Chapter 3: Sirius, the Stud Sensor

Rating: PG still

Disclaimer: I haven't done one of these, as I know that about 99.9% of you all know that the only thing that belongs to me is the plot and even that if shared with others. Wow, I pretty much said what I was going to just explaining why I haven't done a disclaimer, so I am gonna stop.

Summary/Notes: Thanks for reviewing y'all. I like having people who review more than once its better than random reviews. This is another one of those partly drawn from experiences at a store stories. My boyfriend and I were looking for some things when we saw an object called the Stud Sensor and decided to have fun with it… So I decided it would be pretty funny in my story. This chapter flows a little better as the idea came to me and I had ideas for it immediately. Please give me some ideas on how I could improve!!!

Sirius the homicidal manic – trust me it wasn't easy for them. It is really hard to do, but its possible, your knees stick way up in the air. Way to go by trying to relive your youth.

Badangel00013 – I hope I got this out quick enough; I wouldn't want to be responsible for any deaths ;)

Padfootprankster13 – Well, he pulled out of the race at the last second. He did however, technically tie with James. Malfoy crashed disqualifying him. Padfoot and prongs both pulled out, but neither of them finished so it would be a tie between the two. I am a Sirius fan though, so it could have easily been him in the lead when they turned…

Jay Kamiya – Well here's the thing. I did most of this chapter yesterday otherwise I would have probably done just that. There is a run in with Lily as well as Peter, but not in the make-up section. That is a brilliant idea actually, and it's still not too late for Narcissa… I may use that in another chapter and I will credit you for the idea. Screw up make-up, fun!

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We headed back out into the main section of the store in a salvo of laughter. It will take them quite a while to untie themselves when they are joined back to back in two chairs with a great deal of rope. I figured I better find my mum; she would most likely want to be heading home by now. I found her standing near the register talking to one of the cashiers. She was filling out some forms… can't be good.

"Hey James sweetie!" Sirius and Remus both had to turn around and cover their mouths so that they wouldn't laugh out loud. I gave my mum a nasty glance as she continued on, "I am afraid that you will be here a little longer than expected. You see, we could use a bit of money… and they have job offerings here…" Oh GOD! My mum as a cashier at Wal-Mart?

"I know, so you need to apply, and you figure that you might as well do it now. So we will be here for a bit longer…" I finished, and looking back on it now it sounded as if I have heard that a million times. That is not where it ends for humiliation, "Remus's mum will also be applying because we thought it would be fun to get a job together. I need you guys to go away for a while." YES!

"Just try and stay out of trouble!" she called after us, but we acted as though we were invalids who could not hear her. We started wandering up and down the infinite isles of the store looking for something to do. We played a few jokes on the shelf stockers by moving the things they needed to get, but after a while we grew bored of it. We were bored until Sirius happened to come across an unusual object.

"Guys, get a load of this!" exclaimed Sirius, his eyes lighting up as if Christmas had come early. He held up an unusual square shaped object that none of us could decipher what it was. He was now jumping up and down, laughing at the object every time glimpsed at it. After about five minutes of watching Sirius's hysteric fits, he finally calmed down enough to explain what the damn thing was.

"This, my friends, is a stud finder! Ah the things muggles come up with. We could have loads of fun with this baby!" exclaimed Sirius. We were still not sure what it was, so I being the straightforward person that I am, came out and inquired, "What the hell does it do?
 "Well, you don't have to be a muggle to figure out the use for it, because it is in the name. Stud Sensor! It obviously shows you how much of a stud you are. See the lights? Whenever it nears a stud, the light goes up to the top." Ah, the screwy things that those muggles invent. "I think that we should try it. First, James, test me!" He leaned up against the wall and stood with his arm out. This must be where I test.

"I'll be damned. You are a true stud me boy!" I really wasn't as shocked as I pretended to be, for Sirius always had the girls after him. Then, naturally, he insisted that I be tested for studliness. I took his place and he ran the thing up my arm. Sure enough, the green light shot up all the way to the top. I already have Lily though, so being a stud is pointless... but fun!

