A/N: Okay, to everybody reading – this chapter is just pure comic relief! If you're waiting for some serious plot, it begins next chapter.
To Dot – thank you kindly for the lovely review – and there's more outvoted Treize and Zechs!
To Word dreamer 999 – No, only Treize! Thanks for the review!
Chapter 7
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOD MOOOOOOOOOORRNIIIIIIIIIING.... unfortunately you're not in Vietnam. Nope, you're not even anywhere warm, so it's gonna be cold when you get out of bed. Watch for chilblains now! In fact, I got my first piece of fan mail today...well, I say fan mail...it reads "Dear Treize, will you please shut up and let me sleep! I know you say that this is part of your orders, but it means I have to get up an hour before I need to, and I never get enough sleep!" Aww, diddums! Shall the big, nasty Mr. Treize be quiet and let you sleep a bit longer? All in your special ickle bed, so your special ickle mind can get its sleep? Yeah, right!"
And so life went on, as normally as possible within the headquarters of the URA. Trowa eventually gave up trying to escape, Treize continued to wake everybody up at the crack of dawn, and Quatre still made pancakes. All in all, it was a fairly reasonable time. But, as usual, something came along to change that.
Zechs gazed over at Noin on the other side of the operations room. Howard and Dermail had called a meeting, presumably to announce the beginning of full operation for the fist time in two and a half years. However, the fact that he could be going into mortal combat didn't seem to matter to Zechs at that point. No, all he could see was the sunlight in her hair as the chatted gaily with Une.
"Ask her out and put everyone out of their misery!" Zechs sighed as Treize sat down next to him.
"I can't." He looked away then, avoiding Noin's face and Treize's raised eyebrow.
"Fine. I'll ask her for you." Treize stood, only to be jerked back down into his seat by a sharp tug on his belt strap.
"You crazy?!" spluttered Zechs, panicked.
"No, but I will be if this goes on any longer!" he replied. "Why can't you date Noin?"
"Because I - I mean..." Zechs looked at the ground again. "She deserves more than a dead man."
"You never know," Treize grinned. "She might be a closet necrophiliac!"
"I was being serious!" snapped Zechs.
"I know!" replied Treize, still smiling. "Don't you think you should leave it up to her to decide what she wants and what she deserves, though?"
"It's not as easy as that." Zechs sighed, and then began to smirk. "Besides, who are you to lecture me? I see you haven't done anything about Une. I know she likes you." At this, Treize looked at him, startled, and then it was his turn to stare at the ground.
You can't beat the dead for love, huh? Thought Zechs, before turning to face Howard, who was heading the meeting.
"Next week, General Chang, leader of the Alliance's MS division will be giving an address to the entire earth sphere population, declaring the UEA's plans and generally, showing off its dominance." Everyone nodded. They all knew this.
"Now, you all also know that the time for the exposure of the URA to the public is almost upon us." Dermail took over, smiling slightly. "So, we thought it would be a rather powerful gesture should we interrupt General Chang's address with one of our own." There were a few chuckles, and general approval.
"We have a mole in the broadcasting company who are taking charge of the address. General Chang plans to bounce the signal off this company's extensive satellites, and so reach the entire earth sphere. Our man can reprogram the satellites to pick up the signal from a rogue satellite - namely, the one we'll be transmitting to."
"It's risky." Dorothy spoke up, with the voice of the computer geek she was. "They can trace the signal from the satellite, and they might find where we were transmitting from."
"True, but our man says he can fix that. He'll jumble the signal so every second, they'll get a different location. It's a tough bug to crack, but we can do a five minute message with relatively little risk."
Everyone in the room was now nodding, most thinking it a good idea, some already chuckling, picturing the alliance's collective face.
"Well, all that remains is to decide the contents of the speech." Howard was look pleased, until:
"Speech, Howard?" Treize had wrinkled his nose in disdain. "Speeches are just boring." Both Howard and Dermail turned to Treize, curious and exasperated respectively.
"So what do you suggest we do, then?" Impatient, Dermail frowned at the younger man.
"I don't know, but something different. Chang is doing a speech. We should beware of painting ourselves in the same colours as the alliance."
"Good point, but that leaves us with five minutes of blank airtime." Howard pointed out.
"Hey, I've got an idea." Zechs spoke up, and ignoring Treize's exclamation of "Oh my GOD!" continued. "Well, me and Treize play guitar and bass, so, we could interrupt it with a song..."
