Chapter 5
Silence reigned in the room, and in the hush of voices the dull, muted crack of Relena's knuckles could be heard - presumably as she balled her fists to prevent herself from wrapping her hands around the necks of Alex and Mueller. A couple of minutes later, when she could trust herself to speak again, Relena said; "This isn't Heero Yuy." the statement was simple, but spoken with such force everyone quailed.
"We, um, thought it was." ventured Alex tentatively.
"Didn't you see the foot long braid?" Relena's voice rose a little above the murmur it had been.
"It was dark.." Mueller tried to be arrogant but was cut short but a withering glare.
"Get out." the voice was still low, but the look in her eyes made both Alex and Mueller dash for the operation room's heavy chrome door and get safely on the other side of it.
"Aaaahh" she groaned. "I need some sleep."
"Same here." sighed Zechs. "But not before we sort out their complete cock-up."
"HEY!" the yell prevented any further discussion, and it came from Duo who was still sat where he had been dumped. "Would anyone mind telling me just what the hell is going on?"
"Sorry about that." Relena began. "Well, you see, this is the headquarters of the United Rebel Army and you are supposed to be Heero Yuy." Duo blinked and shook his head.
"Still not getting it."
"Well, we were going to capture Heero Yuy. However, it seems like those two" she gave an acid look at the door "have messed it up a bit. However" this time, she let a wicked smile curve her lips "You could be just as useful."
I don't like the sound of this... Duo thought, mentally gulping, but instead, he climbed to his feet and looked defiantly at Zechs, Dorothy and Relena.
"I don't know what you're going to do with me, but you won't get anything out of me." He gave them an icy look, the effect of which was a little spoiled by a little giggle from Dorothy. She then pulled a straight face, arched a newly-plucked eyebrow, and replied
"What we want from you may not be entirely what you expect, Mr Maxwell." she said this in a low and somewhat husky voice, pouting a little as she batted her eyelids at him. All this had the effect of scaring Duo thouroughly, making Zechs shake his head and smile, and Relena gulp to swallow her laughter.
"Um, Zechs." Relena gasped silently at the pain in her stomach. "Would you mind giving." She cut off and turned to let out silent giggles. "Mr Maxwell a tour of the place? Thank you." With that, she and Dorothy walked with as much dignity as possible out of the room, and Zechs and Duo heard echoing laughter in the corridor as the door closed. Zechs shook his head and laughed quietly to himself.
"What's funny?" snapped Duo, more unnerved then angry.
"That would be my sister." he smiled. "Anyway, my name is Zechs Marquise, and for the moment, I shall be your guide for the tour around the URA headquarters."
"Huh?" Duo looked at him. "You're the Zechs Marquise?"
"The one and only, limited edition, so touch me while you can." he grinned back. "What's up? don't I fit the description?"
"I-just figured you'd be older...more serious." Duo scratched the back of his head.
"Figured the same about you." shrugged Zechs. "Though you could do with lightening up a bit. Don't worry about Dorothy, she was only teasing."
"Oh, right." Sagging, Duo tried not to sound too pleased. "Anyway, that guided tour."
"Of course" Zechs gave a sweeping bow. Duo was then led into the main atrium, as the sun was beginning to seep through a hatchway left open.
"Hey, Zechs? What's the time?" he asked, fighting back a yawn.
"Hn. Five thirty in the morning." Zechs gazed at his watch. " This rebel centre will fully awake in five...four...three...two...one..."
"Good morning, this is the BBC World service." A voice boomed over the loudspeakers sounding every inch like someone holding their nose and faking a British accent. Duo winced, and Zechs simply stood nonchalantly leaning against the pillar. The voice continued. "You wish. This is your resident DJ and it is time to GET OUT OF BED! For those of you who don't believe the official spin on this, that it is morale boosting, and those who believe I took this job just beacause I love pissing people off, I just want you to know....that you're totally right. And for those of you who complain you're tired, do I look like I care. GET UP! Now, we'll take it nice and slow, with Incubus, Wish you were here." the song opened, suiting the early morning sunrise perfectly.
"Who is that guy?" asked Duo, half annoyed, half admiring.
"My best friend." Zechs smiled. "C'mon, I'll introduce you."
"I-I wish you were heeeeeeereeeee!." The DJ sang to himself, as the song ended and he searched for another to put on. "Right, that three seconds silence was an interview with alliance pilot Trowa Barton, and here as our next guest, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have an exclusive with-" he gasped in mock amazement "-Commander J! So, Mr J, how are you doing?" He hunched over the microphone, and replied in a wonderfully creepy voice "Aaah, young Skywalker, you have developed well..." "Ah, I'm not Luke-" "Yes, yes, you have a strong spirit...Luke, join the dark side! Yahahahahaha!"
"Ooooookaaaay." the DJ resumed his old voice. "And on the subject of basket cases, here's some Greenday for ya!" International Superhits began to play, and Zechs walked in to the studio.
"Mornin'!" He sat next to his friend. "Hey, this is Duo Maxwell." At the DJ's raised eyebrow, Zechs added. "The stooges screwed up."
