Homestar Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace Chapter 2 Meet Reynold, a homestar runner fanfic

Reply to reviewer (Will-Write-For-Pocky): Thanks for your review. I thought I asked you if I could write this story in a review for your Episode 5. Not that it matters. Sorry for calling you a "he".

Chapter 2 – Meet Reynold

The droid transportation ships containing the droids, Strong Bad, and Coach Z landed in the Naboo swamp area. Then some droids exited their crafts, as well as the two Jedi. Also, huge droid troop transports exited the ship and began bringing terror, like pushing trees down. Meanwhile, a battle droid talked to a small hologram of Blue Laser and his minion.

"And there is no trace of the Jedi on the ship. They might have gone in your landing craft, sir… droid," reported the Blue Laser Minion.

"Uh, if they're down here, we'll find them. We're going to the cities, and we haven't met resistances. Is that important?" asked the battle droid.

"JUST FIND THE FREAKIN' JEDIS AND TAKE OVER THE CITIES!" shouted Blue Laser as the hologram disappeared.

Meanwhile, Coach Z was running down the swamp, being chased by enemy troop transports. Other animals, like possums, were running away from the troop transports. Also, there was a Cheat named Reynold just pondering what's in the puddles when he noticed the running animals, and the mechanical doom coming his way.

"Oh no! Help me!" cried Reynold as Coach Z ran towards him.

"Get doon!" shouted Coach Z as he pushed Reynold to the ground, preventing them from being crushed by the troop transport which zoomed above them.

Then Coach Z walked away, but Reynold followed him.

"Oh my gosh! You saved my life! How can I thank you?" asked Reynold.

"Get some broins, you nearly got us killed!" ordered Coach Z.

"But I spoke," said Reynold.

"Speaking doesn't mean yoos smart, and you aren't," said Coach Z, "Now let's get out of here!"

"No wait! I have to be your humble servant for some reason, right?" asked Reynold.

"That won't be necessary," said Coach Z.

"But it is! It must be ordered by the gods, right?" asked Reynold.

"No!" said voices from above.

Just then, droids flying on speeders were chasing Strong Bad, shooting at him.

"Oh no! We're going to die!" shouted Reynold.

"Stay doon!" ordered Coach Z as he brandished his light saber and used it to reflect the shots the speeders shot to destroy them and save Strong Bad.

"You saved me again!" said Reynold as he got up.

"What the crap is this? A Cheat?" asked Strong Bad.

"Yeah, a weak one in fact, and a stupid one. Let's go," said Coach Z, "Before more come."

"What? More is coming?" asked Reynold as Coach Z and Strong Bad walked away.

"Um, excuse me?" asked Reynold.

"No, you have to say ex-squeeze me, not excuse me," ordered Homer Starrun, who was not the voices from the sky earlier.

"Oh all right. Ex-squeeze me! Don't squeeze me, but a safe place would be the Cheat Commandos Underwater Playset. It's where we would go in Naboo, and where I would plead to the Cheat Commandos to go on missions. It's a safe place!" shared Reynold, making Coach Z and Strong Bad stop walking.

"A hordquarters playset? Can you take us there?" asked Coach Z.

"Oops! I forgot. I was banished from the playset," remembered Reynold as there was a sound somewhere far away.

"Ya hear that?" asked Coach Z.

"No, I don't have good hearing skills, but…" began Reynold.

"That's the sound of a thousand terrible things coming our way," said Coach Z.

"When they find us, they pulverize us, and do some other bad stuff," said Strong Bad.

"Good point. Let's go!" said Reynold as he led Coach Z and Strong Bad to somewhere.

So after some running, which got Reynold exhausted, they arrived in front of a lake.

"So how much forther?" asked Coach Z.

"Well, first, let me warn you that the Cheat Commandos don't like outsiders," warned Reynold.

"Oh don't worry. This hasn't been a warm day for welcomes. So where's the freakin' headquarters?" asked Strong Bad.

"Um, it's underwater. But I just remembered, I can't swim," said Reynold.

"Don't worry. I'll help you," said Strong Bad as he grabbed Reynold and tossed him in the water.

"Help! Help! I'm drowning!" cried out Reynold as he sank into the water.

"Let's go retrieve him. That was fun," admitted Strong Bad as they put on breath masks.

Then they swam to the underground headquarters playset, where Reynold ended up being in. Then a metal door closed behind them as the water was drained out. Then they went on an elevator to go up to where the activities were happening.

"It's so good being home!" said Reynold after being revived.

All the Cheats were surprised to see two Jedi Knights and Reynold. Then Gunhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip, and Firebert walked up to the newcomers.

"Hello Gunhaver, I'm back!" said Reynold.

"Oh no Reynold. You're going to see Flashfight. As they say in Gungan, yousa in big dudu this time!" said Gunhaver.

Suddenly, Fightgar accidentally (or intentionally, either way, it's what the Commandos wanted) shot his gun near Reynold, making the bullet miss Reynold by inches.