"Brilliant!" exclaimed Noin, laughing. "Something really stupid and immature. It would suit you two down the ground!" Everyone was laughing now, except Treize.
"It is great...but it's missing something..." Treize frowned in thought. "We need to do something extra..."
"How about this?" Quatre spoke up for the first time, a devilish glint in his angelic blue eyes. Eloquently, but simply, he put forward his idea, addressing the whole room, but with his eyes never leaving Treize. By the time he had finished, everyone was in fits of laughter, except Zechs and Treize.
"No fucking way!"
"Fuck off! NO!"
"Let's take a vote on this, shall we?" Howard grinned, knowing again, that just like their first vote, this one was fixed. And indeed, it came out the same way, with Zechs and Treize the only ones in opposition.
"Why, Quatre?" Asked a defeated Zechs.
"Consider it revenge on Big Mouth K over there." Quatre sniggered. "Besides, I'd love to watch it!"
"You and your big mouth!" Turning to Treize, Zechs prepared his best scowl. "Look what you've done now!" However, Treize was hardly listening.
"You know, we do need a drummer..." At this, both Zechs and Treize turned around and fixed Quatre with their nastiest grins.
"Q-man! You're it!"
And so preparations got underway for the "Great Interruption" as it was affectionately known around the base. Dorothy finalized the programming details with the mole at the broadcasting company, everyone else prepared for possible attack, should the base be tracked through the satellite, and Quatre, Zechs and Treize got ready for their performance. Trowa and Duo didn't know about the plan, although they knew something was up immediately, when they walked into the kitchens just after the meeting, and the only greeting from Quatre was an irritated "What?"
Yet the plan ticked on without their knowledge, and soon it was Wednesday, the day of the address, and the whole base was tense with excitement, teetering on the brink of the Great Interruption. All day people came and went, filling a small white room with cameras and sound equipment, checking the satellite uplink, and debugging everything it was possible to debug. Finally, the drum kit was set up, along with the guitars and amplifiers, and the microphones.
"Five minutes to airtime, gentlemen!" Called Une from the sound room.
"Everybody know the song?" Asked Treize as they picked up their instruments and performed a final sound check.
"Oh my god, I can't believe I got dragged into this." Quatre groaned from behind the drum kit.
"Me neither." sighed Zechs. "Well, everybody! Remember, big smiles! No matter how humiliated you are, look like you're enjoying yourself!" Noin gave a final thumbs up from behind the camera, and a digital clock in from of them counted down the moments until they were on air.
"Well, here we go..."
"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen of the earth sphere." Up in the main atrium of the rebel base, a large screen had been erected, so everyone could watch. Even Duo and Trowa sat, wondering what was going on. Of course they had both heard of the Great Interruption, but they were intensely curious as to what it would be. So far, it seemed to be going well. Wufei was immaculately dressed, and the reception was great. "My Name is General Chang Wufei, leader of the Mobile suit unit of the United Earthsphere Alliance. This speech is merely a courtesy to explain our plans over the next twelve months, including mobile suit development and zero-tolerance policy towards terrorists and all others who may-" Suddenly the screen went fuzzy, and when it came back, it was focused on a single hand, fretting the opening bars of Blink 182's "What's My Age Again?"
"I took her out/ It was a Friday night/ I wore cologne, to get the feeling right" At this point the frame cut to one of Treize's face, singing, with his customary grin even wider.
"We started making out/ And she took off my pants, but then I turned on the TV/ And that's about the time..." With the opening chord of the chorus, the camera panned out every quickly, revealing the whole crowd, and making everyone, even those who knew it was coming, gasp in disbelief.
"..She walked away from me!" Apart from their conveniently placed instruments, every single one was totally naked!
"Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three/And You're still more amused by TV shows / What the hell is ADD? /My friends say I should act my age,/What's my age again?"
As Zechs launched into the second verse, Noin had fun with the camera, capturing multiple shots for the naked three.
"And later on, on the drive home/ I called her mom, from a payphone/" There was I sideways shot of Zechs singing, as well as one of Treize larking about with the guitar. Larking nakedly about.
"I said I was the cops/ And your husband's in jail/ the state looks down on sodomy/" Finally just before the second chorus, there was a shot of Quatre from behind. He turned, grinned, not seeming to notice that nigh on thirty billion people could see his naked behind, and then turned back just in time to kick some drum ass for the chorus. At that point, Trowa and Duo looked at each other, and, like ninety-nine percent of the rest of the earthsphere watching, collapsed laughing.