"Hullo there young Remus…" started the two of us as he apprehensively backed up away from it. "You know you want to." After his protests, he finally allowed us to try it on him. We stuck it on him arm, expecting to find the same thing, but the light didn't go up one bar, let alone all the way to the top. Remy isn't a stud! Hahaha!

"That retarded muggle plaything has about as much use as something that is completely and utterly useless!" said Remus resentfully, obviously trying to cover up the fact that he is not a stud.  We started chanting, "Remy's not a stud… Remy's not a stud…" as he began to cover his ears and hum like he wasn't hearing anything.

This was abruptly interrupted when we felt something slime shoot out at us with the speed of a snake. It wasn't cold and clammy like Snape and Malfoy. Before we knew it we were covered in this string crap that is known as "silly string". Once the shower of silly string had finally ended, we looked up to see who was sending the sticky stuff at us.

"Hullo boys…" said Lily in that ever so innocent way she says it. She is like a heavenly angel… but back to the story. "So, what are you guys doing here, this is a muggle store?" Unfortunately, she had every reason to be at this store, as she is muggle born. Poo, we couldn't shoot the same thing back at her. Might as well tell the truth.

"Our mums came here to get some er, things for their own personal use," I began to explain, and then Remus decided to finish the sentence for me. "Now, they have decided that it would be fun to apply for a job here, so they are up front trying to get hired." She looked at Sirius, and I once again picked up the conversation, "Oh, and Sirius was staying at my house last night, so I dragged him here today."

"Oh, I see, said Lily. So what havoc have you wreaked upon the innocent and unsuspecting patrons of this set store?"  Dammit all, she reads too much. What's with all of the adjectives anyways? We told her all about Remy and the lingerie, and then moved on to the tricycle excursion. We were just getting to the part about how we found the Stud Finder, when we heard someone familiar say hello.

"Hello guys, how's it going?" asked the man (or guy as Sirius wouldn't call him manly) known as Wormtail. "It's a shocker to see you, with the exception of Lily of course, at a muggle store. Would you care to enlighten me with your stories as to why you are here?" Sirius would say he was trying to use big words to make up for his lack of brains and tact.

So we all once again told him about how our mums were here to get some things, and how now they were applying for a job. He then told us about how he was in there to stock up on his muggle sweets, which really wasn't a surprise, him being as chubby as he is. At least it isn't an embarrassing reason though, so we didn't laugh.

"What were you guys talking about with Lily before?" asked Peter. We quickly informed him of what has happened to us on this geeky Wal-Mart escapade.  He laughed particularly heartily at the points where Malfoy crashed into the wall and the part where we tied them up and gave them a new image. We finally got to the most recent of events.

"You see, we found this great invention known as a stud finder! It tells you whether or not someone is a stud based on these lights," explained Sirius, then I began to help him. "Yeah, me and Siri are full blown studs!" Remus and Peter both cracked up at the way I said that. "Remus, however, is a negative 11 on a scale of one to ten…" He elbowed me as Lily began to crack up.

"Stud Sensor? Would you guys mind if I had a look at it?" asked Lily. Sirius handed her the thing, and she looked at it closely for a few minutes. She held the thing out in her hand, and pressed it against the wall. She looked at us for a few minutes as though we were crazy. She whispered for Wormtail to come here, and they were both rolling on the floor with laughter.

"What, dare I ask, is so funny?" asked the clueless Remus. We had no idea what was so funny but yet they insisted on laughing at us. When we gave them stern looks, they finally calmed down and told us why they were laughing at the stud finder. The reason actually turned out to be rather funny…

"A stud sensor. It does indeed detect studs…" began Lily, still trying to control her laughter. " But you see, this is a muggle machine made to be used at home, to detect studs in the walls. The reason it probably went off on you two is because you were near walls, and Remus wasn't." She just barely got this all out before she began to laugh again.

We all thought about it, and chuckled heartily before heading into the next isle.

R/R! I need constructive criticism as this is my first humor story.