"How rude!" said Reynold.

So the Jedis and Reynold were taken to Flashfight, who was sitting in a chair behind a desk that belongs in the Pentagon.

"We don't like you. Get lost and let us do what we need to do to Reenold," said Flashfight in the French accent.

"But the droid army is about to attack Naboo. We most warn them," said Coach Z.

"We don't like Naboo. Zey hate us. Zey zeenk zey so smart and brainee," complained Flashfight.

"After the droids take control of the surface, then they'll attack you," warned Strong Bad.

"I don't zeenk so. Wee can leeve without Naboo. Wee need no outsiders," said Flashfight.

"You and Naboo are some sort a circle, although I failed college algebra, if something happens to the surface, you'll be affected. You must know this," explained Strong Bad.

"Uh, I don't understand what you just said. Wee don't care about Naboo," replied Flashfight.

Then Coach Z waved his hand and used the Force on Flashfight, "Then we need a transport."

"You need a transport. We'll geeve you zee Commando submarine. Now go through the Naboo core for fastest reesults," ordered Flashfight.

"Okay, let's go. I don't like this place. Their food's terrible. By the way, is the submarine comfortable?" asked Strong Bad.

"I don't mind chafes," said Coach Z.

Then he saw Reynold chained.

"Going through the core, good luck," said Reynold.

"Thanks Rornald," thanked Coach Z.

"Sure you don't need a guide?" asked Reynold as he gave Coach Z a pleading look.

"Coach! We don't have time!" complained Strong Bad.

"But we need a guide in order to go through the coore, and Rornald might help," explained Coach Z.

Feeling sorry for Reynold, Coach Z talked to Flashfight again.

"What about Rornald?" asked Coach Z.

"Hee'll be puneeshed," replied Flashfight, making Reynold groan.

"We need a novigator to go through the coore, and I saved Rornald. He owes me a life debt, or something," explained Coach Z.

"Reenold, why heem?" asked Flashfight.

So Coach Z waved his hand again to use the Force, "Yor gods demands his life belongs to me now."

"Okay, take heem," ordered Flashfight as the Jedis and Reynold (freed) began to leave.

"I don't know where the go, we'll die anyway. But I'll take the core," said Reynold as they left the headquarters playset and to the submarine.

The Commando submarine, which was shaped like half-Cheat and half-fish, swam through the deep waters of Naboo, swimming away from the Underwater Cheat Commandos Headquarters Playset.

"This is nuts. Oh look! A gooberfish!" exclaimed Reynold as he pointed to a window.

"So Reynold, why the crap were you banished? Because of that, we wasted like, a half a chapter," asked Strong Bad.

"Well, basically, I was banished because I was, sorta, something like, clumsy."

"You were banished because you were clumsy? No wonder you don't go on any mission," said Strong Bad.

"It's not my fault! But in Gungan, I boom da gasser, crash Flashfight's heyblidder, then banished," explained Reynold.

"Okay, I didn't understand that. So basically, you were clumsy and stupid," said Strong Bad.

Then they encountered a huge fish with fangs. It looked like an eyeless fish beast.

"Oh no! An eyeless fish beast! Huge teeth!" cried out Reynold in horror.

Then the fish beast wrapped its tongue around the submarine. Then it began to draw the submarine into its mouth.

"Oh no! I haven't even made my will! Not that I have anything people want, not even my fake tie," said Reynold.

"Shut up! We're already out of the eyeless fish beast!" said Strong Bad.

Reynold looked out at the window and saw a deep-sea fanglyfish eat the eyeless fish beast. Details not included.

"Right this way everybody! Free devoured eyeless fish beasts! Dance clubs. Cheat Commandos submarine," said the Homestar Lure attached to the deep-sea fanglyfish.

"There's orlways a bigger fish," said Coach Z.

In the Trade Federation battleship, Blue Laser and his minion were talking to the hologram of Darth Sidious.

"THE INVASION IS ON SCHEDULE!" screeched Blue Laser.

"Good, and I have the Senate bogged down in procedures, and don't ask what that means. By the time they vote in a million years or so, it'll be too late that they'll accept your control of the system," explained Darth Sidious.

"THE QUEEN HAS GREAT FAITH THE SENATE WILL SIDE WITH HER!"

"She's young and naïve, especially when it comes to botany. Controlling her will isn't so difficult. You've done well, Viceroy," explained Darth Sidious as the hologram faded away.

"You didn't tell him about the missing Jedi, sir," said the Blue Laser Minion.

"SO WHAT? WE WON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO REPORT!" explained Blue Laser.

Underwater, the Cheat submarine was still going deeper and deeper to the Naboo core (which might be made of water, since it's underwater).

"So, how do you know where to go?" asked Reynold.

"The force will guide us," explained Coach Z.

"Oh, the mighty Force, just like that dead guy over there," said Reynold as he pointed to a skull on a rock.

"Oh I see," said Strong Bad.

Suddenly, the submarine began to lose power.

