people began to slink outside, they started signing too. Zim noticed the neighbor's glaring at the deranged androids, and yelled at everyone that nothing was wrong.
"Nothing's wrong with MY parents, nope! They always act like this. THEY'RE NORMAL!" Zim assured the slightly suspicious neighbors and they returned to their houses. Zim breathed a sigh of relief. He was getting better and better at covering up the robots' weirdness.
A few minuets later, after the Roboparents had been shut off and GIR had gone to sleep, a smaller alien walk into the living room where Zim was resting. The alien was fatter and much more happier looking than Zim, despite the stains on his shirt and the strangely adorable squeaking noises his boots made when he walked. The alien plopped himself next to Zim on the couch, and began to ask Zim about his day.
"So… what's it like going to Earth Skool?" The pudgy Irken asked.
"Skoodge, I think the humans are spying on me. They manipulated their sponge beasties somehow, and now they don't have mouths. How am I, the MIGHTY INVADER ZIM, supposed to destroy these horrible humans if radioactive sponges can't bite them? It's not fair." Zim scowled.
"Maybe you should have used something that you knew had mouths, like doggies or pigs or something?" Skoodge tried to comfort his buddy, but Zim turned away and pouted.
"I know I could have used one of those," Zim started, "But the human Bitters said we would be seeing a presentation on the digestive system of sponges, and she was going to use the sponges in the science lab. It would have been so fun to see the humans get bitten by the radioactive sponges and start rolling around screaming." He sighed. "Stupid humans are just SO stupid. And stinky. Those stupid, stinky, ugly beasts have messed with me for the last time!"
"Yea!" Skoodge cheered. "What're you gonna do to them? Get monkeys to eat 'em? Make them explode with a giant laser? Tell me!"
"Something even BETTER!" Zim Jumped off the couch and raised his had triumphantly. The humans weren't going to stop him from destroying their planet. He smiled with glee.
"GIR! Minimoose! Come to Zim!"
GIR's eyes lit up, and the little robot ran over to its master. His eyes switched from their bright turquoise to blood red, and he raised his hand in salute. A small squeak came from the kitchen, and an adorable purple moose came floating out. It hovered over to Zim and bumped into him. Zim grabbed the moose and began shaking it around whilst telling his companions about the idea slowly unwinding in his head. The house filled with Zim's evil cackling, followed by Skoodge's weak chuckle, GIR's crazy laugh, and a few squeaks from minimoose. The alien residents of the lime-green house began to cause such an evil racket that a few of the neighbors started staring out of their houses and glaring at the green house some more.
In another, slightly more sane part of town, another person was laughing evilly. But this laugh was not from a villain, but a hero. The voice of this laugh belonged to only one person: Zim's worst enemy, the self-proclaimed defender of the universe, Dib.
To Be Continued... Eventually...