"Ah." he replied, nodding sagely. "Hey anyway, I'm Treize Kushrenada." Duo gave no pretence of restraint. His jaw fell, and he goggled.
"You?" he asked. "You're Treize Kushrenada? The master strategist?" Treize laughed outright at Duo's incredulity.
"Yep. But hush a moment." Treize flipped the mike back on. "Don't panic, everybody! I'm almost off the air. Just another couple of songs, and here's one from one of my all time favourites, Nickelback." A rough rock song began to play (A/N-for rough Nickelback, listen to Curb). "Uh, Duo, you can shut your mouth now." Realising his jaw was still dangerously close to the floor, Duo shut it and apologized, beginning to flush at the same time. Treize turned one last time to the mike.
"Okay, I'm off the air until four. Why? Because I have to be! This is the army, not a Butlin's! (A/N-Private joke)Now, sit up straight, polish your shoes and pull that hand out of your pants! And good morning to you!" He put on an Offspring song, and turned to leave.
"So you've met Alex and Mueller?" Treize raised a forked eyebrow. "A more bloodyminded pair you won't find, but they do have a certain determination to finish their missions, even if Mueller does look like the North end of a southbound camel." He finished with a snicker, which was joined by Zechs. "So, what're you two up to at this point?" Treize walked out of the studio with them, his DJ-ing duties finished for that morning.
"Well, I was giving Mr Maxwell a tour of the facilities." explained Zechs.
"Does it include the weapons room?" asked Duo shrewdly. The two long-time pranksters looked at him.
"Nice try, Maxwell, but no." Treize brightened suddenly. "But we can visit the kitchens!"
"Yeah, the head cook's a guy called Quatre. As long as he's not cooking anything else, he'll always have time to cook you your own personal pancake." Pausing, Zechs aimed a nasty grin at Treize. "But he's not talking to big-mouth Kushrenada here 'cause yesterday Treize made fun of him on the air." Glaring, Treize pretended to sulk, causing Zechs to snigger even harder to himself. Duo couldn't help but giggle at the man's pout, which took nearly ten years off his age, and made him look like and overgrown nine-year-old. However, no sooner than they arrived at the kitchens than the pout became a wide, cheesy grin.
"Hey Q, you busy?" Zechs plopped himself on a plastic stool next to what looked like a three-foot-high white traffic bollard. Quatre in his white chef's outfit, straightened up and smiled.
"Not really." came the answer. "Most people ate breakfast about an hour ago. So yes," he rolled his eyes at the older man's expectant smile. "I can make you a pankcake. Sugar and lemon?"
"You know it!" Zechs was almost over the moon. "Oh yeah, the reason I came here-this is Duo Maxwell."
"Hi." Quatre held out a friendly, albeit confused, hand.
"Yeah, I was supposed to be Heero Yuy." shrugged Duo, shaking it.
"Oh. Well, pancake?"
"Uh, yes please."
"Um, Quatre?" Treize put on his best winning smile, but the open-faced blonde turned stony.
"No." He turned around and began making batter. Dropping the act, Treize began pleading.
"Aww, c'mon Quatre. It was only a joke!"
"Nope."
"But-I've been your friend for three years."
"I could have said the same thing to you!"
"I'm sorry?"
"Hmmm..."
"I'm really, really, sorry?"
"..."
"I'm so sorry I'm about to beg like a dog for a pancake?"
"Oh yeah?" Smirking, Quatre turned around. "Go on then." Treize simply glared back.
"I may like your excellent pancakes, Quatre, but manly pride comes above that!" laughing, the blonde boy turned to the hob and began frying.
Three large pancakes and thirty minutes later, the three men heaaded out of the kitchen, stomachs satisfied. Despite himself and all the training he had undergone, Duo found that he had begun to like Treize and Zechs, and had even thrown off any doubts that Quatre had drugged his pancake batter. Just talking to the guy, it didn't seem possible. His musings were cut short by a sudden yell from Zechs,
"Dance lessons!"
"Where?!" Treize dashed back, dragging Duo with him - and there he stayed of his own accord. It seemed that every good looking woman in the compund was flaunting it on the gym floor in really not very much. It has only to say that the song they were dancing to was Christina Aguilera's Dirrty to explain exactly why he was hooked there. Dorothy and Relena came to the forefront, and all three gave a little "mmmm..." then they turned in objection to one another.
"Dude! That's my sister!" hissed Zechs.
"Well that's my cousin!" spluttered Treize back. Duo however, just carried on staring. How come alliance women never looked this good? Unfortunately for them, Noin noticed them, pressed up against the swing-door glass like schoolboys, and sashayed temptingly over to them. She flashed them only one warning grin before she released a high kick into the swing door, knocking all three off their feet as they attampted to jump back.
"Ok! we get the point!" called Zechs back, as Quatre stepped over their bodies.
"Perverts!" he sniffed in mock disdain.
"Just 'cause you're gay!" sniped Treize back, his ego bruised-not to mention his ass. (A/N and a damn fine ass it is!)
