In her younger years, April never considered running for fun to be fun. It was not enjoyable for her. But when she was eighteen she had started running. Now it was a form of escape, a way for her to concentrate her energy and put it towards good use. She loved the feeling of her body slicing through air and being able to run past people.
There had always been this feeling in her that she was behind everyone else. Like she was never up to everybody else's standards. At school she had always been separate from everyone. She never was part of a crowd. She was the girl in the corner reading and studying all the time. Her peers hardly considered her a person. She was merely a presence.
Running alongside Michael and Eric, as they let her call them, was annoying to her. She wanted to break off and get away from them. She hated being watched all the time. She was porcelain, easily breakable. This was much farther from the truth. Despite what many thought she could put up with a lot. She, after all, had lived with her mother for twenty-one years of her life.
Well, she was her mother, but that was just a charade, but in hindsight, April supposed that Patricia Winthers was her mother. April reasoned that just because Patricia Winthers was an alias, did not mean that Petra Derevko wouldn't have raised her daughter the same way.
That's another thing running was good for: to sort out her feelings. She never really had time to digest everything. In her mind, she just kept putting it off and off. She didn't want to think about it. Now she was. Maybe she was finally coming to grips with this whole thing.
Learning that your mother is a spy is hard enough for anyone to take, but learning that after being kidnapped is a whole other thing. She had been drugged twice, shot at, and held captive, by someone that April would not exactly mind being kidnapped again by. What am I thinking? Julian first of all is a murderer and terrorist, plus he told me that nothing would ever work out between the two of us. I cannot let myself fall into what ifs. I have to put it behind me. If only the CIA would let me. They are keeping me locked up in order to ensure my "safety". I just want this to be over with. I want to know why the Covenant wants me, so I can put a stop to it and I want to get out of this. I want nothing to do spies. All I want is to finish school and live the life of a humanitarian. Is that too much to ask? My life will be devoted to making others happy. Is that bad or something? I need to stop this. I can't question everything. I have to just get through this and I then I can go back to my life, my normal life.
Sickness came over her as she heard herself say those words. Normal Life, that was far from what she had. She had nothing close to it. She couldn't lie to herself. It made her sick.
"Vaughn, Weiss I need to go to the bathroom," April said to them as she turned to them.
"There's one to the right of you in the park," Vaughn stopped to point and breath, "We'll stay here."
"Okay," April jogged off to the tan building she saw. It was surrounded by grass with kids playing catch, while their parents laid back and read the newspaper or a book. The sight made her more nauseous.
She opened the blue door to the bathroom and soon found herself behind an orange door, throwing up the only thing she had eaten in the past twelve hours, a cheeseburger and French fries.
After she finished, April sunk her back against the stall door. She cried. It all caught up with her, everything that had happened. Something inside of her broke. It fell apart.
Of all places, she was in a public bathroom stall, throwing up and crying. So many emotions, that she couldn't count. What was this feeling? Is this what a breakdown feels like? Is it like your entire world is just falling to pieces and you can't seem to grab a hold of anything?
Breathe, April told herself. You cannot let them see you like this. No one can see you like this. Keep your head up.
The sullen woman looked up off the ground and slowly rose. She could not be weak. If she was, she couldn't show it. No one was allowed to see her like this.
Wiping the tears from her face, April let out one last whimper.
She opened the door of the bathroom stall and immediately she became weak in the knees. The wall of the bathroom held her up. But it wasn't enough she gave out. Instead of being in a private area, she was in the open. Anyone could walk through the door and see her. See her like this. For a few moments it didn't bother her.
Her hands had her face in them. If someone was in the bathroom, she couldn't look at them. They couldn't look at her.
Suddenly a pair of familiar arms wrapped around her frail body.
Then she heard his voice, "April, it's going to be alright. Just cry."
Obediently she obeyed and nuzzled herself into the space that fit her perfectly.
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So sorry for the cliffhanger……….it was too tempting.