"Oh no!" groaned Reynold as Coach Z announced they lost power, "We're dying in here!"

While Strong Bad worked with the wires (or praying to them that they'll work) Coach Z said, "Stay corlm, we're not in trooble yet."

"WHAT? There are monsters out there! We're leaking in here! We're sinking and there's no power! When the crap do you realize we're in trouble?" exploded Reynold.

"Power's back, we're not in trouble," said Strong Bad as the submarine moved again, revealing an underwater version of the Crap on Strings in front of them.

As the submarine swam away from the monster chasing them, Reynold hyperventilated.

"Relax," ordered Coach Z as Reynold stopped into a coma.

"You overdid it," said Strong Bad.

The fish continued chasing until it got eaten by Trogdor (underwater version!) while an electric guitar solo played somewhere. Meanwhile, the submarine escaped.

"Head for the outcroopping," ordered Coach Z.

In the Naboo capital of Theed, the droid army began to take over the city. Queen Marzipala was watching this from the castle. Soon, Blue Laser and his minion arrived on a road in Theed.

"We took over the city, sir," said a battle droid.

"AAA! VICTORY!" screeched Blue Laser.

"Not to loud, sir," said the battle droid.

"SHUT UP, DROID!" shouted Blue Laser.

In a lake of Theed, the submarine finally surfaced after a long, dark, and dangerous journey.

"Oh, how beautiful!" observed Reynold as Strong Bad, Coach Z, and Reynold got out of the submarine.

"We're finally out of that waste ocean," said Strong Bad.

"Now how do we get to shore?" asked Reynold.

"Okay, back in the submarine!" ordered Strong Bad as they went back inside.

"Oh man!" groaned Reynold.

In the Theed palace stairs, the battle droids, Blue Laser and his minion were leading Queen Marzipala, Mr. Bland (who now has a swollen tongue and hives), Captain Mouth, and Marzipala's handmaidens down the stairs.

"How vill you exblain this invason to the Thenate?" asked Mr. Bland with the swollen tongue.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE CRAP YOU JUST SAID, BUT WE'LL FORCE THE SENATE TO SIGN A TREATY!" explained Blue Laser.

"I won't co-operate," replied Queen Marzipala.

"TOO BAD! THEN YOUR PEOPLE WILL DIE! COMMANDER DROID, PROCESS THEM!" Blue Laser said to the leading battle droid.

"Yes, sir! Take them to Camp Four!" the battle droids ordered the other battle droids.

Then the party was led out of the castle by the droids in an empty street. On a walkway above, Coach Z, Strong Bad, and Reynold (not exactly, he just hung on to the ledge immediately) jumped from the walkway and began attacking the droids with their light sabers. Soon, they were all destroyed and Reynold fell down to the street, and lived.

"TAKE their weapons," ordered Captain Mouth as his soldiers took the droids' blasters.

Then Coach Z began talking to Queen Marzipala, "Yor highness, we are the ambassadoors of Chancellor Princey."

"Then your nebobiations must bave bailed," said Mr. Bland (swollen tongue).

"What negotiations?" asked Strong Bad, "By the way, we need to make contact with the rest of the Republic."

"They KNOCKED out all our commissions," said Captain Mouth.

"Do you have any transports?" asked Coach Z.

"Make sure it has lots of space," ordered Strong Bad.

"FOLLOW me," ordered Captain Mouth as he ran down the alleyway, followed by the party, Jedi, and Reynold lagging behind.

In the central hangar hallway, the party saw the battle droids surrounding the pilots.

"There's too MANY!" reported Captain Mouth.

"That won't be a prooblem," said Coach Z as he began speaking to Queen Marzipala, "Yor highness, under the circumstances, come to Coruskant with us."

"Thank you Ambassador, but I'd prefer to be with my own people," replied Marzipala.

"They'll kill you if you stay."

"No, they'll make her SIGN a TREATY!" said Captain Mouth.

"Still, they'll destroy you," said Coach Z.

"We need the Sevate to help us. Sevator Homesku will need your help," said Mr. Bland.

"Getting PAST their blockade is IMPOSSIBLE! All attempts to do so will be DANGEROUS!" said Captain Mouth.

"I'll stay here! I'm alzo allergic to zpace!" said Mr. Bland.

"Either choice presents a great threat to all of us," Queen Marzipala said to her handmaidens.

"We are brave your highness," said Marzipan.

"If you want to leave, yor highness, it's now," said Coach Z.

"Okay! Bye Mr. Allergic," said Queen Marzipala.

"It's Blenv," said Mr. Bland.

In the central hangar itself, the party except for two handmaidens and Mr. Bland walked towards a Nubian.

"We need to FREE those pilots," said Captain Mouth.

"I'll do that. I need some action," said Strong Bad as he headed towards the pilots.

Then the party (minus Strong Bad) went to a guard droid guarding the Nubian.

"Where are you going?" asked the droid.

"I'm the Ambassador of Chancellor Princey, and we're going to Coruskant," explained Coach Z.

"Where?" asked the droid.