"Really?" asked Duo, turning to the head chef.
"Yeah, I'm bi." he shrugged. "Hey, it improves your chances of a date on Saturday night!" He turned and walked away, Zechs and Treize following reluctantly.
"Okay, I'm curious." Duo began, as they rounded the corner past the gym, and entered the living quarters. "How did you know about the party and the Leo plans?"
"We have our sources." Zechs smiled mysteriously. Yet the moment was ruined when said "sources" walked around the corner from her dance class, arm-in-arm with Relena.
"Hilde?" Duo had trouble tightening his jaw enough to say that.
"Mr. Duo!" squeaked the girl, suddenly startled. There was a very uneasy silence.
"But-I thought-you were lost in battle?" Duo glared at Hilde, who emitted a small and extremely awkward giggle.
"Uh..well, yeah...you see..."
"S'cuse us, we need to talk." Relena took control of the situation by grabbing Hilde's shoulders and steering her into a corner, where a whispered but furious conversation ensued.
"I thought he was supposed to be Heero!" Stuttered the panicked double agent.
"I thought you said he didn't know you!" snapped back the rebel leader.
"Heero doesn't!"
"Ah." Relena shrugged, took Hilde by the arm again, flashed her winning smile, and carried on walking.
"I don't believe it..." Duo stared abjectly after her.
"Yeah, but start believing and for god's sake stop drooling!" Treize clapped him on the back.
"I was not DROOLING!!"
"And next on your left is your quarters, Lieutenant Maxwell." Treize indicated the door with a flourish. "I'm afraid everywhere but the kitchen, studio, gym and main lobbies are off limits to you, and even if you're doing nothing particular, you'll be watched. But get some sleep, because I'm sure you must be tired." Zechs opened the door to the bedroom and showed him in. It was clean and airy, if plain and impersonal.
"So, you going to lock me in then?" asked Duo, preparing for the worst.
"Oh, No, not yet, Mr. Maxwell." the enigma in Treize's smile wasn't comforting. "Not yet. Well, Good Morning to you!" they gave a little wave each and pulled the door shut after them.
Deciding he'd make himself comfortable, Duo stretched himself out on the bed. Naturally, the first thought that crossed his mind was "I've got to escape." He began considering every guard he'd seen on the way in. Then there was also the fact that he hadn't seen any exits to the place. However there was usually a pattern, an indication of the exits in the layout of the building. He ran over every schematic he'd ever studied, along with what he knew of the layout of this builing to try and deduce the exits...at least, that was the last thing he remembered doing when he woke up several hours later.
"Shit!" He jumped up and ran to the door, expecting the rebels to have locked it as he slept. Suprisingly, it was still open, and he tentatively made his way into the corridor, expecting at any moment to be stopped, or worse. However, he moved fully out into the corridor and came up against no adversity. Indeed, the corridor seemed completely empty, and he had to think that he might have slept for hours, and woken up in the middle of the night. His digital watch contradicted that, telling him it was six in the evening - "probably when everyone's eating." he thought, overruling quickly the yearning of his salivary glands for one of Quatre's pancakes. With this in mind, he began to sneak down the corridor.
His steps got faster and more confident as he went further on and his path led further upwards. "Always watched? Like Hell!" It was with this thought and a grin on his face that he rounded a corner, started to run again, and-
"Yeurk!" Duo felt a sudden sharp pain on his scalp, and his head suddenly stopped moving. However, despite it's interesting actions, it told the feet and the torso to keep running. This confusion of signals left Duo lying face up on the floor with a bruised arse. At that point, Zech's grinning face appeared above him, one hand displaying a peace sign, and the other holding a limp brown object-his plait. "Ah, well, that would explain it." he thought, still being a little to dazed to move. He heard a strange sort of whooshing noise, and Treize appeared around the corner, bringing an extendable tape measure with him.
"Twenty-eight metres and thrity centimetres. Not bad, Maxwell." By now Duo had recovered enough of his wits to feel outraged. He scowled, and sulked as Treize and Zechs led him back to his quarters. He didn't resist, knowing they were taller, probably quicker than him, without mentioning that he could see the bulk of guns in the back of each of their waistbands. When they got back to his rooms, they locked him in.
"Well, all the more time to think of another escape route..."
"Through the air vents!"
"Twenty five metres, ninety-eight centimetres..."
"The atruim must have an exit."
"Twenty-one metres, fifty-seven centimetres..."
"The fire escape in the kitchen!"
"Fifteen-metres eighty. You're slipping, dude!"
"The MS hatch?"
"Ten metres twenty-three cm...Not good!"
"The Garbage bins!"
"Nine-metres- three-centimetres-and-get-your-wayward-ass-out-of-that-thing-before-it-contracts!"
"The sewage chute!"
"Seven metres sixty-eeeuch! Man, is that you?"
"Fuck it, I'll just run!"
"Three metres seventy-five! Just give up!"
"Yeah...Besides, I'm getting dandruff from the amount of times you've yanked my braid!"